Affirmative Action, Diversity, and Kittens

Comrades, today I stand in solidarity with our dear Comrade inJustice Sotomayor in her wailing and gnashing of teeth about affirmative action.

Sotomayor was upset by the majority opinion in a recent Supreme Court case. Nasty, evil reichwingers like Clinton appointee Breyer agreed with Michigan voters in saying that college admissions could not use race as a factor in that state.


Of course, Comrade inJustice Darth Vader Ginsburg (also here and here) naturally agreed with Sotomayor.

How will I stand in solidarity with Comrade Sotomayor and Comrade Darth Vader Ginsburg?

The other day, a feral cat had 7 kittens on my back porch. So, I'm keeping them all safe until adoption time for the kittens. Alas, I already have four cats and at best I can only admit on a long term basis just one kitten. The mother cat will get fixed after the kittens are weaned so there won't be any other admissions issues.

Anyway, here is what I must do.

My kitten admissions policy will be in the utopia that Sotomayor and Ginsburg desire. I will take a kitten whose physical features (color and markings) are both in the minority compared to the total seven kittens AND allows for diversity in my home by having markings and colors not currently represented in the present population of four. Comrades, this is a two-fer!

Isn't this wonderful? I get to do affirmative action AND diversity. And it helps that these admissions criteria already narrow it down to precisely one kitten. No thinking involved! No need to assess personality, behavior, whether the kitten gets along with the existing population or any of that stuff that requires mental effort. By making policy solely on diversity and affirmative action issues, I have now made my decision when they are less than 48 hours old!

But the world of next Tuesday will not come easily, Comrades. We have lost Michigan college admissions. And we have not solidly gained anything on kitten admissions into homes. Therefore, Comrades, I suggest we urge our Comrades in Congress to drop everything and make a law requiring diversity and affirmative action as the ONLY criteria to be used when adding cats or kittens to the home.

Nothing else matters, Comrades! This is vital for our future. And once we get our foot in the door, it can easily be added to dogs. And fish. And birds. And snakes or rats (not to be confused with the Democrat Party).

Finally, Comrades, I have decided to call the feral mother cat "Sandra Fluke" because like her namesake, the mother cat was unable to exercise any control.
 

Comrade Vlad Linen, although I applaud your efforts, should not a more proactive and progressive solution be for government to fully fund emotional counseling and government assisted abortion clinics for all these undocumented cats. It certainly would go a long way providing jobs for displaced livestock workers in areas that surround the Bundy ranch. Perhaps at this time, we should also insist upon laws to ensure fair housing practices so that these undocumented cats can also share the true spirit of American Progressive ideals as well as the homes, sidewalks, gardens and fresh puddles of hair balls.
 

 

Comrade Linen,

Assure maximum federal and state benefits for your new ward by taking these steps:








Step 1 - Be certain your kitten is NOT documented by The Cat Fanciers' Association.



















Step 2 - Have the kitten log-in and get a free health care quote at this site. If its eyes are not open yet, all the better - claim a chronic disability and collect SSI.
 

Comrade Linen,
I too applaud your efforts at achieving the proper diversity in your government provided domicile. However, I must point out some inkorrect and offensive language you used. First, you do not "have" cats. That implys ownership and servitude, and cannot be tolerated. I myself am allowed to share a government provided domicile with two Canine Americans who would never allow the impression that they are anybody's servant. Second, you used the word "feral". That only reminds the Feline American that she or her ancestors were once (shudders at writing the word) domesticated. A more korrect word would be "liberated" or "free ranging". Please see this as a guide. http://www.oxfordanimalethics.com/2011/ ... ng-message
 

Doktor Eugenica Killemov

Comrade Linen,
I too applaud your efforts at achieving the proper diversity in your government provided domicile. However, I must point out some inkorrect and offensive language you used. First, you do not "have" cats. That implys ownership and servitude, and cannot be tolerated. I myself am allowed to share a government provided domicile with two Canine Americans who would never allow the impression that they are anybody's servant. Second, you used the word "feral". That only reminds the Feline American that she or her ancestors were once (shudders at writing the word) domesticated. A more korrect word would be "liberated" or "free ranging". Please see this as a guide. http://www.oxfordanimalethics.com/2011/ ... ng-message

Comrade Doktor,

A most enlightening article indeed - but this paragraph is somewhat confusing:

Quote:

Our existing language about animals is the language of past thought – and the crucial point is that the past is littered with derogatory terminology: “brutes”, “beasts”, “bestial”, “critters”, “sub-humans”, and the like. We shall not be able to think clearly unless we discipline ourselves to use less than partial adjectives in our exploration of animals and our moral relations with them,” they argue."

I've highlighted the area of my greatest concern and have two questions;

1) In what way are we to be "disciplined"?

2) precisely how do we use "less than partial adjectives"?
 

Comrade Captain,
It is up to each prole to keep up with the korrect terminology and its use. Please take care, dear Captain, that you do not get caught using "partial" adjectives as I fear you might end up in the PETA gulag (and we know what happens there). http://www.allpetnews.com/peta-euthaniz ... -each-year
 

Comrades, most equal, insightful, delightful (and hilarious) responses. Comrade Red Square a most wonderful picture that clearly illustrates this most important and dire cause. Thank you!

Doktor, indeed very necessary reading and I shall absolutely amend my wording to include current thought and definitions regarding other dwellers of Gaia beyond us mere proles and peasants and the ruling class.

Captain Craptek, a most excellent and equal idea. Apparently their eyes won't open for a few days so I have a chance to get their SSI applications in. If only this mother had maybe 12 - 15 kittens, I could collect even more. Wait. If I don't have her fixed in a few weeks....

Trashmouth, I think in addition to your ideas, we need to have government funded litter box training for all cats. It is a RIGHT, comrades! I have found that this, uh, free ranging or liberated mother Feline American doesn't understand the concept at all... She is likely the victim of underfunded Feline American education. We should raise taxes on the wealthy to solve that problem.

In fact, Comrades, I have decided that what really needs to be done in this situation is to form a committee and do a five year study (sort of like a five year plan). I think all of you should be highly paid members of this committee and while we decide the appropriate admissions policy, all of these cats can be wards of the government until it is determined which one will be my more permanent ward. If there is not sufficient money in the budget, well, tax the rich! What else are they there for, comrades, except to be tapped like maple trees when a critical need like this arises? Wait, on the other hand, should we even be considering tapping maple trees to make syrup? Is that an outdated concept from past generations? Doktor?
 

Comrade Linen,
I find your idea of creating a committe to study the need to educate Feline Americans in deficatory placement very intriguing. We should be able to efficiently spend a 10 million dollar grant in 5 years before concluding that the defication habits of this and other Feline Americans were learned from Occupiers and are in complete compliance with Common Core standards.
Exploiting innocent trees for sap for human consumption is an out-dated concept and is especially offensive to these fine proles. http://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=G880gxjj9dI
 

Fie, fie, fie! I resent! Speciesists! Hisssss.

No kittehs need training in litter box usage. In fact, kittehs invented targeted defecatory placement in the first place. Comrade Linen, it is obvious that your new feline house guest commander does not care for your choice of litter box filler. Or perhaps she is attempting to train you, obviously with less than satisfactory results. Comrade Doktor, felines do not need to "learn" from any other species. About anything. At all. In any case, Comrades, your speciesist stereotypes of all felines, implying that they are less than equal -- nay, less than superior -- to others is a violation of Diversity Manual 10-325 and will be reported accordingly.

(Note: A case of Commissar-grade vodka may distract me from submitting this report pending further investigation.)
 

RedDiaperette

Fie, fie, fie! I resent! Speciesists! Hisssss.

No kittehs need training in litter box usage. In fact, kittehs invented targeted defecatory placement in the first place. Comrade Linen, it is obvious that your new feline house guest commander does not care for your choice of litter box filler. Or perhaps she is attempting to train you, obviously with less than satisfactory results. Comrade Doktor, felines do not need to "learn" from any other species. About anything. At all. In any case, Comrades, your speciesist stereotypes of all felines, implying that they are less than equal -- nay, less than superior -- to others is a violation of Diversity Manual 10-325 and will be reported accordingly.

(Note: A case of Commissar-grade vodka may distract me from submitting this report pending further investigation.)

Comrade RedD...,

You see here an example of the abuse I must endure from that rodentphobic, Tovarichi! I'm afraid our human comrades are a bit slow on the uptake. You'd think a recently evolved species would be happy to have survived at all. But no. They run around on their 2 wobbly legs casting aspersions and demeaning those of us who patiently watched them slither out of the slimy mire. (with some amusement, I might add) Oh, well...it is what it is.
 

Captain Craptek

Comrade RedD...,

You see here an example of the abuse I must endure from that rodentphobic, Tovarichi! I'm afraid our human comrades are a bit slow on the uptake. You'd think a recently evolved species would be happy to have survived at all. But no. They run around on their 2 wobbly legs casting aspersions and demeaning those of us who patiently watched them slither out of the slimy mire. (with some amusement, I might add) Oh, well...it is what it is.
Alas, poor things, they have no tails -- and very little fur. They must compensate in some way, one supposes.