I was out checking the property line of the Cube's northern bunker since winter is due... well... next week... and encountered this little guy... Apparently people in the U.S.S.R. have been disparaging him and his kind, and he's agitated... but not angry... except insofar that people think he's some angry Amerikkkan woman he's never heard of... or rabid... He can't understand why. He wants you all to know he's neither. Just slightly miffed.

Why do you all think I'm some angry Amerikkkan woman I've never heard of?

Please help my little friend understand. He's really not that bad. He'll even take bread from me.

Comrade Sister,

It saddens me to have to break this news, but about 3 Sundays ago I seen this angry little fellow lying in the street on his side at the base of my driveway, in a small pool of blood. The look on its face was one of serene and calm -- almost relieved that it didn't have to be angry anymore.

Later that day, while I was throwing out some trash, I noticed its muddy footprints around the trash bins. Maybe it was looking for some old cake to eat.

(No, really! True story!)

Corporeal Whinny wrote:Comrade Sister,

It saddens me to have to break this news, but about 3 Sundays ago I seen this angry little fellow lying in the street on his side at the base of my driveway, in a small pool of blood. The look on its face was one of serene and calm -- almost relieved that it didn't have to be angry anymore.

Late that day, while I was throwing out some trash, I noticed its muddy footprints around the trash bins. Maybe it was looking for some old cake to eat.

(No, really! True story!)

Comrade Corporeal Whinny,

Have no fear. It was not my little masked opposable-digited friend, as I had a visit with him only last night, or rather, very early this morning... I think it was about 5:00-ish as the sun was not yet visible on the horizon. He is alive and well and sleeping as we speak... although he is still miffed. I tried to explain what I understood of Amerikkkan politics and the national psyche, but he was only interested in whether I was going to finish the sushi I was eating, sans wasabi... he also had a bit of cake. Then he washed his hands and face and toddled off to his tree, which I have decided to include within the boundaries of the northern bunker. He's quite handy, and will be useful where the pod's flippers are awkward... and he has many cousins, who are quite happy to eat our left-overs, which will cut back on our need to turn the compost as often during the winter.

But thank you for your kind concern.

Comrade Sister, has this friend of yours ever in his adult life been proud of his country?

I'm wondering if you meant U.S.S.A. above - it IS getting harder and harder to tell them apart, after all.

Glad to hear he's OK!

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:He'll even take bread from me.

Hooray!!! He's a Democrat!

Ya know, SMO, I think she just needs to hook up with her friend, Rocky! You know,
Rocky Raccoon! That'll put a nice smiley face on her! Ya think? It sure puts a smile on mine!


[video][video][/video][/video]

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Sister, has this friend of yours ever in his adult life been proud of his country?

I'm wondering if you meant U.S.S.A. above - it IS getting harder and harder to tell them apart, after all.

Glad to hear he's OK!

Well, Comrade R.O.C.K....

As he's a Kanadistanian Raccoon, he's very proud of his country, although since he is a raccoon, his adult life amounts at this point to about 2 1/2 years, and in spite of the fact that we kurrently have a Konservative Government (up here, in the True North, Strong and Free), and he lives in a city with a so-called kommon-sense fiskally konservative mayor... We do have a Provinical Premiere who is actually proud of his nickname, "Premiere Dad" (I sh*t you not!)... a Liberal... You see, up here, aside from Quebec, we have three parties... politikal parties, that is (and a few smaller ones like the Greens, which I think is what he supports). We have party parties most weekends and some weekdays, to keep us from getting depressed because of lack of sunlight... As for politikal parties, we have the Konservatives, which are much like your Rethuglikkkans... the Liberals, which are much like your Church of the Prime Builder, Obama, and the New Demokratic Party or NDP, which is a socialist or left-leaning party, so also like your Church of the Prime Builder, Obama...

But he is a very proud Kanadistanian Raccoon.

Capt. Commie wrote:

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:He'll even take bread from me.

Hooray!!! He's a Democrat!

Well... yes... like all Raccoons (or at least 99% of raccoons), he is a collectivist scavenger, for which I am supremely grateful... were it not for him and his extended family, we would have a lot more compostable garbage that would have to be carted off to recycling facilities, although as garbage collecting is a union gig, he and his extended family are not taking jobs away from any of the hard-working less-edukated but equally essential government werker drones who have jobs for life, just as unions should negotiate for their drones... So, he's not taking bread from anyone... not standing in a bread line or going to the Sally Ann Shelter and getting a free meal and a bed at night... He's eating their leftovers and waste... And he's doing a service for the Cube, by having his family patrol the Northern Bunker and keeping out undesirables, like skunks and Canadian Geese, which are a huge pain in the ass and crap everywhere, not to mention having apparently done something in the region of $175,000,000 damage to North American aircraft of various types, since 1980 (according to a recent study)... He is very family oriented, and he and his extended family live in a large communal group, the teenagers babysitting for the parents, aunts and uncles, each generation teaching and collectively bringing up the next... I can see them in the dusk light as they wake up, sitting at their grandparents... well... sitting in front of their grandparents, listening to them tell stories, and learning from them which things are good to eat and which are not... and they have promised to stay out of the duct work (we don't have an attic, as it's a bunker), so Aki is building them a large tree house... His name is Vladimir... I have no idea where the name comes from, but it's a good name, you have to admit...

I did show him my laptop and he was very interested in the internet... and I think we figured out why people think he's an angry Amerikkkan woman... I showed him the Cube and as he surfed around he suddenly let out a hiss and almost ran off in fright... after calming him with a bit of left-over cupcake, I looked at what he had pulled up, it was this!
Vladimir, The Miffed Kanadistanian Raccoon

An Angry FLOTUS

He thinks, and I suspect he may be correkt, that perhaps that's why people think he's an angry Amerikkkan woman. I explained to him that in the U.S.S.R., this could be construed as racist (like speciest) because the short form of his species name is considered a derogatory term for some people. He did not understand why and was again miffed, but I think he put it down to crazy humans. He asked me, "Why don't they just call a spade a spade?" Again, I had to explain to him that this term could also mean something else, again derogatory... But he's a raccoon... Vladimir the Raccoon, and this is outside the sphere of his understanding. He said if they really wanted to insult her, they should just call her a skunk... You have to love his innocence. The world would be a much nicer place if we were all as innocent and lived such simple lives as Vladimir the Raccoon... except for eating out of the garbage... although he did have me fill up the birdbath so he could wash his hands and face after he finished eating. Such a clever little guy. He wants to know if I can open an account on the Cube for him. I told him I'd think about whether it was a wise thing for him to be exposed to such a confusing and and potentially complicated place where simply being likened to a particular individual could be construed as racist... a concept he still doesn't get, and wants to know what garden tools have to do with anything...

That said, he's also handy at getting rid of grubs that attack the lawn, without having to resort to pesticides... and he enjoys snails as well. So he and his 'clan' will be helping with the gardening - always appreciated. Raccoons are collectivist at heart. I even promised to make him a little tinfoil hat so he could tune in to Laika. Perhaps this will help him to navigate our confusing and complex human and cetacean world... But I almost wish he didn't have to. He has a childlike innocence that is refreshing in our current world of strife and politikal back-biting and general confusion. We could all learn some important lesson from my new friend, Vladimir the Raccoon. All he asks is a warm place to nest, a source of food that is the leftovers and waste of humans, and a place to wash up. And in return, he and his clan will keep our garden grub and snail free, for a small cut of the veggies... the occasional bedtime story. Would that all our lives could be so simple and uncomplicated.

<"All he asks is a warm place to nest, a source of food that is the leftovers and waste of humans, and a place to wash up. And in return, he and his clan will keep our garden grub and snail free, for a small cut of the veggies... the occasional bedtime story. Would that all our lives could be so simple and uncomplicated.">-Sister Massively Opiated

Pamalinsky says: Last night a tarantula trotted all over my face.
It tickled at first, until I "recognized" it as an act of love.
Now it itches! Ewe!
I broke a nail in the process! What should I do? ; • )

Pamalinsky wrote:Ya know, SMO, I think she just needs to hook up with her friend, Rocky! You know,
Rocky Raccoon! That'll put a nice smiley face on her! Ya think? It sure puts a smile on mine!

Dearest Sister Comrade Pamalinsky,

I would agree, but for the fact that I believe Rocky belongs to the 1%... of Raccoons... He checks into hotels... he reads the Bible... he's got a gun and he attempted to shoot off Paul (Dan) Pelosi's legs!... and got shot himself, for his trouble.... I don't think he sounds like a particularly Demokratic Raccoon... in fact, he sounds positively Rethuglikkkan and I believe he probably belongs to the NRA... I realized that the Amerikkkan Constitution allows for the right to arm bears, but nowhere, as far as I know, is there any amendment allowing for Raccoons or other such animals to own firearms... I just don't think he's the kind of Raccoon I want Vladimir to be exposed to.

I hope you understand. He's an innocent, and the next thing you know, he'll be advocating allowing someone to kill his grandmother. He'll be allowed to scavenge for cake, but not eat it... He'll be sent to prison simply for nibbling and rolling in wild catnip - a natural pest repellant that helps keep his coat free of fleas and ticks...

Respectfully Yours in the Cube,
Sis

Damn, Sister Massively Opiated! That was an awesome reply! And, most Cubist, to boot! I just wanted to say how much I love Rocky boy, that's all. And, I do hope he "gets" her!

Just want to make the world a better place. ;•)

(giggles X 6) (barf)
Right back atcha,
P'sky

I said "Vladdy, met your match!"
Vladdy said "R.O.C.K., it's only a scratch -"
"And I'll be better - I'll be better, soon as my welfare check and food stamps are on my table!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsIPlO4 ... r_embedded

What's all this about the 2.5 year life span of a raccoon?

Why Ranger Rick Raccoon has graced us for nearly 50 YEARS converting young naturalists into full-on "Occupy" tree-huggers!

Why... Ranger Rick was an essential bit of propaganda during my younger formative years as a Made Prog.

That he has managed to survive 50 years employed as a park ranger is a testament to the health benefits accruing to a government bureaucrat!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:I said "Vladdy, met your match!"
Vladdy said "R.O.C.K., it's only a scratch -"
"And I'll be better - I'll be better, soon as my welfare check and food stamps are on my table!"

O please.... don't stop there!

Perhaps Comrade Red should merge this thread with the several others about the recent angry beaver epidemic?:

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... t9499.html

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... t9514.html

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... t9483.html

Raum Emmanual Goldstein wrote:O please.... don't stop there!

Hows bouts I do and say I didn't?

Well Vladdy checked out - he was headed no doubt -
To occupy a Tampa Revival!
AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!

Raum Emmanual Goldstein wrote:What's all this about the 2.5 year life span of a raccoon

Comrade Goldstein,
I believe you misunderstood... Comrade R.O.C.K. asked,

Comrade Sister, has this friend of yours ever in his adult life been proud of his country?

I replied that as he is a raccoon, he had only been an adult for approximately 2.5 years of his life, so far... not that his lifespan was 2 1/2 years... He's still a young 'un, but it is my wholehearted wish that he lives a long and produktive life in the service of the Cube, now that he has discovered our cause!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:I said "Vladdy, met your match!"
Vladdy said "R.O.C.K., it's only a scratch -"
"And I'll be better - I'll be better, soon as my welfare check and food stamps are on my table!"

Raum Emmanual Goldstein wrote:O please.... don't stop there!

Indeed!... Rock On, Comrade R.O.C.K.... Our new little comrade is quite enjoying it, as am I, although I am having to explain the concept of welfare cheques and food stamps to him... His nimble little fingers are quite musical, I suspect, reminding me of a children's television programme in Kanadistan, that was televised by the Communist Broadcasting Corp. when I was a child, called The Friendly Giant... It ran from 1958 to 1985 and featured many puppet animals playing instruments along with the Giant, Friendly, who played the recorder... very low production values, but much room for a child's imagination... especially back when we had only two television channels in English and one in French! There are many episodes on YouTube. I think I may show him some to widen his horizons... and maybe some BTO...

You didn't build that Czar wrote:About the recent angry beavers epidemic episode...

Yes, Comrade - is all time classic on the "Peoples Cartoon Network" ™ .

I tried to set this to music, but I could only get as far as the chorus...

Now Angry Racoon
Was from Saskatoon
or maybe he was from Regina
He got confused quite a bit
When he was offered a hit
By a woman dressed like a vagina

Ivan, Ivan, tee, hee, hee!
Getting as far as the chorus is as good as getting a "home run!
Superb work!

Comrade You didn't build that czar,
Re: the three angry beavers:
Why not extrapolate it out even further. The real goal of these three angry beavers is to overtake the Three Gorges Dam in China! Yes! that is their main goal.
Bet you didn't know that. Yes, it's true. You are on to them, though. Excellent work!

Pamalinsky,

While I admire your paranoia, the true goal of the angry beavers is to break into the mobile app market, much in the same way that many of our anti-capitalist brethren and sistren show their distaste for free enterprise by hawking books and movies on the subject.

Ivan Betinov wrote:I tried to set this to music, but I could only get as far as the chorus...

Now Angry Racoon
Was from Saskatoon
or maybe he was from Regina
He got confused quite a bit
When he was offered a hit
By a woman dressed like a vagina

Dear Comrade Brain,

I think you are confusing me with Vladamir... I was raised in Regina (what I 'lovingly' refer to as "the hole above ground" during my teen years... or at least my human doppelganger was)... And although you got the 'hit part of my 'prairie teens' correkt, I don't ever recall encounter anyone dressed as a va-jay-jay, although I knew an awful lot of cu(bleep)ts!...

Though altogether, in the spirit of the overall theme, well done!

Carry On!

Comrade R.O.C.K.,

Although that is clearly not Vladimir, I believe it may be a cousin of his from Winnipeg, Manitoba... Randy Raccoon... Takin' Care of Business...

Thank you. He appreciates the 'family album' and knowing his dreams of becoming a musician are not outside the scope of his abilities. I gave him a harmonica today... and told him to stay away from crossroads at midnight.

Sister SMO, did you say crossroads? CAROSSROADS!?

Here's an excerpt from The Crossroads Guitar Festival 2007, readily available now on YouTube, featuring Jeff Beck, who seems to pull the sound from his guitar rather than playing it. Most notable is his choice of the "choice" Tal Wilkenfeld, a young prodigy, as his bass player.

It would seem that Jeff truly appreciates vagina monologues.

I could be wrong, but I do believe these were the crossroads of which she spoke:

That's really killer, ROCK. However, my first experience in this sort of over-the-top noisy, "how can I make my music most annoying to others so they can prove to me how much they love me sort of rock" type of rock, while pretending I don't care if they love me?. Well, it just escapes me.I don't get it. I could never comprehend it except as an annoying plea for me to accept it.

Noisy hairy Greek people! Yeah, that's what they remind me of.

I just can't bear to listen to it! Harsh nasty sounds!

Other than that, ROCK, I love ya!