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Ignore it if you want, but there's no denying the facts: antipodes and white privilege go together like peas in a pod. Anyone who watches CNN knows this, but the conservatives you may have to cross paths with just don't get it. Never mind that CNN is vigorously fact-checked by independent new sources like the New York Times, the LA Times, and the Washington Post, there are still a few things conservatives either can't understand or won't understand about antipodes. Here are four of them:

First, while it seems like everybody should have an antipode, the hard facts show this is just not the case. Women and minorities are the most likely to be denied an antipode.

Want proof? According to a poll in Newsweek magazine, a highly respected news source, whites are five times more likely to have an antipode than a minority American. White males are seven times more likely to have an antipode, and white male Christians who own guns and subscribe to the Westminster Confession of Faith are a whopping eleven times more likely to have an antipode! The Antipode Gap cries out for justice and a fair redistribution, but Trump and his conservative buddies party on unconcerned.

It's bad enough that conservatives are in denial about the Antipode Gap. What's worse is that just knowing they have an antipode that is likely found in an underdeveloped country gives them a sense of superiority that feeds their toxic masculinity. According to an article in the highly respected journal, Psychology Today, when white people flaunt their antipodes it increases their collective sense of imperialism.

"This is why the Russians were so successful in influencing the last presidential election," said Dr. Janet Packard-Davidson, author of the article. "When a white male sees Vladimir Putin, he is irresistibly drawn to Russia's identity as an empire. This combined with their irrational, racially motivated dislike of Obama shows why antipodes can be so dangerous in the wrong hands."

This brings us to the next point: bragging about antipodes is a form of microaggression which weaponizes the antipode. So-called "assault antipodes" can be lethal in terms of what they do to the already damaged self-esteem of women and minorities.

How do conservatives deal with the harm they so thoughtlessly inflict on others? They deny that assault antipodes even exist no matter how many times you refer them to Media Matters, a highly respected news tracking website, to prove otherwise. But should we be surprised? Conservatives are still in denial about global cooling which has been in the process of destroying the planet in a decade since 1970. Science is simply irrelevant to these backward bitter clingers. But that doesn't change the fact that it's high time for common sense antipode control.

Antipodes harm children. Congressman Hank Johnson remembers growing up poor without an antipode. "All the white kids kept asking me, 'Hey, Hank, where's your antipode?' I'm not saying they were trying to be mean, they just thought that since their parents had mansions, luxury cars, beachfront property, antipodes, and could go on world cruises every year, every kid could. Then one day, some kid in K-4 said, 'I bet his antipode capsized!' I went home in tears, and I still remember my mama telling me that all children should have antipodes one day. It's why I decided to run for Congress."

This should be enough to wring the heart of a conservative, if he had one. But how many other Hanks are out there right now going to bed every night without an antipode? How many parents struggle to control their emotions when their daughter asks, "Mommy, how come I don't have an antipode?" Don't even ask a conservative. Why would he care when he has an antipode practically everywhere he goes?

So, what can we do? First, we need to raise awareness. This will require rental mobs, staged protests with high-schoolers, lots of skyward screaming, and media cooperation. We need an awareness ribbon, blue and green crisscrossed with lines of latitude and longitude, to make people wake up and see the Antipode Gap.

Finally, we need adequate funding for the Bureau of Antipodes and Topographical Features so the BATF can finally implement common sense confiscation of assault antipodes. We owe it to our children.

Together we are strong! Together we can prevail!

What I'd like to know is: where do the progressive upside-down-walking female-identified antipode womyn wear their pussyhats?

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Red Square wrote:What I'd like to know is: where do the progressive upside-down-walking female-identified antipode womyn wear their pussyhats?

Until every woman has an antipode, and not just white males, we'll never know. It's part of the suffering caused by white privilege.

Comrades! It's true,... says so in Google Images,...LOOK! They're coming for us!


If you don't believe me look HERE:

Captain Craptek wrote:Comrades! It's true,... says so in Google Images,...LOOK! They're coming for us!

If you don't believe me look HERE:

Curiously enough, the very first image on that search page (at least on my screen and at least today) is the movie poster with Che Guevara wearing a golden mask: Generation P.

This is a Russian movie based on a novel by my favorite modern writer, Victor Pelevin. I've read most of his books in Russian and only wish they existed in good English translations so I could recommend them here. Some of it is not different from what we write on the People's Cube.

The movie was pretty good, too, although of course it couldn't fully capture the book's humor and complexity. The teaser on this English-language poster reads like a cheap gimmick. However, in the light of the recent Russia collusion/hacking/bot conspiracy narrative I no longer know what's really "cheap" and what's really a "gimmick."

As a minority, I 100% affirm all above stated truth

The people's Anthony Sullivan wrote:As a minority, I 100% affirm all above stated truth

With minority credentials, your opinion is fact. To say otherwise would be racist.

Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:

The people's Anthony Sullivan wrote:As a minority, I 100% affirm all above stated truth

With minority credentials, your opinion is fact. To say otherwise would be racist.

Yes! Yes! That is why I have most (un?)willingly become the People's correct spokesperson! after all, everything the white man person says is incorrect, but the minority is never wrong!