HEY KIDS!

It's that time of year again, and you know what that means! Back to another fun-filled year of re-education, indoctrination, nutritious meals you'll never get at home, and best of all--mmm mmm mmm--Barack Hussein Obama will be coming to your classroom on September 14th to give his second annual “Back-to-School Address!”

And just like we did last year, you can count on The People's Cube to provide you with plenty of in-depth analysis of his speech from our distinguished panel of commentators, starring some of your favorite Cube characters!

Here's a sneak peek at what we can expect to hear from President Obama on Tuesday, September 14th:

His hope that you had as fun a summer as he did—swimming, golfing, bicycling, eating ice cream, learning how to use an umbrella, and buying shrimp!

His entreaty that you need to study hard and come to school every day, because every time you're absent from class, your school loses precious federal dollars needed to pay the unions without which your teachers can't teach!

The same old stories about when he started a new school in Indonesia, and felt funny because he was different from the other kids.

Embarrassing new anecdotes about Malia and Sasha.

Something about his mother, who was single, by the way.

How he never liked homework, never liked studying or work of any kind—and he still doesn't—but he didn't have Harry and Nancy to do it for him back then, and you don't, either.

You have to be smart if you want to be president, even though the First Lady tells him he's not very smart. In fact, she tells him at least twice a day.

His plan to give schools the money they need for more teachers, better equipment, textbooks that have been copyrighted in this century, and other tools you need to learn. But a partisan minority of Republicans in Congress keep wanting to play games with your lives and your futures to score political points, by refusing to allow the necessary legislation to even come to a vote.

Now here's a fun project you can do during the speech: Count how many times he says “I” and “me” (first person pronouns). Then count how many times he says “you” (second person pronoun). See if you can subtract the first person pronouns from the second person pronouns without getting a negative zero difference, and you could win a prize!

And here's another fun project: Every time Obama says one of the following, draw a circle around it! See if you can count how many circles you make! Afterward, you and your classmates can sit in another circle and discuss how you feel about it, what you think he's trying to tell you, and whether you think it's any different from what he said last year--or in any other speech he's ever made.

“Make no mistake”

“Let me be perfectly clear”

“As President”

“When I was a boy, growing up in . . .”

“My grandmother always said . . .”

“That's why, when I became President”

“I know my mother always . . .”

“Like many of you, I had to grow up without a father.”

“There is no silver bullet for success.”

“As your President”

“I have two girls”

“There is no silver bullet for getting a good education.”

“Since I've been President”

“Just the other day, Malia asked me . . .”

“Before you can get the keys to the car, you have to learn to drive so you don't end up in a ditch. Because there's no silver bullet to get you out of it.”

“As long as I'm your President”

“Now is the time. Now is your moment.”

“Whatever you blah blah today, will prepare you for yada yada tomorrow.”

“Did I mention I'm the President?”

EXTRA CREDIT: Add your own pointless platitudes! Then mix everything up and see if you can write what you think Obama's speech will be!

The person who comes the closest will win Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week award!

All fired up...ready to go (to school in this case)

Some will say...(strawmen make good scapegoats)

critics say...(if you can't actually name a critic, just allude to them)

Most excellent idea most excellent comissarka. I am just a bit concerned that we should prepare for the hateful, bad, bad rethuglican opposition to Dear Leader's ™ speech. If you recall last year (assuming it is permitted to remember history correctly ) there was a big fuss and all kinds of not nice things were said about the indoktrination session of Dear Leader ™.

I am afraid that I will be digging for beets during this glorious speech but I will look forward to the correct discussions to be held here after the event. It is not like we have to hear the speech to have an opinion. The Party ™will supply all needed opinions.

A Proper EduKation by Our Wondrous Leader, Komrade Obama! The little Nikitas, Sashas, Katarinas, and Leonids in skhool every where in the USSA will enjoy a treat! Our Mighty and Valiant Leader, with his woundrous face and voice on the video and audio waves, kourageously enkouraging our young ones to think korrektly, to learn what is true, and to shun all those evil neo-Kons on the right who do nothing but use their Kapitalistik influence to pay off unsuspekting aktors and aktresses to *ahem* "Protest" our Glorious Leader and his All-Knowing, Always Korrekt ways! All Hail Komrade Obama! More Machines for the Proletariat! More mindless zombies who will obey our every whim! More Easily kontrolled people and masses who will vote with klear and prescient Konsciences for Our Valiant Leader, Komrade Obama, when they grow to voting age! They will also choose his ways of population kontrol of abortion on demand, his ideas of immigration, allowng anyone with a pulse to enter the USA, and hoping beyond hope to allow our Homosexual Komrades the right to Marry! All hail Komrade Obama for his wondrous ideas! May he never cease to amaze!!!


This man's megalomania and egotsim knows no bounds.....

I have prepared my darlings for their glorious year of re-education...


..of course I'm sure they won't come home this year having nightmares about Global Ice Caps consuming the planet, or Baby Seals being slaughtered, we save that Fear Mongering™ for those mouth-breathing Reichtwingers.

Pinkie, if I use the wormhole to get a transcript of Obama's speech, and post it here, does that count? Or am I going to have to do real work, and type stuff up myself? Which really isn't fair, because as a progressive, I feel I should not have to work, or think for myself.

....unprecedented.....
(if I can't deal with something, it must be because that something can't be dealt with)

....former President Bush.....
(everything that goes wrong is due to his mistakes)

....people that look like me/people who look different from themselves....
(anyone who disagrees with me is a you-know-what)

....unexpectedly.....
(Reality is stupid, if it were smart like me things would go like I thought they would)

I understand....
(I'm about to patronize some group of stupid idiots...)

....if you go back, you'll find what I said was....
(How dare you read what I said instead of what I wanted you to think I meant....)

The Republicans have blocked....
(The Democrats couldn't swallow....)

...the failed policies of the past
(...stuff that worked)

I don't care if I'm a one-term president, I will do what's right....
(...I still love me, who cares if you don't)

PEOPLES DIRECTIVE S83937761876256.29:

It's important to check into your little progeny of Next Tuesday ™ teachers to make sure no illicit tea party type thoughts have crept in.



Mine passed.

Red Rooster wrote:I have prepared my darlings for their glorious year of re-education..

Comrade - what a glorious job you have done!

One of your peeps has become the image of "HOPE" ™ .



You must be so proud. Stick that chest out & strut it!

Gulag 4 Alfred wrote:One of your peeps has become the image of "HOPE" ™ .

...this is your brain; this is your brain on "hope"
(...you mindless bag of spittle: don't you know that "hope" is chicken sh*t?)

Shovel 4 U wrote:PEOPLES DIRECTIVE S83937761876256.29:

It's important to check into your little progeny of Next Tuesday ™ teachers to make sure no illicit tea party type thoughts have crept in. Mine passed.

...stop calling Barak Obama a "false prophet"
(...if the shoe fits...)

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
His hope that you had as fun a summer as he did—swimming, golfing, bicycling, eating ice cream, learning how to use an umbrella, and buying shrimp!

And don't forget running (away from responsibility)!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: His entreaty that you need to study hard and come to school every day, because every time you're absent from class, your school loses precious federal dollars needed to pay the unions without which your teachers can't teach!

Aside from being the place of indoctination higher learning, it's also a great place to pick up a few grams of blow!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: The same old stories about when he started a new school in Indonesia, and felt funny because he was different from the other kids.

Do mulattos really have more fun?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Embarrassing new anecdotes about Malia and Sasha.

What does anorexia and potty training have in common?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Something about his mother, who was single, by the way.

She was the long lost cousin of "Squeaky" Fromme.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: How he never liked homework, never liked studying or work of any kind—and he still doesn't—but he didn't have Harry and Nancy to do it for him back then, and you don't, either.

TOTUS for Dummies coming soon to an iPod near you!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: You have to be smart if you want to be president, even though the First Lady tells him he's not very smart. In fact, she tells him at least twice a day.

TOTUS can attest to that, but being a community-oraganizing hustler does have its merits: if he was SO stoopid, then why did MOO-chelle marry him in the first place? Stoopid is what Stoopid does™.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: His plan to give schools the money they need for more teachers, better equipment, textbooks that have been copyrighted in this century, and other tools you need to learn. But a partisan minority of Republicans in Congress keep wanting to play games with your lives and your futures to score political points, by refusing to allow the necessary legislation to even come to a vote.

This is really a trick math question that's done without the benefits of a calculator. Sorry kids, gotta use your fingers and toes!

UPDATE!

Not that it's much of an update: https://www.whitehouse.gov/back-to-school

As students begin their school year, President Barack Obama will deliver his second annual Back to School speech on Tuesday, September 14 at Julia R Masterman Middle-High School in Philadelphia, PA at 1:00 PM ET. The President's Back to School Speech is an opportunity to speak directly to students across the country. Last year, President Obama encouraged students to study hard, stay in school, and take responsibility for their education.

Apparently there will be no preview of Obama's speech. While it's surely innocuous and full of the usual banalities and childhood reminiscences as already outlined here, we can always count on those idiot conservatives to make mountains out of molehills and find a Marxist-Leninist-Stalinist-Maoist-Socialist-Communist indoctrination being shoved down their little darlings' throats. Why should we allow that and give them the attention they crave? We did that last year and look what happened! Millions of children were kept home by their hysterical paranoid right wing parents who think “study hard”, “stay in school” and “take responsibility” are just Progressive code words for “single-payer healthcare”, “cap and trade” and “free condoms for all!” respectively.

Making the whole world from the Pope all the way down to Pinkie gawp slack-jawed at some fleaspeck of a two-bit small time Florida pastor is one thing, because in the greater scheme of things that may ultimately advance our glorious cause; but we cannot allow the Right to bask in this same light when all they're going to do is promote their seething hatred and racism against our leader. Comrades, they are so desperate to see Obama fail that there is no depth to which they will not sink!

From the same page linked in my first post above:

This event is by invitation only, and additional media coverage details will be released soon.

That's right. No roped off “free speech zone” in the furthermost corner of the parking lot near the dumpsters, like they always had when Bush came to town to make a speech.

No “show up early” if you want to have any hope of catching a glimpse of Obama, because he's sure to draw gazillions of adoring followers.

And no local Democratic Party office handing out a thousand golden tickets to all the Charlie Bucket wannabees who'll be camped outside for a week prior in hopes of being one of those blessed first thousand.

Nope. Only a chosen few will be selected to receive very special invitations to this very special event. And I'm sure they'll all be given very special T-shirts to wear that will show the rest of us just how very special they are.

Rumors that this is to ensure every available seat is occupied, so that Obama staffers won't have to call the school detention office or approach the loiterers outside the local liquor or adult bookstore with, “Hey, you guys want to make a quick five bucks for an hour's work?” for live bodies to fill otherwise empty spaces, only to call that so many jobs created or saved, or even lives touched by the Recovery Act, are totally unfounded and based on smears projected by the Right, which is known to resort to these same desperate tactics for every event featuring Glenn Beck and/or Sarah Palin.

Pinkie, you're a genius! I could give your shovel such a hug. Obama needs to schedule a speech on unemployment benefits and then give the speech in an empty super dome stadium. The point being that all the jobs his policies saved would fill the seats to over flowing, if not for the fact that all those people had to be at work that day.

I'm gonna fire off an email to Rahm with a CC: to Obama's jobs czar, whatshisname.

Sadly I am not from American so I will not be visited by The One to hear him talk about himself.

Help a comrade :'(

The Skinnee Jay wrote:Sadly I am not from American so I will not be visited by The One to hear him talk about himself.

Help a comrade :'(

Oh, this is simply not true! The One™ is ALWAYS going on vacations to all parts of the globe; galavanting around at taxpayer's expense and, more than likely, will be coming soon to a town near you.

In the meantime, you can always request a life-size poster of The One™ dressed in his white Imam robes; arms outstretched, with his special 'O' symbol around his head like a glowing halo. Prominently displayed at the bottom are the words: MAN OF PEACE, HOPE AND CHANGE—and Nobel Peace Prize winner.

Oh! And it's autographed too!

Can anyone explain to me why our dear leader was crying in his recent address to the depressed press? I swear I saw eyes in his tears and I was deeply and passionately moved in my fundaments.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlId8UW ... re=channel

Ah, what wonderful words. Only one thing comes to mind when I hear our president speak. It's a little song my mother used to sing to me and it goes like this...

That was the speech in which it was noticed that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring.
I hope Michelle doesn't have him sleeping in the dog house.

(At least now we know who's been talking about him like a dog)

Is funny joke...
Who would be talking to Obama like a dog? I didn't hear anyone tell him to stay.

Hey...wait, it was just a joke comrades, get your hands off me, I want my lawyer!

I thought he had something like a tiny white speck under his right eye--he either got into the girls' glue sparkles or it was the same sort of white speck that George Costanza had on his lip.

The official story about the missing wedding ring is that it's in the shop for repair. But what could go wrong with a man's gold band that it would need repair, unless he dropped it into a food processor?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I thought he had something like a tiny white speck under his right eye--he either got into the girls' glue sparkles or it was the same sort of white speck that George Costanza had on his lip.

The official story about the missing wedding ring is that it's in the shop for repair. But what could go wrong with a man's gold band that it would need repair, unless he dropped it into a food processor?

Or lost it FISTING?

Boris Badanoff wrote:Or lost it FISTING?

Very astute Boris...this just in:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I thought he had something like a tiny white speck under his right eye--he either got into the girls' glue sparkles or it was the same sort of white speck that George Costanza had on his lip.

The official story about the missing wedding ring is that it's in the shop for repair. But what could go wrong with a man's gold band that it would need repair, unless he dropped it into a food processor?

Commissarka, you must have been sending this idea out via the tinfoil hat airwaves b/c I thought the same two things; vis-a-vis, glue on tears and why would he have to farm out the ring for "repairs"? is that like "catching a cold" in the Soviet government?

My spousal unit suggested that Obama, while riding the girls' bike, got the ring mangled up in the chain while trying to free the cuff of his mom pants.

Indeed, one would think the leader of the free world could get his ring repaired immediately, that they'd fly in some master jeweler from somewhere. (Hell, they fly in pizza chefs for him, don't they?) The rest of us have to find a reputable jeweler only to be told it won't be ready till next Tuesday.

OTOH, when they married they were so dirt poor from having to pay back their student loans that they couldn't even afford a decent photographer who'd know better than to let his flash or other lights reflect off the backdrop, thus creating the illusion that something is shooting out the top of the bride's head. So it could be the only ring she could afford was a cheap trinket out of a bubble gum machine that turned his finger green, in which case it's a wonder the ring lasted this long.

This is a most equal competition Commissarka! You should award extra credit to any prole able to name all 57 states and their capitols.

Notice how Dear Leader is so Earth Friendly? Not an enviromental war kkkriminal, like the other two.
Dear Leader may have his short-comings ( being too awesome, being too smart, being too wonderful, being too humble, being too perfect of a role model, etc. etc.) but being a "panty waist" surely isn't one of 'em!

spittin' image of Urkel! And is he riding a womans bicycle? Such a buffoon. ETA: After further review, yep, a pantywaist.

Commissarka:
Here is my prediction for Dear Leaders glorious re-education speech tomorrow.

Good Evening, my young Americans:

Welcome to another year of glorious public education.(turn head to the right)
As you progress through our reeducation system, keep in mind that it will not be easy, but (turn head to the left) There is no silver bullet for success. Like many of you,(turn head to the right) I had to grow up without a father.Make no mistake,as your President(turn head to the left),I know my mother always let me be perfectly clear.(turn head to the right) As President,I have two girls.(turn head to the left)Just the other day, Malia asked me if she could get the keys to the car....(turn head to the right)Before you can get the keys to the car, you have to learn to drive so you don't end up in a ditch. Because (turn head to the left)there's no silver bullet to get you out of it. Just as there is no silver bullet for getting a good education.(turn head to the right)
Since I've been President,My grandmother always said As long as I'm your President Now is the time. Now is your moment. That's why, when I became President.

Thank you, and good-night, drones.

Oh, thank Stalin, today is the day Dear Leader shall rise to power once again in the minds of our youth!

Hail Obama!

In the grand tradition of a Friday night press dump, the White House finally released a preview of the speech late on the eve of its delivery.


https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2010/09/13/remarks-president-barack-obama-prepared-delivery-back-school-speech


I'm sure that after the speech (Laughter) is given (Applause), the text will be edited (Applause) to insert (Applause) every single reaction (Laughter) to President Obama's words (Applause) and little jokes (Laughter), because that's what they do (Applause) to the text of all his speeches (Applause) posted on the White House (Burp) website.

Over the past few weeks, Michelle and I have been getting Sasha and Malia ready for school.

That means shutting down whole sections of Washington D.C. to take them out shopping for Hannah Montana notebooks, Twilight lunch boxes, and High School Musical backpacks.

And if we want to be nitpicky, when an adult is addressing children and makes a reference to the spousal unit, it's generally considered better form to call her “Mrs. Obama” or “the First Lady”. But at least he didn't call her The Ball and Chain.

And I bet a lot of you are feeling the same way they're feeling. You're a little sad to see the summer go, but you're also excited about the possibilities of a new year.

As your president, it's Obama's job to talk down to you about your feewings.

But I know some of you may also be nervous about starting a new school year. Maybe you're making the jump from elementary to middle school, or from middle to high school, and worried about what that'll be like. Maybe you're starting a new school, and not sure how you'll like it. Or maybe you're a senior who's feeling anxious about the whole college process; about where to apply and whether you can afford to go.

That's it, Mr. President, deal those victim cards! You're nervous! You're worried! You're anxious! Why, you're just a bunch of overemotional panic-stricken wrecks! (Rather like Pinkie and that's on a good day.)

And if you're not worried about a new school or “the whole college process” then you're fretting about the polar bears and global warming and whether Mommy's going to be deported just because she has brown eyes or Grandma can't get health care or where your great-grandchildren are going to find the money to pay for all of Obama's many government programs those evil Republican tax cuts for the wealthy.

And it may make you wonder at times what your own future will look like; whether you'll be able to succeed in school; whether you should set your sights a little lower, and scale back your dreams.

Thanks to the government, kiddies, there's no need to set your sights anywhere, let alone scale back your dreams. For all you minorities and officially recognized victims, there's affirmative action that will take you wherever you want to go! And as Speaker Pelosi pointed out earlier this year, you shouldn't have to go out and find some dead-end job just to get health care—thanks to its passage, you can now sit at home and do whatever you like—and the government will pay you to do it!

But here is what I came to Masterman to tell you: nobody gets to write your destiny but you. Your future is in your hands. Your life is what you make of it.

Raise your hand if you've never heard that before in your life. Did anyone hear me, is anyone reading this? I said RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE!

Hands? Anyone? Anyone at all?

And nothing – absolutely nothing – is beyond your reach. So long as you're willing to dream big.

And have a supermajority of Democrats in Congress to ram those big dreams through to reality.

It will take all of us in government – from Harrisburg to Washington – doing our part to prepare our students, all of them, for success in the classroom, in college, and in a career. It will take an outstanding principal and outstanding teachers like the ones here at Masterman; teachers who go above and beyond for their students. And it will take parents who are committed to your education.

It takes a village! You can't do anything on your own. Why, you can't even be expected to do anything on your own. Don't even bother. You need help from everyone—especially all of us in government!

That's what we have to do for you. That's our responsibility. That's our job. But here's your job. Showing up to school on time. Paying attention in class. Doing your homework. Studying for exams. Staying out of trouble.

If you're just starting school, we will count that as a job created. And as long as you don't cut class or drop out, we'll count that as a job saved. In the meantime, we'll count all your friends and family as “number of lives touched.” So you see, as long as you do your job, you'll also be doing your part to help America recover from the mess Obama inherited from Bush.

In fact, I can still remember a conversation I had with my mother in high school, when I was about the age of some of you here today. It was about how my grades were slipping, how I hadn't even started my college applications, how I was acting, as she put it, “casual” about my future. It's a conversation I suspect will sound familiar to some of the students and parents here today.

As predicted, here we go with the reference to Mother.

And my attitude was what I imagine every teenager's attitude is in a conversation like that. I was like, I don't need to hear all this. So, I started to say that, and she just cut me right off. You can't just sit around, she said, waiting for luck to see you through. She said I could get into any school in the country if I just put in a little effort. Then she gave me a hard look and added, “Remember what that's like? Effort?”

I'll have to come back to that after I'm done laughing.

It was pretty jolting, hearing my mother say that. But eventually, her words had their intended effect. I got serious about my studies. I made an effort. And I began to see my grades – and my prospects – improve. And I know that if hard work could make the difference for me, it can make the difference for you, too.

I know some of you may be skeptical about that.

Still laughing . . .

Don't feel discouraged or give up if you don't succeed at something – try it again, and learn from your mistakes.

This does not apply to Republicans, who cannot be allowed to ever try anything again, because they will never learn from their mistakes.

However, we on the Left must continue to try again and again and again, until we get the results we want and that we just know we can get if we just keep trying and spending more money.

Don't feel threatened if your friends are doing well; be proud of them, and see what lessons you can draw from what they're doing right.

Your enemies, however, are another story. If they're doing well, pull out all the stops to discredit them and what they're doing. And if by some remote chance they are doing something right that can't be discredited, then you must co-opt it, pass it off as your own, and take all credit for its ensuing success.

It's about giving each and every one of us the chance to fulfill our promise; to be the best version of ourselves we can be. And part of what that means is treating others the way we want to be treated – with kindness and respect.

Now, I know that doesn't always happen.

I'll get back to that when I'm done coughing. Meanwhile, here we go again:

Being a teenager isn't easy. It's a time when we're wrestling with a lot of things. When I was your age, I was wrestling with questions about who I was; about what it meant to be the son of a white mother and a black father, and not having that father in my life. Some of you may be working through your own questions right now, and coming to terms with what makes you different.

And I know that figuring all that out can be even more difficult when you've got bullies in class who try to use those differences to pick on you or poke fun at you; to make you feel bad about yourself. In some places, the problem is more serious. There are neighborhoods in my hometown of Chicago, where kids have hurt one another. And the same thing has happened here in Philly.

HURT one another?!? I triple dog dare you to tell that to the mother of the child who was beaten to death with railroad ties. Not to mention all the shootings that no gun control law could prevent. And what did you do about it the whole time you were community organizer in that neighborhood? Make pointless speeches like this one. Of course, bringing the 2016 Summer Olympics there would've fixed everything, if it weren't for all those old white male European aristos on the IOC who give them to bastions of old white male European aristocracy—like Beijing and Rio.

So, what I want to say to you today – what I want all of you to take away from my speech – is that life is precious, and part of its beauty lies in its diversity.

Yes, life is precious, except when it comes to abortion even late term. And who said he didn't want his daughters punished with a baby?

if you keep fighting for your dreams and if all of us help you reach them; then not only will you succeed this year, and for the rest of your lives, but America will succeed in the 21st century.

“. . . if all of us help you reach them”. Never forget that you are not an individual, that you are of the collective. You cannot and will not accomplish anything on your own. Ever.

The Government will be with you, every step of the way.

Let us close with a stirring chorus of “You'll Never Walk Alone.”

Just to compare, here's an earlier leader (in a speech which isn't a back-to-school speech, but hey!)
[justify]Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.[/justify]
[/b][/i][/font]

Too big a target? How about this in comparison: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjWDrTXMgF8

As predictable (Applause) as his speeches, (Laughter) here is an updated transcript of Obama's speech today, (Applause) to include the usual introductory shoutouts (Laughter) and insertions of audience (Burp) reactions.

https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2010/09/14/remarks-president-back-school-speech-philadelphia-pennsylvania

They forgot to throw in the part I always see in these transcripts where someone shouts out to him, "We love you!"

Some of the wording has changed slightly, but kids are still only doing serious harm to each other in Chicago and Philly, and the sentiment that You Can't Do Anything Without the Help of Everyone in the Government has been moved elsewhere but it's still there.

And maybe some time in the 21st century, it's going to be one of you that's standing up here speaking to a group of kids as President of the United States.

(APPLAUSE)

(LAUGHTER)