Misha was for bringing me this most glorious news of introduction of the newest Czar to the ever growing number of Czars to Dear Leader's portfolio.

"Today, Team Obama™ netted a former leader of the Indiana Department of Naturalization and the Indiana Wild-life Federation to be the 41st czar, the Asian Carp Czar, who will oversee the federal response to keeping the invasive species from settling in the Great Lakes area.

Illinois Sen. Dick Durbin and other congressional leaders, conferencing with Team Obama™ Council on Environmental Quality, announced the selection of John Goose to lead the near $80 million, multi-pronged federal attack against Asian Carp.

Their team logo is a trident.

"This is a serious challenge, a serious threat," Durbin said. "When it comes to the Asian carp threat, we are not in denial. We are not in a go-slow mode. We are in a full attack, full-speed ahead mode. We want to stop this carp from advancing. And having Goose spearhead this expedition, we are sure to catch them in the act"
~
Asian carp, which have steadily moved toward the Illinois coast since the 1990s, are threatening Chicago politics as we know it. The carp are aggressive dole bludgers, consuming as much as 40 percent of OPM a day, and frequently beat out native indigents, threatening those populations for the myriad entitlements programs on offer.
They are also prolific breeders. The original campaigns cast by Planned Parenthood fell short, and even when they offered free contraception and abortions, the carp still couldn't be reeled in.

“They honestly think I'm gonna swim upstream with some rubber thingy on my dingy,” sneered Charrey Carp. “I ain't taking their bait.”
The Asian Carp were imported in the 1970s to work the ponds of wastewater treatment facilities in the South. But when the Mississippi River flooded, the Carp saw their chance to escape from the oppression wrought on them by the evil Big Corporation, and soon swam safely into Missouri and Illinois.

The challenge for Goose, an avid angler, will be to make sure millions in federal money is spent efficiently. Being a Democrat, that task will be doubly difficult as he will also oversee several on-going studies -- including one looking into the possibility of permanently shutting down the Chicago Way. He will need to bring together Great Lakes states currently locked in a courtroom battle over the response to the Asian Carp threat.

The biggest obstacle for Goose will be the ACLU who is already calling this appointment racist.

“Asian Carp have rights, too” says Mr Finn, a lawyer from the ACLU. “First they go after the Asian Carp, and before you know it, they'll go after the New Zealand mudsnail.”

Czar Goose was quick to respong. "Certainly there are some legal questions that are in process, " he said, "but I believe that when people come to know how these Asian Carp are affected our native population, all fears will be put to rest."

Testimony on Tuesday focused on the reliability of the DNA research funded by Obama's stimulus package under section 265:741 Article C of Obamacare, that has been used to track the movement of Asian Carp in Chicago. Climate scientist David Lodge, who was stimulated by said funds, said the method is sound and that Asian Carp pose a "a very imminent risk of invasion." He added that such "invasions are often irreversible."

Attorneys for the defense countered that the DNA research has never been used in this manner and was unreliable. They argued that even scientists disagree about the likelihood that Asian Carp are capable of sustaining a large and destructive population if allowed to enter the Great Lakes region.

A La Raza spokesperson has said their organization is ready to hook into the cause for the Asian Carp as a show of solidarity for all immigrants."

Go Dick, redistribution is a beautiful thing. We admire your Collective Creativity ™ .

"Carpe OPiuM"

(Seize the OPM)

Comrades,

In a recent report on the deadly Asian Carp™ invasion of the Great Lakes, Senator "dick" Turbin commented:

[quote=""dick" Turbin"]
"This is a serious challenge, a serious threat," Durbin said. "When it comes to the Asian carp threat, we are not in denial. We are not in a go-slow mode. We are in a full attack, full-speed ahead mode. We want to stop this carp from advancing. And having Goose spearhead this expedition, we are sure to catch them in the act"[/quote]
As anyone who knows who Mr. Turbin is, and what his priorities are, all sense of doubt about his fearlessness and fortitude, and his uncanny ablility to bullshit and lie to forge through the most difficult; the most pressing, and the most serious of tasks is quickly removed just by the raw character of the man. When Mr. Turbin says, "we are not in denial" you better believe he damn-well means it—DAMMIT!

Mr. Turbin knows priorities like no one else. He knows that his constituents demand excellence from their representatives, and in that, demand that their representatives understand the complex and tough issues—namely the Deadly Asian Carp Invasion™. Mr. Turbin assures the dunces, idiots and maggots who perpetually vote him into office masses that Asian Carp™ removal is top on his list of priorities.

Hold on for a minute, comrades. I'm receiving a communication through my tin-foil hat. Yes, Laika, come in, please. Received and ready for dissemination.

I just received breaking news from Space Dog Laika that Mr. "dick" Turbin just got out of a secret meeting with CAIR-Chicago (August 23, 2010: OK, sometimes the signal is a little slow or the tin-foil folded a little too heavily).

Mr. Turbin has just capitulated to CAIR-Chicago on Area Park51 in support for the Ground Zero 'victory' mosque. It would appear that Mr. Turbin has 'thrown in the towel' on the side of the People™ showing Tolerance™ to the muslim community.

The muslim community represented by CAIR-Chicago responds thusly:

CAIR-Chicago wrote: Thank Sen. Turbin for Supporting Religious Freedoms
CAIR-Chicago is asking the Illinois Muslim community and all Illinois citizens to thank Ill. Senator "dick" Turbin for taking a bold and uncompromising stance supporting the core principles of this country.

Yesterday, Senator Turbin issued a statement in support of Area Park51, the proposed mosque in lower Manhattan. Turbin said that politicians like Palin and Gingrich who are opposed to the mosque are trying to divide the country with fear and hate.

“It is refreshing and reassuring to see that there are still elected officials out there who are not swayed by popular hysterics and that still believe and abide by the very values that make this country great,” said CAIR-Chicago Executive Director Ahmed Rehab. “Sen. Turbin is showing true leadership during these troubling times and history will not forget it.”

Mr. Turbin denies any links between the threat of Asian Carp™ and ties to Hamas by radical Imam Faisal Abdul Rauf and his cohorts, but he completely understands the threat of one and not the other—thankfully!

A look into the party archives and I was able to dig up an image of the original Carp Czar.

Lets hope this newest Carp Czar is as successful as the original.

Buffoon, how very nice for Asian Carp Czar to be of Asian kind. Now no one can be for the screaming of the racist.

Whinnie, of course the Turbin would be for wanting Victory Mosque. Have you not been for listening to the Imam Rauf? If Victory Mosque is not for being built, the entire Islamic world will be for the attacking of Amerikkka. Turbin is only speaking from the common sense.

Yes, of course you're right Mrs. Al. Sometimes I forget how much common sense Mr. Turbin is so full of.

This seems a lot of carping about nothing. Is this Czar necessary? We have a lovely Dept. of Lakes & Whatever, but if dearest fearless Leader deems it of necessity then it is.
Although I find this whole czar business fishy. . . as well as his government provide GM vehicle.

Oh...uh...um... (you see I am for good learning of the English from Dear Leader)

Whinny... I have been for making the wrong spelling of your name.

Now I make for good complaining just like Dear Leader

You must be for seeing that English is not to be of my fathers tongue so I must do for translating and in the eye of my mind I see all wordages of my first language.

And so I am to see your name like this:

صهيل

And when I make for translation, even if I was for seeing your name in the English, it is such beautiful scripting of my country language that I am to be seeing, and then I must make for it to be looking like the English so you may be for understanding.

So I must be for pardoning for making the miss-spelling of your name and will be much mindful of the difficulties and challenges I am faced with.

In other words... it is all the fault of the evil Bushitler.

ahem.....

Now Fraulein, there can be no carping when a new czar is to be added. The list is still very short and Dear Leader is in much need of the many czars so he may continue with the improvement of his golf game.

But I am very much liking the new GM vehicle on display. It is so good to see the union peoples are making cars to suit the czars.

ah yes, Mrs. Al, as Khrushchev Ivan always said, "you can never have too many czars". Dearest Leader has been so burdened with vacation business trips and man made crisis, that is it cutting into his much demanded needed golfing on the Gulf and elsewhere. Why I can not remember the last time he had time to travel to NYC and so busy he could not go on Mama MO's $965,480 trip to Europe.
Possible he is need to a Pooch Czar, Potty Czar, Portobellol Czar, a Smoking Czar, Fat Czar, Salt Czar and a of course, cough cough, a Czaress of Denouncements.

Wait, you can eat those carpz. Why not harvest the meat and offer it to the people?
Folks may not like to eat carp so we need a new fancy name for the prepared meat...
Ummmm, I got it...Recession Lobster!

Most loyal comrade Whoopie, I am not assured that any in the glorious collective will eatcrap carp. I think it is all fishiness to the Progs and also smells of crap carp. Although there seems to be a lot of crap carp (BLAST THIS KEYBOARD!) it is just not of tastefulness enough for our taste.
Do you have an Kobe?

But bring your spoon just in case.

Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:Buffoon, how very nice for Asian Carp Czar to be of Asian kind. Now no one can be for the screaming of the racist.

Dearest Alczarweary, that is not just any Asian, that's the illustrious Kim Jong Il! So I either made a really good shoop or a really bad one.

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:and a of course, cough cough, a Czaress of Denouncements.

Speaking of which, have you gone soft? I haven't cringed at the sight of one of your denouncements in quite awhile.

Just sayin...

And Comrade Whoopie, Southerners of color have been dining on the carp for decades. Its especially enjoyable with some cheese grits and sweet, sweet corn bread....

Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:Oh...uh...um... (you see I am for good learning of the English from Dear Leader)

Whinny... I have been for making the wrong spelling of your name.

Now I make for good complaining just like Dear Leader

You must be for seeing that English is not to be of my fathers tongue so I must do for translating and in the eye of my mind I see all wordages of my first language.

Fear not, Mrs. Al! I'm also learning to be an ESL/EFL teacher! So I do understand.

I just want to make a suggestion about the Asian Carp™ problem. I believe the solution is a Chicago-style one—being that it's a Chicago-style problem. The solution is simple, really. You just throw "dick" Turbin to the carp and they choke to death on his lies and treason.

There. Simple. Problem solved.

er... um... ah... yes comrade Buffoon, I am for knowing it is the Ill Kim riding such not-so-glorious carp that is ruining the Chicago Way. Were you for thinking I was mistaking him to be Mao? Ill Kim is riding carp to his country peoples glorious world of next Wednesday (we have claimed the Tuesday so I am for giving him the next day) Ill Kim is glorious specimen for being example of how to be good Asian, is he not?

Frau, perhaps new slogan is for necessity - Cars for Czars. That will be of much helpfulness to get the Peoples Motors back in good standing.

Whoopie, I am all for feeding the masses with the carp. When there are so many starving childrens in the world such delicacies will be welcome. It is also good to be for eating the fish because it will not make for the fat children - unlike the consumation of the many McDoogles hamburgers and potato strings soaked in the grease.

Comrade Peoples Comrade... what is this lukefist? Is this another of the Arne Duncan sexual edukashun classes? Oh... where are the glasses I am for wearing? LukefisK. There, I make for better reading. Never mind.

Whinny, I am liking your way of thinking. But should we not be first for some good jihad style severing of limbs (much like Dear Leader has been for saying the evil doctors are liking to sever tonsils and feet for more of the money) to make for easy consumation by the carp?

Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:er... um... ah... yes comrade Buffoon, I am for knowing it is the Ill Kim riding such not-so-glorious carp that is ruining the Chicago Way. Were you for thinking I was mistaking him to be Mao? Ill Kim is riding carp to his country peoples glorious world of next Wednesday (we have claimed the Tuesday so I am for giving him the next day) Ill Kim is glorious specimen for being example of how to be good Asian, is he not?

Forgive me Dearest Alczarweary, I was mistaken to think you were labeling him simply an Asian and not the Asian we all know and love him as.

Note: How very equal of you to award him Next Wednesday... surely your camels will provide a bounty of milk for the future Jihadist you have tasked the under wives to produce.

Comrade Buffoon wrote:

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:and a of course, cough cough, a Czaress of Denouncements.

Speaking of which, have you gone soft? I haven't cringed at the sight of one of your denouncements in quite awhile.

Just sayin...
.

I DENOUNCE YOU! HAVE DARE YOU INFRINGE THE DENOUNCE ABILITIES OF THE DENOUNCEMENT CZARESS?!! Why *$#@!! *%$#!!!!!!! And don't forget!

Fish? With a spoon? (hurl)

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:

Comrade Buffoon wrote:

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:and a of course, cough cough, a Czaress of Denouncements.

Speaking of which, have you gone soft? I haven't cringed at the sight of one of your denouncements in quite awhile.

Just sayin...
.

I DENOUNCE YOU! HAVE DARE YOU INFRINGE THE DENOUNCE ABILITIES OF THE DENOUNCEMENT CZARESS?!! Why *$#@!! *%$#!!!!!!! And don't forget!

Fish? With a spoon? (hurl)

A day without a Pulloskies denouncement is like a day without a beet ration...

And we know how the peoples are so eager to spend their time standing line for hours and days, to obtain they're beloved beet rations, do we not?!

I am glad you have seen the err of your ways.... or are at least considering your err-ous ways.... you ARE, aren't you?
Have a beet on me. Just mention my name when you get to the end of the line!

Carp!

I thought this blog was referring to fecal matter! I use so many big words, sometimes the smaller, four-letter words throw me a bit.

I was hoping Dear Leader had appointed a czar to tax that ass waste products and personal carbon emissions.

We must organize a Peoples' Fish Fry. Maybe get FEMA to drop off a couple o' thousand gallons of tartar sauce and hot sauce, and some hush puppies...
What do we want?
A Free "all you can eat" fish fry with all the fixin's!
When do we want it?
Right now, dammit!

Comrades! Stop carping! Focus on the upcoming campaign! Do you want us to flounder on November 2, 2010? Leave the carping to Rahm after the election.
--Fearless Leader

Fearless Leader wrote:Comrades! Stop carping! Focus on the upcoming campaign! Do you want us to flounder on November 2, 2010? Leave the carping to Rahm after the election.
--Fearless Leader

Comrade Groucho Marxist,

I see your angle. I watched the crappie video. Where was Jim Cameron? Where was SpongeBob SquarePants? Did he ever catch the crabs? Wasn't the star fished from the Hallibut school? Strong resemblance. You just proved that the wages of carping make one eel.

--Fearless Leader

I was just baiting you.

The carp czar would like to remind you that if you see anything fishy, send the e-indictment to [email protected]

I was for sureness that Comrade Buffoon would be for reminding us of such wonderful song but I am seeing he must have been for forgetting such things so I must do such honoring (something like the honor killing of the dangerous Great Lake carp infestation)




This was the very first music video I ever saw and after that I was hooked!