Comrades, we all know Dear Leader Barack Obama is a man of action. When Navy Seals obtained intelligence information regarding the location of Osama Bin Laden, President Obama decisively went golfing and allowed someone to make the decision to go after him. When Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate Tom Barrett's campaign was foundering, Barack Obama personally tweeted his support for him and nearly pulled out the recall election for him. And when the reelection campaign of the nation's fourth best president ever was running short of cash, Barack Obama personally went attended over 150 fundraisers to help raise money for the worthy cause. There's no doubt about it, when the going gets tough, Barack Obama gets going.

Thus, it will be no surprise to you that as George W. Bush continues to sabotage the economy from his rocking chair in Texas, President Barack Obama has decided to take definitive, concrete action to remedy that...

Listen, it is absolutely clear that the economy is not doing fine. That's the reason I had the press conference. That's why I spent yesterday, the day before yesterday, this past week, this past month, and this past year talking about how we can make the economy stronger.

Source: PJ Tatler

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Comrades, this is a game-changing event. There is nothing that kicks an economy into high-gear like a presidential press conference. Experience (if I may use that word) proves that there is no better way to inject life into a moribund economy than giving it a good talking to, and that includes the useless stuff the wingnuts want to do like tax cuts or reducing so-called "wasteful" gubbermint spending. History reveals that nothing does more to rev up the "animal spirits" of capitalist greed and thievery than continued, ponderous, uninterrupted commentary from a great orator. And Barack Obama is one of the greatest orators ever - the media says so, and they are never wrong.

I find this moment [sniff, sniff] soooo inspiring... What did that guy whose bust Obama sent back to England once say... I think it went something like this...

We shall talk on the beaches, we shall talk on the landing grounds, we shall talk in the fields and in the streets, we shall talk in the hills; we shall never stop talking...

Let us not forget that Barack Obama won a Nobel Prize for talking. His words have weight like that guy in the beer commercial. Talk really isn't cheap, Barack Obama's talk costs up to $40K a plate. So, I expect this to have an immediate effect. This is a turning point. A buzz is starting to grow, it's going viral... Guys standing at urinals, womyn waiting on line at abortion clinics before the GOP closes them down, they'll all be talking about Obama talking about the economy. I expect this talk will reach up into corporate board rooms where one-percenters will stop their lying and cheating and stealing long enough to say, "Didja hear, President Obama is doing something about the miserable economy George Bush caused... he talked about it!" And suddenly, we're gonna see 8, 9, 10% growth, and unemployment down to 8 percent or so. Mark my words. Hey, I'm talking here...

Ear Leader has said that "the private sector is doing fine." Thus he says, so shall it be. And, if you believe your lying eyes instead of Ear Leader, well you're just a raaaaacist and Shut Up.

Comrade Opiate, this is, indeed, most equal news!

Is it possible that Next Tuesday™ might even be moved up to Next Monday??

I was just talking to a guy that was holding a sign asking for help at an interstate exit. He told me that things are getting so much better since Dear Leader's press conference that he was thinking about quitting his other job at the bank so he could spend more time at exit #76 where the real money is. Dear Leader said he can and will make things better for the 99% if only the Rebublikkkkans occupying the House would bend to his will. His will be done.