Living on Zionist Time
1999 Darwin Awards Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin.
5 September 1999, Jerusalem In most parts of the world, the switch away from Daylight Saving Time proceeds smoothly. But the time change raised havoc with Palestinian terrorists this year.
Israel insisted on a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time to accommodate a week of pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to live on "Zionist Time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. Nobody knew the "correct" time.
At precisely 5:30pm on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the explosions.
The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set to detonate on Daylight Saving Time. But the confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time. When they picked up the bombs, they neglected to ask whose watch was used to set the timing mechanism. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering the terrorists to their untimely demises.
As for my comment, um... well, uh... ooh! I know! I was referring to The whole daylight savings time thing getting switched. Why don't all daylight savings time conversions between countries go that well and start revolutions in which The Party™ can exploit to gain campaign money, and to spread the glorious word of communism.
We need terrorists like that to start trouble, which we can then fund and turn their cause into a full blown revolution in which we can then exploit for our various reasons. Then when the "freedom fighters" have plunged the entire country into civil war, killed half it's population, and finally gained control of he government, we come in with our T-72's and wipe out the crippled government and create our own glorious socialist dictatorship with equality of oppression for all.
And then we go get doughnuts.
And yes, I gots the vodka, but I plan to sell it at twice the price I bought it for to the foolish proles who don't know the difference. After all, while we are forced to live in this kkkapitalist hellhole, we might as well exploit it while we can.
HA!!HA!!HA!!HA!! <falls on the ground laughing> Oh! That is funny! Go ahead; do not switch over to the Zionist time clock. Wish more of you would do it! HA!!HA!!HA!!
Oh, so sorry to hear this. We need to give them more money!
1. Blame Bushler.
2. See step one.