Comrades, we waited for this calling, to create a board game that will promote our communist ways.

Hasbro is out of ideas. It is no wonder that they call on the masses for one. We must give them a game that will promote our agenda. Any ideas, comrades? I remember the Hi-Ho-Cherry O, Slides and Ladders, and that Mousetrap Game, but they all do nothing to promote collectivist values. We need a game that will give Lenin a heartbeat and Stalin a great big smile.

Bop the capitalist? Distribute the rich's wealth? Pick the beets? Throw something up on the thread comrades.

Even if we developed this game with the exploitative capitalist efficiency of Lockheed's Skunkworks, which of course we will not, the contest ends in five days. I tried to think up a satirical political game a few years ago (it even had a race card), but it was surprisingly hard and naturally I gave up and expected someone else to finish it, which never happened.

Well, I was thinking of a game called "Election Night" where The Party always wins and ballot box stuffing was the aim of the game but that would be kind of boring for the persons who were unfortunate enough to play the Opposition candidates. You could have a Race Card in that game but I'm not sure what it's purpose would be, other than to stop any challenges to the ballot box stuffing by the opposition.

Why couldn't everyone be a member of the Party? Whoever stuffs the most ballots wins!

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Well, I was thinking of a game called "Election Night" where The Party always wins and ballot box stuffing was the aim of the game but that would be kind of boring for the persons who were unfortunate enough to play the Opposition candidates. You could have a Race Card in that game but I'm not sure what it's purpose would be, other than to stop any challenges to the ballot box stuffing by the opposition.

I haven't tested this, it'll probably be a little wonky. Don't claim this as your own, either:

Materials:
1 Monopoly Game
1 Printer or Xerox Machine with Ink/Toner and Paper

Setup:
1. Unpack the Monopoly game. Have everybody pick a playing piece that they feel best represents their party's platform.
2. Give everybody $500 from The Fed.
3. Distribute the Local Party HQ's (Houses) evenly amongst players and give 2 Regional Party HQ's (Hotels) to every player.
4. Make 1 "race card" (On computer, hand-draw, typewritten, etc) and mix it in with chance and community chest.

Rules:

The game is played a lot like Monopoly, but with some changes.

Everybody gets 100 dollars at the start of each turn as a "campaign contribution". If The Fed runs out of money go to your Xerox and print up some more. Keep a set of one of each bill as printing plates. Every time you print up more all prices inflate by $100 or 75%, whichever is higher, but all chance and community chest cards stay the same. You can only print more money 10 times until every player has to give half of their money to The Fed to prevent a Government Shutdown. If the government shuts down then everybody goes outside for a smoke break.

A die is rolled at the start of the game and whoever rolls the highest goes first and is the Party's incumbent candidate. The Incumbent gets an additional 500 dollars in campaign contributions each turn, can get anybody out of prison, can issue "bailouts" of a maximum of 5000 dollars, and can veto any community chest or chance card drown by any player including himself. However, he can only make one of these decisions for each lap around the board. Furthermore, if he can't buy anything anymore, he is entitled to a 2500 dollar "economic stimulus".

If a candidate buys a "town's government", they get 5 election points for each lap around the turn. If they buy an "entire region", they get 20 EP's for each lap on top of those that they get from the town governments. However, a local/regional party HQ must be built in order to take advantage of the benefits, and an entire region can't be bought out without having local HQ's installed in each town. If more than one Local HQ is installed in a town the regular amount is added onto (E.G. 1=5 EP, 2=10 EP, 3=15 EP, etc.)

The chance/comm. chest cards are followed as usual. For the non-incumbent "opposition" candidates, double all prison sentences.

The "Race Card" allows you to get out of anything and allows you to have any region or town, even if someone has already bought it. Simply place it down when you're on a property that you want or if you want to get out of something, get up, and go on a tirade about how everybody is racist towards you. You get the property or get out of the consequence if you place down the cards. You get 25 EP's for going on a tirade. You get no EP's if you don't go on a tirade. Please note that the property must be owned by someone else to play the race card on it. The incumbent can also veto this.*

If you're in a town with one of your Party HQ's, you can choose to have a rally or a townhall meeting. Townhall meetings cost $250 and Rallies cost $500, and both are affected by inflation. Townhalls give you 5 EP's and Rallies give you 10 EP's. Feel free to get up and deliver a speech. Whether or not you get additional points for doing this must be decided by fellow candidates.

If you're at a railroad or other utility, you can choose to bribe the labor union at the price shown. You get 2 EP's for each turn afterwards, but the effects only last until you come back to or pass by the utility. You can choose to renew your union contract if you are not on the space and you haven't passed by yet, but it'll cost you double the listed amount.

Please note that you can amend these rules if you wish. However, these amendments must be ratified by a 2/3rds majority of all candidates, and they only last for the current election cycle.

If someone runs out of money, they are forced to leave the race but must stay to watch the race and give biting political commentary and punditry, and generally harass the candidates.

If you own a town government, you do not automatically get money if somebody lands on the town. To do this you must buy out the town's mafia and have them in your pocket. This costs $100 dollars per property per lap, but if you buy out an entire region you get a 50% discount because the mafia's nice like that. You also cannot back out of the deal; once you buy out the mafia you buy it out forever. Then the candidate must pay the amount listed on your document of ownership plus any HQ additions or their campaign ends immediately no matter what.
If you do not own a town, you can also buy out it's mafia, but it'll cost you $150 per lap and the returns you get from it are reduced by 25%.

If you sing any Village People song during the election you get 5 EP's from the gay bloc.

If you praise Communism during the election you get 1 EP each turn from the communist bloc, labor union bribery price is reduced by 25% but your campaign contributions are reduced by 25%. If you praise Capitalism during the election you also get 1 EP each turn from the capitalist block, you get a 25% discount from the mafia, but any money obtained by the mafia is reduced by 10% as "protection money". Please note that these do not stack and can be cancelled by praising the other side and accepting the conditions associated with the other side.

Finally, at the end of the game when everybody's ran out of money and can't buy anything anymore, tally up your election points. For every $1,000 you have add 1 EP. The incumbent can add up to 50 EP's to their total if they want to "make the ballot counting program more efficient". Whoever has the most wins the election and is entitled to a free beer or pack of smokes that the other candidates are required to pay for. The beer or smokes offer must be redeemed within 12 hours after the election.

*- If you have used up all of your HQ's you get however many are required to complete the set.

How about an updated, Hillary version of the old favorite SCOT FREE!

"Does the public believe it? ... Yes, they do! You got off SCOT FREE!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7e3RK_xSvc

Is there an option for issuing every player an EBT card, and the one who can visit all of the fast-food restaurants, liquor stores and cigarette dealers and still have enough balance on the card for a lap dance becomes an automatic winner?

We might as well publish the rules, since we'll ALL be playing soon...

I am sure there are "Go to the Gulag" and "Big Brother" cards.

Riding the popular theme of delivering Women's Healthcare^©Cashflow Fetus is a game of skill and strategy. Players take turns providing only 3% of the total health care services of Planned Parenthood. The procedure becomes more difficult as gestation advances but body parts are worth more. Be careful though! Vital organs need to extract intact to score! Players spin the money wheel to determine what the extracted tissue is worth. Extracting all vital organs on a turn earns a bonus spin for even more cash. A player who performs the procedure at 34 weeks and extracts all organs intact hits the jackpot. As Government funding increases the jackpot grows ever larger.

"Monopoly" was ours! OURS, I tell you!!!! When Elizabeth Magie invented "The Landlord Game", she was teaching socialist principles. When they renamed it and people began using it to glorify greed and rent-seeking (which of course are capitalist things...even though capitalists tell you they aren't) they completely ruined it.



[img]images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]


https://walterdurantyreport.blogspot.com/2009/01/playing-with-money-socialist-roots-of.html

Hmm...can't for the life of me remember where I got this, but it might be useful in some of the games you discuss above.

Soviet Mike Komsomolets wrote:Riding the popular theme of delivering Women's Healthcare^©Cashflow Fetus is a game of skill and strategy. Players take turns providing only 3% of the total health care services of Planned Parenthood. The procedure becomes more difficult as gestation advances but body parts are worth more. Be careful though! Vital organs need to extract intact to score! Players spin the money wheel to determine what the extracted tissue is worth. Extracting all vital organs on a turn earns a bonus spin for even more cash. A player who performs the procedure at 34 weeks and extracts all organs intact hits the jackpot. As Government funding increases the jackpot grows ever larger.

Is there a bonus for harvesting the organs of the mother that you "accidentally" kill?

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
Is there a bonus for harvesting the organs of the mother that you "accidentally" kill?

In the original version there was a Kermit Gosnell level proposed, but it was scrapped to keep playing time of the game in line with "real world" industry standards to accommodate "safe, legal, and rare" volumes.

Kilroy wrote:Why couldn't everyone be a member of the Party? Whoever stuffs the most ballots wins!

Not enough fun, comrade. That eliminates the possibility of having Union thugs stealing ballot boxes and beating up opposition election workers. It eliminates the Black Panther intimidation tactics. It also eliminates the Gay panther and Dykes on Bikes thuggery.

The other aspect of having people play the Opposition™ is that they will always be given Hope™ of achieving a victory, tantalizing as it is, but will always be a few districts short of a majority. Sure, they'll win a few seats, here and there, but The Party™ will always rule.

A Party™ approved Opposition™ is essential to maintaining a stable Democracy™.

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:

transferred from Toshiba hard drive 6220.JPG

Hmm...can't for the life of me remember where I got this, but it might be useful in some of the games you discuss above.

You must have redistributed it from another Comrade, because I sure didn't issue this to you. However, I could overlook all of this should I discover a couple bottles of Putinka in the usual place...

I have had it since before you were here, Commissar. But the original can easily be procured through the glorious Visual Propoganda department:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/gallery/ ... d-p65.html

Hmmm, not sure who that Kerry guy is, though....

[color=#C0392B]Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна[/color] must think we all just fell off of a beet tractor when she wrote:Hmm...can't for the life of me remember where I got this, but it might be useful in some of the games you discuss above.

.
Really Kelly?!
.

Comrade Putout wrote:

[color=#C0392B]Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна[/color] must think we all just fell off of a beet tractor when she wrote:Hmm...can't for the life of me remember where I got this, but it might be useful in some of the games you discuss above.

.
Really Kelly?!
.

Darn, I could have add it to my hat collection.

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:I have had it since before you were here, Commissar. But the original can easily be procured through the glorious Visual Propoganda department:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/gallery/ ... d-p65.html

Hmmm, not sure who that Kerry guy is, though....

Did you become trans-named, Comrade? I don't remember you, though I've been here since the First Coming Of Our Savior, The Obamessiah (PUBH), beginning my fellow traveling as a lowly car-wash attendant. After much dedicated service to the party (such as polishing Pinkie's shovel, changing Ivan's vodka, and babysitting Bruno for Theo (I so miss that guy), I was black-bagged in the middle of the night and woke up in this fantastic dacha and Commissar appended to my name. I guess they took me to Gleis Drei instead of Platform 6. Silly thugs... Alas, they actually wanted me to DO things. Evidently the Commissar of Gulags must inspect them from time to time, the Commissar of Obamissars has to supervise the Obamissars (lots of purges lately), and the Commissar of Car Wash Products has to get his Zil washed several times a day. So... now that I've gotten my hands dirty dispatching poorly performing proles, I'm back in action. Anyway, since the card was there for the use of the People, I suppose you can have it, though I'll still need that Putinka...

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:I have had it since before you were here, Commissar. But the original can easily be procured through the glorious Visual Propoganda department:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/gallery/ ... d-p65.html

Hmmm, not sure who that Kerry guy is, though....

Did you become trans-named, Comrade? I don't remember you, though I've been here since the First Coming Of Our Savior, The Obamessiah (PUBH), beginning my fellow traveling as a lowly car-wash attendant. After much dedicated service to the party (such as polishing Pinkie's shovel, changing Ivan's vodka, and babysitting Bruno for Theo (I so miss that guy), I was black-bagged in the middle of the night and woke up in this fantastic dacha and Commissar appended to my name. I guess they took me to Gleis Drei instead of Platform 6. Silly thugs... Alas, they actually wanted me to DO things. Evidently the Commissar of Gulags must inspect them from time to time, the Commissar of Obamissars has to supervise the Obamissars (lots of purges lately), and the Commissar of Car Wash Products has to get his Zil washed several times a day. So... now that I've gotten my hands dirty dispatching poorly performing proles, I'm back in action. Anyway, since the card was there for the use of the People, I suppose you can have it, though I'll still need that Putinka...

Dear Commissar Obamissar V,

I would be eternally grateful for the issuance of a permanent waver regarding your predilection for "Tearing the tops off of small animals..." and related issues. Perhaps you would consider stopping by some evening for a taste of the great malt which wounds?

Your servant,

Captain "top & bottom" Craptek

Captain Craptek wrote:
Dear Commissar Obamissar V,

I would be eternally grateful for the issuance of a permanent waver regarding your predilection for "Tearing the tops off of small animals..." and related issues. Perhaps you would consider stopping by some evening for a taste of the great malt which wounds?

Your servant,

Captain "top & bottom" Craptek

The V is for Vodkavich, so I think you know I'd enjoy a drop of the pure. However, I do have a reputation to maintain. Wouldn't want the proles thinking I've gone soft, would I. Still, I may be able to make an exception. You see, as a card-carrying Party member, I believe in the equality of all species, genders, and variations thereupon. No- believe isn't the correct word. I have a PREDILECTION for all species, genders, and variations thereupon. Why don't you stop by my dacha around 9. We can have a chat and see what pops up... I'm quite curious about your top & bottom, you see.....

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote:
Dear Commissar Obamissar V,

I would be eternally grateful for the issuance of a permanent waver regarding your predilection for "Tearing the tops off of small animals..." and related issues. Perhaps you would consider stopping by some evening for a taste of the great malt which wounds?

Your servant,

Captain "top & bottom" Craptek

The V is for Vodkavich, so I think you know I'd enjoy a drop of the pure. However, I do have a reputation to maintain. Wouldn't want the proles thinking I've gone soft, would I. Still, I may be able to make an exception. You see, as a card-carrying Party member, I believe in the equality of all species, genders, and variations thereupon. No- believe isn't the correct word. I have a PREDILECTION for all species, genders, and variations thereupon. Why don't you stop by my dacha around 9. We can have a chat and see what pops up... I'm quite curious about your top & bottom, you see.....

Ahhh....I'm afraid I can't make it tonight,... Comrade Putout is due any minute to help me tie-dye my tail.

Captain Craptek wrote:
Ahhh....I'm afraid I can't make it tonight,... Comrade Putout is due any minute to help me tie-dye my tail.

Good save... He had that look in his eyes.

Yes,... that look - retaining my top half will require constant vigilance.

Hammer and Loupe wrote:

Good save... He had that look in his eyes.

I would NEVER!! What are you insinuating, Comrade? The Obamessiah Himself could not compel me to rip...

Oh hell. Yeah, I was gonna...

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:I have had it since before you were here, Commissar. But the original can easily be procured through the glorious Visual Propoganda department:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/gallery/ ... d-p65.html

Hmmm, not sure who that Kerry guy is, though....

Did you become trans-named, Comrade? I don't remember you, though I've been here since the First Coming Of Our Savior, The Obamessiah (PUBH), beginning my fellow traveling as a lowly car-wash attendant. After much dedicated service to the party (such as polishing Pinkie's shovel, changing Ivan's vodka, and babysitting Bruno for Theo (I so miss that guy), I was black-bagged in the middle of the night and woke up in this fantastic dacha and Commissar appended to my name. I guess they took me to Gleis Drei instead of Platform 6. Silly thugs... Alas, they actually wanted me to DO things. Evidently the Commissar of Gulags must inspect them from time to time, the Commissar of Obamissars has to supervise the Obamissars (lots of purges lately), and the Commissar of Car Wash Products has to get his Zil washed several times a day. So... now that I've gotten my hands dirty dispatching poorly performing proles, I'm back in action. Anyway, since the card was there for the use of the People, I suppose you can have it, though I'll still need that Putinka...

Actually, the Tsarevna/Princess Nookie endowed to me this identity before she went off for a long vacation in Siberia....I wonder if she's ever coming back now?My mentor, she had flings with just about everyone on the cube. I'm sure it was an oversight that she missed you. She was quite enraptured with Ivan for awhile, perhaps that's why she was inattentive. Anyway, the Putinka's on me! Everyone, drink up!

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:

Hammer and Loupe wrote:

Good save... He had that look in his eyes.

I would NEVER!! What are you insinuating, Comrade? The Obamessiah Himself could not compel me to rip...

Oh hell. Yeah, I was gonna...

Comrades, the cone of silence is broken. I would like to send a complaint about it and the person who made it.

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote: Actually, the Tsarevna/Princess Nookie endowed to me this identity before she went off for a long vacation in Siberia....I wonder if she's ever coming back now?My mentor, she had flings with just about everyone on the cube. I'm sure it was an oversight that she missed you. She was quite enraptured with Ivan for awhile, perhaps that's why she was inattentive. Anyway, the Putinka's on me! Everyone, drink up!

I'll drink to that, and to anything else for that matter...

As for Princess Nookie, I'm used to being passed by. It's been said that my unwashed masses can be intimidating at times. Comparisons have been made between my bedside manner and that of Joseph Mengele. Still, I'm glad her fields were so thoroughly collectivized...

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:She was quite enraptured with Ivan for awhile, perhaps that's why she was inattentive.

I'm going to believe she meant Comrade Ivan "brain in a jar" Betinov. I would remember such a thing, or was I being inattentive too?

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:She was quite enraptured with Ivan for awhile, perhaps that's why she was inattentive.

I'm going to believe she meant Comrade Ivan "brain in a jar" Betinov. I would remember such a thing, or was I being inattentive too?

It's Betinov. No way you'd have not noticed Nookie's nookie...

That Ivan Betinov, he doesn't get out much, but he sure does have an imagination!

If that's what peeled Nookie's beets, then good for her...

But Ivan...don't you remember the night behind the tractor barn? Come to think of it, I think Comrade Brain may have been there too....I was a little inebriated.

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:It's Betinov. No way you'd have not noticed Nookie's nookie...

Reportedly, nobody has gotten a lookie at the nookie of the First Wookie. Perhaps one of our observant Ivan's should be enlisted to investigate this mystery, though it may prove to be quite a hairy endeavor.

Konservative_Punk wrote:

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:It's Betinov. No way you'd have not noticed Nookie's nookie...

Reportedly, nobody has gotten a lookie at the nookie of the First Wookie. Perhaps one of our observant Ivan's should be enlisted to investigate this mystery, though it may prove to be quite a hairy endeavor.

I would volunteer but I'm busy in the garden for the next few years. Maybe some other time.

Captain Craptek wrote: I would volunteer but I'm busy in the garden for the next few years. Maybe some other time.

I thought squirrels were supposed to love darting and bouncing around in overgrown bushes...

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote: I would volunteer but I'm busy in the garden for the next few years. Maybe some other time.

I thought squirrels were supposed to love darting and bouncing around in overgrown bushes...

He seems to like that, but not all the time. Just ask Hillary. Right now he's getting over something, so he can't "beat around the bush", as it were.

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote: I would volunteer but I'm busy in the garden for the next few years. Maybe some other time.

I thought squirrels were supposed to love darting and bouncing around in overgrown bushes...

He seems to like that, but not all the time. Just ask Hillary. Right now he's getting over something, so he can't "beat around the bush", as it were.

Yes, the penicillin seems to be working.

Captain Craptek wrote:Yes, the penicillin seems to be working.

Excellent news, Comrade Captain! So what are you doing this weekend? Feel like a little trip out to the country??

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote:Yes, the penicillin seems to be working.

Excellent news, Comrade Captain! So what are you doing this weekend? Feel like a little trip out to the country??

Why not - your tractor or mine?

Captain Craptek wrote: Why not - your tractor or mine?

Ready.jpg

I prefer not to use so much protection...

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote: Why not - your tractor or mine?

Ready.jpg

I prefer not to use so much protection...

Comrade, the mine might be safer. It has less moving parts.