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Help needed for a Collective project

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Comrades,

I am currently working on the People's Translation of the Bible (working title: The New American Socialist Bible) and wish some suggestions for translating the 23rd Psalm.

Here is my rough draft; please let me know what you would change:



OBAMA is my shepherd; I shall not want for anything.

He maketh me to lie down and not work; he leadeth me on the path to the welfare office.

He restoreth my EBT card; He leadeth me in the paths of protest marches for Social Justice's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Capitalism, I shall fear no evil Koch brother: for thou art with me; thou shalt smite them with thy Rod and regulate them out of existence with thy EPA Staff.

Thou preparest a table before me and maketh mine enemies to pay for it: thou anointest my head with oil solar and other sustainable energy; my cup runneth over with hate for anyone who actually produces anything for a living.

Surely Socialism and Justice for The Poor, Gays & Lesbians, people of color, immigrants, oppressed womyn, students crying out for a safe space, the 99%, transsexuals (except that Evil Republican Caitlyn Jenner), minimum-wage slaves, people suffering from Inequality, labor union members, the homeless, people without healthcare, feminists, struggling artists, Muslims, victims of gun violence (except for the ones killed by jihadis), Occupiers, Climate refugees, baby seals, victims of racism, boys who make clocks that look like a bomb, people suffering from HIV / AIDS, womyn who need free birth control, Native Americans, Jihadis, victims of rape culture – and anyone else who isn't straight, white, male, cisgendered and/or works for a living – will follow us all the way to the Glorious World of Next Tuesday; and I will dwell in my Section 8 Free Housing forever.

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First edit (thought of this myself, no one gets credit):

OBAMA is my shepherd; I shall not want for anything always want more Free Stuff.

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A more concise version:

OBAMA is my shepherd; I shall not pay for anything.

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Komrade Lysenkomann. wrote this earlier. Not exactly what you're looking for but it could help in your effort.

The Ten Commandments of the Religion of Progressivism:

1 Thou shalt not believe in any other God except the Great God, thy government.

2 Thou shalt not blaspheme the name of your Messiah, Our Glorious Dear Leader.

3 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's property except through the confiscatory coercion of the Great God thy government.

4 Thou shalt not get caught stealing.

5 Angry, militant homosexuals deserve everything they get and we must ensure that they get it.

6 Thou shalt not kill under any circumstances whatsoever, not even a fly. (That is unless you are a womyn who happens to be inconvenienced by a pregnancy)

7 Thou shalt endeavor to take guns from those who oppose you in the name of their safety.

8 Thou shalt employ the lie to the best of thy ability.

9 Thou shalt make graven images on paper and print them by the trillions.

10 Thou shalt sacrifice all to the Great God, thy government.

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You need to change the titles Job to Commissions and Wisdom to Reeducation.

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Yes, Comrade Mikhail Lysenkomann

Lets get the necessary forms processed in triplicate so they can then be processed in triplicate again for safe keeping in wooden crates and then have your new version of the Bible edited then printed and distributed so they can be collected and burned.

Long live the 150 year revolution.

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Mikhail Lysenkomann said:
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Capitalism, I shall fear no evil Koch brother: for thou art with me; thou shalt smite them with thy Rod and regulate them out of existence with thy EPA Staff.

Thou preparest a table before me and maketh mine enemies to pay for it: thou anointest my head with oil solar and other sustainable energy; my cup runneth over with hate for anyone who actually produces anything for a living.
perhaps:
  1. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Capitalism, I shall fear no evil Koch brother: for thou art with me; thou shalt smite them with thy Rod and regulate them out of existence with thy EPA Staff.cell phone and pen and compliant congress.
  2. Thou preparest a table before me and maketh mine enemies to pay for it: thou anointest my head with oil solar and other sustainable energies for my party's political funding benefit; my cup runneth over with hate for anyone who actually produces anything for a living without government approval and or funding.
  3. Praise be to all funding for the glorious proposals below to participate in the fulfilling endeavor. Henceforth: Unto you this day it shall be forever branded into the collective minds that tax increases will be forever considered as an investment in our future to the undying gratitude and thanks of terrorists and undocumented workers alike.

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Thank you, trash mouth and Uberdave. Perhaps the Ten Commandments Rules for Radicals should be the translation committees's next project?

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If I might suggest, Comrade Mikhail Lysenkomann, avoid using individual names, it blunts the timeless power of your korrect thought by linking it to specific individuals. Use their eternally glorious titles instead. We all know that Obama will eventually be either tossed on the People's Kompost Heap or embalmed and placed on permanent display in the Kapital (I'm sure that Obama's Tomb will be at least as popular with the masses as is IRS Headquarters (bless the unsung heroes of the Involuntary Redistribution Service!) or the Lincoln Memorial). Our Glorious Leader (Pork be Upon Him) Obama is but a stepping stone along the path of History's Inexorable March to the Worker's Paradise, but we will always have a Great Leader, whatever his name. Thus instead of

OBAMA is my shepherd, try GREAT LEADER is my shepherd. True, it is clumsy and awkward, but isn't the Kurrent Truth always? It is a feature, not a bug.

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Tamquam Leo Rugiens wrote:If I might suggest, Comrade Mikhail Lysenkomann, avoid using individual names, it blunts the timeless power of your korrect thought by linking it to specific individuals. Use their eternally glorious titles instead. We all know that Obama will eventually be either tossed on the People's Kompost Heap or embalmed and placed on permanent display in the Kapital (I'm sure that Obama's Tomb will be at least as popular with the masses as is IRS Headquarters (bless the unsung heroes of the Involuntary Redistribution Service!) or the Lincoln Memorial). Our Glorious Leader (Pork be Upon Him) Obama is but a stepping stone along the path of History's Inexorable March to the Worker's Paradise, but we will always have a Great Leader, whatever his name. Thus instead of

OBAMA is my shepherd, try GREAT LEADER is my shepherd. True, it is clumsy and awkward, but isn't the Kurrent Truth always? It is a feature, not a bug.
A good point, Komrade Tamquam. I had amended the Ten Commandments of Progressivism above for that reason. Glorious Dear Leader works as well...


 
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