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After multiple accusations about their alleged lies and deception by the Republicans and certain rebellious Democrats, the Clintons are hitting the road with a radically new campaign that will introduce their innovative concept as Honesty™ into the realm of politics.

Clinton campaign manager of Puerto Rico, Maria Justina Milagros de la Echeverria, explained the campaign as follows: "Honesty™ is integrity and integrity is Honesty™. As president, Hillary Clinton will be more honest than ever, finally making honesty affordable to everyday Americans. As a reminder, we are going to have posters of Hillary with the word Honesty™ in large letters underneath."

Honesty™ is, of course, a complex construct that, just like an everyday compost pile, consists of several intersecting layers that need to be occasionally reshuffled to achieve desired efficiency.

The top-notch, first-class immediate and intimate Honesty™ can be acquired at any of the one-million-British-pounds-per-plate fundraisers. A large number of details about Hillary and her activities is expected to be released free of charge for public consumption after the elections, by redistributing certain information among the presidential media. And then there will be intermediate levels of Honesty™ of varying affordability, released selectively based on a sliding scale.

But even those in the lowest income brackets should not feel excluded. The Clinton campaign is currently developing innovative information-sharing strategies resembling the lottery or a raffle, whereby anyone with a winning ticket will have a rather expensive and closely guarded bit of information about the Clintons whispered into his or her ear, away from the general public.

At the same time, the Clinton campaign points out that certain outdated doctrines of information sharing can become really harmful in our day and age. For example, the model deployed by Fox News seriously violates the rights of many prominent American politicians by publicly revealing the most honest details about their political and fundraising activities without any need-to-know restrictions, nor sharing the resulting revenues with the subjects of their reporting.

Clinton's electoral victory will also mean a victory for the new Honesty™ doctrine, which will replace the old and unfair "open" model. That will force Fox News, talk radio, and other similar antiquated news services to either make their programming compliant with the Clinton Honesty™ doctrine, or surrender their broadcast licenses.

Wait-- equality and compost for everyone?

Has anything changed?

Could it be, just as some animals are more equal than others, some can be more honest than others? ...Nah!

If I don't like your honesty, can I make you keep it?

Lev Termen wrote:If I don't like your honesty, can I make you keep it?

Unfortunately, no.

When I was installing 100 new toilets at the Glorious State HQ, their check writing machine was out of order. As payment, they gave me a copy of the source code to the State Honesty Computer System, which I happily accepted. It's programmed so that you can dispense honesty out but you can't deposit honesty in.

Can't honesty just be redistributed from those who have too much of it?