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Several Comrades have recently engaged in intolerable behavior, namely Comrades Pieck, Leninka and Red Rooster.
Tonight you are charged with Crimes of Revolution Against the Party (CRAP).
I shall lay out the charges as they currently exist. Other Party Members(TM) may enter additional complaints, and we shall find a person to make a realistic looking effort to defend the accused.
Pieck first wrongfully attacked our noble Commissar Vodkavitch, accusing him of ignoring the Euro, and then continued his attacks by denouncing me for pointing out basic rules to denouncement, and THEN took pleasure in what he perceived as an unrestrained "denouncement fest" showing that he took unapproved PLEASURE in ATTACKING higher level party members than him.
Comrade Leninka engaged in much intolerable behavior as well. Along with her denouncements of anyone she could possibly think of, including again Commissar Vodkavitch and myself, she sought to posess more goods than were currently alloted to her, as well as gain additional weapons which had not been Party Approved. In addition to all of this, she denounced Comrade Vodkavitch for being absent on Party business for an extended period of time! I trust Vodkavitch will add his claims of damage agains the aforementioned Thought Criminals. In fact, I nominate him as defense counsel for Pieck and Leninka. In addition the words of the thought criminals may be found here
Now for Red Rooster, some time back I proposed the use of Regan Jelly Beans as a last ditch weapon against an encroaching enemy. Not understanding the difference between a revolutionary colonel and a prole, he attempted to denounce me for making a valid military suggestion. This cannot be allowed to stand! Naturally I nominate myself to serve as Red Rooster's defense council.
There will be other charges against the three thought criminals, and we shall hear from other Party Members on this matter, and a judge shall be chosen.
The accused may now tremble in fear of the just and wise fist of Revolutionary Justice which descends upon their undeserving heads like projectile from a T-33 tank on the Eastern Front. May Obama have mercy upon your life essence.
I call now for justice Comrades! I ask therefore that the People's Judicial Council of Justice and Small Furry Creatures meet and in their wisdom pass hear the complaints against the three aforementioned thought criminals and impose a just punishment after hearing whatever evidence can be fabricated.
Tonight you are charged with Crimes of Revolution Against the Party (CRAP).
I shall lay out the charges as they currently exist. Other Party Members(TM) may enter additional complaints, and we shall find a person to make a realistic looking effort to defend the accused.
Pieck first wrongfully attacked our noble Commissar Vodkavitch, accusing him of ignoring the Euro, and then continued his attacks by denouncing me for pointing out basic rules to denouncement, and THEN took pleasure in what he perceived as an unrestrained "denouncement fest" showing that he took unapproved PLEASURE in ATTACKING higher level party members than him.
Comrade Leninka engaged in much intolerable behavior as well. Along with her denouncements of anyone she could possibly think of, including again Commissar Vodkavitch and myself, she sought to posess more goods than were currently alloted to her, as well as gain additional weapons which had not been Party Approved. In addition to all of this, she denounced Comrade Vodkavitch for being absent on Party business for an extended period of time! I trust Vodkavitch will add his claims of damage agains the aforementioned Thought Criminals. In fact, I nominate him as defense counsel for Pieck and Leninka. In addition the words of the thought criminals may be found here
Now for Red Rooster, some time back I proposed the use of Regan Jelly Beans as a last ditch weapon against an encroaching enemy. Not understanding the difference between a revolutionary colonel and a prole, he attempted to denounce me for making a valid military suggestion. This cannot be allowed to stand! Naturally I nominate myself to serve as Red Rooster's defense council.
There will be other charges against the three thought criminals, and we shall hear from other Party Members on this matter, and a judge shall be chosen.
The accused may now tremble in fear of the just and wise fist of Revolutionary Justice which descends upon their undeserving heads like projectile from a T-33 tank on the Eastern Front. May Obama have mercy upon your life essence.
I call now for justice Comrades! I ask therefore that the People's Judicial Council of Justice and Small Furry Creatures meet and in their wisdom pass hear the complaints against the three aforementioned thought criminals and impose a just punishment after hearing whatever evidence can be fabricated.
Abstain... The Kapitalist Jelly Beans were already O.K.'d for use by High Party Officials Only(TM). The People's Jelly Beans are in use by proles everywhere, served with The People's Kool-Aid(TM):
Proof that I am useful to The Party(TM):
I have already started a society for my Woompa Loompa's...
WOMBATS - Women's Mountain Bike & Tea Society
And daily we slave away for The Party(TM)...
I DENOUNCE MYSELF FOR BEING PRODUCTIVE! There, are you happy Comrade Colonel, huh? huh? Huh? Do you feel progoriffic?
Proof that I am useful to The Party(TM):
I have already started a society for my Woompa Loompa's...
WOMBATS - Women's Mountain Bike & Tea Society
Women's Mountain Bike and Green Tea Society. A network of women who share a passion for pedaling in the progressive dirt. www.wombats.org/ |
And daily we slave away for The Party(TM)...
I DENOUNCE MYSELF FOR BEING PRODUCTIVE! There, are you happy Comrade Colonel, huh? huh? Huh? Do you feel progoriffic?
It is not me you must make happy now. The Red Rubber Ball of People's Justice has been set to rolling. Besides I'm your defense council in all of this. I advise you to either keep foaming at the mouth to prove your usefulness, or be silent until the People's Prosecutor starts THEIR questioning. At which point you are on your own.
Well as my council in all of this Colonel, I ask for a quick demise on an ocean side cliff with 200 Red Guards firing simultaneously. Anything is better than listening to those damn Woompa Loompas all the day long!!!
And further Michael Moore, I would like to be subjected to the evilest thing I can think of: A John Wayne movie marathon with Martin Scorch-see-see ranting on about his ideological take on every scene.
Make it expedient Colonel, and whatever you do, don't let me live in peace! That would be the worst punishment of all!!! Oh the horror of the thought!
And further Michael Moore, I would like to be subjected to the evilest thing I can think of: A John Wayne movie marathon with Martin Scorch-see-see ranting on about his ideological take on every scene.
Make it expedient Colonel, and whatever you do, don't let me live in peace! That would be the worst punishment of all!!! Oh the horror of the thought!
I insist that this be a fair show trial. The world is watching, and we must demonstrate that the Cubist judicial system has the integrity of an Iranian election, or even one in Chicago. Therefore, I offer my legal counsel absolutely free of charge: Confess! Confess to all of your crimes against the Will of the PeopleTM, and we can get you to the train station so much sooner. If you're not willing to confess, then I, as a free service provided by our benevolent government, will plead guilty for you to whatever it was you were charged with. I remind you, it's the seriousness of the charge that we take, well, very seriously.
Damn, it's Nuremberg all over again...
Gee, Komissar Blogunov,
I appreciate your offer, but not only do I not have a chance with you, you will deprive me of the spectacle of a dramatic show trial before I am found guilty, and deprive me of time to plead for a jigger of The People's Vodka before I am whacked over the head with Pinkie's shovel, and worse.
Although, the train ride afterward, sounds fun.
I appreciate your offer, but not only do I not have a chance with you, you will deprive me of the spectacle of a dramatic show trial before I am found guilty, and deprive me of time to plead for a jigger of The People's Vodka before I am whacked over the head with Pinkie's shovel, and worse.
Although, the train ride afterward, sounds fun.
Genosse Pieck
Damn, it's Nuremberg all over again...You're close, very close.
Comrade Cubists! Somebody has conspired to burn down the Capitol building, and these three have confessed! I mean, I confess for them - guilty, guilty as charged!
As we speak, your dachas are being raided and more evidence is beingplanted discovered. Once presented, there will be a sharp inward gasp of amazement and astonishment across the entire fruited Collective. Although not verified, there are rumors we may have discovered the Chairman's missing Hummels.
Comrade Cubists! Somebody has conspired to burn down the Capitol building, and these three have confessed! I mean, I confess for them - guilty, guilty as charged!
As we speak, your dachas are being raided and more evidence is being
Bring it on Comrades! I am fortifying all 6666 of my Woompa Loompa's with People's Rifle's(TM), Progrin(TM), Progidol(TM), Progisil(TM) and Marxi-Pads(TM) (just in case you shoot one of there short butts!)!
Good luck getting into The Wombat Factory(TM) comrades!
Good luck getting into The Wombat Factory(TM) comrades!
The Wombat FactoryTM fell in mere minutes, Comrade RR. We sent in special troops against the defenseless proles who were "armed" with People's RiflesTM while all the other People's ProductsTM were either unavailable or didn't work as advertised. It turns out the picture above may have been faked like...
...and so the Wombats were completely overwhelmed in short order.
Confess and get it over with, comrade.
...and so the Wombats were completely overwhelmed in short order.
Confess and get it over with, comrade.
Comrade Rooster and Leninka, feel free to join me behind my antifascist protection wall, complete with a strip of death consisting of landmines between two walls, glass shards and barbed wires, guarded by fully automatic unmanned weapons that shoot at anything moving.
I have Genossen Honecker and Marx on the watchtowers to ensure that the real existing socialism will not silently go into the night! Screw these reaganite pseudo-socialist bastards! Heil Honecker!
I have Genossen Honecker and Marx on the watchtowers to ensure that the real existing socialism will not silently go into the night! Screw these reaganite pseudo-socialist bastards! Heil Honecker!
I don't understand why Comrade Snoogie Woogums is not on the list for show trial. What makes him so special? He is just as guilty as the rest of them. I demand the Gang of Three to be expanded to the Gang of Four!
In addition, do you call these trumped-up charges, comrade? With trumped-up charges as lame as these, half of Stalin's Politburo would still be alive today. Trotsky would still be roaming free, instilling fear into the Stalin-fearing young pioneers!
How about all four of them together shoveling concurrent underground tunnels to CBS studios in order to watch People's Artist Letterman without a special authorization and the Party Pass, and said Letterman fell through the hole and sustained a gap between his front teeth in the process? They must answer for the tooth gap of the People's Artist Letterman!
I can also testify that while watching Obama speak on healthcare reform, they remained seated and were among the last comrades to start clapping after he was finished and were among the first to stop the ovation.
Genosse Piek ate sauerkraut from a tall Coca-Cola paper cup and burped loudly every time Obama said "hope." SAUERKRAUT, comrades!
Leninka was trimming her beard and mustache with HP6380 Spa-at-home body grooming system while paying no attention to the healthcare crisis. NO ATTENTION, comrades!
Red Rooster was watching Obama sideways, with his RIGHT EYE - while his left eye shifted constantly from Leninka's beard trimmings to Piek's sauerkraut. I repeat, SAUERKRAUT!
Snoogie Woogums was staring at Obama with an unblinking menacing look, which I understand is his constant facial expression, but what idea might it give to an occasional onlooker unfamiliar with Snoogie's debilitating medical condition?
I propose Chairman Punchenko's candidacy as the judge.
In addition, do you call these trumped-up charges, comrade? With trumped-up charges as lame as these, half of Stalin's Politburo would still be alive today. Trotsky would still be roaming free, instilling fear into the Stalin-fearing young pioneers!
How about all four of them together shoveling concurrent underground tunnels to CBS studios in order to watch People's Artist Letterman without a special authorization and the Party Pass, and said Letterman fell through the hole and sustained a gap between his front teeth in the process? They must answer for the tooth gap of the People's Artist Letterman!
I can also testify that while watching Obama speak on healthcare reform, they remained seated and were among the last comrades to start clapping after he was finished and were among the first to stop the ovation.
Genosse Piek ate sauerkraut from a tall Coca-Cola paper cup and burped loudly every time Obama said "hope." SAUERKRAUT, comrades!
Leninka was trimming her beard and mustache with HP6380 Spa-at-home body grooming system while paying no attention to the healthcare crisis. NO ATTENTION, comrades!
Red Rooster was watching Obama sideways, with his RIGHT EYE - while his left eye shifted constantly from Leninka's beard trimmings to Piek's sauerkraut. I repeat, SAUERKRAUT!
Snoogie Woogums was staring at Obama with an unblinking menacing look, which I understand is his constant facial expression, but what idea might it give to an occasional onlooker unfamiliar with Snoogie's debilitating medical condition?
I propose Chairman Punchenko's candidacy as the judge.
Red Square
How about all four of them together shoveling concurrent underground tunnels to CBS studios in order to watch People's Artist Letterman without a special authorization and the Party Pass, and said Letterman fell through the hole and sustained a gap between his front teeth in the process? They must answer for the tooth gap of the People's Artist Letterman!I can also testify that while watching Obama speak on healthcare reform, they remained seated and were among the last comrades to start clapping after he was finished and were among the first to stop the ovation.....
....Red Rooster was watching Obama sideways, with his RIGHT EYE - while his left eye shifted constantly from Leninka's beard trimmings to Piek's sauerkraut. I repeat, SAUERKRAUT!
Damn you Red Square! I confess! I confess!
(Only I'd like to clarify about the gap between People's Artist Letterman's teeth... you see he did fall through the hole, BUT it was my beak that cause the gap... comrades imagine being stuck between People's Artist Letterman's teeth for four hours of dental surgery?!? We danced beak to cheek so to speak.... after that the firing squad will be nothing!)
Comrade Red Square, I admit, I was remiss in not charging Snoogie Woogums with Crimes against The People. I saw him just the other day, BURNING the NEW YORK TIMES! AND he said that "Socialized medicine is not suitable for The People".
As far as the charges go... Others will join in as well with the failures of these thought criminals.
The Gang of Four must be punished!
One of them, I know not which, but I think it was Pieck takes credit for... PALIN'S WARDROBE! Red Rooster was TAKING A CRAP during an OBAMA SPEECH, which truly shows what he thinks of our Glorious Chairman. Leninka SHOPS AT WAL MART, when we all know true self righteous progs do not shop there.
Comrade Red Square, may I serve on the firing squad for the Gang of Four?
As far as the charges go... Others will join in as well with the failures of these thought criminals.
The Gang of Four must be punished!
One of them, I know not which, but I think it was Pieck takes credit for... PALIN'S WARDROBE! Red Rooster was TAKING A CRAP during an OBAMA SPEECH, which truly shows what he thinks of our Glorious Chairman. Leninka SHOPS AT WAL MART, when we all know true self righteous progs do not shop there.
Comrade Red Square, may I serve on the firing squad for the Gang of Four?
I INSIST Comrade Snoogie Woogums be listed in the original charges and all names be bolded, if I'm going to be on trial with these fine comrades here, let's do the damn thing right! Colonel you are slacking! SPIT!
I'm not some revisionist TROTSKYITE such as you Red Rooster! My original charges stand as written, and added to later. Such is the joys of a true socialist, of which you clearly are not. Who needs to rewrite history when you can simply ignore it, and move on with what you want to do?
No comrade I am a Made Progressive decades beyond true socialism, post-modern to the core, elitest inteligencia of the fabulous putsch of Next Next Tuesday!
Fire at will you reaganite jelly belly pseudo-socialist, we have all noticed that you have a propensity to denounce, like the child on the playground always telling the teacher. When Comrade SnoogyWoogums joins our infamous Gang of Four we shall unite beyond the boundaries of Piek's fortress and tour the bath houses of Sodom by The Sea on our way to destroy your measly Red Guard.
Be afraid Colonel, be very afraid! Comrade SnoogyWoogums is a trained killer, so small and sleek you will never know what hit you! One look and you will turn to borsch stew!
Comrade SnoogyWoogums? Save me the eyes please, I always enjoy PECKING OUT THE EYES!
Fire at will you reaganite jelly belly pseudo-socialist, we have all noticed that you have a propensity to denounce, like the child on the playground always telling the teacher. When Comrade SnoogyWoogums joins our infamous Gang of Four we shall unite beyond the boundaries of Piek's fortress and tour the bath houses of Sodom by The Sea on our way to destroy your measly Red Guard.
Be afraid Colonel, be very afraid! Comrade SnoogyWoogums is a trained killer, so small and sleek you will never know what hit you! One look and you will turn to borsch stew!
Comrade SnoogyWoogums? Save me the eyes please, I always enjoy PECKING OUT THE EYES!
Ahh they always make the most noise before they lose...
Komissar Blogunov
The Wombat FactoryTM fell in mere minutes, Comrade RR. We sent in special troops against the defenseless proles who were "armed" with People's RiflesTM while all the other People's ProductsTM were either unavailable or didn't work as advertised. It turns out the picture above may have been faked like...
...and so the Wombats were completely overwhelmed in short order.
Confess and get it over with, comrade.
...and so the Wombats were completely overwhelmed in short order.
Confess and get it over with, comrade.
Good work on seizing the wombats! Would you mind sending me a case of Progosil?
Ha! Not a damn soul has entered my factory, Komrad Blogunuv is dirty lying Kapitalist! You want Progosil, come and get it!
Now you call Blogunuv a Liar? Further proof of your guilt! By attempting to shunt attention to another, you show that you are in fact the target.
Already The Revolutionary Red Guard is taking up positions near Pieck's compound. Oooh look. Spotlights. They make such great targets!
Who else has evidence to present against The Gang of Four? Remember, we don't check facts, just emotions and political connections.
Already The Revolutionary Red Guard is taking up positions near Pieck's compound. Oooh look. Spotlights. They make such great targets!
Who else has evidence to present against The Gang of Four? Remember, we don't check facts, just emotions and political connections.
Genosse Pieck
Comrade Rooster and Leninka, feel free to join me behind my antifascist protection wall, complete with a strip of death consisting of landmines between two walls, glass shards and barbed wires, guarded by fully automatic unmanned weapons that shoot at anything moving.I have Genossen Honecker and Marx on the watchtowers to ensure that the real existing socialism will not silently go into the night! Screw these reaganite pseudo-socialist bastards! Heil Honecker!
Thank you, Comrade Pieck,
Is there a television inside? And are any walls lined with impaling speers? We must have impaling speers. And an Iron Maiden especially reserved for my attorney, Commissar Obamissar V, in the case we are found guilty.
As for Comrade 7.62, we ought to have a special rifle reserved just for him, one with a sleek appeal and a cement filled bore, but also loaded, and planted in a certain location where he won't be able to resist picking it up and test firing it.
In the case you are found guilty? By being considered for a trial, you are already guilty! The purpose of a Show Trial is to Show the world your guilt. The trial part is having to sit through and listen to the pleading, begging and whining of the accused. It is most tedious.
Yes, like listening to the Colonel denounce every other prole every five minutes:
"Comrade Professor Chompsky!!!! He's pecking on me!!!" Is all I ever heard from Comrade Colonel on the playground.
It is most tedious.
"Comrade Professor Chompsky!!!! He's pecking on me!!!" Is all I ever heard from Comrade Colonel on the playground.
It is most tedious.
Colonel 7.62
In the case you are found guilty? By being considered for a trial, you are already guilty! The purpose of a Show Trial is to Show the world your guilt. The trial part is having to sit through and listen to the pleading, begging and whining of the accused. It is most tedious.Comrade 7.62,
I just edited my previous post. You might want to take another look. It concerns you.
The "in case" comment was a facetious one--most sorry. Where is my lawyer? Trolling in some Dallas bar?
I can't wait for my show trial. I love spectacles. And Comrade Blogunov promised I would get to ride on a train, after (I assume) a whack or two from Pinkie's shovel.
Leninka
As for Comrade 7.62, we ought to have a special rifle reserved just for him, one with a sleek appeal and a cement filled bore, but also loaded, and planted in a certain location where he won't be able to resist picking it up and test firing it.Glorious Leninka! I'll prepare a batch tomorrow! The Colonel and his GUNS, GUNS, GUNS... that's so like last century communist. I told you Colonel I am a Made Progressive, Post-Modern Nightmare to your age old ways.
Leninka may I buy you drink in celebration? Or how bout you just share that bottle with me and I'll buy the last round? I am a Made Progressive.
Why thank you Red Rooster. I'd be much obliged. We can plot even more things to do with Colonel 7.62.
I like your progressiveness.... *wink* *wink*
COCK-A-DOOOOOODDDDDLLLEEEEE-DOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
COCK-A-DOOOOOODDDDDLLLEEEEE-DOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Red Square
I don't understand why Comrade Snoogie Woogums is not on the list for show trial. What makes him so special? He is just as guilty as the rest of them. I demand the Gang of Three to be expanded to the Gang of Four!....In addition, do you call these trumped-up charges, comrade? With trumped-up charges as lame as these, half of Stalin's Politburo would still be alive today. Trotsky would still be roaming free, instilling fear into the Stalin-fearing young pioneers!
I propose Chairman Punchenko's candidacy as the judge.
I am shocked! Shocked at the sheer depravity and lack of sincere socialist submission exhibited by these 4 ThoughtCriminals™! Why, the first began to offer a defense of their crimes before they were even asked for a response! Unthinkable! Where are the tears Comrades? Where are the tears?
I am at least happy to see we have honorable and competent comrades who have volunteered to defend these criminals, I personally am too convinced of their guilt after reviewing the security video's of their behavior both individually and as a gang while at the Pup's Party Pleasure House this past year.
That being said, I am still open minded of their guilt that I could perhaps serve as judge should the Chairman fail to show up on time, and sober, and not under indictment, and not prejudiced against these criminals presumption of innocence..... Oh wait, who are we kidding? We all know a presumption of innocence is an outdated imperialist concept. Either way, I am here to serve comrades.
Comrades! I bear sad news indeed! But I have very very serious charges to add to the list of crimes these 4 have been charged with!
We now possess all the proof we need to charge these 4 for assault and battery against The Many Titted Empress herself!
The Empress suffered a fractured elbow following an attack by the gang of four! Praise Lenin that security services were able to prevent further insult to the Party!
We now possess all the proof we need to charge these 4 for assault and battery against The Many Titted Empress herself!
The Empress suffered a fractured elbow following an attack by the gang of four! Praise Lenin that security services were able to prevent further insult to the Party!
To the Gang of 4 Thoughtcriminals!
It has become obvious that were are the last stalwart of True Communism. I demand a Show Trial of every obamanite-wannabe-socialist in the Cube! It's time for another revolooshun, brothers (and sisters!)
Comrade Leninka, yes, there is a TV showing nonstop footage of Aktuelle Kamera and Der Schwarze Kanal, in order to remind us who the True Thoughtcriminals are in this spectacle! Interpreters have been provided. Methamphetamines (an invention of my predecessor, Mr. A. Hitler) as well, to ensure you do not fall asleep during our propaganda sessions. We do not have impaling speers as Comrade Vlad would not provide any. However, instead, we have boiling oil to douse our Opressors in. Nothing like Fried True Thoughtcriminal, served with SAUERKRAUT, the True People's Food. Better than beets any day! We have also replaced shovel with Pieck-axes. Just as efficient to dig up potatoes and beets (if we have to), but instead of merely stunning the recipient of a blow, they will instantly turn him or her into a necro-voter!
Here's to the World of next Monday! We will ALWAYS be ahead of you, pseudo-commie scum! Heil Honecker!
It has become obvious that were are the last stalwart of True Communism. I demand a Show Trial of every obamanite-wannabe-socialist in the Cube! It's time for another revolooshun, brothers (and sisters!)
Comrade Leninka, yes, there is a TV showing nonstop footage of Aktuelle Kamera and Der Schwarze Kanal, in order to remind us who the True Thoughtcriminals are in this spectacle! Interpreters have been provided. Methamphetamines (an invention of my predecessor, Mr. A. Hitler) as well, to ensure you do not fall asleep during our propaganda sessions. We do not have impaling speers as Comrade Vlad would not provide any. However, instead, we have boiling oil to douse our Opressors in. Nothing like Fried True Thoughtcriminal, served with SAUERKRAUT, the True People's Food. Better than beets any day! We have also replaced shovel with Pieck-axes. Just as efficient to dig up potatoes and beets (if we have to), but instead of merely stunning the recipient of a blow, they will instantly turn him or her into a necro-voter!
Here's to the World of next Monday! We will ALWAYS be ahead of you, pseudo-commie scum! Heil Honecker!
Marshal Pupovich
... I am still open minded of their guilt that I could perhaps serve as judge should the Chairman fail to show up on time, and sober, and not under indictment...Comrade Marshal! The current truth is, comrade, I was considering your candidacy for the Show Trial, Raffle & BBQ Party but I couldn't decide whether to appoint you a judge or throw you on the bench with the kriminals and make it the Gang of Five just to round it up. The important reason for that historikal decision is that my head doesn't hurt as much when I count by fives and tens.
However, considering your past experience with denouncing, groveling, and backstabbing, and that Chairman P. is sleeping,
Now you must make sure, Marshal, that nobody starts counting cash in the same room with the Chairman lest this wakes him up. In that sense, comrades, money is the root of all evil. It awakens the Chairman, and if every waking moment of this drunken beast is not pure evil, I don't know what evil is.
Now, Marshal, I suggest you detach yourself from the fire hydrant and grow some thumbs to hold the gavel.
How many t ickets must each person buy for the raffle to meet their quota in participation in State run raffles? Also will the BBQ materials be provided, or will that come out of each person's rations? Or are we eating the Gang of Four's rations now?
Red Square
Marshal Pupovich
... I am still open minded of their guilt that I could perhaps serve as judge should the Chairman fail to show up on time, and sober, and not under indictment...Comrade Marshal! The current truth is, comrade, I was considering your candidacy for the Show Trial, Raffle & BBQ Party but I couldn't decide whether to appoint you a judge or throw you on the bench with the kriminals and make it the Gang of Five just to round it up. The important reason for that historikal decision is that my head doesn't hurt as much when I count by fives and tens.
However, considering your past experience with denouncing, groveling, and backstabbing, and that Chairman P. is sleeping,
Now you must make sure, Marshal, that nobody starts counting cash in the same room with the Chairman lest this wakes him up. In that sense, comrades, money is the root of all evil. It awakens the Chairman, and if every waking moment of this drunken beast is not pure evil, I don't know what evil is.
Now, Marshal, I suggest you detach yourself from the fire hydrant and grow some thumbs to hold the gavel.
WHAT?
WHAT?!!?
I GET PASSED OVER IN FAVOR OF PUPOVICH AGAIN?!!??
All he has to do is wag his tail and look up at you with those sad brown puppy dog eyes and you just can't help feeling sorry for him, so what happens? He gets promoted to Marshal. He's made Guardian of This and Purveyor of That, and Czar of Whatever and Top Dog of Whazzit.
Meanwhile, I've done nothing but bust my butt for The Party, when I should never have had to lift a finger to do so. After all, I'm the one with the compelling life story that has given me a richness of experience that no dog could ever hope to have. Why, if I didn't know any better, I would have to conclude that a life spent doing nothing more than eating, sleeping, digging through other people's garbage, and sniffing other dogs' butts and people's crotches are the only qualifications for greater Party responsibilities and privileges.
This is all the fault of Red Rooster, Leninka, and Genosse Pieck. RR forgot to give me my Progrin or whatever it is; and he hasn't been laying Faberge eggs for me like I hoped he would. Leninka has better hair than me so she doesn't have to hide it under a red headscarf, and Genosse Pieck--well, he eats Sauerkraut. SAUERKRAUT!!! And Wienerschnitzel. You know what that is? Breaded veal cutlets from a CUTE BABY CALF just like Norman in City Slickers.
I must denounce all of you for your behavior which has brought on this Show Trial/Raffle/BBQ that only allowed me to be passed over in favor of Pupovich yet again!
Consider yourselves whacked with my shovel.
RR: I want your feathers for a red feather boa. No squirming unless it's because you're sitting on a genuine 1897 Imperial Coronation Egg with a surprise inside.
Leninka: I want your hair.
GP: I'll forget this if you can get me some Wienerschnitzel.
Pinkie, how about the position of State Prosecutor? I hear it's more exciting than the Judge position and allows a greater freedom of movement.
[[[ covering head with Hat of Awareness to protect self from a shower of innuendos and whacks of Pinkie's shovel ]]]
[[[ covering head with Hat of Awareness to protect self from a shower of innuendos and whacks of Pinkie's shovel ]]]
Commissarka Pinkie
Red Square
Marshal Pupovich
... I am still open minded of their guilt that I could perhaps serve as judge should the Chairman fail to show up on time, and sober, and not under indictment...Comrade Marshal! The current truth is, comrade, I was considering your candidacy for the Show Trial, Raffle & BBQ Party but I couldn't decide whether to appoint you a judge or throw you on the bench with the kriminals and make it the Gang of Five just to round it up. The important reason for that historikal decision is that my head doesn't hurt as much when I count by fives and tens.
However, considering your past experience with denouncing, groveling, and backstabbing, and that Chairman P. is sleeping,
Now you must make sure, Marshal, that nobody starts counting cash in the same room with the Chairman lest this wakes him up. In that sense, comrades, money is the root of all evil. It awakens the Chairman, and if every waking moment of this drunken beast is not pure evil, I don't know what evil is.
Now, Marshal, I suggest you detach yourself from the fire hydrant and grow some thumbs to hold the gavel.
WHAT?
WHAT?!!?
I GET PASSED OVER IN FAVOR OF PUPOVICH AGAIN?!!??
All he has to do is wag his tail and look up at you with those sad brown puppy dog eyes and you just can't help feeling sorry for him, so what happens? He gets promoted to Marshal. He's made Guardian of This and Purveyor of That, and Czar of Whatever and Top Dog of Whazzit.
Meanwhile, I've done nothing but bust my butt for The Party, when I should never have had to lift a finger to do so. After all, I'm the one with the compelling life story that has given me a richness of experience that no dog could ever hope to have. Why, if I didn't know any better, I would have to conclude that a life spent doing nothing more than eating, sleeping, digging through other people's garbage, and sniffing other dogs' butts and people's crotches are the only qualifications for greater Party responsibilities and privileges.
This is all the fault of Red Rooster, Leninka, and Genosse Pieck. RR forgot to give me my Progrin or whatever it is; and he hasn't been laying Faberge eggs for me like I hoped he would. Leninka has better hair than me so she doesn't have to hide it under a red headscarf, and Genosse Pieck--well, he eats Sauerkraut. SAUERKRAUT!!! And Wienerschnitzel. You know what that is? Breaded veal cutlets from a CUTE BABY CALF just like Norman in City Slickers.
I must denounce all of you for your behavior which has brought on this Show Trial/Raffle/BBQ that only allowed me to be passed over in favor of Pupovich yet again!
Consider yourselves whacked with my shovel.
RR: I want your feathers for a red feather boa. No squirming unless it's because you're sitting on a genuine 1897 Imperial Coronation Egg with a surprise inside.
Leninka: I want your hair.
GP: I'll forget this if you can get me some Wienerschnitzel.
Comrade Commissarska,
Thank you for your caring socialist heart. I would love to make some Wienerschnitzel for you. However, it is not made of veal, but of kapitalist pig PORK chops (at least my version is.) This it is truly a most equal food! O, the amount of Wienerschnitzel I could make with all the pork barrel spending in Kongress. I could feed the masses. Short of blaspheming The One, I could be hailed as the Messiah myself, as I fed the Multitude with only several thousand pieces of kapitalist-imperialist 8/12 by 11 paper by turning it into Wienerschnitzel. (We should consider switching to DIN (Deutsche Industrienorm) A4. - It would yield more pork for everyone!)
Comrades, if I recant of my errant ways, may I be invited to BBQ? Wienerschnitzel, Sauerkraut and Bier (!!!) for everyone!
Comrade Genosse Pieck: We are APPALLED, why would you cower to these pseudo-socialists! (Of course I'm always up for a good BBQ!) They are only trying to tempt you with KKKAPITALIST EXPLOITS!
Heil Honecker!
Heil Honecker!
Red Square
I don't understand why Comrade Snoogie Woogums is not on the list for show trial. What makes him so special? He is just as guilty as the rest of them. I demand the Gang of Three to be expanded to the Gang of Four!In addition, do you call these trumped-up charges, comrade? With trumped-up charges as lame as these, half of Stalin's Politburo would still be alive today. Trotsky would still be roaming free, instilling fear into the Stalin-fearing young pioneers!
How about all four of them together shoveling concurrent underground tunnels to CBS studios in order to watch People's Artist Letterman without a special authorization and the Party Pass, and said Letterman fell through the hole and sustained a gap between his front teeth in the process? They must answer for the tooth gap of the People's Artist Letterman!
I can also testify that while watching Obama speak on healthcare reform, they remained seated and were among the last comrades to start clapping after he was finished and were among the first to stop the ovation.
Genosse Piek ate sauerkraut from a tall Coca-Cola paper cup and burped loudly every time Obama said "hope." SAUERKRAUT, comrades!
Leninka was trimming her beard and mustache with HP6380 Spa-at-home body grooming system while paying no attention to the healthcare crisis. NO ATTENTION, comrades!
Red Rooster was watching Obama sideways, with his RIGHT EYE - while his left eye shifted constantly from Leninka's beard trimmings to Piek's sauerkraut. I repeat, SAUERKRAUT!
Snoogie Woogums was staring at Obama with an unblinking menacing look, which I understand is his constant facial expression, but what idea might it give to an occasional onlooker unfamiliar with Snoogie's debilitating medical condition?
I propose Chairman Punchenko's candidacy as the judge.
Comrade Red Square,
I cannot speak for the others, as I was, indeed, busy trimming my beard and mustache, however, a girl has to keep up her appearances, and I was doing it for Dear Leader in hopes that he would look my way. I had no idea that it was Comrade Red Rooster whose attention I was getting. This show trial business is exhausting for me already, and the trial has yet to begin! Of course, I am 100% guilty, as all charges are correct. But that doesn't mean I'm going away!!
Red Rooster
Comrade Genosse Pieck: We are APPALLED, why would you cower to these pseudo-socialists! (Of course I'm always up for a good BBQ!) They are only trying to tempt you with KKKAPITALIST EXPLOITS!Heil Honecker!
Well, the Current Truth is still subject to change without notice, isn't it? Also, in true socialist manner, I switch sides to and fro as the wind blows. I will be back after the BBQ.
(Pssst, this is a covert move, requested of me by the State Security Service - Stasi. My Wienerschnitzels will be laced with cyanide, just like those cowards did who laced A. Hitler's aspirin pills with it. We will be guaranteed necro-voters and can run the World of Next Monday, muuuaaaahahahaha! Heil Honecker!)
Whack! Whack! Whack!On this 18th of June, the Year of Our Obama 2009, I hereby open this People's Show Trial, Raffle & BBQ Party. First I would like to thank the Glorious Red Square for entrusting me with this opportunity to both show my ability to judge these 4 criminals impartially and without prejudice. I have little doubt that we will quickly determine whether they are indeed ThoughtCriminals as alleged, or should in the highly unlikely event of finding no fault in them, we will overcome that distraction as well.
I am also pleased to see that Commissarka Pinkie has been honored to be chosen as Prosectuting Attorney, perhaps the most sought after position in the collective and an honor she so richly deserves.
So lets us begin and get this over quickly so that we can get to the BBQ and Raffle.
May we have a succient and brief reading of the charges and any further denouncements of this Gang of Four?
Ooooh... Oooooohhh... Oooooh.... Me first! Me First! (Psssstttt... hurry Piek cyanide the Wienerschnitzel)
You are free to present evidence against your self Comrade RR, and trust me, a fervent self denunciation does hold weight in this court.
Of course, given the lack of defense council that is apparent. this is by far and away your best shot.....along with some groveling and bribes of course.
Of course, given the lack of defense council that is apparent. this is by far and away your best shot.....along with some groveling and bribes of course.
Please--Your Honor--Marshall Pupovich,
On behalf of myself, Red Rooster, Snoogie Woogums, and Comrade Pieck,
I would like to submit a motion to delay the proceedings, as we are yet without counsel.
On behalf of myself, Red Rooster, Snoogie Woogums, and Comrade Pieck,
I would like to submit a motion to delay the proceedings, as we are yet without counsel.
First Marshal a "gift" for your holy sanctimonious judgeship over this trumped up legitimate trial:
Salute Viva La Pupovich!
Salute Viva La Pupovich!
Comrade Marshall, your honor, may I present a 'Gift' as well.
(Psst, RR and Leninka, look up the German word 'Gift'.)
(Psst, RR and Leninka, look up the German word 'Gift'.)
Leninka
Please--Your Honor--Marshall Pupovich,On behalf of myself, Red Rooster, Snoogie Woogums, and Comrade Pieck,
I would like to submit a motion to delay the proceedings, as we are yet without counsel.
Where have you been!? Does "train ride" ring a bell (sorry, bad pun)?
Marshall Pupovich, your honor, I declare my client mentally incompetent as she has already forgotten that I have been appointed as the People's Counsel for the Gang of Four in this trial. While I still enter a plea of GUILTY for RR (liar indeed - that was fatal), GP, and SW (who seems to be absent from the courtroom, but that's never been an issue for the Party), Leninka has demonstrated such aberrant thought patterns and advanced dementia that I think she ought to besentenced volunteered for medical experiments. I believe Theocritus' Jiffy-Lobo is still open for business.
Marshall Pupovich, your honor, I declare my client mentally incompetent as she has already forgotten that I have been appointed as the People's Counsel for the Gang of Four in this trial. While I still enter a plea of GUILTY for RR (liar indeed - that was fatal), GP, and SW (who seems to be absent from the courtroom, but that's never been an issue for the Party), Leninka has demonstrated such aberrant thought patterns and advanced dementia that I think she ought to be
Genosse Pieck
Comrade Marshall, your honor, may I present a 'Gift' as well.(Psst, RR and Leninka, look up the German word 'Gift'.)
May I offer you a little cake, Marshall Pupovich?
But Kommissar Blogunuv I uhhh brought you a "gift" as well:
Don't worry... it's not "loaded".... have a drink!
Don't worry... it's not "loaded".... have a drink!
Colonel 7.62
Comrade Leninka engaged in much intolerable behavior as well. Along with her denouncements of anyone she could possibly think of, including again Commissar Vodkavitch and myself, she sought to posess more goods than were currently alloted to her, as well as gain additional weapons which had not been Party Approved. In addition to all of this, she denounced Comrade Vodkavitch for being absent on Party business for an extended period of time! I trust Vodkavitch will add his claims of damage agains the aforementioned Thought Criminals. In fact, I nominate him as defense counsel for Pieck and Leninka.Komissar Blogunov, are you usurping the authority of Colonel 7.62? If I have no recourse, then here is some apple strudel for you.
Lenin freaking Stalin! You gave a party and I nearly missed it. There are impaling stakes for any of you who do not give me a goddamned good reason for keeping me out of the fun. Just because I was working, wait, scratch that, I wasn't working, I was liberating other people's chattel. That's right, OPM... doesn't mean that I don't have a right to get in on the fun.
I fail to see why Pupovich should be the judge in this little thing. It wasn't three months ago that he was in the dock himself for sending his talent-shitting pigeons to the Rancho. Am I such an insignificant Commissar that his attack goes unpunished? And with talent-shitting pigeons?
But if I have to bow for the Greater Glory of the Party, I will sign and do it. Moving on, moving on.
But I will be constable who carries out the sentence. When the Gang of Four have been found guilty in this most equal of trials, after due deliberation, I shall have them whipped with Monica's Blue Dress and give them an up-close-and-personal view of four of my choicest impaling stakes.
I fail to see why Pupovich should be the judge in this little thing. It wasn't three months ago that he was in the dock himself for sending his talent-shitting pigeons to the Rancho. Am I such an insignificant Commissar that his attack goes unpunished? And with talent-shitting pigeons?
But if I have to bow for the Greater Glory of the Party, I will sign and do it. Moving on, moving on.
But I will be constable who carries out the sentence. When the Gang of Four have been found guilty in this most equal of trials, after due deliberation, I shall have them whipped with Monica's Blue Dress and give them an up-close-and-personal view of four of my choicest impaling stakes.
Leninka
Colonel 7.62
Comrade Leninka engaged in much intolerable behavior as well. Along with her denouncements of anyone she could possibly think of, including again Commissar Vodkavitch and myself, she sought to posess more goods than were currently alloted to her, as well as gain additional weapons which had not been Party Approved. In addition to all of this, she denounced Comrade Vodkavitch for being absent on Party business for an extended period of time! I trust Vodkavitch will add his claims of damage agains the aforementioned Thought Criminals. In fact, I nominate him as defense counsel for Pieck and Leninka.Komissar Blogunov, are you usurping the authority of Colonel 7.62? If I have no recourse, then here is some apple strudel for you.
Comrade Marshall, your honor, I rescind my plea of insanity on behalf of former comrade Leninka. She has suggested that we who are running this trial are somehow conflicted, as if the Party was fallible and capable of error. This is the vilest slander against the People's servants I have heard in my three day long career as People's Counsel.
(And RR, thank you for your thoughtful gift. I offered some to a few of the proles who sweep dust away from my 75' bronze likeness outside the mile long driveway up to my humble dacha. If there are no ill effects, exculpatory evidence may soon beplanted discovered. The other three will be charged with attempting to frame you, a most loyal comrade and devoted servant to the Party. IF there are no ill effects.)
(And RR, thank you for your thoughtful gift. I offered some to a few of the proles who sweep dust away from my 75' bronze likeness outside the mile long driveway up to my humble dacha. If there are no ill effects, exculpatory evidence may soon be
Commissarka Pinkie
WHAT?!!?I GET PASSED OVER IN FAVOR OF PUPOVICH AGAIN?!!??
All he has to do is wag his tail and look up at you with those sad brown puppy dog eyes and you just can't help feeling sorry for him, so what happens? He gets promoted to Marshal. He's made Guardian of This and Purveyor of That, and Czar of Whatever and Top Dog of Whazzit.
Meanwhile, I've done nothing but bust my butt for The Party, when I should never have had to lift a finger to do so. After all, I'm the one with the compelling life story that has given me a richness of experience that no dog could ever hope to have. Why, if I didn't know any better, I would have to conclude that a life spent doing nothing more than eating, sleeping, digging through other people's garbage, and sniffing other dogs' butts and people's crotches are the only qualifications for greater Party responsibilities and privileges.
This is all the fault of Red Rooster, Leninka, and Genosse Pieck. RR forgot to give me my Progrin or whatever it is; and he hasn't been laying Faberge eggs for me like I hoped he would. Leninka has better hair than me so she doesn't have to hide it under a red headscarf, and Genosse Pieck--well, he eats Sauerkraut. SAUERKRAUT!!! And Wienerschnitzel. You know what that is? Breaded veal cutlets from a CUTE BABY CALF just like Norman in City Slickers.
I must denounce all of you for your behavior which has brought on this Show Trial/Raffle/BBQ that only allowed me to be passed over in favor of Pupovich yet again!
Consider yourselves whacked with my shovel.
RR: I want your feathers for a red feather boa. No squirming unless it's because you're sitting on a genuine 1897 Imperial Coronation Egg with a surprise inside.
Leninka: I want your hair.
GP: I'll forget this if you can get me some Wienerschnitzel.
Comrade Pinkie,
Ouch! That whack hurt! You couldn't wait to whack me after the trial? I will gladly give you my pigtails if it helps you topple Marshall Pupovich off the bench.
In the meantime, before you whack my pigtails off with the sharper edge of your shovel, here is a little something to make you feel better
Comrades! Striking news! I have found more evidence! Reams and reams of it! Of all sorts, both clearing the Gang of Four, and making them look even guiltier. I am now accepting contributions to defray the expense of ummm preparing this "evidence". Let me know what you are willing to contribute to the greater good of the Revolutionary Red Guards, and if you require exonerating or guilt inducing evidence, and for which of the Gang of Four it is for.
Gang of Four, I'd recommend that you shovel money toward 7.62 to make sure that the evidence that he finds works to his advantage. And to Pupovich, or you may get the talent-shitting pigeons.
Comrade Theocritus,
Is this enough?
Is this enough?
Will this cover it?
Oh, that ought to do. Just make sure that it's OPM. No made prog likes to think that his other made prog friends actually spent personal money. I learned that lesson from Meow, who from the moment he was born spent everything he had, stole as much as he could, spent it and went on to live a happy and carefree life without responsibility, worry, or personal concern.
Just like a Kennedy.
Just like a Kennedy.
I shall see what favorable evidence I can find for my good comrades Leninka and Pieck. I'm thinking they might have done some of their alleged crimes while serving as special undercover agents trying to find thoughtcriminals, but I will have to study on the matter some more. Awww my vodka keg is empty....
Commissar Theocritus! So glad you could join us (with impaling stakes in hand of course) and so a "gift' for you...
Drink up Commissar, the BBQ awaitsyou er, The Party(TM)!
Drink up Commissar, the BBQ awaits
Remember it may help one or more of the Gang of Four to turn on each other. Can mean the difference between a dull impaling stake or a sharp one. I will ask Commissar Theocritus if I can set up a firing squad as well. First impaled and then shot 24 hours later. Could be fun.
Leninka
Commissarka Pinkie
Leninka: I want your hair.
GP: I'll forget this if you can get me some Wienerschnitzel.
Comrade Pinkie,
Ouch! That whack hurt! You couldn't wait to whack me after the trial? I will gladly give you my pigtails if it helps you topple Marshall Pupovich off the bench.
In the meantime, before you whack my pigtails off with the sharper edge of your shovel, here is a little something to make you feel better.
Comrade Pinkie,
I am so dense. As the the synopses of my brain must take the circuitous route around my Jiffi-Lobo in order for me to fully comprehend a situation, I didn't realize what you really meant-- about wanting my hair after I am exported on the train.
Of course, as the outcome is a foregone conclusion, I must, at least tell you what you are getting. My hair has a history, you know.
As a child, it was thin and stringy and fly away. And my mother would say, "Leninka, you hair, what are we going to do with your hair. Go look in the mirror and see how ugly you look."
Over the years, it was a constant source of consternation. I plied egg yolks to it, and gelatin, and even went so far as whacking it all off myself and just giving up.
Finally, I found a way to fluff it up with hair perm after hair perm after hair perm. So, when the trial is over, and you have it in your possession, you must perm it, or it will be completely useless to you.
Leninka
Colonel 7.62
Remember it may help one or more of the Gang of Four to turn on each other. Can mean the difference between a dull impaling stake or a sharp one. I will ask Commissar Theocritus if I can set up a firing squad as well. First impaled and then shot 24 hours later. Could be fun.Never!!!! Solidarity, comrades of the Gang of Four! (Until I am bribed otherwise.)
Red Rooster, this old prog's rheumy eyes are watering with appreciation for the vodka. I do thank you. I plan to to get sloppy drunk and watch Michael Moore movies, which is come to think of it the only way that one can watch Michael Moore movies.
Unless one has had lots of Jiffi-Lobo.
Leninka, Pinkie will excuse a great deal if you've been devotee of Jiffi-Lobo. After all, it's sort of like a Boy Scout Merit Badge. It's ten o'clock and have you had your Jiffi-Lobo today?™
Jiffi-Lobo is the touchstone of being truly progtastic. After all, with Jiffi-Lobo not only can you believe five impossible things before breakfast but you can believe a thousand impossible things after breakfast too.
Such as Barack Hussein Obama is a Lightworker, as Moonbat Mark Morford has told us. Because 3M knows.
Jeez. Sorry. Lenin. We have an identity crisis. If Moonbat Mark Morford is 3M, then what is Mikael the Moonbat Mime? Mikael the Minnesota Moonbat Mime? 4M? But that doesn't quite compute.
I'm so confused. I don't think that my Jiffi-Lobo was quite good enough today.
Oh! Bruno's playing Roger and Me! One of my favorites! And after that I'll watch Rosanne on her back with her legs in the air trying to get Dan's little wrigglers to hit the spot! I'm so happy! And then Silkwood with Cher, the beautician to morticians!
Oh. How could I doubt my local Jiffi-Lobo?
Unless one has had lots of Jiffi-Lobo.
Leninka, Pinkie will excuse a great deal if you've been devotee of Jiffi-Lobo. After all, it's sort of like a Boy Scout Merit Badge. It's ten o'clock and have you had your Jiffi-Lobo today?™
Jiffi-Lobo is the touchstone of being truly progtastic. After all, with Jiffi-Lobo not only can you believe five impossible things before breakfast but you can believe a thousand impossible things after breakfast too.
Such as Barack Hussein Obama is a Lightworker, as Moonbat Mark Morford has told us. Because 3M knows.
Jeez. Sorry. Lenin. We have an identity crisis. If Moonbat Mark Morford is 3M, then what is Mikael the Moonbat Mime? Mikael the Minnesota Moonbat Mime? 4M? But that doesn't quite compute.
I'm so confused. I don't think that my Jiffi-Lobo was quite good enough today.
Oh! Bruno's playing Roger and Me! One of my favorites! And after that I'll watch Rosanne on her back with her legs in the air trying to get Dan's little wrigglers to hit the spot! I'm so happy! And then Silkwood with Cher, the beautician to morticians!
Oh. How could I doubt my local Jiffi-Lobo?
Ooooooooooohhhhh, just back from Jiffi-Lobo, I am! Turn on the Michael Moore! I can't wait!
Colonel 7.62
Remember it may help one or more of the Gang of Four to turn on each other. Can mean the difference between a dull impaling stake or a sharp one. I will ask Commissar Theocritus if I can set up a firing squad as well. First impaled and then shot 24 hours later. Could be fun.Of course I didn't forget you Colonel... to think, on second thought DON'T!!! It could be hazardous to your health, and so I here is your "gift".....
A whole arsenal at your disposal...
GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! Nice SHINY GUNS!
(er... pay no attention to those bags of QUICKRETE(TM).... just left overs from a Peoples Construction Job(TM) up the street)
7.62, I have no objections at all to a firing squad. In fact the Rancho has a fine adobe wall which takes bullets very well. But let's make sure there's enough for all. Remember, the Gang of Four, those who don't talk or bribe their way out of it, will be whipped with Monica's blue dress first, and no one has survived that.
After that, there's not much left for the stakes.
But I have told the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits that there might be a firing squad which got them out of the house. Which means that the Rancho is only infested by Bruno and the Cher monster.
Which, I'm sorry to say, drove your Che Monsters to drown themselves in the Rio Grande.
After that, there's not much left for the stakes.
But I have told the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits that there might be a firing squad which got them out of the house. Which means that the Rancho is only infested by Bruno and the Cher monster.
Which, I'm sorry to say, drove your Che Monsters to drown themselves in the Rio Grande.
Commissarka Pinkie
This is all the fault of Red Rooster, Leninka, and Genosse Pieck. RR forgot to give me my Progrin....Sorry Pinkie, but when you don't show up for your midnight feedings that's what happens, so here you go...
We'll try the gel next week.
Commissarka Pinkie
....and he hasn't been laying Faberge eggs for me like I hoped he would.Uh hello!?! I'm a freakin' ROOSTER!
Commissarka Pinkie
I must denounce all of you for your behavior which has brought on this Show Trial/Raffle/BBQ that only allowed me to be passed over in favor of Pupovich yet again!Consider yourselves whacked with my shovel.
*BAGGGAAAWWWWWKK!!!*
Commissarka Pinkie
RR: I want your feathers for a red feather boa.Will this "gift" do instead...
If not, I could always talk to my friend Rusty Rooster up the street, he knows a lot of Road Island Reds who are in need of good progressive whack job!
Commissarka Pinkie
No squirming unless it's because you're sitting on a genuine 1897 Imperial Coronation Egg with a surprise inside.Again! Uh hello!?! I'm a freakin' ROOSTER!
Rooster, where did you get a picture of the smaller portion of my reserve arsenal for my bedroom? You should see what is in the kitchen! Oh simply glorious. It is true, one could buy ANYTHING from corrupt former Soviet Generals in 1991. I even made a T-72 tank into a coffee maker. they were so cheap at the time.
Did you know a MiG afterburner will cook a steak in like .02 seconds?
Ahh and the Great Patriotic War era katyushas. Perfect for chasing off children selling chocolate for this fundraiser or that.
But I digress. You are getting on my good side. Now the question is who will throw whom under the treads of the tank? Pieck is already showing his willingness to turn People's Evidence. What say you Pupovich and Pinkie? Leniency for the criminal Pieck if he turns on the other three of the Gang of Four? Or should they just get impaled as a group?
Did you know a MiG afterburner will cook a steak in like .02 seconds?
Ahh and the Great Patriotic War era katyushas. Perfect for chasing off children selling chocolate for this fundraiser or that.
But I digress. You are getting on my good side. Now the question is who will throw whom under the treads of the tank? Pieck is already showing his willingness to turn People's Evidence. What say you Pupovich and Pinkie? Leniency for the criminal Pieck if he turns on the other three of the Gang of Four? Or should they just get impaled as a group?
Your welcome Colonel, just fire at will, don't worry about inspecting the muzzles, I had them all "cleaned" by those fine Red Ninja Guards before I "gifted" them to you...
Come now foul fowl, do you not think I would inspect a weapon before firing it? I am negotiating with Comrade Theocritus to ensure you get a dull impaling stake with lots of splinters.
Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
The Interrogator will wipe that silly smile off of your REPUBLICAN beak! Confess! It was you in the living room with Sarah Palin during the 7th Inning of a Yankees game! We have the stained Moosehide to prove it!
Genosse Pieck
Never!!!! Solidarity, comrades of the Gang of Four! (Until I am bribed otherwise.)Comrade Pieck, you may be bribed, but I will not turn against
Heil Honecker nor Comrade Che! My Woompa Loompa's just love
Wienerschnitzel
Tacos!
I'll burn in hell first before I turn witness on The Gang of Four.... wait, what was that Colonel? Sarah Palin? Me? Oh, Yankees game... nope... wasn't me... not a red feather on that moose hide.
Now where was I, oh yes, I'll burn in hell first before I turn witness on The Gang of Four, now where the hell is Comrade Snoogie Woogums!?!
(Oh! shhhhhhhhh.... stealthy little bastard isn't he..... Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!)
Colonel 7.62
I'm not some revisionist TROTSKYITE...Don't lie to The Party(TM) Colonel, I have proof:
Colonel 7.62 from The "I Am Trotsky" thread on The Daily KOS
I'm Trotsky... yeah... that's me. All these fools at The Cube think I'm "Colonel 7.62 The Red Guard Leader" Pfffftttttt.... stupid idiots! I can't wait to sell them some of my OFC Cyanide Laced Chicken... gawd these cubists are DUMB!!!You may as well come clean... we know who you relay are! Further Evidence HERE >>>
RR, what curiously good embalmers there are in Mexico City. I can't even see the hole in Comrade Trotsky's head where the axe went in.
But aren't you a little, well, squeamish about cavorting with the Colonel? Were I rooster I think I'd learn to lay eggs before I'd consort with Colonel Sanders. Or are you perhaps equating the Colonel with Trostky, a Prog's Prog? And the Colonel was a...wait for it...capitalist. This is seriously bad.
7.62, I blush to remind you that there is no man happier than one with two peckers.
But aren't you a little, well, squeamish about cavorting with the Colonel? Were I rooster I think I'd learn to lay eggs before I'd consort with Colonel Sanders. Or are you perhaps equating the Colonel with Trostky, a Prog's Prog? And the Colonel was a...wait for it...capitalist. This is seriously bad.
7.62
Confess! It was [ Red Rooster ] in the living room with Sarah Palin during the 7th Inning of a Yankees game! We have the stained Moosehide to prove it!7.62, I blush to remind you that there is no man happier than one with two peckers.
Yes, Commissar our Colonel 7.62 is really a... kapitalist pig!
(Psssstttt... Sarah Palin and I did have a thing going on, what red blooded women can resit two peckers? But not a word of this to that chicken fryer!)
(Psssstttt... Sarah Palin and I did have a thing going on, what red blooded women can resit two peckers? But not a word of this to that chicken fryer!)
The problem with my bon mot, if it is that, is that although Bruno is barely literate, he can read "pecker" and all its synonyms in 1,534 languages including Old Icelandic and Linear B. Things are still very much up in the air.
At least all the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits got scared at the excitement of two peckers and surrounded the Cher Monster which let out a whoop which scared off Pupovich's talent-shitting pigeons.
All in all, a worthwhile day.
At least all the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits got scared at the excitement of two peckers and surrounded the Cher Monster which let out a whoop which scared off Pupovich's talent-shitting pigeons.
All in all, a worthwhile day.
Excellent Commissar! I'm glad my peckers could be of assistance. You let Bruno know Ruby Rooster up the street loves "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar" with a mad passion, and yes, he has two peckers as well.
You should see Ruby's drag on a Wednesday (hump day), he goes all out and could perhaps, seems like, just maybe, put Bruno to shame.
Ahhhhh! Pupovich's talent-shitting pigeons just showed up at the factory!
You should see Ruby's drag on a Wednesday (hump day), he goes all out and could perhaps, seems like, just maybe, put Bruno to shame.
Ahhhhh! Pupovich's talent-shitting pigeons just showed up at the factory!
First off, would all of you please remember to address me as "Commissarka"? Because I've worked really, really hard to get that title, OK? You proles have no idea what hard work it is, always having to raise money AND awareness of the need to raise more money so I can continue raising awareness of the importance of how much I care about all the issues. And I think you'll all agree that no one works harder than I do at making an issue out of everything.
Now, to our comrades on show trial . . .
Leninka: The doll with the pink cap is actually quite darling. And I've always had a thing for green eyes. But your mother! Would she perchance be Yelling Yelena? Because she sounds just like her.
Genosse Pieck: NO PORK!!! It is an affront to the Religion of Peace, plus there's that whole swine flu thing going on. If I want pork Wienerschnitzel, I may as well buy those frozen pre-breaded patty things at the grocery store. But I insist on the real stuff. With lemon, white Mosel Auslese, and noodles. And don't forget the cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudel.
Red Rooster: Spare me your bean counting and identity politics. I keep you solely to lay those Faberge Eggs. If Daffy Duck can do it, so can you. Obamacare will provide you with the services of a proctologist ifyou want available and fully funded, so stop squawking or you'll be a cock doodling in deep doo-doo!
And where is Snoogie-Woogums? Is he up from his nap yet?
Now, to our comrades on show trial . . .
Leninka: The doll with the pink cap is actually quite darling. And I've always had a thing for green eyes. But your mother! Would she perchance be Yelling Yelena? Because she sounds just like her.
Genosse Pieck: NO PORK!!! It is an affront to the Religion of Peace, plus there's that whole swine flu thing going on. If I want pork Wienerschnitzel, I may as well buy those frozen pre-breaded patty things at the grocery store. But I insist on the real stuff. With lemon, white Mosel Auslese, and noodles. And don't forget the cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudel.
Red Rooster: Spare me your bean counting and identity politics. I keep you solely to lay those Faberge Eggs. If Daffy Duck can do it, so can you. Obamacare will provide you with the services of a proctologist if
And where is Snoogie-Woogums? Is he up from his nap yet?
I messaged (such is my devotion to the party that I used that as a verb) Snoogie-Woogums that he was being invoked and I hear a deafening silence. Which made me bang my little fists on the ground and pout.
Commissarka Pinkie, I really think more of you than I think of Senatress Barbara Boxer. If that's what you mean. After all, you wield a shovel. She has only worked really hard in spending her husband's money to become a Senator.
RR, I am delighted that Ruby Rooster loves To Wong Foo. Bruno just loves seeing Wesley Snipes in drag. Now John Leguizamo--that's not such a stretch.
Commissarka Pinkie, I really think more of you than I think of Senatress Barbara Boxer. If that's what you mean. After all, you wield a shovel. She has only worked really hard in spending her husband's money to become a Senator.
RR, I am delighted that Ruby Rooster loves To Wong Foo. Bruno just loves seeing Wesley Snipes in drag. Now John Leguizamo--that's not such a stretch.
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