Comrades, today we should award Marvel Comics Group a "Most Equal Award"!

From the DailyMail

He started life as a white science geek living with his uncle.
But now to reflect the racial changes in America Spider Man has been given a makeover - as a half black half Latino teen.

and

But another surprise could be in the pipeline after his creators said that in the future they would not rule out making him gay

Comrades, should we look to reinvent the Cube in order to remain "hep" and "with it" in order to recruit more youth to our cause? Of course, no one is questioning the equalness of the Cube, but could we do more to be more equal?? Perhaps a non-competitive contest would be in order.

If you could just throw all continuity out of the window and reinvent yourself, what would you become?

I would become Beet-Person. I would be 1/8th polynesian, 1/8th Asian, 1/8th African, 1/8th Hispanic, 1/8th Micronesian, 1/8th Eskimo, 1/8th North Korean, 1/8th Cuban, and 1/8th Chinese Communist. To really step up my game, I would also be a left-handed, albino, club-footed, trans-gendered homosexual cross-dresser with a lazy eye and psoriasis. And I would be in a wheel chair! I would drive around in the beet-mobile, throwing beets at villians that weren't as PC as me, and giving conservatives "beetings".

How would you change yourself to further the cause of The Peoples' Cube™ ?

This exposes Spiderman to a disturbing Achilles heel. The Green Goblin need only lay wait at Taco Bravo for an ambush. Indigestion could be as effective as kryptonite on Superman.

How about a makeover for the Fantastic Four?

The Progtastic Four, a team of superheroes who fight against the Teabagger Terrorits, is led by super genius Reed Obama, also known as "Mr. Progtastic." Mr Progtastic has the ability to stretch and bend the meaning of words, turning "recession" into "recovery" and "terrorism" into "man-caused disaster." His vulnerability is an unexpected teleprompter malfunction.

He is joined in his battle by his true political love, Nancy Storm, "The Transparent Woman." Her powers of transparency are so strong as to render budgets invisible for up to two years at a time.

Her younger brother, Barney Storm, "The Human Flamer," makes the third member of the team. The only openly gay member of the Progtastic Four, the Human Flamer can burn through an entire housing market collapse and emerge unscathed on the other side of a fire he himself created. "Flame On!"

And the final member of the Progtastic Four is "The Thing," Michelle Grimm, Reed Obama's room mate and best friend. The Thing is the grumpy strong arm of the quartet who ususally relies on massive bulk to make a point. But if anybody with Mexican food shows up, watch out: "It's Slobberin' Time!"

Nuevo Spider-Hombre looks vaguely like Dear Leader (pbuh), but lacks the super powers of our homie in chief, or his disguise of Barry the clean cut articulate one. Not worthy of denouncing, but certainly to be ignored.

I'm already a Superhero. I'm Red Square! Everyone I touch becomes square and red.


Of course, there are detractors, but they are being dealt with rather swiftly.

Most of the converts are content with their new looks.

Spider Man's new archnemesis: The Fiendish Kapitalist Pig GEORGE BUSH!

What wonderful news, Comrade Infidel!!!! First an anti-American Superman, and now a racially correct Spider Man But as far as changing myself.....who cares what a promiscuous princess who likes to focus mostly on how to express her sexuality would do to be more equal? What about Lenin? What about Marx?


If Marvel can change the race and beliefs of Peter Parker, who is at least as old as me, why can't we go back in time and make Karl Marx black? Vladimir Lenin gay? Mao Tse Tung Muslim? But if forced to choose how I would be more equal, I would be a poor Appalachian unemployed coalminer with 4 kids and 5 baby daddies (that works, doesn't it?), who had come from Native American stock but whose family had been kicked off the plantation for not maintaining their trailer properly. I would be bi-curious, a faithful practitioner of The Force religion, a member of SEIU (not sure how an unemployed coal miner would get into the SEIU, but if they don't let me in, THAT'S UNFAIR!!!!), and I would frequently go to rallies pretending to be a teabagger, holding up racist signs.

The New Spiderman's first assignment? Destroy the Tea Party terrorists, of course!

We can build our own People's Superhero Collective! Just find yourself in this picture and photoshop it!

That's not Peter Parker. It's another person named Miles Morandez or something like that. According to one of the Marvel chiefs, this Spiderman is in an alternate universe where Peter Parker has been killed and Miles takes up the suit and powers.

Basically, Marvel wasn't getting enough money from Spidey, so they made him black so the progressives would buy the comics.

Will Mary Jane be replaced by Shaniqua or Rosalinda? or BOTH??? WAIT--he's gay... Will Mary Jane be replaced by Lamar or Antonio? or BOTH???

Because of my more equal endowment I stopped wearing tights. Shoving it in the face (so to speak) of others is not my style.

Red Square wrote:We can build our own People's Superhero Collective! Just find yourself in this picture and photoshop it!

Red_Square_Superhero_2.jpg

Hey, that's not fair to those of us who can't photoshop! You're saying I can't be a superhero because I can't photoshop! Well, you know what I intend to do about that??

Comrade Whoopie, where are you? Whoopie? Well, crud. He's not here.

Very well, who else is nearby? Maksim! Superkommissar Maksim, get over here! You'll just have to fill in for Whoopie. Heads up, Whacking Boy!

WHACK!!!

You photoshoppers just think of my shovel as kryptonite.

Pinkie, Although you truly are a wonder women I knew you wouldn't be caught dead draped in the American flag so I put you next to me.

Ivan, the body you always wanted. However it appears Green Arrow is stepping on your foot.

Ah, Maksim! I take it all back now. If only Betty had come in a few minutes earlier, HE would've had to play Whacking Boy!




That's for the cleavage.

My nemesis Buffoon cut down to size.

Comrades, this is a most equal good time! Nice to see Pinkie make an appearance (and not as that flag-waving and jiggling slag, wonderwoman) Edited to make the picture even more glorious!

A mixed race hero with amazing super powers and powerful appeal to diverse races and sexual proclivities, these artists have great imaginations to make up such a character! (Inspired by"Jim""Treacher" @jtLOL)

Wasn't Green Arrow a fellow Socialist? I seem to recall him fighting the bourgeoisie in a noble attempt to bring equality and capitalist wallets full of money to the poor and oppressed proletariat.

<sniff...> I got legs. And Arms. And a belly button. I'm so happeeeee!

You think you're happy now, try looking even lower than the belly button.

<sound of a steel ruler being held against a desktop and tweaked with a finger> What the Hell's this?

Anyone who wants to alter this so it looks like I know what the heck I'm doing with Paint, be my guest.

Princess Nookie.... don't be so critical of your work ! If you would notice, Comrade Red Square ( Our Cube Leader ) has a right lapel that's not attached to a collar. Just a wedge of white background.

How 'bout that !

And Pinkie ? I hope she's wearing black fishnet stockings on her legs ....Because if she isn't, then I'd say that chicken's been dead for a week.

However, you might want to lay-off using the Coppertone on just your face........

Krasnodar, that's not Coppertone, I'm blushing with pride about our super powerful, progressive Collective!


Progressive collective....hmmmm....maybe Groucho could make up a song with that rhyme......