Comrades!

I have glorious news! I just returned from the Demokratik Republik of Germany, where we enjoyed the freeest elections (spit) in modern times!

Our comrades at the Linke (Leftist) Party made momentous gains in all races! Together with the Socialist Democrats they came in second only to the kapitalist pigs and freedom lovers (spit) of the Christian (spit) Democratic Union and Liberal Party.

(This makes me recall the glorious moment some 40 years ago where our People's Car, the Trabant won second place in an aerodynamics contest. The winner was an armoire.)

Irregardless, I am jubilant, as our comrades at Al-Qaeda will now launch their freedom fighting tactical strikes on the new administration. Revolution is once again nigh, comrades! Down with capitalism! Down with freedom! (spit)

Heil Honecker!

Comrade Pieck -

You are a black-belt master of the art of describing defeat so that it looks like victory.
As an accomplished progressive journalist, you deserve to be serving the Party at the New York Times and we are willing to write a recommendation. On the other hand, the Amerikan progs have had eight years to master the skill, so there's a lot of competition (spit!) in that area today.

Comrade Red Square!

I denounce you for speaking of defeat! There is no such thing. There are only delayed victories!

Even with the CDU still in power, we have nothing to fear, for the following reasons:

Angela Merkel is a child of GDR teachings and Free German Youth propaganda. Was Haenschen nicht lernt, lernt Hans nimmermehr, or what Johnny doesn't learn, John will never learn. Juxtapose it, and you get my drift that she will never be able to shed the work and re-education efforts of the Workers' and Farmers' State, DESPITE (or despit?) her father being a (shiver) Lutheran Pastor!

Even though the CDU has "Christian" (spit) in its name, it also has Democratic and Union in it. Those two trump what's left of the first one. The CDU's Bavarian sister, the CSU, even has one up on the CDU! Instead of Democratic, they are Socialist!

We have NOTHING to fear...

Nevertheless, I do appreciate your recommendation to serve the Party at the New York Times. However, Stern magazine already offered me a position as well. More pay, more social services, less competition, all in the homeland of Marx and Engels. (swoon)