Comrades....

I come to you tonight with hat and pant suit in hand.
There is still time to vote for ME.

At Jones Soda:

http://www.campaigncola.com/


You have probably seen the banner add with the Neo-Kulaks by now.

You know about October 5th.
You know I was born in October.
You know I believe in the October Revolution.
You know Biden has fulfilled his role as a very useful idiot.

The PUMABOTS have been activated. (Biden Off The Slate)

[HIGHLIGHT=#1d1b10]I AM THE OCTOBER SURPRISE!
RELEASE THE CHIHUAHUAS![/HIGHLIGHT]

We hear and obey, our Empress!!!

--

Mine Empress!

I bring to you a rallying song!

My beloved empress, no one more than I would see you ascend to the power you so richly deserve, but do you actually think for an instant that His Obamaness would name you to the ticket in hopes of winning the election? Even without his teleprompter, he surely knows that there are still unplanted beds in the Vince Foster Memorial Garden.

Haven't heard that song in nearly 40 yrs....

Tell me who's to say after all is done
And you're finally gone, you won't be back again
You can find a way to change today^*
You don't have to wait 'til then


^* And the way was named "Biden"

Who is this "Hillary"?

O Empress Most Glorious, all eyes are on October. I've never forgotten the Stock Market Crash of 1987, when you e-mailed mass text messages to all of us on our Party-issued iPhones, and you told us what happened. You saved us all!

And I have faith that you will lead us to glory once again!

Empress,

Your candidacy will bring new life into His Excellency's bid to become POTUS. You're choice as the Messiah's VP will shore up His power base and allow you to be the President of the Senate.

May your broom take you on many successful flights to the farthest reaches of Amerikkka, as you hypnotize the proles into voting for the One.

This will certainly be a surprise for Halloween!

Good Morning Comrades!
A perfect time for our beloved Empress to be making her play for the VP spot.
Halloween is such a "special" time for her, you know.
I am new to the "cube" and need to know where the nearest indoctrination center is located. I have already purchased my new shovel and have my woolies packed in my government issued knapsack. Can someone point me in the "left.....er...right" direction? I get confused soo easily.
Sorry, I'm still reeling from the humilation of being fired by that capitalist pig Sarahcuda Palin(boy that name sure fits!). All I ended with was my YUMMY recipes for moose and salmon. Of course I will definitely share all with the collective!

Glorious Comrade HRC!!

I am torn! You are supposed to be number one Comrade of the world, not some false messiah! Merely speaking of you as number 2 makes me want to wash out my mouth with lye!

But none the less I will follow your will for I have faith that you have already set in motion the plan that will remove you from the horrid number two spot and vault you into your rightful place as number one!!

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

O'Brien wrote:Glorious Comrade HRC!!

I am torn! You are supposed to be number one Comrade of the world,not some false messiah! Merely speaking of you as number 2 makes mewant to wash out my mouth with lye!

But none the less I will follow your will for I have faith that you havealready set in motion the plan that will remove you from the horrid number twospot and vault you into your rightful place as number one!!

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Yes, but don't let slip the plan that after The Obamessiah is martyred (The Peoples Enemy Palin framed as the scapegoat) that Comrade HRC will be in position to save the Union.

Let the Purge begin!
I love being on the correct side of the firing squad.

I am gathering up cheap good Soviet 7.62x54 rounds for my Mosin rifle.



Comrade “Pul”
Tiglath-Pileser III
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities

Our Empress Hillary! How it makes a good Socialist's blood boil to think of you as a #2 spot as Comrade O'Brien points out, but then again, your vissage makes every one's blood boil no doubt. Yes, to think of you as "one heartbeat away from the presidency" inspires me to work that much harder, For the Children™, For the Common Good™. for the World of Next Tuesday!

Laika the Space Dog wrote:I bring to you a rallying song!

A very fitting rallying song. In keeping with the era that gave us Steppenwolf I think it's easy to think of Obama and Biden as a sort of comedy team - like the Smothers Brothers. I can see Obama and Biden singing an opening song for their show and Biden, like Tom Smothers, takes the whole script off tangent by talking about how he and Obama are actual real brothers from the same mother.

The Obama Biden team make for some good comedy but I still think Pat Paulson is more honest and sincere. I'd vote Paulson over Obama any day. But then there's you, Hillary. You are the funniest act of all. How can I resist? I got a Hillary Jones!

Empress! I'm so glad to find that the rumors of your death were exaggerated and that you're very much alive. But I did fear for I'd not heard the sound of massive breakages for a while. You know, the Obamessiah--talk, talk, talk, yadayadayada. And all his friends. I mean, how much chablis and brie can you take? Something has to make the socialism go down smoothly but there are times that I lust in my loins for a good old-fashioned bit of just plain old Empress abandon.

Do you recall the time that you were at Rancho del Rio Grande and I had gotten O negative virgins' blood, which you don't quite like? Bruno had to put <i>five</i> coats of paint on the walls of your bedroom. But compared to the weakness that I see in the Obamessiah I remember it fondly.

I have this dreadful feeling, Empress, that the Obamessiah can be, and this is in camera, schmoozed. That he doesn't have the lapidary view of himself that you do of yourself, in your splendiferous diamantine incorruptibility as the meanest, baddest socialist on earth and who says you ain't?

BHO might actually <i>care</i> about people, and we who love you know that you don't really give a shit.

Heil Hillary!

Tiglath-Pileser wrote: I am gathering up cheap good Soviet 7.62x54 rounds for my Mosin rifle.

A comrade after my own heart. Of course, mine is a type 53 model.

The wiley she-clinton is perfectly capable of acheiving victory by embracing defeat. And if not, it is all according to her diabolical plan for the children, or not.

Sacrifices will be made, by Joe!
For the Common Good™
For the Children™
For a Black Sabba...er..I mean for our Black Candidate!

First thing we need to do is confiscate that Baretta, a person of his mental stability cannot be trusted with a gun. Nope.

And not blame Hoover for the Depression? Say it ain't so Joe? Every schoolchild has been brainwashed for the last 70 years that it was the evil Herbert Hoover who caused the depression by starving the children of Europe after WWI.
Damn Quakers!

What about coal? Clean burning coal? Am I supposed to receive nothing in my Winter Solstice Stocking this year? What am I going to use to heat my cauldron?
Next he'll want to ban Henbane, Belladonna, and the eye of a newt.
Not Gingrich either, which wouldn't be a bad idea, but real newts!

Save the Party™ Comrades!
To the Barricuda Barricades!

Empress, you promised me that you wouldn't do belladonna again. You know how you are when you do belladonna. And it's not pretty. Please swear off the belladonna. This time for good.

Theo!

What the hell am I supposed to do since Meow ran off with my roofies and ketamine?
Tell me?
He's been on a binge for three days now.
At least I still have a pound of fresh Datura. Want some?
A Thornapple a day keeps reality at bay!

Biden check!
Tell me comrades, is he still being useful?

Premier Betty wrote:Who is this "Hillary"?

'012

?

Brain failure. Press any key to reboot.

None of this would have happened if I was running things!

It's never too late!





And MAKING FUN OF MY VILLAGE WHILE DRUNK!

Meow, increase Biden's daily vodka ration and cut Kennedy's and give it to Joe!

Ah Comrades, has no one recalled the true Socialist Steppenwolf Sonata?

Hillary wrote:Meow, increase Biden's daily vodka ration and cut Kennedy's and give it to Joe!

My Esteemed and Eternal Empress, I regret to inform you that Chairman Meow is, shall we say, a bit indisposed at the moment?

Man stuck on stopping exploding blue cow! Yes, I am afraid the Chairman is up to one of his typical escapades, for which he is so rightfully famous and beloved.

"Upon his rescue, "Smith" told police "he was a special agent with the United States Illuminati" who had rappeled from a military helicopter to the roof of the museum, according to a Knoxville Police Department report. Smith said his mission was to defuse a Russian nuclear device that "was concealed in a blue plastic cow sculpture in the basement of the museum," the report states.

Now to be fair, the report does not specifically identify the Chairman, which needless to say, is a good thing. But I believe that any one here will recognize who the culprit was. Do we have anyone free to bail the Chairman out? Comrade Betinov, I believe this is in your area of operations?

Ahhh...Pup!

You don't understand the Sonata!

A list of tragedies yes...but Kind was the spirit.
And they came from near and far......

A drunk Joe Biden? Well, it can only make him pleasanter. Have you seen him smile when he's sober? To make him actually useful when The Chosen One is elevated to the primacy, we can put Biden on the beaches to repel the sharks.

But will that not cut down on trial-lawyer contributions?

...Bruno. Bruno! Bruno!!! Our Many Titted Empress is complaining that Meow made off with her roofies. What in the <i>hell</i> did you do? That's a level of self-awareness that she's not had a for a while. When she was here last at the Rancho did you forget to put placebos in her bottle of Haldol?

How many times have I told you that the MTE is much <i>better</i> when she's hearing voices? Then she's distracted and you you know she's easier to bear when she's always looking over her shoulder and snarling at blank walls. Recall the time that she gored the fountain with her tusks? It cost a bit but I don't think I could have taken the ER again.

And, you silly queen, don't you remember the <i>last</i> time you let her have a Haldol? She was able to concentrate and that was when she rode you around the Rancho, bareback, with her spurs on. And it's a <i>spur</i> that left that mark in your side. Only The Chosen One is allowed to have stigmata.

But what are we to do about the Chairman and the exploding blue cow?

Are you saying he's a traitor?
Are we denouncing the Chairman again?

For now the blue cow is safe and only Putin has the detonating code.
Maybe Meow was working counter-intelligence, that is his specialty you know?
Maybe he was testing security? The Illuminati is great cover, wouldn't you think?
Maybe if we denounce the Chairman now, we will provide more tall grass for him to run to?

This member of the illuminati is one lucky man. In a similar event a man tried to break in through an air vent over a deep-fat fryer in a fast-food place and he got stuck, and his legs got tried. He did not survive.

I hope that he made more stupid proles. We always need stupid proles.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Are you saying he's a traitor?
Are we denouncing the Chairman again?

For now the blue cow is safe and only Putin has the detonating code.
Maybe Meow was working counter-intelligence, that is his specialty you know?
Maybe he was testing security? The Illuminati is great cover, wouldn't you think?
Maybe if we denounce the Chairman now, we will provide more tall grass for him to run to?

Comrade Space Dog, it would be far beyond me to denounce the Chairman. In fact, I have not even claimed that he is the blue cow illuminati, only that there was a certain similarity. And who am I to question his counter-intelligence techniques? Besides, what would there be for me to gain by denouncing the Chairman? The Chairman is my glass ceiling I am afraid. I could butt my head against that ceiling all I wish, and still the Chairman would remain above.

Marshal, the Chairman may not always be your glass ceiling. Once here at Rancho del Rio Grande he was unwise enough to unwind here, and me with a tape recorder going. How very droll. I have stories of kinky appliance sex which would wobble your tripes.

I find them greatly amusing, although they make Bruno shriek, more than the usual, and run crying from the room.

Tell me, what could the Chairman possibly do that could possibly shock us? Why, he is the very barometer of the Party. In fact, I think we should officially promote him to General Barometer Chairman. Did your tapes reveal what I have known for a long time? The Many Titted Empress..... and the Many Toaster Chairman!

Toaster?

I thought the appliance of choice for the Party is now a rice cooker?

Toasters as sooooo 90's. True progressives choose to *ahem* alleviate their desires with the truly progressive rice cooker. Rice cookers are so...so....cosmopolitan. It exudes an air of internationalism that toasters do not. Toasters, while they may be fine for mistresses, are not suitable any longer as The Party's public partner.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

O'Brien, your style is impeccable. But the truly cognoscenti use a sushi maker made of bamboo rods tied together.

1. It's green.
2. It's cheap.
3. It's Asian.
4. You can get off without an electric shock. And in general bamboo doesn't have splinters.

What Meow hasn't told you is that Helen, his pop-tart toaster wife, had really bad insulation.

So this is what we have come to? Switching loyalties amongst kitchen appliances? OK, I approve. But I am so far behind. Why, I haven't even made it with a cusinart yet and now I find I am even further behind.

Marshal, you do <i>not</i> want to make it with a Cuisinart, unless it's a Cuisinart coffee machine that grinds the beans. My third one, and an expensive one, just went out. No doubt it's progressive French engineering. Personally I think that the French engineering sucks since Lavoisier.

But should we be appliancist in insisting on the approved appliance to marry? That is to my mind just another form of the miscegenation laws. For example, I know that Our Many Titted Empress carried in her purse an immersion blender. And <i>she</i> sets the style for all of us.

Would one of those laser pointer thingys be considered an appliance? I have always been strangely attracted to them!

I thought only cats were attracted to those things....

Pupovich wrote:Would one of those laser pointer thingys be considered an appliance? I have always been strangely attracted to them!

Frankly I would leave that to the likes of Bruno.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:

Pupovich wrote:Would one of those laser pointer thingys be considered an appliance? I have always been strangely attracted to them!

Frankly I would leave that to the likes of Bruno.

I originally thought Comrade Pup said "one of those pointy appliance things."

No, no, no, PointER, not pointy. Pointy applies to Bruno's head, which is why he wears the fruit stand. To cover it up.

Commissar Theocritis-

This lowly prole acknowledges your expertise of appliances is only surpassed by your command of the English language.
Therefore, I must diffuse the prolixity of your words and immerse myself in your pedagogy (oh yes, "to lead the children") I meekly submit to your superior intellect and pledge myself to your indoctrination....oops enlightenment. Perhaps, someday I will be allowed to cook at the infamous "Rancho del Rio Grande"? One can only dream...............

Your humble (but ambitious) servant

Proletarian

Sorry, I was so immersed in the Commissar's wondrous words, that I forgot to type my username in the proper field. Please excuse the sloppiness of this lowly prole.
PS That really was me posting above, not "Guest"

OK! I was bounced off the page when I tried to correct my 2 previous posts (Guest & Guest Toaster). IT REALLY IS ME!!
I guess the immense effect of Commissar Theocritis's words have befuddled my useless brain. Better get back to digging before someone notices my feeble attempts to suck up.

Once again
your faithful doormat prole,

Proletarian

Proletarian, you are always welcome at Rancho de Rio Grande. You can in fact have Chairman Meow's room--he won't be needing it. The last time he was here he <i>thought</i> he stole the roofies that I stole from Our Many Titted Empress, but instead I gave him some baby laxative and Lasix. He'll be tied up for quite a while.

That'll teach him. The last time he was here he gave Bruno a Frederick's of Hollywood catalogue. Did you know they have plus sizes? Now we know where all the surplus WWII parachutes went. Now Bruno spends all his time in the middle of the floor blubbering because I won't let him order from the catalog.

"Bruno! It's not even the real Frederick's of Hollywood! It's Federico's de Tijuana! Can't you read even that? And no, you would <i>not</i> look good in that. You would frighten Brunhilde off the stage of a Wagner performance, you silly stupid queen.

"Bruno! Hurry! The bananas in your hat are starting to turn brown and you won't look like the divine Miss Carmen Miranda any more."

And with that the silly ass ran shrieking in his size-14 platform shoes to the kitchen and was there for hours before he figured out that the bananas, and the oranges and the pineapple were all plastic. And cheap plastic at that. They could have been iPhones but being that close to his head would turn them into cheap plastic. Say...that's why my iPhone quit working... I found him using it once to call for Extenze.

So I had to get revenge on Meow. But I think that he suspects that I set up his pop-tart wife the toaster Helen with that big, hulking Oster toaster-oven, and they spend their days toasting each others' buns.

But you're welcome. Meow's room is empty. And I've sluiced it out from the time our Many Titted Empress pitched up three entire Tex-Mex dinners in it.

And ever since Comrade Nansky was here, all the mice, afraid of owls, left the ranch.

Wow, sounds like fun times out in West TX.

Fun? I don't know. Rough? Yes. Hell, yes. Our Many Titted Empress taught me all that I know. And made me the man I am today. Although she has more hair on her chest.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Proletarian, you are always welcome at Rancho de Rio Grande. You can in fact have Chairman Meow's room--he won't be needing it. The last time he was here he <i>thought</i> he stole the roofies that I stole from Our Many Titted Empress, but instead I gave him some baby laxative and Lasix. He'll be tied up for quite a while.

That'll teach him.

Feeling your oats these days Commissar? No fear, trepidation, or even mild self preserving precautions in regard to the Chairman? True, the Chairman has certainly been out of touch lately, even more so than his usual drunken, greedy self. Truth be told, I feel the same, but for old times sake like to make him have his memories. Speaking of memories.... I see a certain prole here that has a quite developed talent for kissing up and beet polishing. He reminds me of another that was like that... the name escapes me, but as I recall, he used that tact quite well on his journey up the Party ladder.

Most loyal and discerning Marshal Pupovich-

You're sooo good at sleuthing. Indeed, I will take every opportunity to suck up to the Party's officials. It is good for one's health, no?

Sucking up is always good policy when looking to get ahead or keeping one's head. However, I personally worked my way up the ladder through honest hard work as my comrades will no doubt affirm.

Yes, Che, Pupovich worked, or oiled, his way up the ladder. He always had a helping foot for the head of anyone below him. I can't tell you the number of former comrades with his footprints on their foreheads.

Such a Mensch.

The hard part is the higher one rises, the harder it is to find a good foot hold below. Sure, there are plenty of heads that can be stood on, but they are of such minimal use. At the higher levels, then well placed bribes and coalitions can be more productive. One can stand in awe of the things the Chairman has done to reach his exalted position.

Of course, one never seeks to do this for themselves. No, we seek higher positions of responsibility in the Party for the Common Good™, for the Children™. Even I, as well situated as I am now as Marshal to help those in need, still feel an urge to seek higher office so that I can help even more. Yes, even now I feel the warm trickle of of the Peoples Compassion™ streaming down my legs.

Pupovich wrote:One can stand in awe of the things the Chairman has done to reach his exalted position.

Pupovich, let me confess something. The Chairman <i>has</i> no position. His position is based as much on merit as was Bill Clinton's. Or Jimmy Carter's. The Chairman, like those past two presidents, merely <i>assumes</i> things.

I'm impressed. I'm so very impressed. I've been so very impressed for such a long time that I may have to do something about it.

One day Commissar, when you have the privilege of facing the Chairman as judge in a Show Trial, then tell me he has no position. Grant it, that is a Show Position, but the intent is what is important.

Did not the Chairman say that I was dead to him? That's code for "All right, dammit, Theocritus. I submit. Our Many Titted Empress told me that she'd let you have those pictures."

Be nice to me know, Pupovich. I have the Chairman's huevos in a vice.

Comrades!

No purges until November 5th.
Quit ridiculing the Chairman while he's fleec...er...I mean...yes, sharing the wealth of Obama yard signs at 10 bucks a pop.
He's promised me a 19% cut.

Laika, that's 2% more than the suggested flat tax. That swine Meow.

Meow, now listen up! I've had a good many laughs <i>in private</i> over those pictures. But I know <i>exactly</i> how to convert them to digital images and upload them to any number of places.

You hear me, Meow? You hear me?

You better drag ass over to Rancho de Rio Grande and get shoveling on the cat box just to put me in a good mood, man, or there's a world of hurt that will come wailing down on you.

I can not wait to see what your lovely ranchero will look, and smell like, once the Chairman is through "visiting" you. Just what sort of pictures can you possibly possess that could begin to embarrass our Chairman given his well known and legendary history of serving the Party?

They involve Our Many Titted Empress, her astonishing fundament, and acne cream. My mind suppresses, out of complete disbelief, the rest of it. But to make sure I am worthy, every week, not more often, I force myself to look at <i>one</i> more picture in the series.

I am strong, comrades--you know my story. I boil my eggs in widows' tears and laugh at run-over kittens. But even I cannot take more than one of those pictures a week.

I'm just getting to the one with the applicator...

And you imagine that it will not be as "remarkable" when he tags along with Obama and Biden and entourage? If your stomach is not up for that, you should have given him a fake address like I did. Now of course I know the home of one Mr. and Mrs. Jessie Boudreaux of 1011 Lakewood Blvd., and whatever sucker bought that house once they left screaming in horror, will never be the same. Of course I sent an apology to the Chairman for not being their when he arrived.... Party business Commissar.... Party business.

Ah. Meow with the Chosen One and Joe the Tippler? What a sight. I worry about the Chosen One's divinity. I really do. I mean, the Chairman?

Ah, you know the Chairman. Whether the former Empress and Nancy, or the Chosen One and Biden, the Chairman will find a way to squeeze in somehow. On reflection, that is perhaps an unfortunate choice of words. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say that the Chairman will no doubt find a way to become indisposal ti the O and his entourage.

Yes, the Chairman will become indispensable to the Obamessiah. And how the Obamessiah will regret it.

Why do you feel this way Commissar? Did the Empress ever show any regrets in regard to the Chairman's fawning?

Pupovich wrote:Did the Empress ever show any regrets in regard to the Chairman's fawning?

Only when she woke up with a ten-penny nail in her head.

True enough, I can still imagine the Empress' pain when the Chairman turned from her and embraced the Obama. She must still hurt from that betrayal..... then again, who deserves it more than the Empress?

Ahh Pupovich, I see that you are in fine form. No doubt the peoples skilled doctors have practiced their craft on you.

As to the Obama, I can feel the pain of the Empress, however she no doubt by now has come to understand that for true marxism, we had to embrace the Obama and Joe the Biden.

Next Tuesday approaches comrade Marshall. These truly are heady times.

Yes, comrades, they are. And I'm digging a really big hole in my back yard. One for the bodies and another for my money.