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January 21, a National Holiday!

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Comrades, it is a glorious day! This day in 1926, Vladimir I. Lenin was martyred passed away.

In honor of this day, government workers will be nonproductive, and Dear Leader (PBUH) will probably fly to someplace warm and play golf.

Five times this day, all comrades are to face Lenin's Tomb, and raise their shovels in a moment of respect.

Tractor Barn #2 will be open for "maintenance" (and fermented beverages) all night.

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One can quite imagine national socialist presidential candidates Bernie Sanders and Comrade Clinton wearing wearing black pantsuits in commemoration of this event...

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Oh, Comrade Ivan!

I got a tear in my eye seeing this picture of Father Lenin and had to wipe it away. Thank you for this touching memorial.

Yes, I shall face His tomb five times today and raise my hokey hockey stick in respect.

P.S. Since Dear Leader will be departing us next year on the 20th, does this mean that starting next year we will have TWO official Days of Mourning? That would be nice, to have an extra day to recover from the hangover think in sorrow about our Dearly Departed.

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A despondent [color=#C0392B]Mikhail Lysenkomann[/color] wrote:Oh, Comrade Ivan!

I got a tear in my eye seeing this picture of Father Lenin and had to wipe it away. Thank you for this touching memorial.

Yes, I shall face His tomb five times today and raise my hokey hockey stick in respect.
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So that was you Mikhail?
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Comrade Ivan, I never knew you were celebrating Squirrel Appreciation Day! How wonderful that you and Craptek will join hands and pa........ oh you mean the day comrade Lenin sought the big sleep. Well now, this is awkward.

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It's going to be a blast! the Party's party of the year! Ice sculptures of Lenin, a buffet, gelatin shots of beet vodka... we even got a live band! R.O.C.K. in the USSA may even be there!
Image I hear even Comissarka Pinkie is washing her babushka and putting on clean overalls for this one... so much to do...

Has anyone seen Pamalinski? I need another cheeseball or six... tonight...


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Hell, I'll even spring for a pack of squirrel-sized condoms! they'll be in the goldfish bowl as you come in the door...take what you need, use what you take.

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Che Gourmet is not available, we're using Commodore Snoogies galley stewards, they don't cut the radishes into little flowers, but it is a tractor barn.

Is the ambulance on call for crowd surfers?

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Life imitates the People's Cube:

Communists threaten protests if DiCaprio nabs role of Lenin

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Members of the small but vocal ‘Communists of Russia' party have threatened the Lenfilm studio with protests and pickets if the movie-makers invite Hollywood actor Leonardo DiCaprio to play Vladimir Lenin.

“We have sent a letter to Lenfilm and told them that such move would provoke protest actions. We would launch the civil disobedience actions near Lenfilm entrance, we simply would not let them enter it,” one of the party leaders, Sergey Malinkovich, told RIA Novosti. “They should find a Russian actor,” he added.

The comment came a few days after Russian mass media quoted the spokesman for Lenfilm studio, Valery Karpov, as saying that Leonardo DiCaprio had expressed the intent to play the role of Vladimir Putin, Grigory Rasputin or Vladimir Lenin.

“DiCaprio is frequently compared to how Lenin looked in his youth. We have enough props to recreate the time of the [Bolshevik] revolution,” he said.

https://www.rt.com/politics/329680-spoi ... k.facebook



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[ON]

I raise my glass high,
And say bye bye,
To Lenin, V.I.,
Who is high in the sky.

Mikhail Lysenkomann wrote:Oh, Comrade Ivan!

I got a tear in my eye seeing this picture of Father Lenin and had to wipe it away. Thank you for this touching memorial.

Yes, I shall face His tomb five times today and raise my hokey hockey stick in respect.

P.S. Since Dear Leader will be departing us next year on the 20th, [highlight=#ffff00]does this mean that starting next year we will have TWO official Days of Mourning[/highlight]? That would be nice, to have an extra day to recover from the hangover think in sorrow about our Dearly Departed.

We already have two, it's just that you clearly forgot about one. The 26th of December is a day of mourning because it's when the Glorious Soviet Dream collapsed and became the dirty, filthy, Kapitalist wasteland known as Russia. It also distracts from one of the filthy Chri$tian religion's most-celebrated days, and it makes it so that we have to work extra hard on that day so that we can have the next day entirely dedicated to mourning. It also gives us a chance to cool off and avoid getting too happy and lazy after the month-long celebration that is prescribed by the party to begin on October 25th in celebration of the Glorious Oktober Revolution. Mikhail, get these dates into your head. I won't report you, many people don't know about the Party's complex schedule of celebrations and mournings, but if I see an extended pattern of ignorance on your part I will be arranging delivery of a package of reeducation materials to your tenement for at-home reeducation.

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Wooooo hoooooo! Sterlitz! More Vodka for Comrade Sterlitz! I thought I saw Red Square over by the shovel racks , man, he can put away the snack food!

Anybody seen Putout? I want to see Putout...but don't we all?


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Band is here and they brought back-up singers! ROCK ON!

WOOO! Krasnodar, open another barrel of vodka!

Damn, even the Commisarka is dancing! Oh, we are NOT gonna make beet quota tomorrow...!


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Today is National Hugging Day, which means Comrade Stierlitz could hug many necks to this day. You know how much he loves hugging. You can skip me comrade.

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Ivan the Stakhanovets had a point when he wrote:Band is here and they brought back-up singers! ROCK ON!

WOOO! Krasnodar, open another barrel of vodka!

Damn, even the Commisarka is dancing! [highlight=#FFFF00]Oh, we are NOT gonna make beet quota tomorrow...![/highlight]

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2:00 am already? Holy craptek! Time's fun when you are having flies! Wait, some frog said that once...flies, oops, mine's open again. Craptek, I thought I heard him... Where in the world is that fuzzy little comrade? Come to think of it, where is Putout? Wait...

PAAARTAY! Hammered and looped! More Vodka for my hammered comrade!

Ya know, this home-brewed vodka gets better the more it ferments, and the more the night goes on, the better it gets! That's science for you! Or is that global warming?

What's wrong with your tractor? I'll fix it...Image

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I don't know if I am getting a heart attack or the tractor that I am sitting on is running. How many drinks did I have? I lost count after the.... How many fingers are on a hand?

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Golly what a glorious night!Where are the comrades who volunteered to help cleanup?<crickets chirping>Image

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Hammer and Loupe wrote:I don't know if I am getting a heart attack or the tractor that I am sitting on is running. How many drinks did I have? I lost count after the.... How many fingers are on a hand?

Seeing as I was the designated laborer and "that guy that's there to tell off any Komissars" last night, well,

1. You're having alcohol shakes.
2. The tractor is NOT running.
3. You had 45 litres of vodka, 20 litres of gin, 30 litres of absinthe, 10 litres of tequila, 100 bottles of wine, 250 pints of beer, and 15 crates of whiskey.
4. There are 7 fingers on a hand.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Golly what a glorious night!Where are the comrades who volunteered to help cleanup?<crickets chirping>Image

Ivan, I was trying to keep things clean but whenever you took your clothes off and started running around naked with an army helmet on, well, that's when I just gave up. I sat back and watched the whole spectacle unfold. You're lucky because I cleaned up most of the mess while everybody was knocked out.

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Thank you all, comrades, for the party. It rocked - on every imaginable level of meaning. Special thanks also to Ivan the Stakhanovets, for all the invested time, the fun, and the flies.

However, the morning roll call showed that one comrade was missing from the barracks. Specifically, Captain Craptek. And with it, my briefcase containing a pen and a phone, blank signed stationeries with executive orders, and compromising materials on all party members. You understand that one can't run an efficient party operation without maintaining dirt on your comrades.

Coincidentally, the briefcase also contained nuts. We don't know at this time if Craptek was more interested in the nuts or in the dirt. But a search under his bunk bed uncovered an unregistered email server with filed serial numbers. The insides of the server contained a lot of dirt and some nut shells.

While a special Politburo subcommittee with extrajudicial powers is investigating the meaning of this, a warrant has been issued for the apprehension of Captain Craptek.

It seems that all of the above warrants an immediate show trial - in absentia, if necessary.

All Craptek's food rations have been temporarily revoked*, as well as his prior awards, promotions, medals, tags, and awareness ribbons.
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* See me if you're interested in redistributing revoked Craptek's rations, awards, ribbons, etc. more fairly (wink-wink). Special favors accepted.

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Friends!
Comrades!
Party Men! (And Women, please, dear Lenin, don't let Pinkie hit me again)

I come here not to praise Craptek, but to bury him. For Ivan the Stakhanovets has said that yon Craptek was a rodent. And Ivan the Stakhanovets is an inebriate man.

They are all inebriate men.

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Red Square wrote:Thank you all, comrades, for the party. It rocked - on every imaginable level of meaning. Special thanks also to Ivan the Stakhanovets, for all the invested time, the fun, and the flies.

However, the morning roll call showed that one comrade was missing from the barracks. Specifically, Captain Craptek. And with it, my briefcase containing a pen and a phone, blank signed stationeries with executive orders, and [highlight=#ff9900]compromising materials on all party members.[/highlight] You understand that one can't run an efficient party operation without maintaining dirt on your comrades.

Coincidentally, the briefcase also contained nuts. We don't know at this time if Craptek was more interested in the nuts or in the dirt. But a search under his bunk bed uncovered an unregistered email server with filed serial numbers. The insides of the server contained a lot of dirt and some nut shells.

While a special Politburo subcommittee with extrajudicial powers is investigating the meaning of this, a warrant has been issued for the apprehension of Captain Craptek.

It seems that all of the above warrants an immediate show trial - in absentia, if necessary.

All Craptek's food rations have been temporarily revoked*, as well as his prior awards, promotions, medals, tags, and awareness ribbons.
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* See me if you're interested in redistributing revoked Craptek's rations, awards, ribbons, etc. more fairly (wink-wink). Special favors accepted.

Comrade Craptek left secret NSA information on all of our comrades out in the open. For shame! I would not carelessly leave out information like that.

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(anonymous e-mail attachment from MT. Everest)
conspiracy.jpg

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That rodent STOLE Red Square's nuts?

(the lovely Mrs Red Square may have an opinion on this...)

Yet another classification/server controversy... Petraeus is going up the river, Hillary is right behind him, and Craptek is well, Craptek!

Who needs a show trial when the evidence is uncontested? We are a civil society, and since the pad of Executive Order paper was stolen by a rodent who made only the briefest appearance at the party, we must use legal precedent, as did our ancestors... Guilty as charged, I say!


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Captain Craptek wrote:(anonymous e-mail attachment from MT. Everest)
Is that Mt. Everest located in Iowa? Is Craptek following the enemy of the people, Donald McTrump, on his campaign trail? Is he planning to sell our briefcase with Party secrets to the highest bidder - and we all know who that is (hint: enemy of the people McTrump)?

Like we always say, it's the seriousness of the charge that matters, not whether the charge is based in reality. The Party will create its own reality if need be!

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Red Square wrote:Is that Mt. Everest located in Iowa? Is Craptek following the enemy of the people, Donald McTrump, on his campaign trail? Is he planning to sell our briefcase with Party secrets to the highest bidder - and we all know who that is (hint: enemy of the people McTrump)?

Like we always say, it's the seriousness of the charge that matters, not whether the charge is based in reality. The Party will create its own reality if need be!

Wait comrades... Just checking, but is this comrade Red Square or is this Comrade Putout using comrade Red Square's account to accuse Comrade Craptek of selling NSA classified information?

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Hammer and Loupe - at this point it can be anybody, what with Craptek and Trump running around with all our stolen identities!

I don't even know now if I posted that 20 minutes ago, or it was my stolen identity that did it.

For all I know, Craptek wants to promote himself to a Commissar rank on the Cube and he's furious that no one has recommended him. So he pulled a Benedict Arnold on us. But I also hear he may come back if we promise to promote him from Captain Craptek to Commissar Craptek.

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Well comrades, while we are finding out who is using Comrade Red Square's account, lets have a show trial. We need our prosecution team, defense team, cheerleaders, and the judge. The jury shall be those who are watching. Sign up y'all.

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Oh dear, conspiring with a self-described Rethuglikkkan? When will the list of charges end? How many trains to the eastern provinces have a special seat saved for a squirrel? (answer: all of them...)

Show trials are lengthy and expensive, we should dispense with the formality and skip right to the guilty or really really guilty part. And sentencing. Ahh, justice. I should have listened to the counselor in the State School for boys and paid more attention to the law.

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Red Square wrote:...I also hear he may come back if we promise to promote him from Captain Craptek to Commissar Craptek.
Commissar? Hitler was a corporal, how did a squirrel get to be a Captain to begin with? Good Lenin, if Craptek becomes a commissar there will be another master race! Wait, he has ALL the party secrets on ALL of us? (and Red Squares nuts too?) It's extortion! He has us over a barrel and probably intends to have his squirrelly way with us...

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Hammer and Loupe wrote:Well comrades, while we are finding out who is using Comrade Red Square's account, lets have a show trial. We need our prosecution team, defense team, cheerleaders, and the judge. The jury shall be those who are watching. Sign up y'all.

Comrade Loupe, I'll take 3 tickets. Not that I'll be bringing anybody, I just like to have a buffer zone for when the obligatory vodka riots start. I have a lot more fun in the riots if I get that little extra bit of warning.

And, since Craptek wasn't at our little luau, may he rot in the outhouses of the Gulags. There's a reason they have concrete doors and deadbolts that lock from the outside on those things.

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Red Square wrote:Hammer and Loupe - at this point it can be anybody, what with Craptek and Trump running around with all our stolen identities!

I don't even know now if I posted that 20 minutes ago, or it was my stolen identity that did it.

For all I know, Craptek wants to promote himself to a Commissar rank on the Cube and he's furious that no one has recommended him. So he pulled a Benedict Arnold on us. But I also hear he may come back if we promise to promote him from[highlight=#ffff00] Captain Craptek to Commissar Craptek.[/highlight]

Heck, he's a deserter! Deserting doesn't get you a promotion, it gets you a punishment! Knock him down to private, he deserves it!

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Calling Captain Craptek! Calling Captain Craptek!

This is your last chance to show up and confess your all thoughtcrimes, heresies, deviations, theft and embezzlement before the kollektive! That will make all the difference between "guilty" and "really really guilty."

The verdict can be as lenient as self-criticism with a shovel and a demotion to Private Craptek, or it can be as harsh as what's you've already seen on the posted YouTube videos. Does the world really need another cruel and unusual YouTube video? I don't think so. And you?

If you continue to be on the run in Iowa, the People will have no choice but to protest, riot, loot their neighborhoods and liquor stores, and shoot at law enforcement demanding the harshest verdict for the squirrel. You wouldn't want that on your little pointy hands, would you, Captain?

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P.S. And, of course, we'll need all the dirt on People's Enemy McTrump you can lay your little hands on. That is a necessary condition of your personal survival, as well as Mrs. Craptek and all the Craptek Juniors on this side of the Iowa River, as well as on the opposite side.

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Comrade Red Square, just telling you that the show trial is on its way. I need a prosecuting team.


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Captain Craptek wrote:
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First you failed to report to the Glorious Party, now you're impersonating the State? This will be marked and used against you in the show trial. You make me sick.


 
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