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As I sit here sipping my beet vodka coffee, I feel that in order to redeem the Kollektive from yesterdays shenanigans, we should write Comrade Obama's Eulogy for Friday's funerals.

I am currently writing my version; with so much blaming and denouncing to do, I feel I must be at my very best.

I think we can all show what we have learned. We can all write our own narcissistic speeches blaming white privilege, racist flags and gun control laws. Then Dear Leader can just choose his favorite. Kilroy, I can see you taking another run at The Mother Page.

Also, since the weather is so nice, Dear Leader really needs more time at the golf course... so you can also include your Obama selfie. Bonus points if you give him a halo.

Then on Friday we can play the drinking game. Drink every time he says I, Me or Myself. Chug every time he denounces something. I'm sure we have plenty of time to figure out what to do when he says 'gun' and 'racist.'

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I do not joke about the people who have perished, I wish peace on their families. We just know this speech is going to be like every other: all about him.

OksanaTheTerrible wrote:I think we can all show what we have learned. We can all write our own narcissistic speeches blaming white privilege, racist flags and gun control laws. Then PBUH can just choose his favorite.

Hint: If you want to win, go for a lot of 'I's and 'me's.

Oksana the Terrible wrote:Then on Friday we can play the drinking game. Drink every time he says I, Me or Myself. Chug every time he denounces something. I'm sure we have plenty of time to figure out what to do when he says gun and racist.

I suggest sound effects at the word "gun" -- perhaps a loud "poot" from the fundament or "brrrappp" from the gullet. Mooning at the word "racist" would allow the "poot" to emerge more loudly.

You called me out by name? But I'm just a simple tool of the greater good, to be used once and disposed of. Like Gorky Park's "Bang."

This is an important event, so TOTUS will be there. Obviously, we don't need to add ums, uhs, yannows and general stammering. He can ad lib an um or uh. If we get a long uhhhhhhh then we must chug a whole bottle of beet vodka. That's our dark horse.

Obama Welcomes Souls to Heaven

Like an airline crew member welcoming jet lagged business travelers to Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport, President Obama today welcomed the soul of Reverend, and South Carolina state Senator, Clementa Pinckney into Heaven. “Let me be clear,” began the President, “ today I welcome Senator Pinckney to a place where he will know the peace that he so tirelessly fostered in life.”
Reverend Pinckney was viciously and senselessly murdered, along with eight members of his congregation (Cynthia Hurd, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, Tywanza Sanders. Ethel Lance, Depayne Middleton-Doctor, Susie Jackson, Daniel Simmons, and Myra Thompson), by racist lunatic Dylann Roof, 21, as they attended a prayer service last Wednesday at the Emanuel AME Church in Charleston. “Make no mistake, Senator Pinckney and eight other folks were gathered in a spirit of faith and fellowship when they were brutally killed by gunfire” said the president. “And while I mourn their untimely and tragic loss of life, and celebrate their arrival among the hosts of angels, I recognize that their death is a call to action.”
“I'm not here to argue” the president continued, “while God lived in the hearts of those whom I hasten to paradise today, the devil found a home in the high capacity magazine of the Glock pistol that caused their deaths. Sadly, this tragedy would have been prevented if Congress had passed the kind of commonsense gun control legislation that I proposed the last time a gun killed a bunch of folks.” Showing a pen to the mourners gathered in attendance, the President announced “That I am here today, ushering Senator Pinckney's spirit, and the spirits of eight others, to God's loving bosom shows that we can no longer afford to wait for Congress to act. And that is why I am now doing what is within my authority and signing an executive order directing my administration's Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives to immediately confiscate anything that can be described as 'semi-automatic' and all non-menthol cigarettes, which also kill folks.”
Vice President Joe Biden, also in attendance, sat silently, but was seen holding a folder titled “Clementa Pinkney Iranian Trade Agreement.”

Dedhedvedev wrote:

OksanaTheTerrible wrote:I think we can all show what we have learned. We can all write our own narcissistic speeches blaming white privilege, racist flags and gun control laws. Then PBUH can just choose his favorite.

Hint: If you want to win, go for a lot of 'I's and 'me's.

An appropriate soundtrack for the grand entrance of His O'liness: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=01UipbZL3ww HEIL HILLARY!

I suppose I should have included something about how racism is alive and well... Inadvisable to take a shot when that comes up.

Konservative_Punk wrote:

Dedhedvedev wrote:

OksanaTheTerrible wrote:I think we can all show what we have learned. We can all write our own narcissistic speeches blaming white privilege, racist flags and gun control laws. Then PBUH can just choose his favorite.

Hint: If you want to win, go for a lot of 'I's and 'me's.

An appropriate soundtrack for the grand entrance of His O'liness: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=01UipbZL3ww HEIL HILLARY!

Komrade Punk! this one might work as well: