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Letters to the Chairman

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Comrades, every now and then the unwashed masses send letters to my office and I feel compelled to share a few with you to help muster that collectivist spirit in all of us!

Oh yes, the proles really let loose when they find someone near them that can read and write and I must let you see what kind of progress I am making with my Useful-Idiots!

Some nosey idiot scribbled on some proletpaper this ridiculous diatribe:

Dimitri wrote:Dear Comrade Chairman,

I am but a meager peasant who lives in a ditch and survives on the turds of my malnourished cow. My wife, parents and a few of my neighbors are currently in the Gulag starving to death without food or water and becoming ill with limited access to basic health care equipment like band-aids and aspirin. This begs me to inquire, Comrade Chairman, why you get to live so well with your 10.3 million dollar Dacha, your servants, your women, your luxury vehicles and, of course, your private jet. I was taught that we are all equal and live in harmony with one another in a utopia built for poor peasants like me. Well, actually, I use to be a high dollar doctor until the revolution happened and now I am but a poor peasant. Please tell me what is wrong with you or our system that we fought and bled for?

Sincerely,

Dimitri Jackovich


There is nothing wrong with me, Comrade Jackovich. You see, I am but a humble peasant like you, only I get better paid by the Party because I do more for the Party than you do. Hmm, I feel as if that doesn't explain it well enough. Here, let me try again. OK, you see, I am more important than you and know the right people. Because of my importance, I am allowed to have certain things that you are denied for the Greater Good. Also, I am smarter than you and more ruthless than you because I took the initiative to denounce my family, friends and co-workers while you stood idly by and waited for yours to be carted off. Does this explain it? I hope it does and I pray to Gaia the Earth Mother that she blesses you with at least two cow turds a day as opposed to your just one turd. Good luck!


Oh! Here is a good one from an old friends nagging wife:

Charlotte wrote:Dear murdering bastard Punchenko,

Because of you my husband is in the Gulag rotting away to nothing over a happy meal! A HAPPY MEAL YOU UNGRATEFUL BLOOD THIRSTY PIG! How could you do that to your best friend? Huh? How could you denounce someone for buying his kids a happy meal!? Please, Meowsevich! Find it in your heart to release my husband! He didn't know that a happy meal would land him in the Gulag! He didn't! I beg of you! Our children were hungry and a happy meal was all they wanted! IT WAS ALL THERE WAS TO EAT!

Please help us!

Charlotte

It is nice to hear from you again, Charlotte, and I will remind you that you can call me Chairman Punchenko, Comrade Chairman or just Chairman. Now then, I know you love your husband very very much and blah blah blah. BUT, I wanted that happy meal and he said no to me. Can you believe that? HE SAID NO TO ME! No one says no to me unless it is Her Excellency or the Madam Speaker. I mean, it's me we are talking about here, not your husband. Speaking of your husband, I think they lined him up against the wall or something a few days ago? Yes, I think they did and rightly so! He should've known better than buying a decadent happy meal for your greasy little kids! Oh yes! He should've known better! And I will remind you that McDonalds is a corporation and because of him thirty cows and probably a million other kids – more important kids from various multicultural backgrounds, mind you – were senselessly slaughtered to make this “happy meal” you speak of. Oh, and by the way, I sent out another bill to your current address for the bullet the Commissar used to carry out People's Justice. You know, just in case you haven't received the bill or maybe forgot to pay it. Either way we are going to need you to get that money to us at your earliest convenience. Thanks!

Here is one more from another stupid peasant:

Karl wrote:Dear Your Most Exalted Regal Lordship,

My name is Karl and I have been working in your fields for over a decade now and was wondering if we could have two puddles of water instead of the one provided in the village square. Our women, our families and our animals cannot share just one puddle of water – it's simply not enough for all of us. And this is why I am writing this message to you today and hope that every day for you is just as bright and promising as today is for me working for you.

-- Your humble villagers and Karl

This guy is a real kiss ass, isn't he? Here, I will formally respond to this noble peasant in a courteous and tolerant fashion only to better be receptive of his and the villagers needs.

Dear Karl,

I read your crappy letter and will use to wipe my ass later. In other words, consider your plea for two puddles of water DENIED! Just who in the hell are you people to demand more things from me? I mean, am I not benevolent and all powerful? Haven't I and the Party given you and your fellow peons enough water to survive? Hmm, yeah, I think I did and one puddle, scientifically, is more than enough to quench the thirst of ten villages! Besides, who taught you idiots to read and write anyways? Is someone among you teaching you to pull this crap on me? Why, I think there is a saboteur in your midst, Karl. Yeah, I think I'm going to have to march down there with some heavy artillery and level your village. I just can't have people thinking about things and then asking for them, Karl! Before too long you idiots will be asking for bigger ditches, more turds to eat, better coffee cans to poop in and other decadent living expenses! So, it is settled, Karl. I have no choice but to raze the village and start from scratch. As for you, I shall have you stuffed and put on display in the village square so that you will be a reminder of the penalties of learning how to read and write. Enjoy!

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Comrade Chairman, it is unthinkable that these ungrateful Kulaks would dare to speak to you in such a manner! You of course showed remarkable restraint in response. I for one would charge them all with anti-revolutionary activity, but would also charge their parents and grandparents for raising these ungrateful worms to think in such a manner, and for failure to report their offspring!

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Meow, I do suffer with you, all this whining that you put up with. At least a lot of the whining that I have to listen to is in Spanish and it's not that bad, really. And I do have it easier than you because these poor people come into AmeriKKKa with the idea that life is better here, and it is, enough better that I think that I deserve a bit of the action. You know, I've told you that bit about taking their checks while they tile my pool--by the way, you really ought to come out to the ranch again for the cabañas are really great now.

But I must admit that I'm a little bit jealous, for you can tell them all your excellent reasons--that they're not as good as you are, that they deserve what they get, that they're just fodder for our bank accounts and our climb to the top--without a translator. Well, we each have our advantages.

Have you thought of improving tracts? I got that idea from the Jehovah's Witnesses. All that stuff about giving yourself to something else. Now I know that they have another thing in mind, but I like the idea of a higher power.

Meaning us. You know the drill. People sitting, smiling, on tractors. Happy breeding peasants. Smiling workers. Women stroking power tools--Our Many Titted Empress has a really good eye for that; she and Mr. Reno have a side-line, a JV with Doc Johnson, Black and Decker and Falcon Studios. (At first Falcon balked at having women in their videos but I pointed out that Our Many Titted Empress and Mr. Reno wouldn't be setting a precedent.)

So. Tracts. And DVDs. We could have a Tractor Ballet. And if the peasants are really good we'll give them a ticket to the Community Hall to watch the Tractor Ballet.

Are you in?

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I am shocked and appalled to witness the vulgar display of greed and ungratefulness that oozes out of every word in these letters. This ungratefulness is the direct result of the consumer society, of the crass materialism so typical of Western capitalism. What can you expect after generations of "keeping up with the Jones's"?

And now we are all aware, because the mighty Goracle has told us, that every human being is a drain on the earth. That means that it is a special privilege just to be allowed to exist. That person who wanted two puddles should think about this very carefully. Does he realize how much an extra puddle would contribute to carbon dioxide poisoning of the atmosphere?

When the Party rules Amerikkka, people like these will appreciate and be thankful for every breath they take.

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And if they're not thankful they can be made to be thankful. The Soviets gave us much useful information about how the body works and the information gleaned in the Lubyanka and Vladimir prisons was not lost. Nor was the information that Dr. Mengele got either.

If people are allowed to have their own desires gratified then they might not do what I tell them to do, and then I won't be happy. And that won't do.

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Dear, dear Chairman, I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with these headahes. Someone like you should not have to deal with this. Have you thought of maybe getting someone else to take care of this business? Like, I don't know, your own personal Lupe?

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Thank you for feeling my pain, comrades… it is greatly appreciated. I don't know why I trouble myself with receiving such letters, I really don't. Years ago I would just have them all burned or reprocess them into a stew of sorts so the peasants could have an Earth Day dinner which wasn't just a turd. But now, in my old age, I have begun to see the plight of my peasants and really connect to them, ya know? I mean, they go day and night toiling to keep my fields trimmed, my animals fed, my limo waxed and, of course, they make cheap sweaters which I can sell on E-Bay for an incredible price!

Yes, there are times when I get a little unnerved with their complaints. Sometimes I just can't stand the whining and the pleas for mercy and have little or no choice but to put them down… usually behind a shed if we are getting into details here. One time some prole approached me begging for… ugh, this is dreadful to mention… a taste of my bagel. I know, I nearly collapsed when this prole who was watching me eat a delicious bagel kindly beg for a taste of it. I mean, I'm trying to eat a meal here and I have this scabby malnourished heap of festering waste tugging on my trousers and clasping its grubby little hands for my delicious bagel! It was then and there I realized I had no other choice but to pull my pistol out and put this miserable little creature of its misery… and so I did. I didn't do it out of fear of developing indigestion looking at this… this… thing. No, I did it because I Care™ and then out of the fear of having indigestion. It's called compassion, comrades… compassion. You see, I want to know their suffering so I can know who needs to be euthanized by the Party's bullet of compassionate righteousness. It is a duty that we have to our fellow man/womyn/its as Progressives… it is our duty, comrades!

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The sheer effrontery of that prole who would dare to beg for a taste of your bagel when you were trying to enjoy a well deserved meal simply astounds me. You showed far more mercy than I would have been capable of comrade.

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Meow, there may be a problem. Have you been letting the proles see you eat quite <i>enough</i>? At Versailles the unwashed serfs were allowed to watch the king and his court eat to drive home the point that the king was ordained by god to do just that, and that they were ordained to not do just that.

People are of two minds, of course: one school of thought thinks that we ought to keep our privilege secret lest they get jealous. But me, I tend to go for the Louis XVI approach. Let 'em see the gold, the carriages, and of course the bagels. Drive it down their throats. Have a banquet in the center of the garden that you have and let them all see.

I'm constructing a new Palacio del Oro on a hill at Rancho del Rio Grande del Teocrito, with glass walls and search lights. I know that it will be difficult to have any privacy, but I'll turn them off after the peasant's curfews. I'm going to have tethered balloons.

And I'm going to have all my furniture upholstered with the hides of proles who will be pleased to donate their skin for my greater glory.

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I agree that these well earned benefits should not be a secret. First it can be used to give the proles the illusion that their hard work could lead to a better life, which of course it could, provided that hard work is defined as efficient denouncements. Secondly, these things have a way of getting out anyway, even in the most efficiently ran states, and while we can control the proles potential, though unwarranted anger at the Party, it is a needless complication.

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And let us never lose sight of the fact that a successful denouncer can be made to denounce someone who stands in your way. If he hasn't been bought already. It's walking a tight-rope, I know. I utterly hate to give a denouncer more than I have to but once or twice it's proven politic that I do so. I consider it insurance.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:And let us never lose sight of the fact that a successful denouncer can be made to denounce someone who stands in your way. If he hasn't been bought already. It's walking a tight-rope, I know. I utterly hate to give a denouncer more than I have to but once or twice it's proven politic that I do so. I consider it insurance.

Well you can be sure the Pup could come in quite handy for you... a most reasonable <s>rate</s>... er...ration.

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Bear in mind that that is the ultimate high-wire act.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Bear in mind that that is the ultimate high-wire act.

The Pup has never been one to shy away from danger, especially when in the interests of the Party.

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Ah, Comrade Pupovich, I do admire your esprit de corps, but bear in mind that although we are all progressives and are all, body and soul, for the party, that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. And in here particularly. If you'd seen what I've seen...

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ah, Comrade Pupovich, I do admire your esprit de corps, but bear in mind that although we are all progressives and are all, body and soul, for the party, that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there. And in here particularly. If you'd seen what I've seen...

The Pup is up to the job... he has spent many years warding off unwarranted attacks by wimmin on a poor Pup just doing his duty as the Party saw fit to allow him to see.

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Dear Comrade Chairman,

Down with the capitalist pigs. Down with the enemy of the people.
Long live the People's Revolution, Comrade Chairman and his wife, Comrade Co-Chairman. Long live the glorious proletariate and their proletary wives.
(kisses on both cheeks)

Signed,
The Most Beloved Son of the Romanian People, the Genial Leader, the Wisest Leader, The Brave of the Bravest Revolutionaries,


Nicolae Ceausescu
Belu Cemetery, Lot 1354, Bucharest, Romania

And now my all time, favorite tune: https://www.ceausescu.org/ceausescu_media/pcr.html
https://www.ceausescu.org/ceausescu_media/pcr.html

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Thank you for feeling my pain, comrades… it is greatly appreciated.

How are you doing today Chairman? I just wanted to drop you a line expressing my gratitude for the hard work you do for the good of the Party and therefore the People. If there is anything in particular this comrade in the struggle can do for you to help you in your mission, do not hesitate to ask. Of course I try my best to foresee your needs in advance, but even the best of us can miss something after a long night of extracting confessions.

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Comrade Pupovich, Meow and I go way back. Send him a case of Cabo Wabo.

Dear Late Dictator Nicolae Ceausescu, welcome to the Cube. Here your being dead is an asset for no one can accuse you of being dead from the neck up for you're dead all over.

But the only problem that I see is how do you enjoy the fruits of the fine avenues that you created in Soviet style? Does it not bother you to see them clogged with Kapitalist vehicles?

Say hello to dear Enver Hoxha for me, and also Dear Leader's daddy Kim. How I miss a really good tyrant.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrade Pupovich, Meow and I go way back. Send him a case of Cabo Wabo.

Dear Late Dictator Nicolae Ceausescu, welcome to the Cube. Here your being dead is an asset for no one can accuse you of being dead from the neck up for you're dead all over.

But the only problem that I see is how do you enjoy the fruits of the fine avenues that you created in Soviet style? Does it not bother you to see them clogged with Kapitalist vehicles?

Say hello to dear Enver Hoxha for me, and also Dear Leader's daddy Kim. How I miss a really good tyrant.


Dear Comrade Teocritus,

With revolutionary enthusiasm and from the height of the tribune of the XXVII Romanian Communist Party Congress, I accept your welcoming speech and I thank you for it.

Toghether with my world-renown scientist wife Elena Ceausescu we are enjoying a peaceful retirement here, at Belu Cemetery Presidential resort.

But who said that if you are the Party Secretary General and President of a communist country you cannot retire? Of course you can, for medical reasons.

Take me for example: I decided to retire after a simple cold I caught in Dec. 1989. I ran outside in the snow playing with my scientist wife, we got overheated and the bullets were too cold. That's how it happened.

Here is me and my wife taking a well deserved nap. Any retired communist comrades should have this type of retirement benefits rewarding a lifetime of revolutionary achievements:

Image Image
Yours trully, Nicolae.


P.S. Do you mind if I'm asking you to call me "Comrade Secretary General"? You know, my wife cares a lot about that.

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Comrade General Secretary (Necro Ceausescu) wrote:Long live the People's Revolution, Comrade Chairman and his wife, Comrade Co-Chairman.

Whoa there, Necro Ceausescu! I don't have a wife! My Darwin, man, you are going to scare off all the squirrel I'm getting by telling folks my ole' lady is still around. Here, lemme' give ya some advice, Nicky. You see, you can get just as much squirrel as I can by telling the broads your ole' lady is dead... I mean, you have proof! You have a video tape and that is as good as gold at any swanky night club full of beautiful gutter whores! Use it, Nicky... use it! You will thank me later.

Comrade Pupovich, who has a little red star rising, wrote:How are you doing today Chairman? I just wanted to drop you a line expressing my gratitude for the hard work you do for the good of the Party and therefore the People. If there is anything in particular this comrade in the struggle can do for you to help you in your mission, do not hesitate to ask.

<begins sobbing> That is the sweetest thing I've heard within the last half-hour! Thank you, Comrade Pupovich - thank you! But to take you up on your offer of "doing something for *me*" I would like to ask you for a couple hundred dollars... preferably one dollar bills... so I can take Theocritus to a titty bar and see if one of them can bring him to our team and out of the clutches of that glitter slut Bruno (who I will never forgive after he made a number of catty comments about a sofa set I purchased the other day).

Yes, Bruno is on notice after those comments... mark my words! I have great taste no matter what he says! YOU HEAR ME BRUNO! I HAVE GREAT TASTE!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!

Because of your loyalty to the People's Revolution and to the Party who thinks for the People who will die violently fighting for the Revolution, I have decided to make you Commissar Pupovich, Commissar of Mental Health & Eco-Friendly Prostitution. Now arise Commissar Pupovich and amend your handler! Go forth and carry out the will of Her Excellency and I will assure you shall dine in socialist paradise with us all! Mwahaha <cough> <cough> hahah!

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrade Pupovich, Meow and I go way back. Send him a case of Cabo Wabo.

I will of course get to work on this immediately. Of course because of the narrow minded Bush regulations that do not allow canines to purchase adult beverages, I will need to find a suitable minion to do this for me.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:
Comrade Pupovich, who has a little red star rising, wrote:"]How are you doing today Chairman? I just wanted to drop you a line expressing my gratitude for the hard work you do for the good of the Party and therefore the People. If there is anything in particular this comrade in the struggle can do for you to help you in your mission, do not hesitate to ask.

<begins sobbing> That is the sweetest thing I've heard within the last half-hour! Thank you, Comrade Pupovich - thank you! But to take you up on your offer of "doing something for *me*" I would like to ask you for a couple hundred dollars... preferably one dollar bills... so I can take Theocritus to a titty bar and see if one of them can bring him to our team and out of the clutches of that glitter slut Bruno (who I will never forgive after he made a number of catty comments about a sofa set I purchased the other day).

Yes, Bruno is on notice after those comments... mark my words! I have great taste no matter what he says! YOU HEAR ME BRUNO! I HAVE GREAT TASTE!!! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!

Because of your loyalty to the People's Revolution and to the Party who thinks for the People who will die violently fighting for the Revolution, I have decided to make you Commissar Pupovich, Commissar of Mental Health & Eco-Friendly Prostitution. Now arise Commissar Pupovich and amend your handler! Go forth and carry out the will of Her Excellency and I will assure you shall dine in socialist paradise with us all! Mwahaha <cough> <cough> hahah!

Chairman Punchenko, how can I express adequately how thankful I am to be honored in such a magnificent way? I will of course celebrate by denouncing an extra number of counter-revolutionaries tonight! To be put in charge of such an important area as Mental Health and Eco-Friendly Prostitution which is of course so important to the Party is truly a blessing, and I swear on Lenin's Ghost that I will do my very best to live up to this great responsibility.

As for your suggestion of a mere couple hundred capitalist whoremonger dollar bills, I would like to send you something even more valuable! Yes, an original, Al Bundy Jiggly Room Retractable $5 BillTM! It is a gift that will keep on giving! You can well imagine all the fun you and Commissar Theocritus will have with this! It also has the added benefit of helping to keep the prole pole dancers to stay in shape as they chase the bill as you retract it.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:so I can take Theocritus to a titty bar and see if one of them can bring him to our team and out of the clutches of that glitter slut Bruno (who I will never forgive after he made a number of catty comments about a sofa set I purchased the other day).

BTW, speaking of the nudie bar....you and Commissar Theocritus may wish to hasten there before the prole pole dancers are too "Bushed" to entertain you properly. Not sure who that is on the right, could that be our very own Nancy?
<img src="https://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c2/D ... ary1-1.jpg">

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Produced by a counter-revolutinary the Pup has been keeping an eye on. It will be a real pleasure to see him put to work around my dacha till his soon to be widow sends the dollar for his bullet da?

Fat Kennedy

Girlfriends of Clinton

All the Liberal People

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his soon to be widow sends the dollar for his bullet da?

Must be a pretty big bullet for it to cost a dollar....

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Premier Betty wrote:
his soon to be widow sends the dollar for his bullet da?

Must be a pretty big bullet for it to cost a dollar....

Taxes.... taxes.... plus a little taste for...well.... we do have expenses you know?

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Because of your loyalty to the People's Revolution and to the Party who thinks for the People who will die violently fighting for the Revolution, I have decided to make you Commissar Pupovich, Commissar of Mental Health & Eco-Friendly Prostitution.


The Pup wishes to thank you again for the privilege of serving you and the Party in the important work of Mental Health and Eco Friendly Prostitution. The Pup wants you to know that he has been busy making plans for one of his first projects that he feels will help address several areas. While this first project is focused primarily on the literal field of eco-prostitution, as opposed to the theoretical such as Algoristics, my plan does touch on this as well. First off, to decrease the CO2 emissions caused by the heightened states of sexual arousal caused by the lustful activity, and thereby fight the Global Warming caused by Bush, I will place a substantial tax on this activity. Wait! Bear with me a moment if you please Chairman, I am sure you must be thinking I have gone mad, but there is more. The tax of course will benefit the Party, and the CO2 savings will then be sold as Carbon Credits to those capitalists that want to give the impression they care for the environment and those useful idiots who are "true believers." This income will go to Our Party (A date has not been set yet for Our Party). Needless to say, Party members are exempt from any tax should any wish to go on a "Fact Finding Mission." But that is only part of the plan still. For you see, in true Progressive fashion and care for Equality.... not only am I increasing the tax on prostitution, but will simultaneously declare prostitution legal in all states! In this way, not only will our tax revenue and carbon credit sales flourish, more common proles will be able to find fulfillment legally without having to travel to Nevada. Of course the net effect will be an increase in atmospheric CO2, but we can still take credit for our good work and intentions, feel good about ourselves, put more wimmin and whatever proles to work, and as we all know, that extra CO2 won't really do a damn thing to the earths temperature. Please let me know what you think of this plan. The Pup is off for a Fact Finding Mission.

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We will of course exempt the CO2 emissions caused by the heavy breathing of George Michael exposing himself in public venues because of Miss Michael's stance on the Bushitler. We can forgive even his passing out in a London park with drugs and after congress with a man-skag of such appearance that Bruno was sent into shock.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:We will of course exempt the CO2 emissions caused by the heavy breathing of George Michael exposing himself in public venues because of Miss Michael's stance on the Bushitler. We can forgive even his passing out in a London park with drugs and after congress with a man-skag of such appearance that Bruno was sent into shock.

This Commissar values your opinion as you know. So what did you think of my plan? Does it do a good job incorporating Party Policy and progressing the Agenda?

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:
Premier Betty wrote:
his soon to be widow sends the dollar for his bullet da?

Must be a pretty big bullet for it to cost a dollar....

Taxes.... taxes.... plus a little taste for...well.... we do have expenses you know?

Maybe the party should also tax her for a plak for the bullet so she can hang it up on the wall and see the bullet that made her wrong husband right. Why you ask? Because We Care ™. Her was-husband has now paid his debt to The People ™, and will now and forever vote Democrat.

I also do not want to hear this woman say that she cannot get a job without her husband. I bet the Chairman would be more than happy to give her a job at his House of Whores. After all, he would just turn her into a whore for the children (but let us not forget about the new taxes that Kommissiar Pupovich has come up with). Happy story, right? Evil white father says no to The Chairman. Evil white father gets thrown in jail and shot. Father is no longer evil and now votes Democrat. Mother becomes a "personal" comforter to the Chairman.

By the way, congratulations on your promotion Kommissar Pupovich. I guess all that sucking up finally paid off. (I still prefer black mail). Both of us need to collaborate sometime with our departments. I would love to come up with a report that shows that non-eco-whoring causes animals in the wild to die out because of the relation to Global Warming. (and bravo to your new eco-friendly prostitution plan, I personally love it).

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RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:I also do not want to hear this woman say that she cannot get a job without her husband. I bet the Chairman would be more than happy to give her a job at his House of Whores. After all, he would just turn her into a whore for the children (but let us not forget about the new taxes that Kommissiar Pupovich has come up with). Happy story, right? Evil white father says no to The Chairman. Evil white father gets thrown in jail and shot. Father is no longer evil and now votes Democrat. Mother becomes a "personal" comforter to the Chairman.

By the way, congratulations on your promotion Kommissar Pupovich. I guess all that sucking up finally paid off. (I still prefer black mail). Both of us need to collaborate sometime with our departments. I would love to come up with a report that shows that non-eco-whoring causes animals in the wild to die out because of the relation to Global Warming. (and bravo to your new eco-friendly prostitution plan, I personally love it).

First off let me say I think that your story would make a wonderful children's book! It has it all, humor, drama, good moral and civic lesson, and a happy ending!

Thank you so much for your kind words! The Pup can see you are not called Progressive Fox for nothing! The Pup does not consider himself as being a suck up. I prefer to think of myself as exhorting and encouraging my fellow Party members to keep up their work for the Party. A good word attracts more vodka than vinegar. Of course the Pup knows the value of blackmail and extortion, but he has also seen people skilled in the arts of "exhorting" rise to the heights where of course they can then put all of their talents to the betterment of the Party or any organization. So you see, I "exhorted" so that I could rise higher so I could do more For the PeopleTM!

The Pup has also found that "sucking up" and blackmail need not be mutually exclusive. For example, "Mere words can not adequately express how interesting I found your your recent comments about The Chairman and The Multi Titted Empress. I am sure they would be as impressed with that conversation as I was. Though I am sure, that you being the humble, long time Party member that you are, might prefer not to be the focus of attention. Because of this, I have held off publishing the transcript, not to mention the pictures of you delivering this oratory before hearing from you." Now of course this is a mere "example," but I am sure you get my point.

I would of course be most interested in our departments working together on a project to further our progressive cause. I did read your suggestion about how "non-eco-whoring causing animals in the wild to die out because of the relation to Global Warming." However, one must be careful for what may seem obvious is not always best. For instance, many scientists subscribe to the proposition that it would be best for our prostitutes to avoid wearing real furs, having animal skin rugs etc. But as many of the Pup's scientists are beginning to discover, there may be a real problem with this strategy. For as you know, fake furs are often made using man made chemicals, or even allegedly "green" fake furs may have a backing made that use plastic polymers etc. But even that may not be the most serious drawback. Animals far outnumber people, and so their CO2 output is also far greater than mans. You also have to consider the full effect of animals on the planet. Take your basic cow and it's impact. The cow exhales CO2, eats plant material therefore decreasing the one living thing that absorba CO2 and give off oxygen. This is then compounded by the cow expelling CH4 gas causing yet a larger carbon "hoof print" if you will.

The Pup does not eat steak because it is delicious, juicy, succulent. Nor do I eat steak to cause envy in the proles and therefore encourage them to work harder so they too can eat better. No, the Pup eats steak For the PeopleTM, For the ChildrenTM, and because I CareTM! So you see, the more animals we kill the more we help save the Planet! Now mind you, the Pup is not suggesting that we kill "working" animals, creatures that serve the People, animals that earn their keep. Needless to say, the large majority of the Pup's canine family fall under this category. On the other hand, there are a large number of small animals that for instance do nothing but lounge about, play with strings, and produce CO2 and CH4. Needless to say, these creatures must be purged.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Whoa there, Necro Ceausescu! I don't have a wife! My Darwin, man, you are going to scare off all the squirrel

I thought you should be the first to know Chairman.... I only wish I could have made the announcement somewhere proper, but alas, I haven't the power yet....

Sunday, the Pup suffered a great personal loss. His beloved, loyal TV passed away suddenly. The Pup had been happily married to that TV ever since we first met in a local pawn shop about 13 years ago. *Pup wiping tears from his eyes...* It's ok the Pup will be alright. It's just that TV was always there for the Pup, in good times and bad, in sickness and health....it was so sudden, no warning or anything. One moment you are in blissful union with the one you love, the next you are left alone, in the dark. Sure, the Pup had occasionally ogled other TV's, I am even sad to say the Pup has even been strangely attracted to best friends TV at times. Yet the Pup always came back home to his true love.

But the Pup knows you can not mourn forever, so he went out to a local match making service the same evening, and met a cute, yet somewhat petite, high definition model! We spoke for just a few minutes, and the Pup just felt we were right for each other, and so we got married that very evening!

Everyone, if they so choose, are invited to register for our wedding gift at any Walmart or local pizza parlor.

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Commissar Pupovich, I congratulate you on your new Techno Bride, but please note that we in the party are very strict about appliance alliance. If you are of northern European extraction you should know that the best product for you is LG for it is partially owned by Philips. Dating outside your species or even phylum is perfectly fine, but, well, those, Chinese, really. If they weren't good enough for Mao, they weren't good enough for Party Members.[/quote]

Thank you so much Commissar. To be honest, I was so filled with techno lust I really didn't inquire about my brides background, other than to make sure her Party membership was up to date of course. In fact, she comes from a tribe I had never heard of before. All I know is her maiden name was "Element."

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:
First off let me say I think that your story would make a wonderful children's book! It has it all, humor, drama, good moral and civic lesson, and a happy ending!

Why thank you Commissar Pupovich, and that is a splendid idea! A children's book! What could such a title be? Um, "Why The Party Knows Best"? Something along that line?

Commissar Pupovich wrote:
Thank you so much for your kind words! The Pup can see you are not called Progressive Fox for nothing! The Pup does not consider himself as being a suck up. I prefer to think of myself as exhorting and encouraging my fellow Party members to keep up their work for the Party. A good word attracts more vodka than vinegar.

Oh please Pupovich! Take it as a complement. I have engaged in such activities myself when I have seen it worthwhile. Maybe we should come up with a more politically corre-- (oops! Almost had a thought-crime), I mean, "internationally acceptable" name, like, I dunno, supportist? Eh? Supportist? That sounds like a good name.



Commissar Pupovich wrote: The Pup has also found that "sucking up" and blackmail need not be mutually exclusive. For example, "Mere words can not adequately express how interesting I found your your recent comments about The Chairman and The Multi Titted Empress. I am sure they would be as impressed with that conversation as I was. Though I am sure, that you being the humble, long time Party member that you are, might prefer not to be the focus of attention. Because of this, I have held off publishing the transcript, not to mention the pictures of you delivering this oratory before hearing from you." Now of course this is a mere "example," but I am sure you get my point.

Do not be fooled, I have not been here that much longer. I first reported to duty here towards the beginning of the year, but I have been here long enough to learn how to squirm out of most things. In the words of The Cube, "Survival of the Slickest".

Commissar Pupovich wrote:
I would of course be most interested in our departments working together on a project to further our progressive cause. I did read your suggestion about how "non-eco-whoring causing animals in the wild to die out because of the relation to Global Warming." However, one must be careful for what may seem obvious is not always best. For instance, many scientists subscribe to the proposition that it would be best for our prostitutes to avoid wearing real furs, having animal skin rugs etc. But as many of the Pup's scientists are beginning to discover, there may be a real problem with this strategy. For as you know, fake furs are often made using man made chemicals, or even allegedly "green" fake furs may have a backing made that use plastic polymers etc. But even that may not be the most serious drawback. Animals far outnumber people, and so their CO2 output is also far greater than mans. You also have to consider the full effect of animals on the planet. Take your basic cow and it's impact. The cow exhales CO2, eats plant material therefore decreasing the one living thing that absorba CO2 and give off oxygen. This is then compounded by the cow expelling CH4 gas causing yet a larger carbon "hoof print" if you will.

The Pup does not eat steak because it is delicious, juicy, succulent. Nor do I eat steak to cause envy in the proles and therefore encourage them to work harder so they too can eat better. No, the Pup eats steak For the PeopleTM, For the ChildrenTM, and because I CareTM! So you see, the more animals we kill the more we help save the Planet! Now mind you, the Pup is not suggesting that we kill "working" animals, creatures that serve the People, animals that earn their keep. Needless to say, the large majority of the Pup's canine family fall under this category. On the other hand, there are a large number of small animals that for instance do nothing but lounge about, play with strings, and produce CO2 and CH4. Needless to say, these creatures must be purged.

I would not be too hasty just yet; killing off all the Global Warming animals would not be good for support from our comrades that want to destroy our economy to save the animals, and turn us into vegetarians. The earth has been able to handle the amount of methane and C02 that both the animals and the eco-whores have produced in the past. The only thing that has changed is modern society. So, I propose, that the only solution to this is that everyone in the modern/industrialized world, follow the hippies by leaving their jobs, homes, and cars, and go sit in a cave and beat two rocks together in a loin cloth

Oh and yes, congrats from me as well on your new love. Hi-Def! Now that is a turn on! Tell me, did you get a slim plasma/LCD lover, or do like the fatter, bulkier, CRT lovers? BTW, here is a gift (although I am not sure it is in the registry) a S-Video cable! This way you and your bride will have many of wonderful evenings togther.

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RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Why thank you Commissar Pupovich, and that is a splendid idea! A children's book! What could such a title be? Um, "Why The Party Knows Best"? Something along that line?

That would be one possibility, but I think something along the lines of "Mommy is Whoring in a New Bed" may be more appropriate.

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Oh please Pupovich! Take it as a complement. I have engaged in such activities myself when I have seen it worthwhile. Maybe we should come up with a more politically corre-- (oops! Almost had a thought-crime), I mean, "internationally acceptable" name, like, I dunno, supportist? Eh? Supportist? That sounds like a good name.

Supportist.... hmmmm, that does have a good ring to it!

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Do not be fooled, I have not been here that much longer. I first reported to duty here towards the beginning of the year, but I have been here long enough to learn how to squirm out of most things. In the words of The Cube, "Survival of the Slickest".

Oh, I do hope my "example" did not give the impression that I was talking about you! Why, the Pup would never even think of trying to blackmail a slickmeister!

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:I would not be too hasty just yet; killing off all the Global Warming animals would not be good for support from our comrades that want to destroy our economy to save the animals, and turn us into vegetarians. The earth has been able to handle the amount of methane and C02 that both the animals and the eco-whores have produced in the past. The only thing that has changed is modern society. So, I propose, that the only solution to this is that everyone in the modern/industrialized world, follow the hippies by leaving their jobs, homes, and cars, and go sit in a cave and beat two rocks together in a loin cloth

This is true of course, but the job of "transforming" the global warming animals" into more green friendly fat cells will require a long time. We will be giving our useful idiots plenty of time to rid the world of any imperialist controls over our lives. Look at all the progress they have made in just a short time?

Oh, and thanks for the S cable. The Pup's new bride is a slim LCD lover.... you know, opposites attract?

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Pup, when you have proven your true dedication to the Cause just a bit more, I shall gift™ you with an HDMI cable. I know, I know, that this must be heady for such a new arrival, but you are a rising (red) star, my friend, and nothing is too good for you.

In fact, in honor of your new television, I have arranged for Our Many Titted Empress to pay a visit to you to inspect it.

...Bruno! Have you cleared off that table yet? H8 says she'll be back in a few hours...

Er, Pup, where is your dacha? H8 tells me that she's having trouble finding it. You know that all you have to do is throw a dollar on the front yard and she's so there.

Redd Foxx, do you find that since you have had interspecies transubstantiation, that you have need of a transmogrification of meal? After all, in England would not a fox eat a road-kill hedgehog?

Oh. My tin-foil hat's off to you, my esteemed colleague. You have learned to feed on your old crowd.

You have a bright future in the Party, Comrade, a stellar prognosis.

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Alas the MTE found me just a few minutes ago in a most embarrassing situation. Seems some ruffian had attacked me and hacked my computer! While needless to say I was unconscious and so not to blame, I am afraid my rising red star has been sullied and I will have to rededicate myself to the service of the most wise and powerful MTE. Of course I have sent my former security staff to the gulag for "refresher courses." As for my dacha, it is located just outside the Home of the Fighting Bayou Bengal Tigers of LSU, where I was born. Of course it is no coincidence that this is also known as Baton Rouge, which of course means Red Stick in our socialist French friends language.

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Ah, Pup, all will be forgiven if you polish your collection of Chapeaux a clinquant de bidon. Laissez les bon temps de sang rouge roulez!

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ah, Pup, all will be forgiven if you polish your collection of Chapeaux a clinquant de bidon. Laissez les bon temps de sang rouge roulez!

My tin foil hats are indeed being polished at this moment... and I hope I have that right. While the Pup was born and reared in Cajun country, he is neither cajun nor creole. The Pup does love to pinch tails and suck the heads though! And alligator sauce picquante and grilled gator.... Ahhhhhhhhh! If there is one thing besides LSU making life worth while here, it is our food. Oh Lenin, how I hunger for some more crawfish bisque right now.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Pup, when you have proven your true dedication to the Cause just a bit more, I shall gift™ you with an HDMI cable. I know, I know, that this must be heady for such a new arrival, but you are a rising (red) star, my friend, and nothing is too good for you.

Ah! But of course! To get the full HD quality! You will have to forgive this Comrade Fox, Comrade Pup, he is still living in the dark ages with pre-SDTV technology. He still has his TV that was bought years ago himself. I wish it would go ahead and break, because I am getting the "bleed over" effect with the color (sigh, if only we had social repair shops for our Appliance-Americans).

Commissar Theocritus wrote: Redd Foxx, do you find that since you have had interspecies transubstantiation, that you have need of a transmogrification of meal? After all, in England would not a fox eat a road-kill hedgehog?

Two words Commissar, Party-Discipline. I appealed to the party to make it a thought-crime to eat what one used to be. I had too, otherwise I would have leave my hedgehog wife and kids, and marry my HP Pavilion laptop and have Lightscribe DVD children. :)

The Pup does love to pinch tails and suck the heads though! And alligator sauce picquante and grilled gator.... Ahhhhhhhhh!

<getting nausea> I think that I will stick to the dead flesh of cows and chickens. You should have more of what we have here in Texas (no I am not making this up, I love this food), steaks, chili(dogs, yum), cheese enchiladas, tacos, quesdiallias, and bean burritos (especially covered in queso sauce). My mouth is watering! And to think that I am only getting fries and a milkshake tonight (I know, old-school).

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RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Ah! But of course! To get the full HD quality! You will have to forgive this Comrade Fox, Comrade Pup, he is still living in the dark ages with pre-SDTV technology. He still has his TV that was bought years ago himself. I wish it would go ahead and break, because I am getting the "bleed over" effect with the color (sigh, if only we had social repair shops for our Appliance-Americans).

The Pup does love to pinch tails and suck the heads though! And alligator sauce picquante and grilled gator.... Ahhhhhhhhh!

<getting nausea> I think that I will stick to the dead flesh of cows and chickens. You should have more of what we have here in Texas (no I am not making this up, I love this food), steaks, chili(dogs, yum), cheese enchiladas, tacos, quesdiallias, and bean burritos (especially covered in queso sauce). My mouth is watering! And to think that I am only getting fries and a milkshake tonight (I know, old-school).

The sad thing about this HD stuff, and I don't even have all the cable stuff yet, but truth be told, the Pup doesn't have HD eyes to view it with! It reminds me of when I was a young pup and people would talk of how their stereos could get down to 10hz with no wow and flutter etc.... Only thing about that is that one's ears can't hear that low a frequency in the first place, and one who listened to the rock we did at the decibels we did could not come anywhere close to hearing such fidelity.

Progressive, you are a Texican as well? Mind you, the Pup adores Texican food as well. I may and will joke about Texicans a lot, but I also love Texas. I attended grad school (though left before I did a thesis) for psychology at Stephen F Austin. But you really should try some good old boiled crawfish the way we do it down here, and our other fine delicacies. Like I have always said, ya' may not be Louisianians, but at least ya' ain't yankees! LOL! One thing about the south, and that includes Texas, we know what good food is supposed to taste like. How I pity the yankees and their bland, prole diet. On Stalin's Ghost, I will never forget the steak I ate at an expensive restaurant in Washington DC. It was pathetically bland... couldn't even cook steak right! And you would not believe what they called
"French toast," it was nothing but a piece of "Texas toast" that had been buttered and you were given some syrup. Now I will say that I have ate some pretty good biscuits and white gravy in the midwest, but it was the exception that proved the rule.

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Here in West Texas I confess to a great fondness for Tex-Mex. Green chicken enchiladas with sour cream. Flat red, meat enchiladas with an egg, sunny-side up. And we have the best tamale factory in the world here. But when I learned to cook, I read Julia Child and so my cooking is French--go figure. And Italian.

And the barbecue. I have read <i>The Spectator</i> for decades and when the Brits eat outside, they do a barbecue now. The Froggies were complaining about American cultural imperialism and restaurants that weren't French and passed a law limiting the number and the example was a place called "Le Tex Mex." The Texas trade commission in London serves Tex-Mex and margaritas.

But I do on occasion dip into Paul Prudhomme's cook-book and lots of his stuff is good and any time I cook his jambalaya it's an instant hit at any dinner party.

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Ine does have to admire the French at times for their devotion to all things socialist. For if they really believe their food is beyond compare, why would there be a need to place a limit on how many Le Tex Mex restaurants are in business? One can only conclude either they are genuinely concerned some of their proles will love the food, or they just have good old socialism so ingrained that it is second nature to them to regulate.

Ah, jambalaya! One of the most heavenly of foods when done right, a nightmare when not done correctly. Of course people have different preferences. I like cajun style chicken and sausage jambalaya where the rice is moderately "sticky." Never cared for a dry rice meal, nor cared for the creole jambalaya, though it is ok in a pinch. But you just have to love a meal that is cooked with a boat paddle! And there is nothing in the entire capitalist world better on a cold winter night than a good chicken and sausage gumbo!

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Commissar Pupovich wrote: Progressive, you are a Texican as well?

Through and through baby!


Commissar Pupovich wrote: Mind you, the Pup adores Texican food as well.

Ah! Good to see that you have good taste buds comrade.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:Like I have always said, ya' may not be Louisianians, but at least ya' ain't yankees!

Amen to that! (No offense to our northern comrades, we know that you are stuck up there and really want to come down here).

Commissar Pupovich wrote:
LOL! One thing about the south, and that includes Texas, we know what good food is supposed to taste like. How I pity the yankees and their bland, prole diet. On Stalin's Ghost, I will never forget the steak I ate at an expensive restaurant in Washington DC. It was pathetically bland... couldn't even cook steak right! And you would not believe what they called
"French toast," it was nothing but a piece of "Texas toast" that had been buttered and you were given some syrup. Now I will say that I have ate some pretty good biscuits and white gravy in the midwest, but it was the exception that proved the rule.

<laughing> I know what you mean. I have tasted plenty of food from there, and bla! It reminds me of a friend that went up north. He was eating at a restaurant and got the hottest thing on the menu. The waiter assured him that it was absolutely on fire, and asked him if he was sure he wanted to try it. When the waiter brought the plate, he took at bite of it and asked the waiter where the real stuff was. The waiter told him that was it and he asked if they had any Tabasco sauce (which turned out to be no better than ketchup, salute to you John Kerry!) You wonder if they have taste buds, but there influence is now reaching where I live. There was a mexican food restaurant that opened a few years back in town and we went to go try it. Needless to say, we all thought that it would have been better to buy those TV mexican dinners from WalMart. The food was soooo bland, and since then it has become one of the most popular restaurants in the area!!! Heck, no! I go to another mom and pop restaurant that has been here for years. They are the ones that sell my absolutely favorite dish in the whole world, 2 bean burritos with caso sauce spread on top with refried beans and mexican rice (mouth is watering! mouth is watering!)

Let me guess on that French Toast, it must have been the same thing that Eggo Waffles sells to the little kiddies (they are cut in 4 pieces, one slice of bread with a small spread of syrup in the middle) am I right? No, I agree, give me a real size plate, with a real piece of bread, running with butter, and swimming in syrup.

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I must confess that as I get older, I am not as able to handle the hot stuff like I used to be able to. It makes my eyes run now, though it does have the benefit of also clearing my sinuses! Some of this may also be due to my cancer treatment, and the subsequent time in the hospital due to the necrotizing faciitis last year. It was hell on a Louisiana boy. For about 3 weeks, I couldn't even drink water it nauseated me so bad, though I could handle ice chips. It took about 6 months before I could enjoy a coke again. Those drugs really do a number on your appetite. While the Pup is still "gravity challenged," I lost 100 pounds last year. Hmmmm, we need to incorporate some of these meds into the proles diet so they do not waste our resources so much.

You know, I suspect some of that blandness that is coming into restaurants is to try and protect themselves from lawsuits brought by greedy capitalist consumers, their ruble grubbing lawyers, and of course a sad byproduct of our "wannabe" socialist judges that haven't a clue about how to handle a real trial in our progressive state. That is why you can't hardly find a good, even light pink hamburger anymore for instance. As for the "french toast" I had up north, shoot, an Eggo would be a step up. Truly, imagine a lightly toasted Texas toast, with a little butter and syrup. It hadn't even come close to some milk, egg, and cinnamon dip before cooking. It was barbarian! In fact, I have long suspected that the only reason the yankees were able to eventually induce a "tactical withdrawal" of the southern forces in the War of Northern Aggression, was due to the yankees being so down and out right angry from a lifetime of eating their bland, tasteless food. It's not even so much that Louisiana food is "hot," it is spicey. By Lenin, I love a good crawfish boil, and it's not even so much the crawfish as it is the potatoes, corn, and even sausage cooked in the same boil that makes this Pup slobber! Or a good plate of fried catfish, homefries, and some spicy hushpuppies that sends me to heaven. Ooooo! I saw something from the south, I believe it was from Texas as a matter of a fact, that really had me drooling. Some cafe they showed on this Food Channel show where they served chicken fried bacon! Frying bacon mind you, which they then put on some sort of open faced sandwich with that good white gravy! Instant artery clog!

Yes! Yes! It was Texas! I just googled it!

https://archive.southcoasttoday.com/dai ... 5op025.htm
https://www.holyshitake.com/archives/20 ... bacon.html

Now that is something for a Texican to boast about!

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Out here west of the Pecos we unfortunately do not have that Southern influence of frying everything but we are so much closer to Mexico that that influence reigns. And I like it just fine. There was a place here that had chiles rellenos by their own recipe. Ben and Chuy--his wife--perfected it. One Saturday a month they'd boil a hundredweight or so of the chiles that would later be known as Hatch chiles, and peel them.

Stuff them with meat, cheese and refried beans, egg batter and deep fry. Then freeze, and it worked. And here we have a superlative tortilla factory. Just simply wonderful tortillas. If you're lucky some of your help will give you some home-made ones. The same people who make the tortillas started making their own tamales--and they're all good but the original ones, pork and lard and HOT, steamed, with masa in corn husks. Order a dozen and finish with none.

I spent a month in Europe dreaming of green chicken enchiladas with sour cream. And I spent two months in hospital in Odessa, a lot of that with a feeding tube, and nothing pleased me more when I could get out and about than flat red meat enchiladas with an egg, sunny-side up.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:I spent a month in Europe dreaming of green chicken enchiladas with sour cream. And I spent two months in hospital in Odessa, a lot of that with a feeding tube, and nothing pleased me more when I could get out and about than flat red meat enchiladas with an egg, sunny-side up.

I don't know if I could handle that, even when younger. Though I do remember I could go to a store in Texas and buy a jalapeno the way you do a pickle everywhere else. I could do that in my university days. But I must admit that bit about the stuffed chiles sounded tasty, and certainly fresh totillas.

Seriously, you did the feeding tube thing? Mind if I ask why? I too had one, and still can't get over that "second belly button" as I call it when I look at it. Oh how I hated that. Then again, the only thing that I didn't mind in my hospital stay were those IV morphine injections...it just made my whole body warm when injected. Felt wonderful, of course it would then be followed shortly by the doc debriding my leg wound where I learned what it must feel like to be injured on a battle field. Never could imagine such pain. That was the routine every 2 days for about 2 months. He said the Pup handled the procedure well. I guess that is because I didn't scream to the top of my lungs even with those powerful pain killers....doing all I could just to keep from crying in front of those pretty nurses.

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Chairman, I know this is an old thread, but alas, it is the one I have linked to at my "work" dacha, so the first glorious title I see is "Letters for the Chairman."

Chairman, I beseech you, we have not been hearing from you as often as the Party faithful need. Have you been too busy lately? Is there something I can order someone else to do to ease your load so that you can espouse your wisdom more frequently? Is there some wrecker that is offending your delicate sensitivities? As I have mentioned in the past, there is no tree I will not cut down for you Chairman, and I am sure you get my drift.


 
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