Comrades! It is of great satisfaction (and lucrative expectations) that I hereby accept the position of Ombudspup of the soon to be formed Ministry of Mother Earth once it is approved by the UN! I know many of you wonder how I will have the time to run this important position, no doubt even some who question why I should be given this honor. Well, in the first place....because I want it, am the first to steal this idea, and trust me comrades, I have all the time I need to devote to this critical cause! Not to mention, I am one of the few non-human comrades here so will be a natural.

I must also say that I was thrilled when I read that it is being based on a plan by our Bolivian comrades and one of the "10 commandments" set out to save the planet begins with the need "to end capitalism."

Equal rights for bugs, animals, plants, and the end of capitalism....does it get any better than this comrades?

Congratulations Marshal! This truly is an honor!

Pupovich, I want in on this because I care about the Earth and all the animals and plants and bugs and bacteria!

I want to be in charge of collecting Reparations! I demand financial reparations on behalf of the planet and all living creatures upon that planet!

I may not have four legs or six legs or in the case of Mother Earth, no legs at all, but I care, Pupovich! I care! And that's all that qualifies me for this position!

That and I already have a Credit Suisse account ready to receive those reparation payments! And if we can make an initial deposit of 10 million dollars, they'll give me a gold fountain pen filled with genuine octopus ink and a gift card good at any Rolex factory outlet.

Don't forget the chickens!

Comrade Pup,

Great work! You may have not of all the [hangers on] personnel infrastructure such a position requires. There must be five levels of [bureaucrats] associates between you and a person walking in the door, not to mention secretaries, typing pools, assistants, sub assistants, Deputy Assistants, Assistant Deputy Assistants, etc. Good Luck, it's all yours!

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Comrades! It is of great satisfaction (and lucrative expectations) that I hereby accept the position of Ombudspup of the soon to be formed Ministry of Mother Earth once it is approved by the UN! I know many of you wonder how I will have the time to run this important position, no doubt even some who question why I should be given this honor. Well, in the first place....because I want it, am the first to steal this idea, and trust me comrades, I have all the time I need to devote to this critical cause! Not to mention, I am one of the few non-human comrades here so will be a natural.

I must also say that I was thrilled when I read that it is being based on a plan by our Bolivian comrades and one of the "10 commandments" set out to save the planet begins with the need "to end capitalism."

Equal rights for bugs, animals, plants, and the end of capitalism....does it get any better than this comrades?

I cannot think of a better pup to take on this great post. But not just the bugs, animals, and plants....viruses and minerals ALSO have been sorely overlooked during the waning times of capitalism. Don't forget them!

I'm certain they are splurging on fireworks to celebrate this great news around the Camp Fires of Ethiopia while the creepy crawlies of Bolivia are watching events in Libya with a feeling that it's Wednesday already.

Auditions for Pupovich's and Pinkie's staff are being held in North Carolina...

Царевна wrote:I cannot think of a better pup to take on this great post. But not just the bugs, animals, and plants....viruses and minerals ALSO have been sorely overlooked during the waning times of capitalism. Don't forget them!

Thank you very much Comrade Unspeakable! I did overlook mentioning virsues and minerals specifically. I have much to learn in this new position....but rest assured, the UN pays me well.....well indeed.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Pupovich, I want in on this because I care about the Earth and all the animals and plants and bugs and bacteria!

I want to be in charge of collecting Reparations! I demand financial reparations on behalf of the planet and all living creatures upon that planet!

Rest assured Commissarka Pinkie! I cannot think of anyone more deserving of working side by side with, overseeing Reparations than you comrade! Why, just seeing you and your shovel brings dirt er.... Earth to mind! I don't even feel a need to oversee your reparation budget to closely, seeing how the UN's salary is so generous as you may know. Hail to Mother Earth and all it's denizens!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Pupovich, I want in on this because I care about the Earth and all the animals and plants and bugs and bacteria!

I want to be in charge of collecting Reparations! I demand financial reparations on behalf of the planet and all living creatures upon that planet!

I may not have four legs or six legs or in the case of Mother Earth, no legs at all, but I care, Pupovich! I care! And that's all that qualifies me for this position!

That and I already have a Credit Suisse account ready to receive those reparation payments! And if we can make an initial deposit of 10 million dollars, they'll give me a gold fountain pen filled with genuine octopus ink and a gift card good at any Rolex factory outlet.

I don't want to do any work, but can I get some of the reparations anyway?

Comrade Marshal Pupovich, I wish to take this opportunity to express my support for your nomination. Likewise I would hate to miss this obvious opportunity at leverage for achieving a long time personal desire. You will receive my affirmative vote under only one condition.

You stop peeing on the gulag floor. (I'm serious)

I beg your pardon, PC. The comrade Marshall is not pee-ing, he is marking his territory.

*"the people's territory"

Hmmm...? I thought the first commandment was the final solution to the conservative question. Maybe "to end capitalism" is the same? I'm just sayin'....

ThePeoplesComrade wrote:Comrade Marshal Pupovich, I wish to take this opportunity to express my support for your nomination. Likewise I would hate to miss this obvious opportunity at leverage for achieving a long time personal desire. You will receive my affirmative vote under only one condition.

You stop peeing on the gulag floor. (I'm serious)

Receive your affirmative vote under only one condition? Comrade, you must not understand or appreciate to whom you are speaking.... Why, even if I needed your vote, I can think of many conditions that I can be assured of your vote. You could be under six foot of dirt and rest assured, I would have your vote.... and as many times as needed.

Have you ever noticed the shirts on sale here that say "We put the U in Gulag?" It was I that came up with that expression....so if I choose to mark my spot on any gulag floor I choose, Comrade Comrade....aka.... U.

Now I will presume that you were simply at the end of your beet vodka allocation and speaking feverishly when you posted your suggestion.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Hmmm...? I thought the first commandment was the final solution to the conservative question. Maybe "to end capitalism" is the same? I'm just sayin'....

It warms my black heart to see you Space Hero Dog Laika! Speaking of your space exploits, have you seen some of the interesting movie in regard to Comrade Gagarin's historic flight?

https://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/04 ... garin-saw/

ThePeoplesComrade wrote:
You stop peeing on the gulag floor. (I'm serious)

The Marshal is making great strides in cleaning up after himself...

Congratulations Marshal P!

Is it too early to send money make a donation offer my services in the new bureaucracy? (With a sufficient bribe level of support, one would hope that I could receive an appointment to a Deputy Ministerial post. [You know, one that doesn't involve much actual time in the office physical work dangerous heavy lifting. Also, it should involve travel accompanied by young attractive dedicated female aides.])

Apparatchik Unkulturny wrote:Congratulations Marshal P!

Is it too early to send money make a donation offer my services in the new bureaucracy? (With a sufficient bribe level of support, one would hope that I could receive an appointment to a Deputy Ministerial post. [You know, one that doesn't involve much actual time in the office physical work dangerous heavy lifting. Also, it should involve travel accompanied by young attractive dedicated female aides.])

Comrade Apparatchik Unkulturny, I dare say that we will certainly have sufficient room and need to accommodate you with a Deputy Ministerial post, we are the UN after all. BTW, has any one happened to tell you that you look like a crazed Comrade Skipper from Gilligan's Island? Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Another Self Appointment, my dear Marshal?

This explains your not so noticed long absence from your duties here at the General Collective.

And dare I ask, just what will the proper procedures be to obtain foodstuffs to feed the Collective and run all the various enterprises of the Party ™ if all of Mother Gaia's bounty ie: animals, bugs, shrubbery, etc. are deemed to be "citizens"? Surely, we will run out of proles to cook, rapidly, and we will be starved to death, if this ponzi scheme is put into force, not to mention, you and your insatiable appetite to appropriate sure sounds capitalistic to meummm....compassion, would ruin my businesses!

I wish to go on record, immediately, as claiming the first exemption under this act! Rights for potential food....bah! Spits on floor in disgust! I demand a investigation!! This is outrageous! First sexual rights, now this!


Now I'm really pissed off!

If every shrub is a citizen, then surely they have the right to vote, no? And surely they'd vote for the Socialists who granted them their new found rights, to assume otherwise would be ridiculous.

Che, after the elections that sweep us into power are over (and disposed of) it will be incumbent on every citizen to pay their fair share in taxes. Since veggies and the beasts of the field have no money, sacrificing themselves for our dinner tables seems a small price to pay for all that they gained under our benevolent leadership.

(now put that gun away before someone gets hurt)

Che Gourmet wrote:Another Self Appointment, my dear Marshal?

This explains your not so noticed long absence from your duties here at the General Collective.

And dare I ask, just what will the proper procedures be to obtain foodstuffs to feed the Collective and run all the various enterprises of the Party ™ if all of Mother Gaia's bounty ie: animals, bugs, shrubbery, etc. are deemed to be "citizens"? Surely, we will run out of proles to cook, rapidly, and we will be starved to death, if this ponzi scheme is put into force, not to mention, you and your insatiable appetite to appropriate sure sounds capitalistic to meummm....compassion, would ruin my businesses!

I wish to go on record, immediately, as claiming the first exemption under this act! Rights for potential food....bah! Spits on floor in disgust! I demand a investigation!! This is outrageous! First sexual rights, now this!

Self appointment Comrade Che? Far be it from me! I was merely first in line when the job opened up, and seeing how there were no others willing to take on such a needed position, I had no choice but to accept this heavy, and profitable, position. Besides, I care more than others. I am rather dismayed to see the, dare I say it, capitalistic and closed minded response of yours. Clearly you may be in need of some diversity training. Have you no feelings for the animals, plants, bacteria, fungi, etc. that we share Mother Gaia with?? Yes, perhaps an investigation is called for Comrade Che.

Pup is the Dog 4 the Job!

Ahhh dear Marshal,

Glad to see you rose to my baiting! This old revolutionary just wanted to see if you were indeed, still the faithful, (if somewhat incontinent?) companion of the Party, and as I had already surmised, you passed with flying colors! Bueno!

So good to have you back, you old soldier. You've been sorely missed around here.

And BTW, you should remember that ole' Che' doesn't give a crap for animals, bugs and the rest of that garbage! Old war horses like you and I know, only too well, what the true purpose of this "Save the Planet" nonsense is all about, so get off your duff, and go harass some newbies, comrade..........speaking of memory loss.. where did I put that rabbit for my Konijn Met Bier recipe?

Comrades,

Soon after Comrade Marshal Pupovich's nomination to be UN Ombudsman for GAIA in the UN's Ministry for Mother Earth, he sent me an email alluding to our first encounter years ago when he was then mainly occupied with inspecting The People's Fire Hydrants and marking those that needed such attention.


Having observed his meticulousness in peforming such tasks, I was confident that he would be the perfect candidate for the exhalted position of UN Ombudsman for GAIA in the UN's Ministry for Mother Earth, so I accompanied him on an Ecological Field Test, which he passed with flying colors:
.
He quickly found (and marked for further attention) not only every pollutant left by Man but also every pile of organic pollutant left to deface Mother Earth by those not-yet-enlightened Man's Best Friends not yet liberated by PeTA from their enslavement by humans.


The only problem encountered in this field test was Marshal Pupovich's tendency to crawl up onto the leg of every blonde human in a bikini, but he's so loveable that most of them seemed to really enjoy receiving his attention.



The only other problem was when we met Comrade Gore on the beach, who was seeking the woman described in the airplane-banner being flown over the beach with the message: "For Excellent Massages, find me on the beach under the 'Mother Earth Umbrella' wearing a green bikini-bottom." It must have been Marshal Pupovich's poor eyesite to cause him to mistake Comrade Gore for a fire hydrant.




--GAIA Minister Neytiri

All Hail Marshall Pupovich:


--GAIA Minister Neytiri

Let there be no more doubt....

Gaya Minister Neytri! You are truly a comrade more equal than others. I was most impressed by your lovely, and quite accurate accounts above. So unlike other less equal comrades who try to photoshop some image to fool others. You can be sure that I would gladly wear a leash for any day or night.

I am doubling your potato vodka ration and leaving a free weekend pass to the Pup's Party Pleasure Palace of your choosing.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Let there be no more doubt....

Gaya Minister Neytri! You are truly a comrade more equal than others. I was most impressed by your lovely, and quite accurate accounts above. So unlike other less equal comrades who try to photoshop some image to fool others. You can be sure that I would gladly wear a leash for any day or night.

I am doubling your potato vodka ration and leaving a free weekend pass to the Pup's Party Pleasure Palace of your choosing.

Ah, the leash. What times we've had! I'm eager to return to Pup's Party Pleasure Palace and consume lots of vodka just to be better able to please my dear Comrade Marshal Pupovich. You always make Mother Earth move.


Then you can wear the leash in normal fashion and we'll stroll through a Tea-Party gathering so you can mark everyone there.

By the way, I still treasure the "Naked Marshal Pupovich" picture you sent me on your cell phone. I think naked dogs are allowed on the internet. Do you want me to post it for all to see?


--GAIA Minister Neytiri

Post, Post, Post them there naked dog pictures, it's the Progressive thing to do on the inter-webs!
This is picture 68 on my desktop, I'll owe you one tomorrow.

My dear Comrade Marshal Pupovich,



To be safe I checked the rules for the internet and the rules do indeed allow pictures of naked dogs. But instead of posting the self-photograph you sent me from your cell phone that time when you were so frustrated at not having been able to hide your bone, I thought it wiser to post this one, which is dear to me because it's the picture we took using my camera on a tri-pod during our romantic picnic to celebrate your ascension to the exhalted positon of Ombudsman for GAIA in the UN Ministery for Mother Earth.




How could we ever forget the ecstacy you experienced in eating the rich-man finger from the Michael Moore Eat-the-Rich Bar & Grill?


--GAIA Minister Neytiri

What a striking example of canine hunk-ness!!! Marshall--er, Minister, I do believe I have a recording of a voice you might be interested....it appears to be that of the human owned by your great-great-grandmother. I can't find the recording now, but here is the transcript:

Officer: Is that your wife sarge?
Sergeant: No sir that's my dog.
Officer: Ohh! Ohhh! Ah good looking dog isn't it?
Sergeant: She sir, she's a bitch
Officer: Is she?
Sergeant: Yes sir. Ah look out, sir! (the sound of an explosion and someone screaming) Oh blimey.
Officer: Ah sarge?
Sergeant: Yes sir?
Officer: This dog of yours, quite a little stunner isn't she.
Sergeant: Look out sir (sound of machine gun fire) you think they're bringing up the big mortar sir?
Officer: Yes. Does she eh, does she have any friends?
Sergeant: What sir?
Officer: Your dog.
Sergeant: Just the other dogs in the neighborhood sir.
Officer: She doesn't have any steady boyfriends does she?
Sergeant: Oh no sir she is a dog.
Officer: Yes of course.
(sound of far away explosion)
Sergeant: Oh blimey it's getting bad sir.
Officer: Yes, still, I mean, she would not object to someone calling on her would she sarge?
Sergeant: I am not sure what you mean sir.
Officer: Well I..I..I was thinking perhaps I could take her for a walk sometime.
Sergeant: Oh yes sir, course sir. Anytime.
Officer: Thank you sarge.
Sergeant: (yelling) Look out sir! (explosion) Now that's my wife sir.
Officer: Ah you sure sarge?
Sergeant: Yes sir, that's my wife.
Officer: And that's your dog?
Sergeant: Yes sir.
Officer: I see. Looks like I will be calling on you rather a lot when all this is over.
Sergeant: Oh thank you sir.
Officer: Not at all it's just that I am rather fond of dogs, fond of dogs, fond of dogs.
Customer: Excuse me the record's stuck, the record's stuck, the record's stuck, the record's stuck, the record's stuck, the record's stuck... (the sound of the needle being scratched across the record)




(from Monty Python's Tie & Handkerchief record, 1972)