Transcript of President Obama's most recent speech on gun control:
Thank you all for coming here today as I ordered you to. It saves me a lot of unnecessary trouble. (tears) For those members of the press that decided to ignore my order, I deal with you all later. (applause)
I invited you all here, today, to announce a new and sweeping policy change regarding National Security.
Clearly, the greatest problem facing America today is not the Mideast and the Muslim Brotherhood that has nothing to do with Islam, but the unrestrained expansion of private ownership of weapons of self defense. (tears)
Americans have no need to feel they should defend themselves because the government is taking care of that and always will. The expansion of gun-free zones is sending a statement to criminals that their irresponsible behavior will not be tolerated. (tears)
In keeping with this philosophy, I’m announcing, via Executive Order, the elimination of all private gun ownership. (applause)
It gets me mad every time I think about Americans clinging to their guns and religion. You never see that happening in the Mideast. Only in the Midwest are people so recalcitrant. (tears)
I’m determined to stamp out the threat that a terrorist group that goes by a blatantly sexist name, The Brotherhood of Man, poses to the very fabric of our society. (tears)
These people gather together every weekend and prey for their families. Prey for their neighbors. Prey for their children. Prey for more victims of gun violence. They are simply predators! (tears)
The Midwest and The Brotherhood of Man is a greater threat to our National Security than the Mideast and the Muslim Brotherhood. (tears)
I know that we can't stop all acts of violence, but if we can prevent one tragedy it's worth the sacrifice of your personal freedom. (tears)
I’ve ordered drone strikes and other operations to ensure that America stays safe.(applause)
Together, we can make America a safe space. (tears/applause)
Kapitan Kangaroo KourtMaybe when you sober up you can explain it to me, comrade. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Perhaps Comrade Capitalist Pig has forsaken The Party™ approved margaritas or beet vodka in favor of more "bourgeois" beverages like 30 year old Macallen single malt scotch. HAIL OBAMA!