My fellow comrades,

Lately, I've heard nothing but stories of people suffering financial hardship, and while we all know this is not true, I'm getting tired of the ways people are describing it. "It's a disaster", "I have nothing left" "It's hard, but we'll live", "I'm doing o.k., but things could get better" and so on. Well, some of us have been to the doctor, costing us an arm and leg in the process, and have you noticed how they have those pain charts? Well, your brilliant Commissar of People's Training Aids, Video Games, and Hypnotic TV devices has come up with an easy way to gauge how much a person is lying.

Just give this handy chart to anyone, and ask them "how much does it hurt your wallet?" If they say 0, they have too much money, and we need to take their wallet. If they say 10, take their wallet, what are they doing with one anyway? With their wallet in Party approved hands, we can ensure better quality at our local government-approved hospitals, fix a pot hole in our roads, or whatever else is deemed needed by The Party.

Have fun taking wallets commissars!

Being a light skinned black woman, who has no white guilt, I am the only one who can get away with this:

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch a capitalist by the toe.
If he hollers take his wallet,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

I do not consider any sacrifice that I make in service to the People(tm) or His Awesome Zero, uh, O, to be a problem. What am I, after all, in the grand scheme of things? Here I have my dacha on the Rio Grande, and all that Wedgwood and Waterford and blown glass. And the silver and the electronics. And the art work. And statuary. But really I have nothing, nothing that is, for a made prog of my stature.

I am a <b>prog puissant</b>. I'm a Power Prog. Which means that I deserve all my pelf.

Which does not mean that I will not give of my all to dear Barry O. He only has to shine his eyes on the road, and I shall take it. In fact I am so awestruck with President Awesome that I have sent him, at great personal expense, all of Bruno's old wigs, partially used make up, and the fishnet stockings which look just fine in dim light.

I just want President Awesome to know that I'm behind him as he keeps pulling the wool over the eyes of the MSM.

And Jeez. Did you <i>ever</i> see a bigger bunch of dumb fucks than the MSM? I know, I know, I love them too. After all, I've been infested with the Couric Head and I know their worth. But the last time that Olbermann was over at the Rancho I kept reaching for Control-Alt-Delete. Gimme that blue screen of death!

And by the way, dear comrades, President Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious seems to be having a spot of bother these days. I personally have already sent truffles and flowers to Our Many Titted Empress.

Leninka wrote:Being a light skinned black woman, who has no white guilt, I am the only one who can get away with this:

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
Catch a capitalist by the toe.
If he hollers take his wallet,
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

(off)
How are you the only one who can get away with it?

I refer you to the Wikipedia history of the poem.

Very early versions of this rhyme had the word nigger (instead of tiger) which is now considered to be inappropriate because of racist overtones.

Eeny, meena, mina, mo,
Catch a nigger by the toe;
If he squeals let him go,
Eena, meena, mina, mo.[1]

This version was similar to that reported as the most common version among American schoolchildren in 1888.[4] It was used in the chorus of Bert Fitzgibbon's 1906 song "Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo":

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo,
Catch a nigger by his toe,
If he won't work then let him go;
Skidum, skidee, skidoo.
But when you get money, your little bride
Will surely find out where you hide,
So there's the door and when I count four,
Then out goes you.[5]

I am the only one who can freely use the word nigger without being called a racist, don't you know.

Leninka wrote:I refer you to the Wikipedia history of the poem.

Very early versions of this rhyme had the word nigger (instead of tiger) which is now considered to be inappropriate because of racist overtones.

Eeny, meena, mina, mo,
Catch a nigger by the toe;
If he squeals let him go,
Eena, meena, mina, mo.[1]

This version was similar to that reported as the most common version among American schoolchildren in 1888.[4] It was used in the chorus of Bert Fitzgibbon's 1906 song "Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo":

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo,
Catch a nigger by his toe,
If he won't work then let him go;
Skidum, skidee, skidoo.
But when you get money, your little bride
Will surely find out where you hide,
So there's the door and when I count four,
Then out goes you.[5]

I am the only one who can freely use the word nigger without being called a racist, don't you know.

Vell yah! I could of told you dat don'cha know?

Commissar_Elliott wrote:Vell yah! I could of told you dat don'cha know?

Comrade Elliott, "don't you know" is one of my signature expressions, don't you know. But only you can get away with saying don'cha know without being considered as mocking Minnesotans, don't you know.

Leninka wrote:

Commissar_Elliott wrote:Vell yah! I could of told you dat don'cha know?

Comrade Elliott, "don't you know" is one of my signature expressions, don't you know. But only you can get away with saying don'cha know without being considered as mocking Minnesotans, don't you know.

I'm from Meenasota .

Leninka wrote:Being a light skinned black woman, who has no white guilt, I am the only one who can get away with this:

By this reasoning, I should be the only one in the collective who should be able to use the term F'ing Retard. After all, I thought my parents had my name changed at the age of 13. Now at 40 my boss still calls me by this term of endearment.

I'm feeling a little more equal.

Zaphro, here in the Cube Collective there are no retards--some are merely more equal than others, or less retarded than others.

I personally never believe in competence testing because party members might lose, or union members. So here is the one place where you can be a retard and get away with it.

Because we have all given our brains to Progressivism.

Comrade Leninka, I'm shocked that you would use the "Mo" word which is disparaging to our gay friends.

For this thought crime you must say 10 Our Fatherlands and 10 Hail Mao's.

Finally I feel accepted for the retard I am... I've been trying to get a job with Home Land Security where I can get naked pictures of celebrities make a difference. Being retired military a potential terrorist I've had to settle for a job with the DoD. (spit) The good news is the Dear Leader has hired 12,000 anal... analysts to make sure we're not a threat to hope and change properly supervised.

Zaphro, I fully understand the idea that retired military might be terrorists--after all, what do military have in common with terrorists? They will do something and not just engage in endless talking and theater to convince other people that they're worth their salary.

Now as one of the most useless ornamental Commissars around here, I naturally contemn comrades who do things. Because they make me, who do not do things, look bad.

But most of all I, as a Made Progressive, hate the military because it was the military that foiled the natural progress to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday which Uncles Joseph and Adolph had planned for us. How could you not hate anything which managed to stop the murder of hundreds of millions of people?

Whoopie! Thank you! Thank you! I'd completely overlooked Leninka's abuse of me as a "Mo."

I just spent the last hour on the floor of my den, curled into a fetal position, or as near as I can get to one, in front of the television, crying a river into the carpet, thinking of how my life was completely changed at having been called...and I cannot believe it--a <b>Mo</b>.

Now I won't bother to even discuss claims that I was not in fact called a Mo. Mo was there, I was there, and in a Made Prog causality is dead and long live circumstance!

But I still feel hard done by. And can be made whole again by the application of dollars.

Comrades,

While I applaud heartily Comrade Elliott's inspired proletarian work of science, I deem the rectal probe a more accurate tool. The chart is self-assessed, thus opening the door to incorrect thought and conclusions; the rectal probe, Party-applied and thus infallible in its diagnosis.

Besides, when properly applied, said tool is perhaps more enjoyable. What could be more fun, in a testing environment (inherently un-fun due to the implied competition), than being proctored such a test with the easily understood and obeyed command, "Sit and spin"?

As a reward we could give to the subjects rectal probes which have the face of His Awesomeness on them. Like this:

Commissar Theocritus wrote:As a reward we could give to the subjects rectal probes which have the face of His Awesomeness on them. Like this:

Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaaah! Aaaaah!. . .

My kitty had a similar reaction:



It's a good thing that the bulk pain benefits of Healthcare Reform will not kick in until 2014. If Dear Leader wins in 2012 (of course he will) then he takes all the credit and blames the Reich Wing for the Bill's deficiencies. If he is not re-elected then he can blame it all on the Evil Rethuglicans. Isn't it wonderful how our Party works?

Oh, Rasputin, it is lovely. It's like global warming. The globe is in fact not warming but so not it's climate change. And the remedy is just the same.

I love that. This is going to be the doctors' stance under Obamacare: we ignore the symptoms and give everyone the same treatment. Ah. Your blood sugars are much too high? Insulin! Much too low? Insulin! You say you just have a sprained ankle? Insulin. Easier than taping one up. Cancer? Insulin. It might be an insulin-responding tumor.

See how that goes? And since the insulin is purely nominal health care, it is not needed to have real insulin.

See how we do this? But we'll do it with caring and compassion, and we'll mean well so it will all be just hunky-dorey.