The Democraptic National Committee in association with the Socialists Workers Party and CBS (Communist Broadcasting System) proudly presents the ONE cable/satellite TV Channel you MUST watch (and we mean that):

OBAMAVISION™

Comrades, due to our popular demand, the world now has a 24/7 source for information about all the wonderful things the Dear Leader and his Party are doing to improve your miserable lives. And, it's entertaining to boot! Here's a sample of the wonderful programming you WILL be watching (and we mean that) on OBAMAVISION™:

The Trillion Dollar Pyramid (Game Show)
Each week, big-city mayors, connected pols and contractors, community organizers, union leaders and ACORN members vie for a share of the trillion dollar stimulus bounty recently provided by our glorious leaders in Congress. Host: Paul Begala-Lugosi

Tales of Brave Obama (Cartoon)
The kidniks will cheer with progressive delight as the brave knight Sir Obama and his sidekick Axelrod fight for social justice and do battle against the evil Rethuglicans and their leader, the grotesque monster Limbaw.

Oprah! (Reality)
Proud Obama supporter Oprah brings a brand new popular talk show to OBAMAVISION™! Prepare to be inspired and uplifted as you listen to the tales of doubters, heretics, lost souls and thought-criminals as they explain how they cast aside their cynicism and regained their faith in big government after coming to know Obama. You'll see recovering Republicans, bitter clingers and agnostic independents share their stories of hope and change. Guaranteed to lighten your wallet burdens!

Great Trips on AMTRAK (Travel)
Happy travellers are flocking to congressionally-mandated federally-subsidized AMTRAK! Find out why it takes at least 18.75 hrs to go from New York City to Chicago and why making the trip via Albany and Buffalo is a great idea! Host: Alec Baldy.

The Day in Business (Comedy)
Join John Steward, James Carvelle and other party apparatchiks as they crack wise about the day's stock price decline and the latest torrent of capitalists going broke or being arrested. Frank Notso-Rich of the New York Times says "It's a load of laughs!"

Your Next Car (Shopping)
Great deals on GM and Chrysler cars. These two great American companies going to stay in business no matter what, so why not "Buy American"? (You might as well, because like the public school system, you're going to pay for them whether you use them or not!) Hosted by Ron Givedafindger.

The Gibbs Report (News)
Presidential Press Secretary Robert Gibbs speaks directly to YOU, the loyal OBAMAVISION™ viewer, without the cacophonous disruptions of pesky reporters, some of which occasionaly ask him irrelevant inane questions that he can't answer. This is the best way to get the news vital to your welfare direct from your beneficent leader. No need for a Fairness Doctrine when Gibbs is on the job!

The Audacity of Hope (drama, mini-series)
The second best book ever written (after "Dreams of My Father") has become the best 478-part mini-series ever presented on television. We are sure you WILL enjoy watching every last minute of it (and we mean that.) Mandantory quiz will follow each episode.

Earth in the Balance (weather)
Weather and climate expert Al Gore reports on the day's climate deterioration and which parts of the sky are falling where. Forecasts where death and destruction will strike tomorrow because you didn't listen to him. Brought to you by the Reid-Pelosi Cap and Trade Exchange, America's Number One carbon credit trading system! (No relation to Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. No, really!)

Card Check (Game Show)
Watch as employees of non-union businesses try to win prizes (and avoid beatings) by answering questions regarding whether or not they want their jobs unionized. Host: Jimmy The Offa-you-can't-refuse

Hate Night with David Ledderman (talk)
Laugh along with the elite as Dave tells jokes about idiot conservatives and the evil Bushitler whose stupidity is responsible for all your problems. Watch as the audience doubles-up in laughter at "Stupid Republican Tricks". Then, it's time to listen to the endless parade of socially-responsible celebrities waxing eloquent on their glorious humanity-serving causes. A great way to cap off your day and put you to sleep.


This is just a small sample of the wondrous programming we have planned for YOU on OBAMAVISIONTM! There's something for everyone on OBAMAVISIONTM. There are no subliminal messages broadcast OBAMAVISIONTM (no, really!) Do not fight OBAMAVISIONTM. OBAMAVISIONTM is bigger than all of us. Why not just surrender to OBAMAVISIONTM? OBAMAVISIONTM is not a form of mind control. It would be better for you if you just did what OBAMAVISIONTM tells you to do. Join us. This may be your last chance.

Excellent piece, Opiate!

Do I need a special converter box, and if so, will there be a government program to get one for free?

Initially, your TV set must be equipped with a special tin-foil antenna (fabricated by happy workers in North Korea!) in order to receive OBAMAVISION^TM. But, the Party is working on a method for you to receive the broadcasts whether your TV is on or not.