People's Cube Beauty Non-Contest

Who's the fairest, but most equal of them all? Is it Princess Michelle, Judge of all judges Sotomayor, His Obamaness, or Dear Bruno?

The contest will last nine days. And there will be a talent, swimsuit, and congeniality non-competition. If you wish to enter anyone else into the contest, please feel free to do so.

Whoever wins will be crowned queen.

*The above graphic compliments of Comrade Red Rooster!
 

Oh. My. God. Do you know how intolerable Bruno will be? One minute he'll be demanding a custom-made judge's robe with sequins on it to swish around the Rancho in; the next moment it will be sparkly-toed high-heeled sneakers like Miss Resentment's.

I never thought that I would say this, but my lord I'm going to miss "Tico Tico."


Next thing he'll be going through my closets screaming, "No! More! Wire! Hangers!" Well it will be worth it if I can lure him into a closet. Very tough that. Then I'll lock the damned door and brick it up as in "The Cask of Amontillado."
 

Oooh! Ooooh! Ooooh! One vote for Bruno, he is far more progressive than those other two whack wanna be's. Although, I must admit, when I think of progressive intellectual prowess, at least Bruno can discern stimulus from stimulate.
 

Comrade Red Rooster,

Yes, I would say that Bruno is the front runner. But don't forget, Bruno must also do well in the swimsuit competition and the talent content, and the congeniality contest. This might be a good bikini for Bruno.



---------------------------

"Hi, My names Flirtatious Fluffy, I voted for his O'liness 3 times!"

---
-RR
 

Well, Bruno would have more of a chance if he wore that bikini. But this is more like it:

This was of course before some industrial-strength waxing to turn him from Bruno into Brüno.
 

Comrade Leninka,

Uhhhmmm... I would love to remove that bikini, er, with peoples computer graphic software that is, ummm, but the Woompa Loompa's are all sleeping and The Wombat Factory is closed for the evening, but yes Bruno needs a bikini and so do I and we will see to it.

Ah yes Commissar mucho Bruno!
 

Don't worry, RR. It's just an example.

In the meantime, Bruno does have competition, don't you know? The lady Judge doesn't look so bad in a bikini. I would say, she looks better than might be expected.



-RR Update.
 

Have her feet been bound?
 

Commissar Theocritus

Then I'll lock the damned door and brick it up as in "The Cask of Amontillado."

I-beam steel frame, 4 inch concrete base, rebar re-enforced, quickrete industrial strength mortar, 1/4 inch diamond plate fastened with lag bolts and mig welded to the I-beam steel frame.

Fire up the torches!

It's gonna get hot in here!~
 

Leninka

Don't worry, RR. It's just an example.

In the meantime, Bruno does have competition, don't you know? The lady Judge doesn't look so bad in a bikini. I would say, she looks better than might be expected.


Why yes, but ve're r da tatoos essay!?! Why, even Snookie's girlfriend Rita had a Virgin Mary tatoo back in da Barrio.

Senorita Soto's gotta have a tatoo somewhere.
 

RR,

I haven't yet had a chance to consult with Sonia about that tattoo, and now I just have to get some sleep.

You have no idea what I've been through. Bruno insisted on trying on twenty other suits before he admitted that the one I picked out for him was the best.


 

Glorius work comrade L! Word to the wise, playing with Bruno, brings dreams of Bruno. Dreams that are not so eloquent.
 

Simply apply this computer generated graph of the perfect face. The more out of kilter the face, the more non-beautiful the candidate is.


 

Hush! Don't tell Bruno that his left eye is higher than his right eye. He's very sensitive about that. I tell him that he's just seeing things different because of the way his eyes are, and he buys it. Silly queen. He buys it.

Whoopie, by Marquardt's definition, Darth Vader has a beautiful face. And to George Lucas I'm sure that he does. It's spelled $$$$$$.
 

Leninka, I give that first Bikini three stars.

And I cast MY vote for His Obamaness! He's soooo dreamy!
 

Comrade Betinov,

Your wish has been granted. His Obamaness has been added the the poll.

To Bruno,

Watch out Bruno, now you've got some real competition.
 

I just looked at the results, and I think we need to get Senator *snort* Franken's recount team to work here.

Mystery Prog...is that anything like Mystery Date?

Mystery Prog....
Are you ready for your Mystery Prog?
 

Oh come on, Betinov--let Bruno have this one. He has so little else. Little brain, little attention span. Let him win over those two putas. And it will keep him my wallet if he can preen about how wonderful he is.

If not I'm sending you my AmEx bill.
 

No fair! His Obamaness is already in his swimsuit! And he's holding his lover and trophy! How is this a contest when his Obmaness has already reached the prize?

Ah, non-contest, got it comrades.

That Mystery Prog looks awful familiar...
 

Ivan Betinov

I just looked at the results, and I think we need to get Senator *snort* Franken's recount team to work here.

Mystery Prog...is that anything like Mystery Date?

Mystery Prog....
Are you ready for your Mystery Prog?

Comrade Betinov,

Indeed, there is a Mystery Prog waiting behind a curtain, but I will not reveal this Mystery Prog until the last day of the contest. I can give you one hint, at this juncture: this Mystery Prog is ready and able to serve our Dear Leader.
 

'Nuff said.

http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=3310
 

Hold on to your brassiere, Comrade Pinkie,

You may have won the Miss USA contest, but this contest has a different set of rules (whatever they are-I don't know yet).

And another contestant has not yet pranced on the stage in her bathing suit yet.


 

Commissarka, I see they have been lobotomized, now how is that fair to your most equal intellectual qualities?

I DENOUNCE THE COMMISSARKA FOR NOT GETTING A LOBOTOMY!
 

I DENOUNCE LENINKA FOR HAVING TIME TO PUT TOGETHER THIS MOST EQUAL CONTEST AND CONTESTANTS!
 

Comrade Rooster,

For the Party, for the Cause, for the Revolution, for the free vodka and beets, I make time.
 

Lennika and Fellow Comrades,

After viewing the swimsuit competition photos, I'm ready to confess to any and all thoughtcrimes that you see fit.
 

And NOW from The Peoples Cube Beauty Non-Contest...

[center]The Circus & Donkey Talent Show!

[/center]
 

Poor Snoogie,

Consider yourself lucky that you are in a different time zone. Bruno has been a handful, and I'm still waiting for Red Rooster to reveal Judge Sotomayor's tatoos.
He is quite the tattoo artist. These beauty contests are all tension, and no glory.
 

Soto...

[center][/center]
 

Obama...

[center][/center]
 

Oh, sorry, RR,

I see the tattoos are already in place.
 

Bruno...

[center][/center]
 

Mysterious mysteries...

[center][/center]
 

Leninka

Poor Snoogie,

Consider yourself lucky that you are in a different time zone. Bruno has been a handful, and I'm still waiting for Red Rooster to reveal Judge Sotomayor's tatoos.
He is quite the tattoo artist. These beauty contests are all tension, and no glory.

True so true.

After taking a gander at all of the contestants so far. Then the lucky pleasure of seeing them in their swimsuits. The tension has tied my stomach into knots.



I think I'm going to need alot more of this stuff above when the, "Talent" part comes into play.
 

Ahh....Jeeze

I see the talent part has started already, be right back takes about two minutes for the tablets to dissolve.
 

Sorry comrades had to get those contestants out on stage before The Woompa Loompa Wombat Factory closed.

Snoogie, just think of it as a test of your loyalty to The Party, rememeber it's for The Children.
 

Snoogie

After viewing the swimsuit competition photos, I'm ready to confess to any and all thoughtcrimes that you see fit. Indeed. My tripes are wobbled.

Red Rooster, you have given me an inspiration. I'm going to have Ms. Sotomayor down here at the Rancho to whisper to the wild jackasses to tame them. And after that, the javelinas. Then the feral pigs. And then she'll be capable of dealing with our Many Titted Empress when she next descends at the Rancho.

But all of this is small beer. I'm currently making an entire wing of the Rancho for Michelle, Miss Resentment of 2009. I've been putting in closet after closet of tennis shoes with sparkly toes, just for her to tempt her down here.
 

Comrade Red Rooster,

You deserve an award for handling the talent competition so beautifully. I'm impressed. Thanks to you, this beauty contest, so far, has far surpassed my expectations.

Oh, my goodness!! I completely forgot the evening gown competition! No matter, we didn't mix up the order of things, anyway.
 

Since were moving on to the talent portion, I think we should take moment and look at the highlights so far. I took a few video snippets for your enjoyment of the past proceedings as we move along in the contest.



 

Snoogie! That was horrible! I nearly crushed my laptop!

Commissar, Just make sure Soto The Donkey Whisperer doesn't get near Michelle's Donkey Cart, that womyn will loose it if that ass comes down and all her goods are returned to the taxpayers.

Leninka, It is evening, and evening gowns are glorius! Just make sure we get one to cover Michelle's ass.

Don't you just love Donkey's comrades, they excuse so much.
 

RR, regarding the Mysterious Mystery poster, I find it mysterioius that someone has apparently jacked up your jackass and stolen it's rear legs, leaving it propped up on a couple of tractor tires...TRACTOR TIRES MYSTERIOUSLY MISSING FROM BLOGUNOV'S TRACTOR, PERHAPS?
 

Hmmm.. Comrade Betinov, we will have to add this to The Many Mysteries of The Glorious World of Next Tuesday™.

Seems hubcaps have lost their appeal, eh? Very suspicious, very suspicious... Ah HAH!!!

We figured out part of the mystery...

[center][/center]
 

There's no mystery here.

It's Jodin. Queen of the Prog Queens.

I hear he just tossed his Purple Fart for the Red Welt of Courage over the fence at the White House because the troops weren't pulled out by March.

Oh well, so much for angst.....
Which reminds me.
Why aren't the contestants all in orange jumpsuits?
 

Leninka

Comrade Red Rooster,
Oh, my goodness!! I completely forgot the evening gown competition! No matter, we didn't mix up the order of things, anyway.

Maleficent Michelle


 

Excellent comrade! Who's up next!?!
 

Oh, Comrade Room 101,

You outdid yourself! The Princess of Resentment looks absolutely stunning. But, there is a rumor about some Snow White hiding in the woods, and she is circling the Cube to be entered into the contest, too. Although she will have some catching up to do. She is just thrilled about the contest.


 

Good Lawd! Put that away! I'll be at Jiffi Lobo™... BRB!
 

Laika the Space Dog

There's no mystery here.

It's Jodin. Queen of the Prog Queens.

I hear he just tossed his Purple Fart for the Red Welt of Courage over the fence at the White House because the troops weren't pulled out by March.

Oh well, so much for angst.....
Which reminds me.
Why aren't the contestants all in orange jumpsuits?

Well, crud. What I tried to post here didn't work. I'll be back with a link . . .

OK, try this and scroll down:

http://impeachforpeace.org/impeach_bush_blog/?p=4011

I couldn't Mimeswipe the picture of Jodin in that link because it's a PDF file and I'm severely challenged in these matters.
 

Red Rooster

Snoogie, just think of it as a test of your loyalty to The Party, rememeber it's for The Children.

{off} It's also a test of how strong your stomach is! Jeeze, Louise! I'd confess to any and every crime, but I fear the pics would just start all over again as my punishment! My parole for "good behavior" (letting the scabs heal after clawing my eyes out!) would be getting sent to Siberia; I'll pack my shovel.
 

Pinkie, yeah, that websites a nightmare... do you have the PDF link?

Google says there are no PDF's on impeachmentforidiots.com...



Oh. My. Gawd!!!

This is tragic! Absolutely Tragic! Google results for Jodin with pics from The Cube:


 

Comrades, I have had a revelation. Let's match Comrade Garofalo with Comrade Jodin, and they can go on a date. Just think of the fine socialist progeny we might get from that. But to ensure that, we need to send with them[center][/center]
Although I stand foursquare behind the right to choose, even after birth in case the child is fractious, we still need to ensure a new generation of Uber-Progs.
 

Comrade Theocritus,

This will take me a while to digest.

The turkey baster ought to be first dipped in the holy water of San Francisco Bay in a ceremony conducted by Comrade Peloski, who can also serve as Progmother to the child.
 

Red Rooster

Pinkie, yeah, that websites a nightmare... do you have the PDF link?


http://impeachforpeace.org/images/Impeachment_Smackdown.pdf
 

Here you go:


 

Nancy didn't get the notice in time to compete in the swimwear competition.

She is trying to make it into the Evening Gown portion though.

Leninka,

Maybe bend the rules a bit and give her some make-up points?

It's pretty obvious she put a lot of work into this and looks absolutely stunning.


[center][/center]
 

I had no idea Jodin was so buff. I mean, it takes hours of discipline and steroid shots (ouch) to look that way.

These conrestants are exasperating. Janine insisted on wearing her bikini over her street clothes.


 

Thank you, Rooster! And why have I never seen this thread before?

http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=3517
I found it clicking on that one Google image of We Must Glorify Jodin. (And note the banner selling jumpsuits.)

Oh, if he ever googles images of himself and sees that . . . I'm sitting here laughing so hard I'm crying. Almost makes up for not having a date on Saturday night.
 

Comrade Snoogie Woogums

Nancy didn't get the notice in time to compete in the swimwear competition.

She is trying to make it into the Evening Gown portion though.

Leninka,

Maybe bend the rules a bit and give her some make-up points?

It's pretty obvious she put a lot of work into this and looks absolutely stunning.


Snoogie,

Nanski (as Comrade Theocritus call her) most certainly qualifies as a contestant. We can even enter into the swimsuit contest. No problem. I'll rush her back to the dressing room immediately.

"Come on, Nanski, let's hurry."

"Blub, Blub."

"What's that? Your lips?"

Blub, Blub."

"Your lips are shrinking?"

Blub, Blub."

"Oh, no. They're fine."

"Blub, Blub, Blub."

"Okay, Okay, we'll get you some more lip plumping injections."

"Blub, Blub."

"You're welcome."
 

Leninka

I had no idea Jodin was so buff. I mean, it takes hours of discipline and steroid shots (ouch) to look that way.

These conrestants are exasperating. Janine insisted on wearing her bikini over her street clothes.



LENINKA!!!!!

I HAVE ONLY SO MUCH ALKA-SELTZER IN MY HOUSE.

If this keeps up I will be forced to stock up on my supply (which might not be such a bad idea after OBAMACARE takes effect).
 

Comrade Snoogie Woogums

LENINKA!!!!!

I HAVE ONLY SO MUCH ALKA-SELTZER IN MY HOUSE.

If this keeps up I will be forced to stock up on my supply (which might not be such a bad idea after OBAMACARE takes effect).

Brace yourself Snoogie,

"Are you ready to walk out on stage, Nanski?"

"Blub, Blub."

"Now what?"

"Blub, Blub."

"You think you're too fat for the swimsuit contest?"

"Blub, Blub, Blub, Blub."

"You ate a half a container of Yoplait yesterday, and you're afraid of that extra ounce you gained?

"Blub, Blub."

"Oh, no, dear. You look mahvalous! You get out there and strut your stuff. Give comrade Bruno a run for his money. You'll show him! Thatta girl!"

"Blub, Blub."

 

Commissar Theocritus

Comrades, I have had a revelation. Let's match Comrade Garofalo with Comrade Jodin, and they can go on a date. Just think of the fine socialist progeny we might get from that. But to ensure that, we need to send with them...

[center][/center]
Although I stand foursquare behind the right to choose, even after birth in case the child is fractious, we still need to ensure a new generation of Uber-Progs.

Excellent Commissar! Excellent!
 

Comrade Snoogie Woogums

LENINKA!!!!!

I HAVE ONLY SO MUCH ALKA-SELTZER IN MY HOUSE.

If this keeps up I will be forced to stock up on my supply (which might not be such a bad idea after OBAMACARE takes effect).

I'm with you Snoogie, I made it through re-education camp, but my stomach ain't the same since...

After that Nansky...

Pass the ALKA-SELTZER and The JiffiLobo™!!!
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Thank you, Rooster! And why have I never seen this thread before?

http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=3517
I found it clicking on that one Google image of We Must Glorify Jodin. (And note the banner selling jumpsuits.)

Oh, if he ever googles images of himself and sees that . . . I'm sitting here laughing so hard I'm crying. Almost makes up for not having a date on Saturday night.

Awwww! Why'd you have to say that!?! You're welcome.

I've been trying to teach other comrades The Art of Google Images™, that one worked, although a title from the Commissar would have added flair.

We'll get this down yet!

Happy Saturday!
 

LENNIKA!!!!!!!


Get to the store pronto, you owe me at least 2 boxes for THAT.



 

My apologies Snoogie,

How about a four pak?



Not enough? Here's another one.



Still not enough? Maybe this will do it.



Okay. This should get you through the next 7 days until the Mystery Prog and winner are revealed.


 

Leninka

Mine!

Mine!!

Mine!!!

ALL MINE!!!!

On account I NEED IT!!!
 

Leninka

O.k. Leninka!! Now I know it for a fact! You are a true Prog. This is how all the gyrls dress now-a-days....

Brassiere and Panties Over The Clothes.

I am going to buy a Jock Strap.

And an Overcoat.

I will be on the news!

The Streak's got nothing on The Rooster!

Until then... you deserve to watch the antithesis to the femnazi "performance art" in re-education camp... bloody gyrls squirming and yelling rape, rape, rape!!!:


 

After the brief recess for judges to dose up on Alka-Seltzer, the evening gown competition continues with questioning....


Cube Non-Beauty Judge:
Do you believe justice is a matter of Constitutional law or the U. S. Constitution is a "living and breathing" document?

Contessa:
You know what.....in my country, in my family, I was raised in modest circumstances in a Bronx housing project, no offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised, and I believe justice should be between one's experiences and one's emotions.

[center][/center]
--------------
Edited by The Party™ to conform to Party standards: All Images must be no more than 570px in width. - General Secretary
 

Comrade, excellent Room 101 progressiveness.

Reminds me of my days in Compton.

Now, what did that Latino wench say? Oh yeah, she had it tough, she had it tough, while affirmative action paid for all her education. While she was praised for her downtroddenness. What a tough ride.

Ride on Contessa, your on your way to ProgQueendom.
 

I looked at all this crap!

Good God you commie pinko's are disgusting!!!
 

Lone Stage Grip

I looked at all this crap!

Good God you commie pinko's are disgusting!!!



Just fill in the top Lone Star Grip. We'll take care of the rest. Have your shovel ready when you report to the re-education camp.
 

Lone Stage Grip

I looked at all this crap!

Good God you commie pinko's are disgusting!!!


Comrade - don't upchuck your borscht just yet. The talent show continues....



 

Lone Stage Grip

I looked at all this crap!

Good God you commie pinko's are disgusting!!!

Lone Stage Grip! You! YOU!!!

You're the one who stood me up and left me without a date Saturday night, you stinking rotten Bush Cheney Palin 19 percenter, you! Well, here--have a quickie date with my shovel!

WHACK!!!

You took me out last week and said you had a lot of fun and we'd do it again the following Saturday. I went out with you because you worked so closely with TOTUS. I thought for sure that meant you were a good Prog, a nice Prog boy perfect for a nice Prog girl like me.

I thought we had a really great time last Saturday, and I was really looking forward to this Saturday, when I was going to take you home to my Prog mother, Yelling Yelena, so she could stuff you full of borscht and vodka and put her own--ahem--stamp of approval on you. I should've known what would happen when I told you that over our post-coital cigarettes, and your own cigarette fell out of your mouth and set aflame my environmentally correct Panda-safe bamboo sheets (I only buy those certified with the "No Pandas Went Hungry From the Making of These Sheets" label). I just figured your mouth was still numb from our earlier exertions, but NO! It turns out you were horrified at the prospect of getting it on with Yelena! And just because her boobs hang lower than that thing of yours.

That should've been my first warning sign that you're just another uptight frustrated neocon male who can't get it from neocon women because of their promise rings and stupid insistence that abstinence is the only form of birth control. You thought you could get a job taking care of TOTUS just so you could pick up Prog women and get all the goodies you want, because you stupid neocons think Prog women are sluts who'll do it with ANYBODY, yes, ANYBODY--even YOU!!!

Well, you're wrong, conboy, because I took The Pledge. I wouldn't go to bed with you again if--if--if you were my shovel!

WHACK!!!

Now get out of here and this time, take your jawbone with you.


 

Nice try Olby. I'm bored. When will the real talent begin?

 

Lone Stage Grip

I looked at all this crap!

Good God you commie pinko's are disgusting!!!
No, we are just creative due to our grants from the NEA (National Endowment of the Arts). as we all know, no art is art unless it's funded by said Association.
 

Jeez, Lone Stage Grip, I do feel sorry for you. Ever since I got whacked by Pinkie's shovel I have, er, stumbling fits. Sometimes I had to lie down because I'm seeing double. She looks so nice and soft and sweet and cuddly, especially when Yelling Yelena is serving you potato pancakes, but if you cross her, and you did, then there will be hell to pay.

Bear in mind that we're all socialists here. We don't believe in private property, unless we can get our hands on it. We are very progressive. We believe in complete freedom, except we want to control everything just to make sure that there is complete freedom.
 

Comrades,

The Tiara has arrived. Thought you might like to have a peek.


 

I think the tiara should be equally distributed, with each contestant getting a piece of it set in a special medal honoring their many physical accomplishments for The Party(TM).
 

OOOH, Soooh Kewl,

OOOh, that milky white skin . . .


 

Colonel 7.62

I think the tiara should be equally distributed, with each contestant getting a piece of it set in a special medal honoring their many physical accomplishments for The Party(TM).

Colonel 7.62,

I've got a bunch of prima donnas on my hands. We'll be lucky if the tiara survives at all with they way they are fighting back in the dressing room. His Obamaness is the worst one, always wanting to be the center of attention, he wants to put it on right now. So far, though, I have it well hidden.

Speaking of His Obamaness, can't he see that some implants would help? He says his breasts are a perfect size 36 C. Can't he tell how droopy that bikini is on him? Making him look in the mirror doesn't help one bit. He seems to see himself in a completely different light. Even Bruno has a clearer picture of his own flaws than that.