We need to guide our little ones this holiday season with politically correct toys. Here are just a few suggestions:

Banish-Me Elmo


Complete with toy shovel and ball with chain, this endearing childrens' favorite reminds little ones the consequences of thoughtcrime. The shocked, fearful expression on his cute little face says it all. Packaged in his little cardboard kulak, a reformed and politically reliable Elmo is ready to please your progressive child. Quilted parka sold separately.

Obama Nite-Lite


Now that the One has descended to Washington, sleep in peace knowing that his soothing glow of hope and change is upon you and your loved ones. See our related Obama figurines coming out soon, including Michelle as the Wicked Witch of Chicago, and the Jeremiah Church Playset, including an action figure of the One's pastor - it even smokes!

And, for something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...the
Chairman Meow Action Figure

OK, we could have our glorious Chairman action figure sitting at his desk, counting his money and denouncing comrades with courage and skill. Or we could put him in a fantasy situation showing off his impressive physique, his powerful presence, and considerable talent. Here he is slashing away at his axe, pandering to the decadent youth of American culture. Their empty heads will be filled with his progressive lyrics to entice them into Marxism for Marxism's sake. Just think of the irony as they flock to buy their own re-education. Our leader will have the last laugh!

These are all excellent ideas for toys for the proles.

The Chairman Meow action figure would look more real with a big bag of cash and Gene Simmon's tongue.

Does my action figure come with three catchy and lovable Meow phrases when you pull his string?

Of course, esteemed Chairman! The phrases we currently have:

"Where the hell's my money?"
"I'll pay you Next Tuesday!"
"You pull my string baby, I pull yours."

We thought of other more realistic phrases, but focus groups recommended we avoid graphic and obscene statements, so that cut 90% of the sayings. Remember, Chairman, we are selling these to children.

Komrade Zarkof, excellent suggestions. We were thinking of an accessory set that includes several bags of cash, an open bottle of scotch whiskey, a Makarov with extra magazine and several other accessories our Chairman-about-town wouldn't leave his palace without.

If only I had some little Gaia-killers to give such glorious present to!

I fell in love with Irina Spalko this summer. (and its washable too!)

Eeewww....

What are holiday toys without a train?

Barack Obama Choo-Choo

America, this is our moment! Take a ride to change with the 44th President of the United States. An exclusive Barack Obama collectible electric train collection celebrates the energy and excitement of his historic election and the changing tide of the American landscape. The message of hope charges full speed ahead beginning with Issue One, the Yes We Can Locomotive. Soon, your collection will continue with Issue Two, Change, Action, Hope, which includes a FREE HO gauge track, and Issue Three, the Barack Obama 44th President of the United States car which includes your FREE power pack. Additional coordinating Obama memorabilia train cars for the collection, each a separate issue, will follow.‡



Available exclusively from Hawthorne Village, each issue in this HO scale Barack Obama collectible electric train collection is precision scaled and dramatically decorated with dynamic photographs, popular campaign quotes and messages of patriotism, hope and change. Plus, the engine's working headlight and brightly lit passenger cars symbolize the positive change to our country. Take a historic ride and display your American pride with this heirloom-quality Obama collectible and enjoy it for generations to come. It also makes a stunning Obama themed gift for any American who appreciates the historical significance of this election. Order now!

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All aboard! You're about to be taken for a ride! (And a historic one at that.)

Comrades, I am worried, disturbed even, by these developments, particularly this train. Follow my reasoning: We "elected" His Obamaness on a strict platform of Socialism...State run medicine, state run insurance, redistribution of wealth, government mandates that forbid all actions that are not compulsory. Yet here we have capitalists out to make a quick buck on anything to which the beloved mug of His Obamaness can be pasted. We must act, comrades! This must be regulated! Taxed! We must strike before this ge...Sorry, I must go now. UPS is here and I have to sign for my Obama Commemorative Suppository Twelve Pack.

Ivan Betinov wrote: UPS is here and I have to sign for my Obama Commemorative Suppository Twelve Pack.

Thank you Comrade Betinov! Some one who cares about a comrade's problems!
Good bye donut!

Glorious train though. It lights up, just like The One!

Ivan Betinov wrote:Comrades, I am worried, disturbed even, by these developments, particularly this train. Follow my reasoning: We "elected" His Obamaness on a strict platform of Socialism...State run medicine, state run insurance, redistribution of wealth, government mandates that forbid all actions that are not compulsory. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Yet here we have capitalists out to make a quick buck on anything to which the beloved mug of His Obamaness can be pasted[/HIGHLIGHT]. We must act, comrades! This must be regulated! Taxed! We must strike before this ge...Sorry, I must go now. UPS is here and I have to sign for my Obama Commemorative Suppository Twelve Pack.

My dear comrade, this is mere residual capitalism, the last echoes of a collapsing and corrupt system in its death throes. Those who will make the quick BIG bucks - bailout recipients, corrupt politicians and their minions, and even The One - represent the new age of enlightenment. And that's your enlightened wallet or purse talking...

Speaking of those bailouts, I have a quick question, one I hope a comrade more enlightened in the mathematical arts may answer. It is my understanding that the Big Three are currently seeking 15 billion dollars from Congress. Added to all the other bailouts, I've seen the total figure set at somewhere around 3.5 Trillion dollars. Congress gets the money to spend on bailouts and such by taxing us, yes? If there is currently a population in this country of 300,000,000, doesn't that mean that Congress has just presented every man, woman and child in this country with a bill of $116,666 each to cover these bailouts?

Ivan Betinov wrote:Speaking of those bailouts, I have a quick question, one I hope a comrade more enlightened in the mathematical arts may answer. It is my understanding that the Big Three are currently seeking 15 billion dollars from Congress. Added to all the other bailouts, I've seen the total figure set at somewhere around 3.5 Trillion dollars. Congress gets the money to spend on bailouts and such by taxing us, yes? If there is currently a population in this country of 300,000,000, doesn't that mean that Congress has just presented every man, woman and child in this country with a bill of $116,666 each to cover these bailouts?

Comrade Betinov,

I assure you, as I have been on rat patrol (the two legged species) at the people's treasury, the printing presses are operating 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The printing of money will never cease. And the addition of zeros to the numbers in the corners has not ceased. The only thing that might change, is how we carry the people's money. And how we use the people's money. Certainly, as money becomes more plentiful, novel ways of money consumption will become evident.

General Cat! I salute you for your wonderful work For the Children™! I can not wait to confiscate some of those Chairman action figures from the State Orphanage to give to some rug rats I know that would appreciate them more than the orphans.

Might I suggest that we add this saying for the doll:

"I'm a Kennedy cop!"

May I introduce the "People's Video Game" system the "CheStation". It comes with a mind-control device built-in, with an optional internet link to the Current Truth©

Ooooo! A Che Station, the Chairman Action Hero figure, so many toys, so much OPM to spend on them!

Does he come with Kung Fu Grip? Is he available as "Malibu Meow"? And will there be a "Chairman's Dream Dacha" sold separately?

Comrade_Elliott wrote:
May I introduce the "People's Video Game" system the "CheStation". It comes with a mind-control device built-in, with an optional internet link to the Current Truth©

Already done. And by the most progressive of game companies, Nintendo.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_boy

Premier Betty wrote:

Comrade_Elliott wrote:
May I introduce the "People's Video Game" system the "CheStation". It comes with a mind-control device built-in, with an optional internet link to the Current Truth©

Already done. And by the most progressive of game companies, Nintendo.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtual_boy

But didn't that fail due to capitalist pigs driving it out?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:What are holiday toys without a train?

Barack Obama Choo-Choo

No doubt there will be long waiting lines for the new presidential jet model....

General Mousey-Tongue wrote:

Ivan Betinov wrote:Comrades, I am worried, disturbed even, by these developments, particularly this train. Follow my reasoning: We "elected" His Obamaness on a strict platform of Socialism...State run medicine, state run insurance, redistribution of wealth, government mandates that forbid all actions that are not compulsory. [HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]Yet here we have capitalists out to make a quick buck on anything to which the beloved mug of His Obamaness can be pasted[/HIGHLIGHT]. We must act, comrades! This must be regulated! Taxed! We must strike before this ge...Sorry, I must go now. UPS is here and I have to sign for my Obama Commemorative Suppository Twelve Pack.

My dear comrade, this is mere residual capitalism, the last echoes of a collapsing and corrupt system in its death throes. Those who will make the quick BIG bucks - bailout recipients, corrupt politicians and their minions, and even The One - represent the new age of enlightenment. And that's your enlightened wallet or purse talking...

Fire up the printing presses, comrades! Lets vote us some more money