The leader of Anchorage's largest synagogue today came to the defense of Congressman Alcee Hastings. In recent remarks before the National Democratic Jewish Council; Hastings proclaimed, "If Sarah Palin isn't enough of a reason for you to get over whatever your problem is with Barack Obama, then you damn well had better pay attention," said Hastings. "Anybody toting guns and stripping moose don't care too much about what they do with Jews and blacks. So, you just think this through."

Rabbi Bul'Venkle Mooseberg, leader of the Temple Beth Wossamatta in Anchorage said that Alcee Hastings has been an ardent supporter of his people over the years. Along with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton; he has been a strong supporter of allowing Jewish people to emigrate from New York City and South Florida to the Anchorage area.

"Alcee has always been very kind to us....so much so, we have made him an honorary member of the Moose Lodge. Additionally, he is absolutely correct about Sarah Palin. She has been awful to us Moose. After she was elected governor, she invited us to Wasilla for a barbecue. So what does Ms. Tina-Fey-Glasses shiksa serve? Mooseburgers! With cheese, no less!"

Rabbi Mooseberg further elaborated that Governor Palin has been allowing the stripping of moose. "Despite the fact that we don't actually wear any clothes, removing clothes from Moose is humiliating."

Comrades,

As a pole-dancing black Jewish stripper moose, I'm offended. I'm not yet sure exactly by what, but I'm offended.

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:I'm offended. I'm not yet sure exactly by what, but I'm offended.

Aha! Another Trotskyite attempting to undermine our cause! This comrade is no more a black, Jewish stripper moose than I am a baseball avatar with a hammer and sickle.

Wait a minute....

Wait... what am I supposed to feel?

Betty, you're not supposed to feel anything. Don't you remember that you donated your brain to the party?

Personally, Tovarich, I think that it is your right to assume any identity that you want, and if you want to be a pole-dancing black Jewish stripper moose, I will defend your right to be just that.

Just as I will defend the right of a callow, self-regarding community organizer, law-school lecturer, and short-term senator who voted "present" on tough votes to be President.

Should I post this headline in the right-hand column?

Alaskan pole-dancing black Jewish stripper moose defends Alcee Hastings' criticism of Sarah Palin

By all means. With a picture of Bullwinkle? He's appeared a lot you know but Bullwinkle is all things to all people.

I am incensed that such a prominent and long-suffering minority of zebra strippers is still being neglected. Power to zebra strippers!

But the stripping zebra, having divested itself of its stripes, would no longer qualify as an accredited victim group. Unless it was transsexual.

Pole-dancing black Jewish stripper moose (PDBJSM) : Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of a hat.

Rocky: Again?? That trick never works.

PDBJSM: This time for sure.

Lion: ROARRRR!!

PDBJSM: Guess I don't know my own strength.

Rocky: Now here's something you'll really like.

Red Square wrote:Should I post this headline in the right-hand column?

Alaskan pole-dancing black Jewish stripper moose defends Alcee Hastings' criticism of Sarah Palin

Comrade, it would be an honor to make it to the right-hand (so to speak) column.

I assume that the Cyrillic beneath Propeitior Vornoff is Vodka?

I like it. But Bullwinkle is <i>always</i> confused.

Comrade Leftfield wrote: "Anybody toting guns and stripping moose don't care too much about what they do with Jews and blacks. So, you just think this through."

This is a fine example of modern Progressive thought, Comrades! Logic, as we know, is an outmoded bourgeois concept, no longer relevant in the modern age. Party-approved thought uses the superior values of the non-sequitur. Why is this superior? Because it basically can be used to prove whatever we want to prove! And because the skools have spent generations teaching "Why Johnny has two daddys and needs to stop global warming" instead of useless stuff like thinking, no one will be the wiser! So, you just think this through. If you can. Better yet, let Rep. Hastings do it for you, because he obviously is a superior intellect.

These are the shitheads the Lefties expect are going to solve our problems for us???? If Obamunism prevails, we are going to be eating bugs and trading gold for magic beans by next Christmas.

Comrades,

It is clear that you have felt my pain--glorious! If you would like to feel other things of mine, I can provide, depending.

And who is this Bruno? Maybe I have seen him if he spent time in the Corn Belt.

Bruno is my houseboy. He's 6' 3" tall, has size 14 shoes, and does Carmen Miranda impressions. I've tried to give him away for he infests Rancho del Rio Grande here in Texas, but no one will take him. Would you care for him? Prize beefcake. And not a brain in his head. A perfect necro-proxy voter <i>avant le lettre</i>.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:But the stripping zebra, having divested itself of its stripes, would no longer qualify as an accredited victim group. Unless it was transsexual.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

Perhaps I am mistaken, but it seems that this particular zebra is deficient in identifiable genitalia. If we who are politically correct are also visually correct, this zebra is thus asexual. Considering asexual relations are often termed platonic, and that Plato wrote The Republic, it logically follows that this particular zebra is thus a Republican and accordingly not worthy of secular victimhood. In fact, I propose that this zebra is therefore a threat and in need of reeducation and resexualization. At this point I shall consider my contribution to the Collective an adequate end in itself and defer the actual reeducating and resexualizing of said depicted zebra to fellow comrades.

Then again, if this is the same zebra I've seen too many times to forget--ah, a sordid past indeed--beneath a zebra-striped buxom nude human female with an uplifted arm amidst a verdant background, a visual construction that makes me recall old Conan the Barbarian book covers by Frank Frazetta, then this particular zebra might require a special exemption for its mnemonic ability to lodge (dis)information permanently in the brains of young laddies.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Bruno is my houseboy. He's 6' 3" tall, has size 14 shoes, and does Carmen Miranda impressions. I've tried to give him away for he infests Rancho del Rio Grande here in Texas, but no one will take him. Would you care for him? Prize beefcake. And not a brain in his head. A perfect necro-proxy voter <i>avant le lettre</i>.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

I have recently decided to pursue the vocation of "contraband import/export" by ferry between Otaru, Japan, and Vladivostok, Russia. Primarily Tokarevs, crabs, and women (without crabs) into Japan and stolen property and used cars to Russia. Clearly handy in many ways relevant to my business, Bruno would also likely intimidate Japanese customs and amuse Russian customs, all to the best. Send him over!

I do note that Carmen Miranda impressions will likely need revision given the local climate and economic realities. If he can work with shellfish, seasonal fruits and vegetables, and grains, instead of tropical fruit, things should go well.

For Bruno to work with any sort of fruit at all would be a busman's holiday. And I'll give you a hint. If you want something cleaned up and ship-shape, tell him that the Divine Miss M is coming for a visit and it ought to look nice. He'll scrub all the marks of those platform shoes off the deck.

(That's a hell of an improvement over the days of size 14 stiletto heels--which took General Dynamics to engineer.)