Dear Comrades,

The Democratic Socialist Party Central Committee of Chicagograd has formally announced this year's push to indoctrinate all Young Socialists assigned to the city's kindergartens in the proper understanding of their sexuality through the Party's Sexual Orientation Defense Organization for the Maturation of Youth (SODOMY).

SODOMY was conceived by Comrade Party Chairman and Future President Barack Barackovich Obama in 2003 while he was still a Illinois Oblast People's Senate Deputy. In consultation with theSexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), SODOMY has developed a new plan to teach children not only basic reproductive issues, but also important concepts such as sexual attraction and separation of marriage from sex.

SIECUS originally developed the a plan to teach kindergarteners about the various forms of sexual attraction, but SODOMY will push it forward with plans for teen volunteers known as ‘Peer Councilors,' who will demonstrate various expressions of sexually in age-appropriate ways, such as using puppets or musical plays. Teens, being closer in age to kindergarteners, are better equipped to discuss sexuality than adults.

Another aspect of the teenage SODOMY volunteers will be their assistance in separating sexuality and sexual conduct from marriage in the course of their educational work. Students will learn that sexual activity should not only not confined to marriage, it is completely absent, and so children should explore their sexuality as far as possible before the dreary imposition of marriage and celibacy comes in their late 30s, in conformity with the Party's popular Progressive One-Child Policy.

It is important for kindergarteners to get these positive messages now before their parents become comfortable with trying to perform such education on their own, without the special training of SODOMY. We do not need untrained amateurs doing what the Party does best: educating and training your children.

Comrades, support SODOMY in our Kindergartens! Our children deserve early sexual development training!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

I am hoping they will chose loyal Comrade Weiner for the Head of SODOMY Of The Chicago Kindergarteners. Especially since Weiner as a wee Weiner, he would be most qualified, would he not??!

And let's not forget the religious personal aspect that these kindergartners will experience, as they're instructed by members of the Down Low Club from President Barackzebub Husseinovich Obama's church of twenty years, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright's Trinity United Church of Christ!

What an opportunity for growth - and good healthy fun! - these youngsters have today in Chicago, comrades.

Comrade Rock, which one's the sub and which one's the dom?

This is a very smart thing to do. I vividly recall when, at the age of 5, I was having sex with anybody and everybody I bumped into on the street. So foolish. Not the slightest concern for STDs or scientific method. I should volunteer to speak at one of these classes. Where do I apply for a grant to fund my travel expenses?

So when can we expect the Kindersutra? There must be guvmint approved positions so as not to strain the "affordable" health tax act. Perhaps there are at present just general rules for the graham cracker snatch snack break? O-Reglations and a Czar must follow... To be fair ....

Finally, someone with the vision to implement (and expand on) the instruction first proposed by my idol and mentor, former Surgeon General, super progressive Joycelyn Elders (she was ahead of her time, you know)! Praise Obama!

But, but, but ... Kindergarteners have such teeny tiny fingers that they can barely peel bananas, let alone, uh, clothe them in the, uh, training materials. Come to think of it, the male masculine-gender-identified kindergarteners also have such teeny tiny other appendages that the training materials would slip off. In all humility and confession of ignorance I ask to be enlightened about this.

ALL FOR THE CHILDREN!™

It has just been announced that MTV will reserve seats for Chicagograd kindergarteners at next year's VMAs so that The Children ™ can receive sexual instruction from people closer to their own mental and emotional disposition.

Comrades,Of course the glorious Imperious Leader Barack Barackovich Obama™has requested Miley Cyrus to be an instructor and additionally ordered Kindersnatch™sized vodka shots for allmalemasculine-gender-identified kindergartners to better facilitate thebrainwashingtraining of superior reproductive activities. I am afraid any more of this "enlightened" behavior and I will be needing to requisition more shares of beet vodka rations to keep my level of stupor sufficient so my party approved recliner continues to support my girth and keeps me away from non-party-approved™ (and thusdangerous) opinions.

The kids these day... Back in the day we had to walk ten miles...