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Sad? Just Put On a Happy Face(book)

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Comrades,

Have you ever wondered why you're happy one day and ready to jump from a very high place the next? Do your best friends make you want to laugh, or slit your throat? Have you just seen a depressing movie, or watched the weekend shows on MSNBC and come away with the distinct feeling that life is a cruel and meaningless joke?

Well fret not, good comrade - there is still hope. Our research team at Facebook has discovered the reason for your bi-polar malady - "Emotional Contagion". Yes, my friends, the National Academy of Sciences in conjunction with Facebook investigators has determined that your emotions are being manipulated by shadowy forces just waiting to pounce and ruin your day.

The massive research effort, undertaken in January of 2012, shows just how the fiendish scheme is deployed by those evil manipulators of society. Read this summary at your peril, comrades, for the science is now complete! You are in fact, a brainless wondering lamb, subject to the thoughts and emotions of nameless, faceless forces lurking all about us.

Let's all sing along, comrades -

Gray skies are gonna clear up
Put on a happy face
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a happy face
Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy
It's not your style
You'll look so good that you'll be glad
You decided to smile

Pick out a pleasant outlook
Stick out that noble chin
Wipe off that full of doubt look
Slap on a happy grin
And spread sunshine all over the place
And put on a happy face

Grey skies are gonna clear up
Put on a happy face
Brush off the clouds and cheer up
Put on a happy face

And if your feeling cross and bitterish
Don't sit and whine
Think of banana splits and licorice
And you'll feel fine

I knew a girl so gloomy
She'd never laugh or sing
She wouldn't listen to me
Now she's a mean old thing
So spread sunshine all over the place
And put on a happy happy face
Put on a happy happy happy face

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Captain Craptek wrote:You are in fact, a brainless wondering lamb, subject to the thoughts and emotions of nameless, faceless forces lurking all about us.
[highlight=#ffffff]
[/highlight]In other words, Democrats.

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"[T]he well-documented connection between emotions and physical well-being suggests the importance of these findings for public health."

Aha! A public health issue! Therefore we must, For The Children™, mandate attendance at cyber camps (Cyberias™) at which only good thoughts information is implanted viewed. Naturally, this would be a "treatment" falling within the jurisdiction of the DHS and FREE under 0bamacare™

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Happiness is a state of mind. If you're not happy, just change your mind.

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Captain Craptek wrote:You are in fact, a brainless wondering lamb, subject to the thoughts and emotions of nameless, faceless forces lurking all about us.
Lambs get to wonder? Is that not a form of thinking, which is unauthorized? I am wondering feeling puzzled. But no matter. As long as no brains are involved, even wondering must be all right ... yes?

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It is true, but the overall supervision of this study was by the People's Ministry of Mental Health. In fact, this is but one of the many studies that Comrade Zuckerberg has invited us to use his customer database for our not-necessarily-voluntary studies. I will give my People's Cube comrades a glimpse of one of the other studies our partnership with Facebook has produced:

https://apps.pdos.lcs.mit.edu/scicache/291/scimakelatex.29021.HRH+Kelly+Ivanovna.Mark+Zuckerberg.Mark-s+mom+who+is+a+psychiatrist.html

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Such "research" results in me getting no less than 3 emails per week offering "enlargement" products (un-needed, of course...)

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Anyer Marx wrote:"[highlight=#FFFF99][T]he well-documented connection between emotions and physical well-being suggests the importance of these findings for public health."[/highlight]

Aha! A public health issue! Therefore we must, For The Children™, mandate attendance at cyber camps (Cyberias™) at which only good thoughts information is implanted viewed. Naturally, this would be a "treatment" falling within the jurisdiction of the DHS and FREE under 0bamacare™
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You noticed precisely the same sentence that caught my eye when reading the abstract. It's no accident that the word "health" showed up in the "study". I won't be at all surprised when someone in congress references the "study" as scientific proof that exposure to "trigger words" should be covered under the ADA or ACA. Welcome to the Craptek Crypto-Paranoids Club.

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[color=#C0392B]Tovarichi[/color] [u][i]was not[/i][/u] bragging when he wrote:Such "research" results in me getting no less than 3 emails per week offering "enlargement" products (un-needed, of course...)
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First... more about me!

When I arrived in California in 2010 I rented a room from Mrs. Scratchanitch and her husband Vlad. A few weeks later Tovarichi entered my life! From the second we met he couldn't stop talking about his big balls. It was 'My big balls this...' and 'My big balls that...' and 'Have you seen my big balls?' and 'Did you touch my big balls?' etc. We all thought he was nuts but he really did have big balls.

He only lived with us for a couple of months. Two weeks before he moved out of the house he burned all of his trousers in the backyard except for one pair. As he so wisely said, 'It's not right to go to Big Lots! in your scivvies!'

He told me he was a Russian tractor salesman... he never mentioned helicopters even once.

Looking at this picture Vlad snapped of us I recalled how Tovarichi had a rather large head as well.
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Nuts, comrade...nuts. As keeper of the Peoples' pecan orchard, operator and maintainer of the Peoples tractor, I have big nuts.

And as keeper of the orchard, I say squirrels are pests.

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Tovarichi wrote:
Nuts, comrade...nuts. As keeper of the Peoples' pecan orchard, operator and maintainer of the Peoples tractor, I have big nuts.

[highlight=#FFFF99]And as keeper of the orchard, I say squirrels are pests.[/highlight]

"Pests"? Must I remind you - Craptek is the official "Defender of The People's Nuts." You work for me We labor for The People!


 
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