It has long been speculated that animals have some uncanny ability to sense approaching natural disasters, such as earthquakes or storms. Others believe animals are more sensitive to the supernatural and can get a feeling of one's personality just by being near him or her.
Animal specialists in Michigan have observed an odd spike in excessively anxious and even aggressive animal behavior in the recent several weeks, focused around the areas of Lansing and Detroit. In particular, this phenomenon could be easily documented in multiple animal shelters maintained by local branches of Humane Society, among various species of caged animals.
Reports say that around 8:00 am on March 7th, some dogs at one of the shelters began whining, while others paced nervously in their pens. The dogs refused food and water, becoming more and more anxious by the minute, as if they wanted to flee in fear but were trapped in their cages. Neither the shelter workers, nor local citizens whose pets exhibited similar strange behavior, could immediately determine the cause.
Around 8:30 am, the cumulative animal cries became so loud and consistent at shelters and various private residences that many neighbors made noise complaints to the police.
Very soon animals began to turn on people. Cats hissed and scratched their owners who wanted to hold them, while dogs would bite the very hand that fed them. It was as if all domesticated pets became possessed simultaneously. This lasted for several hours, causing frantic calls to Animal Control, which overwhelmed local phone systems.
Working with scientists, Animal Control created a map of the events on March 7th, based on severity and frequency of such incidents. This allowed the team to pinpoint the exact epicenter of the anomaly - it was Triumph Church where from 8:00 am to 10:00 am Hillary Clinton was speaking at the sermon.
"I don't believe in coincidences," said Bill Carson, the manager of the local Animal Control facility. "I spoke to colleagues in Flint and Lansing, and they all confirmed that exactly the same things were happening in their cities around areas where Hillary Clinton gave speeches. All of the abnormal animal behavior was recorded within a three mile radius of her speaking, and it only lasted as long as she spoke. Once Hillary left, the animals went back to their normal selves, as if nothing happened."
Research scientists investigating this anomaly contacted geologists to inquire if there was any seismic activity detected in the area at the time when animals exhibited symptoms of anxiety and fear. No seismic activity was recorded, however. The weather was also mild throughout the week, with no storms within a 500 mile radius.
The only theory the scientists were left to work with was the puzzling correlation between Hillary Clinton's public speeches and the timing of incidents involving terrified, screeching animals in the same areas.
Indeed, these are strange times...
(You have to have lived in Oregon to get this...)
Keeper of the Faith, babyMy gosh! Hillary has more faults than California. No wonder the animals went crazy.
Does the ground quake underneath her feet? Yes, yes it does.
I believe Hillary rises up basking in the glow of the poisonously irradiated quaking ground she has polluted and what is not irradiated turns to pillars of salt so that between the glow and the erection (lockbox, anyone?) the sun shines where it has never before done so. And I do not mean her server files which she so diligently wipes with that rag (and I don't mean a little blue slightly stained, smelling of cigar smoke,) dress bought at the GAP. Pizza anyone? P.S., what has a pole (Polish person, of course,) ever done to you? Air raid sirens for hystrionics are quite unnecessary as Komrad Red Square has provided us with audio of the woman who reasonably well enough mimics the sound of my first wife or a Saturn V rocket being launched to the moon. As for BB guns popping her, lets not let the gas out of the bag.
ChedohIf I ever get a cat I will name it Chairman Meow...Are you declaring the Moral Equivalant of War?
Hahaha. Hillary's animal behavior; "Things go better with coke!"