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It has become our New Year tradition to team up with Will Beria, our Listmaster of Things that Didn't Happen, and make an official statement. See our lists for the years of 2012 and 2013.

This time, however, instead of a summary of things that didn't happen in the past year, we are offering a list of Top Ten Things To Come in the coming year.

1. Recovery will reach escape velocity and escape the economy altogether
2. All executive orders will be declared constitutional by executive order
3. Robert Kennedy Jr. will apologize for being white and male, blaming his parents
4. The New York Times will cut operating costs by replacing fact-checkers with rubber stamp
5. A Harvard professor will find evidence proving evidence proves nothing
6. City of San Francisco will be leveled because steep hills made it handicap inaccessible
7. Nobel-winning economists will admit bafflement that deficit keeps growing despite increased government spending
8. Last Baby Boomer will go kicking and screaming into his 60s; generation will be renamed 'Crybaby Boomers'
9. Congress will stand up to Wall Street; bankers will take their seats
10. Sesame Street will sue Letter 'S' for monopolizing both plural and possessive nouns

In more News From the Future:

A Supreme Court decision in "Fabian and Fabian versus America" will result in a declaration that naming governmental entities (cities, states, etc.) or taxpayer-supported institutions after Christian saints or personages is in violation of the separation of church and state. Additionally, using for this purpose the name of a Caucasian and/or male is declared racist and/or sexist in violation of the equal protection clause and/or something in the Constitution the Supreme Court will defer explaining to the future.

In light of the decision, San Francisco will revert to Yerba Buena and the City of Angels, Los Angeles, will become Los Humanas. The state of Pennsylvania will become the all-inclusive Pansylvania, Pittsburgh will become Peoplesburgh, and Philadelphia, City of Brotherly Love, will be rechristened renamed Philatransgendoria. St. Louis will become Middleopolis. Their pro sports teams will follow suit: the Rams will become the gender-neutral Middleopolis Sheep, and the Cardinals will become the Laypersons.

The USA itself will drop the connection to Amerigo Vespucci and become the USNC, United States of North Continenta. Disassociating from Columbus and Washington, the capitol will be renamed Omnicity, District of Potomaca. The NFL franchise will follow suit, becoming the Omnicity Redskins.

So much to look forward to, an all before Next Tuesday as well!

I would question why the Omnicity football team would retain its historical and hateful and racist name, when "First Peoples" would be more appropriate and acceptable...if I had time to ponder such matters that Governmen should solve on my behalf.

So...is Above Texas still in?

This is so joyous to read.. I cannot tell you how glad I'm to hear that we are dropping the USA for the USNC. The three cursed letters have been blight on humanity. We have to distance ourselves from Amerigo and Columbus possibly the most racist humans ever to inhabit this planet. To have any association with the USA made me hate myself. I blame my white parents for keeping me the most humble of people in this teabagging nation. Now I can raid my refrigerator less often as not having to deal with the shame and guilt of those three letter USA not to be easily confused with the three numbers 666. This alone will save me many trips to Wal-Mart's ice-cream isle. I think I will go out now and get a tattoo of USNC upon my bosom. A glorious day comrades a bright future for us indeed.

Ah, give me a girl with a tattooed bosom and I shall live in contentment in the United States of the Naughty Commissars....

Bosoms?

You dont say! Well, this possibly merits a closer look...

(Provided we are reviewing original equipment, and not some aftermarket bolt-on accessories)

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Bosoms?

You dont say! Well, this possibly merits a closer look...

(Provided we are reviewing original equipment, and not some aftermarket bolt-on accessories)

Yes Comrade, I have found that aftermarket parts not only reduce the value of the vehicle but also dramatically reduce the life of your engine, and can make your engine quit or sputter. An easy way to check to see if you have Non-OEM parts is if your wrench starts to bend in the process of inspecting and torquing the part. Furthermore, if the part does not move but should or is very loose, it very well may be an aftermarket part or an OEM part that needs replacing or tightening.

As for the "closer look", sign me up!*


*Provided that the parts are True OEM

Do you think 2015 will see the opening of the first mandatory re-education camp? We have to have a way to re-educate those who somehow still escaped out Glorious Universities still having rethugliKKKan tenancies :(

Comrade M84, do your duties include raining on parades, butchering bunnies and kittens, or otherwise include the title of "buzzkill" ?

This topic was successfully redirected to bosoms, and you want to go back to re-education camp? We can do that...dress warm, and leave your ration cards with me, you wont need it for some time...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Comrade M84, do your duties include raining on parades, butchering bunnies and kittens, or otherwise include the title of "buzzkill" ?

This topic was successfully redirected to bosoms, and you want to go back to re-education camp? We can do that...dress warm, and leave your ration cards with me, you wont need it for some time...

I agree Comrade Ivan, we were just starting to speak of bosoms, and yet Comrade M84 doesn't want to talk about them? I honestly do not care about reeducation camps at this point, heck, if we were speaking of Lenin and his glory, and somebody started to even hint at bosoms, I would stop speaking of the Glories of Lenin, or at least segue very quickly out of the topic, to talk about bosoms. Comrade M84 should be sent to a special kind of "re-education camp", he seems to like them very much, considering he interrupted bosoms to talk about them.

Also, Comrade M84, dress very warm, pick out the best shovel you have, and report to your Local Komissar at the train station on the 17th of January at 9:00 AM sharp. Go to Platform 13. Be prepared to have a lot of "fun" and "good times".

Proceed with caution, Comrade!

Combining discussion of the glories of Lenin and bosoms in the same paragraph can go very bad, very VERY quickly...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Proceed with caution, Comrade!

Combining discussion of the glories of Lenin and bosoms in the same paragraph can go very bad, very VERY quickly...

Ah, yes. I shall do more to restrain myself in the future. Although, I do think that image is illegal in Russia nowadays, so i would also advise you to avoid combine bosoms and images of Homosexual Propagandic bosoms in the future (Although Putin has had some photographs taken of his bosoms. Possibly State-Approved Homosexual Propaganda?) Glory to Lenin!

Homosexual propaganda? Are you in Kalifornia, by chance?

Such imagery is right from the Peoples "chick magnet" files, and you're going to have to speak louder, over the racket of the womynfolk breathing hard and babushkas and panties hitting the floor...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Homosexual propaganda? Are you in Kalifornia, by chance?

Such imagery is right from the Peoples "chick magnet" files, and you're going to have to speak louder, over the racket of the womynfolk breathing hard and babushkas and panties hitting the floor...

Comrade Ivan, you have opened my eyes for the day. I hadn't considered the P**** Magnet potential of these images, it seems to be quite strong. I also should add that I am a P**** magnet, but that to attract any P**** I would need to switch the polarity, which isn't easy. But, I can already see the panties hitting the floor quicker than Glorious Soviet Artillery and the Bosoms coming out more explosively than Glorious Soviet ICBM.

Also, I do not live in the Democratic People's Republic of Kalifornia.

I see your bosom and raise you leg!

Comrade Stierlitz wrote: I also should add that I am a P**** magnet, but that to attract any P**** I would need to switch the polarity, which isn't easy.

Ummm, New Comrade, here at the People's Cube, all are welcome and equal in the eyes of the Party, without consideration of race, religion, or "polarity". How your circuits are wired is your business, I happen to be rather traditional about how my fuze gets blown.

Join us in Tractor barn #2 on friday after the shovels are cleaned and accounted for, we have great discussion on political issues of the day, singing of the marching songs, and fermented light beverages refreshments, no ration card needed on your first visit.


But I digress...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:

Comrade Stierlitz wrote: I also should add that I am a P**** magnet, but that to attract any P**** I would need to switch the polarity, which isn't easy.

Ummm, New Comrade, here at the People's Cube, all are welcome and equal in the eyes of the Party, without consideration of race, religion, or "polarity". How your circuits are wired is your business, I happen to be rather traditional about how my fuze gets blown.

Join us in Tractor barn #2 on friday after the shovels are cleaned and accounted for, we have great discussion on political issues of the day, singing of the marching songs, and fermented light beverages refreshments, no ration card needed on your first visit.


But I digress...

I would be happy to join such a meeting. "Light refreshments" and singing of Glorious Marches? I have never been to such a glorious meeting. At the Party Introduction Meetings I have been to, they've always done the singing of Marches, but I haven't seen any "light refreshments" at any Party meetings.

As for "polarity" I was trying to insinuate that I tend to repel Female comrades. I try as hard as I can to ingrain into me the Party doctrine that states that all are equal, but my circuits seem to lock up whenever I am around a female comrade that isn't talking about Party doctrines or the daily news. I am almost as uncomfortable around a Female comrade than I am a dirty, filthy Capitalist. At least with the Capitalists I can denounce and shame them for being unwashed, but with Female comrades I can't denounce them because they're part of the Party and I can't shame them because party doctrines state that all are equal, but some are more equal than others. Oh well, at least I can learn more about and glorify the Party and help others become Party members in the time I save.

As for that wonderful photograph, all I have to say is "Wow!"

You have come to the right place. Our womyns work hard in the beetfields, and can get just as dirty as the menfolk. Equal results are the rule as is equal treatment. They will converse easily with you, until you prove yourself an absolute idiot. If you have art skills, that helps. (I do not, so I make up for shortcomings elsewhere...)

One possible exception to the equal treatment stuff, if you see a certain Commisarka, easily identifiable by red nose and a babushka, don't make eye contact, look busy, and stay out of range of the "golden shovel of lightning fast retribution and instructive punishment". The scars take a long time to heal. Lots of attitude, but I'm sure that deep down, Pinky is just a teddy bear...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:You have come to the right place. Our womyns work hard in the beetfields, and can get just as dirty as the menfolk. Equal results are the rule as is equal treatment. They will converse easily with you, until you prove yourself an absolute idiot. If you have art skills, that helps. (I do not, so I make up for shortcomings elsewhere...)

One possible exception to the equal treatment stuff, if you see a certain Commisarka, easily identifiable by red nose and a babushka, don't make eye contact, look busy, and stay out of range of the "golden shovel of lightning fast retribution and instructive punishment". The scars take a long time to heal. Lots of attitude, but I'm sure that deep down, Pinky is just a teddy bear...

Thank you Comrade, I had not received this instruction in the Party Introductory courses. I am almost tempted to put a letter through to the local Party, but I fear for what they may reply back with. Anyway, do not worry about not having art skills, I also do not have such skills. It has always been a great pain having an idea for Party Propaganda but not having the skills to produce a workable prototype. I have petitioned the local Party to install a Propaganda "ideas box" outside of the local Party building, but they wrote back that they've tried this many times, and it's always been broken off or filled with dirt by irresponsible young hooligans.

Comrade Stierlitz wrote: I agree Comrade Ivan, we were just starting to speak of bosoms, and yet Comrade M84 doesn't want to talk about them? I honestly do not care about reeducation camps at this point, heck, if we were speaking of Lenin and his glory, and somebody started to even hint at bosoms, I would stop speaking of the Glories of Lenin, or at least segue very quickly out of the topic, to talk about bosoms. Comrade M84 should be sent to a special kind of "re-education camp", he seems to like them very much, considering he interrupted bosoms to talk about them.

Also, Comrade M84, dress very warm, pick out the best shovel you have, and report to your Local Komissar at the train station on the 17th of January at 9:00 AM sharp. Go to Platform 13. Be prepared to have a lot of "fun" and "good times".

[img]images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img] I'm a she ;) And probably shouldn't have clicked this thread at work... :p[img]images/clipart/Prog_On.gif[/img] I apologize for how I have wronged The Party. Of course, I will volunteer myself for psychological cleansing.