Image

Top Twelve Things that Didn't Happen in 2013

User avatar
[img]/images/Map_South_Rises_Upside_Down.jpg[/img]

Top Twelve Things that Didn't Happen in 2013

  1. November designated Ignorance Awareness Month; apathetic public doesn't care

  2. Space-time expansion accelerates; clock faces change to 13 hours

  3. Y2K finally kicks in, is blamed for healthcare.gov glitches

  4. Rhetoric reaches tipping point, grows exponentially, hits wall, goes over cliff, crashes and burns

  5. Newer Testament released, Commandments replaced with Executive Orders

  6. Government worker discovers untapped debt hidden in Capitol's debt ceiling

  7. Post-modern era ends, neo-post-retro-revival era begins

  8. Hell's Angels sue Wall Street to get 1% label back, Wall Street retaliates by selling Harley-Davidson to China

  9. More climate data lost due to a growing number and intensity of memory holes

  10. To raise revenue government begins charging for formerly free speech

  11. Tired old clichés replaced with fresh new clichés

  12. Earth's magnetic field reverses, the South rises again

Things not likely to happen in 2014:

  • A headline that reads "Government program ends as its intended goal has been achieved."

What is likely to happen in 2014:

  • All numbers will be in binary and ahl speling wil bee dun funnetiklee.

Hahpee 11101101010, komrahdz!


------------------------------------------
Special thanks to comrade Will Beria, official Listmaster of Things that Didn't Happen.

User avatar
12 More things that didn't happen in 2013

1. If you liked your insurance you could keep it.
2. If you liked your doctor you could keep your doctor.
3. Syria was punished for crossing Obama's "red line".
4. New York City elected a competent mayor.
5. Global warming proven to be real.
6. Iran's nuclear aspirations were halted.
7. Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson was fired for homophobic comments.
8. George Zimmerman convicted of murder.
9. MSNBC did not shred viewers.
10. Alec Baldwin remained calm.
11. Truth about Benghazi attacks was revealed.
12. Healthcare.gov website worked as advertised.

User avatar
[img]/images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]
Reference Item #12, in the Army we used the metric system. I used to Obama screw with the minds of new troops and send them to supply for metric wristwatches...
[img]/images/clipart/Prog_On.gif[/img]
Has an inquisition been scheduled to find out why these have not taken place, and which teabagger is responsible for such derelictions of duty?

User avatar
Komrade Square,

I thought Dear Leader long ago implemented your Item 5. Did I miss something, or should I report for more reeducation?


User avatar
Tovarichi wrote:[img]/images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]
Reference Item #12, in the Army we used the metric system. I used to Obama screw with the minds of new troops and send them to supply for [highlight=#FFFF00]metric wristwatches[/highlight]...
[img]/images/clipart/Prog_On.gif[/img]
Has an inquisition been scheduled to find out why these have not taken place, and which teabagger is responsible for such derelictions of duty?

And the old standby, metric pliers.

User avatar
And, I wasn't able to sign up for PalinCare!!!

User avatar
Nor did Guam capsize because of overpopulation.

User avatar
Tovarichi wrote:Image Reference Item #12, in the Army we used the metric system. I used to Obama screw with the minds of new troops and send them to supply for metric wristwatches...
Image Has an inquisition been scheduled to find out why these have not taken place, and which teabagger is responsible for such derelictions of duty?


We used to send new 2nd lieutenants to the mechanics to get a box of reticules for the gun sites on the M1 Tank. Also have them get the "Front Slope Guide" to ensure that the front of the tank was at the correct alignment.

User avatar
Comrade Cube,

In considering another thing that did not occur.

We have discovered that the glorious northern regions of the mother continent and arctic pole (as predicted by the former Vice-Leader of the Western World) has failed to dissipate underneath our "Freedom Camps" in Siberia.
The vast shipments of light clothing and bathing suits sent to our "Freedom Workers" will now be re-labeled "Polar Bear Club Activity Clothing" for mandatory recreation drills.

Captain Craptek wrote:
Tovarichi wrote:Image Reference Item #12, in the Army we used the metric system. I used to Obama screw with the minds of new troops and send them to supply for [highlight=#ffff00]metric wristwatches[/highlight]...
Image Has an inquisition been scheduled to find out why these have not taken place, and which teabagger is responsible for such derelictions of duty?

And the old standby, metric pliers.
Uh, left handed monkey wrench, 15 feet of flight line and a bucket of prop wash....


 
POST REPLY