There is much hand-wringing for customers who purchased Volkswagen vehicles that run on diesel. The People's Cube correspondents interviewed several members of the class action lawsuit that has been brought against the company on behalf of Mother Earth:

"I feel that I was deceived into polluting more than my fair share. This must be what it feels like to be a capitalist. Frankly, I don't know how they live with themselves," said one anonymous Passat driver, "I cannot afford the carbon offsets that I now owe to Mother Earth."

"I took advantage of the 'Sign, then Drive' promotion at a local VW dealer, and then they took advantage of me," said another dissatisfied customer, "I feel as though I've played a role in the destruction of our precious planet. It's really icky."

"Those bastards are going to pay for this," cried an environmentally sensitive VW buyer, "How can I drive my Volkswagen down the road with all of my environmental stickers on the back as I pollute more than the other cars around me? They've succeeded in turning me into a hypocrite. I am ashamed to drive my own car. What do they expect me to do?"

Volkswagen is expected to pay restitution for this crime against nature, which has already caused the value of the company's stock to plummet, losing billions. But that's not enough for those who were duped by the company. They are demanding that the company buy carbon offset credits to compensate them for their guilt, as well as buying back their pollution machines. Most of the agrieved parties seek to purchase something cleaner for the environment, like battery powered cars that run on electricity, which is mysteriously produced in the walls of our homes by unknown forces, and released through conveniently located holes known as "power outlets."

Comrades,
What be the issue as the Imperialist continue to discredit our Marxist brothers in the Motherland of Germany. Government Motors has been known to put Chevy engines in Buick's without informing the masses.

So the question becomes why is this miss information or lack of information or down right lie OK for the District of Candyland but not OK for the Motherland of Germany?

Innocence is guaranteed, comrades. "Volkswagen" is, after all the "People's Car"

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Innocence is guaranteed, comrades. "Volkswagen" is, after all the "People's Car"

True Comrade, 'tis indeed the "Folks' Wagon", but the question is which folkses? Not all folks are as equal as others. Most folks are unaware that the folks intended to drive this Folks' Wagon were Gay-Hating, Earth-Warming, War-Mongering Nazi Folks. Again, the masses have been deceived by fascists into depleting Mother-Earth's deflector shield, "effectively turning the surface of the Earth into a virtual frying pan," to quote Algore. Das nein auto!

How sad that this news has become publick.

Those cars were never intended to be distributed to the Proletariat. They were meant only for we Elites, because we are better than everyone else are exempt from the usual rules regarding pollution.

Because using private jets and powerful cars that pollute is the only way we Elites can get to all of our speaking engagements to Save The Planet ™.

I hope they weren't random folks in a deli who just got in the way of capitalist extremists. That could look bad for The Party™.

Wait!. What am I thinking?

Clearly, I'm not. Which is precisely the correct mode of operation.

This is a great opportunity for The Party™ to display how the capitalists have destroyed the value of the People's Wagon™

The new GREEN Volkswagon:


Sports model:


Low emissions and high performance.

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Low emissions and high performance.

Are you sure about that KKK? I don't know about the equine variety, but I hear that bovine flatulence is ten times worse than a fascist-made People's Wagon. I believe you're on the right track, although we could probably learn a thing or two from the third world:

A rumor is ciculating that Volkswagen engineers are quietly working to enlist the help of the animal kingdom to power their new line of environmentally friendly automobiles with the smallest footprint possible:

Konservative_Punk wrote:A rumor is ciculating that Volkswagen engineers are quietly working to enlist the help of the animal kingdom to power their new line of environmentally friendly automobiles with the smallest footprint possible:

Fur-fegnugen.jpg

Once The People™ are dependent on "my kind" for motive power, they will (in effect) be dependent on "BIG NUT" for their motive energy needs. Does this mean that unless The People™ give me ALL the nuts I demand, I could go on strike and shut down the nation's transportation system?

As a designated keeper of one of the People's pecan orchards, I endorse putting squirrels into cars going anyplace else, and if it encourages the consumption (or perhaps a lucrative government contract) of nuts, I'm all for it!

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:As a designated keeper of one of the People's pecan orchards, I endorse putting squirrels into cars going anyplace else, and if it encourages the consumption (or perhaps a lucrative government contract) of nuts, I'm all for it!

I knew that some day we'd agree on how to deal with your nuts.

Konservative_Punk wrote:

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Low emissions and high performance.

Are you sure about that KKK? I don't know about the equine variety, but I hear that bovine flatulence is ten times worse than a fascist-made People's Wagon. I believe you're on the right track, although we could probably learn a thing or two from the third world:

Family Trike.jpg

I don't know about the flatulence, comrade. I'm no scientist (but I do believe everything they say, which can be confusing, some times). However, I do know that the green models displayed run entirely on bio-fuels.

Konservative_Punk wrote:A rumor is ciculating that Volkswagen engineers are quietly working to enlist the help of the animal kingdom to power their new line of environmentally friendly automobiles with the smallest footprint possible:

Fur-fegnugen.jpg

The big, powerful SUV type could have a second wheel behind the squirrel wheel with a puppy in it. My dog would chase a squirrel all day... Though her farts are anything but green.

[color=#C0392B]Ivan the Stakhanovets[/color] peeled back his personal cloak of intrigue when he wrote:As a designated keeper of one of the People's pecan orchards...

.
Ivan's Kenyan relatives enjoy the good news...
.

Seems I'm going to have a time getting rid of those tan lines...

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:I hope they weren't random folks in a deli who just got in the way of capitalist extremists. That could look bad for The Party™.

Wait!. What am I thinking?

Clearly, I'm not. Which is precisely the correct mode of operation.

This is a great opportunity for The Party™ to display how the capitalists have destroyed the value of the People's Wagon™

The new GREEN Volkswagon:

The attachment wagonroad2.jpg is no longer available

Sports model:

The attachment image_18_med.jpg is no longer available

Low emissions and high performance.

Volkswagon's entry into NASCAR is just a congressional vote away, I believe.

How far the once glorious 'Peoples Car Company' has fallen since 1937.

Soviet Mike Komsomolets wrote:How far the once glorious 'Peoples Car Company' has fallen since 1937.

I still use that car on weekends - believe it or not.

I want an equal share of this. I acquired the last two diesel VWs delivered to The People's Republic of Alaska in 2006. VW was in the process of "redesigning" their diesels to accommodate the entirely reasonable emission standards enacted by the Republic of Californian Peoples. No VW diesels were delivered to the USSA for a few years. If there is to be a class action settlement (there you go, bringing class into it again) I want to be at the head of the class. Of course I want to keep my two Beetles (Paul and John) because they get 50 mpg. I'm a cheap prog.


Is this news only because the VW diesel line up was cutting into the sales of Government Motors Volts and other "hybrids"?

Not much Voltage in the Current Truth ™

Red Salmon

Red Salmon wrote:I want an equal share of this. I acquired the last two diesel VWs delivered to The People's Republic of Alaska in 2006. VW was in the process of "redesigning" their diesels to accommodate the entirely reasonable emission standards enacted by the Republic of Californian Peoples. No VW diesels were delivered to the USSA for a few years. If there is to be a class action settlement (there you go, bringing class into it again) I want to be at the head of the class. Of course I want to keep my two Beetles (Paul and John) because they get 50 mpg. I'm a cheap prog.


Is this news only because the VW diesel line up was cutting into the sales of Government Motors Volts and other "hybrids"?

Not much Voltage in the Current Truth ™

Red Salmon

Comrade, unlike the completely fabricated crisis of Toyota vehicles driving themselves and their occupants at high speed to certain doom at the exact same time as Government Motors was being bailed out and needed a sales boost, the VW crisis has been proven to be completely un-fabricated and the EPA was simply being thorough at a co-incidental time when Government Motors needed a boost in sales of certain products.

So, as you can see, there is absolutely no correlation between the needs of Government Motors and the actions of other Independent™ Government Departments.

EPA has revised its story on the source of that toxic mine spill.

[quote="Red Salmon"

Is this news only because the VW diesel line up was cutting into the sales of Government Motors Volts and other "hybrids"?

Not much Voltage in the Current Truth ™

Red Salmon[/quote]
<off>GM hates them because they LAST. I'm on my third diesel, my last one went 250,000.miles.

We must rid the world of diesel starting with names like Vin Diesel.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:

Red Salmon wrote:
Is this news only because the VW diesel line up was cutting into the sales of Government Motors Volts and other "hybrids"?

Not much Voltage in the Current Truth ™

Red Salmon

GM hates them because they LAST. I'm on my third diesel, my last one went 250,000.miles.

Although I'm ashamed to admit it, comrade, I own a Ford. I bought it before all the bail outs happened and so I can't really be held responsible for failing to support Government Motors since Government Motors didn't exist at that time.

Ford, unpatriotically, refused to be bought by the Government, much to their shame.

In any case, my Ford has 300K on the clock (all of them put there by me) and is still running strong. I feel a guilty kind of pleasure with that.

Oh Shame! I denounce myself!

The Imam of Muslim Outreach (previously titled the Director of NASA) will announce that VW Turbo Direct Injection (TDI) diesel engines with their test cheating software are now to be blamed for the evaporation of the oceans on MARS.

Films at eleven...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:The Imam of Muslim Outreach (previously titled the Director of NASA) will announce that VW Turbo Direct Injection (TDI) diesel engines with their test cheating software are now to be blamed for the evaporation of the oceans on MARS.

Films at eleven...

I heard it was Rush Limbaugh's fault!

[color=#C0392B]Ivan the Stakhanovets[/color] is not clever enough to think like this! I know this because he wrote:The Imam of Muslim Outreach (previously titled the Director of NASA) will announce that VW Turbo Direct Injection (TDI) diesel engines with their test cheating software are now to be blamed for the evaporation of the oceans on MARS.

[color=#C0392B]Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна[/color] is on the right track because she wrote:I heard it was Rush Limbaugh's fault!

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I accuse you of listening to Rush Limbaugh even as you posted your last transmission and while I am making this post!

Ivan - get up off of your dead ass and fix a tractor or two!!
.

.

Comrade Putout wrote:

[color=#C0392B]Ivan the Stakhanovets[/color] is not clever enough to think like this! I know this because he wrote:The Imam of Muslim Outreach (previously titled the Director of NASA) will announce that VW Turbo Direct Injection (TDI) diesel engines with their test cheating software are now to be blamed for the evaporation of the oceans on MARS.

[color=#C0392B]Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна[/color] is on the right track because she wrote:I heard it was Rush Limbaugh's fault!

.
I accuse you of listening to Rush Limbaugh even as you posted your last transmission and while I am making this post!

Not true, not true Comrade Putout! I just know that if it's not Bush's fault, it must be Rush's fault! Although, I suppose it could be both their faults........anyway, the tortured souls being cured of their brain withering diseases of the mind, which rob them of the ability to hear and understand the great One and things like "some but not all lives matter", who I have occasion to treat at the Ministry of Love, often, in their ravings, quote that equally ill failed DJ.