Dearest members of the politburo, comrades (who I may or may not owe money -- I don't owe you any money), and friends (who I will ask of you to loan me some money), I have indeed returned.

My sabbatical was long and grueling, comrades, as I have failed to secure the People's Commonwealth of Virginia in the column loyal to his most fair and just, the one Barack H. Obama. Yea, the battle was lost as the forces of naked exploitation -- more exploitation than nakedness, sadly -- seized the day and usurped the Governorship, the AG as well as maintained control of the Lieutenant Governorship.

The Republicans teabagged us good here in the People's Commonwealth and now every Democrat in the state has the sour and victorious taste of Republican balls in their mouth. How the teabaggers get us ball-famished Democrats to go through that humiliating act is beyond me. I guess, and I'm being candid here, I guess it is because we Democrats lack a pair of balls of our own and take guilty pleasure of being teabagged by the teabaggers. Either way we lost here. We lost big time.

Tuesday was indeed a sad day comrades and one that has left me a powerless pauper who must now reside, in exile, utterly naked save for this towel I pilfered from the Holiday Inn.

Yes, I am now reduced to living at the Holiday Inn among meager commoners and the mountainfolk of Blacksburg, VA. I cannot express how sad I truly am now that I do not have the filth of other people's money to console the emptiness that resides in my heart -- my bleeding heart, mind you, that bleeds for those without affordable, quality health insurance; basic access to broadband internet connections and, most importantly, free gas, rent and utilities. Yes, a lack of money has left me bitter and dare I say completely saddened that the People's Commonwealth has indeed turned red -- the wrong kind of red -- this awful, awful time around.

OR DID IT?

Like any good Democrat I must admit, truthfully to the people, that this election -- this past election -- MEANT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Virginia turning red again (by a wide margin, actually) is nothing more than a historical phenomenon that occurs whenever a member of the opposite party occupies the White House. Nothing, absolutely nothing. I personally cannot stress how nothing this prior election means and how it reflects nothing -- nothing! -- on the future of Obama Socialism. Obama Socialism will go forward as planned, comrades! I cannot stress that enough! We are fine. The Party is fine and we will soldier on... Although I must admit not as soldiers, per se, since to actually "soldier on" would, in all fairness, make us war criminals.

WHO DO I BLAME?

Easy. I blame Glenn Beck. I blame him and that blackboard of his that exploits nightly for the benefit of rich multi-national corporations and his master Rupert Murdoch. How many glasses of milk has Glenn Beck snatched away from the hungry bellies of poor American children with his bombastic, hate-filled "commentary"? How many people have lost their saved or created job because of this man's nightly broadcast? The man is a walking lunatic in need of a padded cell, valium, and at least four years at an Ivy-League institution. He. Must. Be. Stopped. Oh, and Sarah Palin is an idiot. Yes, had to get that in there.

WHO ELSE DO I BLAME?

Everyone but me. We could have won Virginia easily if we ran a candidate who was a hardcore Marxist willing to make it explicit that he/she/it was prepared to create a new armed state agency that would crack some skulls in the white suburbs and spread their wealth around. Oh yes, we would have won by a huge, huge margin if such a candidate won the nomination. Sadly, however, Tim Kaine's eyebrow refused to seek the nomination of the party (after hours upon hours wasted of me trying to sway him!) and instead backed soft-socialist Deeds. Why Tim Kaine's eyebrow supported Deeds is beyond me as I would have much preferred the very rich and slimy Terry McAulliffe or Jim Moran's crooked brother, or son, or whoever the hell he is. I tried, comrades, and everyone in the former PCVA failed, failed and failed some more!

WHAT NOW?

I'm poor. I'm tired. I'm poor. I haven't been this down since Margaret Thatcher won in '79 and then went on with her agenda of slaughtering the poor for the sport. Did I mention that even ACORN has cut off all contact with me and this meager government check I am receiving is not enough to pay for all three of my palatial homes, the yachts and the tramps I keep around? It is that terrible, comrades! But, there is a silver subsidized lining. Yeah, getting a government check isn't so bad. I mean, I still get the thrill of stealing when the thing comes in the mail which is always nice. Some how I will pull myself up from my jackboot straps and, well... Actually I won't and will instead rely on the collective for help. Me help myself? Ha! Unlikely, comrades. Unlikely. Case in point: I'm back, I'm poor and I need your money to get me back on my feet so I can pay some hookers to get me off my feet.

So, who is paying for lunch? Theocritus? Laika? Red!?

Comrade Chairman, I would offer to pay for lunch, but it seems when you wandered through here earlier, my wallet vanished. But that is ok, because I went back and took my wallet from an alternate universe version of me. (A universe where Virginia won, I'm currently taking reservations for trips to that more progressive universe.)

Cheer up, these losses are really wins! If there is one thing the progressive teachings here at TPC has taught us is that LOSERS are really the WINNERS and the WINNERS are truly LOSERS. Praise be to Obama for these great victories in Virginia! Because it will surely REVERSE ITSELF again SOMEDAY and a DEMOCRAT will be in office again! We now have some Change(TM) to Hope(TM) for, things we could not do if a democrat won the election.

Now then, I have a spare bunker in your vicinity you are welcome to occupy. There might even be a small-ish stash of OPM there, and even a smoking jacket or tw.

Put down that crack pipe!

What loss? This was a glorious victory! Virginia and New Jersey!
Is it your tinfoil? Has Faux News been jamming you again?
Does your tinfoil need an overhaul?

Meow, the Current Truth™ plainly states that these were victories. Barack The All Merciful was just demonstrating that because two of the 57 states wanted to experiment with illegal politics it has just been shrugged off as a youthful indescretion of the voters in those states. Those voters didn't actually inhale the foul stench of fascist RethugliKKKan ideas. Kids will be kids and every once and a while they try to rebel.
Barack has forgiven them, showing just how tolerant he is of diverse thought, no matter how dangerous it could be to the body politic.

But if it happens again, say in 2010, he'll have the SEIU kick the shit out them, like that uppity black tea bagger in Missouri.

Tolerance and Diversity only go just so far, you see.

So, in short Meow, quit being so hard on yourself.
Here, have a bowl of beets. Geithner is already sending a fresh wad over, so relax.
It won't be worth as much as before, but it's bigger and thicker.

Indeed, I am from the Former People's Republic of Virginia, and I am so relieved to know that this is Not A Mandate(TM) and that maybe I won't be demoted or otherwise punished for voting for McDonnell my incompetence.

Ah yes Glenn Beck that scourge of all man kind he has stolen yet another otherwise certain victory from the party. We will get you one day, Glenn Beck one day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-faCh8BU ... re=related

In the mean time we need to take a page from china's book and arbitrairily assign blame to some unimportant member of the party and then have them shot. Any volenteers?

Laika the Space Dog wrote: It won't be worth as much as before, but it's bigger and thicker.

Now that's the kind of talk that gets Bonnie Fwank to assume the muslim prayer position.