Comrades! I am still disturbed and sleepless from Dear Leader telling the stories of poor people who can not afford health care. Even though that they have been proven to have some "minor" fabrications in them, but I digress; here is one such story I heard from a elderly lady who came to me in my office one day:

"I was eating water soup and old bread for dinner with my grandchildren, their parents are both gone because they were so distraught from not being able to afford health care for their little ones, that they packed up and moved to Cuba. When all of the sudden my heart stopped beating. I told little Timmy to call 911 but then remembered that we had to cut off his arms after he broke them and the hospital refused to spend money on him because we didn't have any ourselves. So I asked little Susie, but then remembered that we could not afford the eye doctor to get her glasses so I tried performing surgery on them myself but failed and now she is blind.

I looked to young Jacob, who has polio. I had to nail some boards to his legs to keep them straight and he can not walk at the moment. The phone was at the neighbors house because we can not afford a line ourselves, I looked around frantically for anything and cursed the rich for putting us in this situation. That is when I fell to the floor and crawled over to lick the outlet on the wall, the shock acted like a defibrillator and started my heart again. I don't know how much longer I can go on with no medicine and no form of aid of any kind. But now there is hope with the Health Care Bill that Dear Leader has passed. But now that is in jeopardy thanks to the rich who protest it and will be voting in November. I don't know what to do."

After I heard this, I handed her a shovel and a coat, then sent her back to the train station, then thought how I can help her and came to this.

Comrades, we all have heard such horror stories, we all see the effects that the rich have on the poor and it sickens me. We need a compilation of "Horror Stories from Capitalist Health Care" that we can give to Dear Leader so he can use them in his speeches to open the eyes of those who are exploiting the poor. What have you heard from the collective, comrades? Any stories of political influence?

I applaud you for your equality of fairness and concerns for the masses. This is the Obama Spirit ™ that Obamo has demanded asked from all of us.

I have one terrible, sad story of dearly beloved late Mr. P:
He had eaten something that had a disagreement with him (he had so much bowl and intestinal problems. Always complaining and full of gas. Very distressing)
Anyway, Mr. P had to walk to the emergency hospital, as too poor for cab and bicycle had flat tire. Who knew how to fix that, I ask?! Then to find out he had no insurance and would have to pay his own money! Such outrage! Where is sympathetic care from greedy kapitalist? Where is the fairness in having to pay, I ask??
After walking all the way home in the snow and heat, over hills and deserts and Interstate 35, with one shoe, his prosthetic leg kept falling off and delaying travels (prosthetic leg was one he "borrowed" from a resting man on the corner of Mockingbird and Lemon Ave. a decade or so ago. It did not fit well, as it was for 4'8" midget, but I digress). When he got back home all he had for sever pain and puking was Pepto Bismol and 1 aspirin.

He almost died, I am sure, for lack of healthcare money. He was most fortunate to survive. It was years before I got him to eat my healthy Beet soup again. Sad, sad, sad.

Comrades,

What horror stories you tell. My spouse and I don't have insurance either, but when we get sick I prefer to go first class, so when I need to make a little extra, I work for an escort service that caters to older black men looking for a little entertainment. Of course, I make them pay cash, so as to avoid paying taxes. Oops, that's capitalism, isn't it. You know, I never thought of it that way.

I do not have a horror story but one of victory for Obamacare!

Recently while I was throwing empty vodka bottles at evil capitalists, I accidentally dropped one and received a cut to my big toe! After violently denouncing George Bush for doing this to me, I had my driver take me to the nearest emergency room. After I walked in I proceeded to have the following conversation:

Me: I DEMAND HEALTH CARE FOR MY BIG TOE!!!
Capitalist Oppressor (CO): Of course sir. Insurance information please?
Me: I DON'T NEED INSURANCE, CAPITALIST OPPRESSOR!!! COMRADE OBAMA HAS ASSURED ME, HAS ASSURED US ALL, THAT WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO FREE HEALTH CARE!! SO STAND ASIDE AND GIVE ME MY HEALTH CARE!!!!
CO: You don't have to shout sir, it doesn't matter if you have insurance or not, we will not turn you away. You will get treatment.
Me: THATS RIGHT CAPITALIST PIG DOG SCUM!!! YOU CANNOT STAND IN THE WAY OF PROGRESS!!!
CO: Ok sir, please have a seat and we will get to you as soon as possible.

After 7 hours of waiting in the emergency room, chatting up the undocumented workers and proclaiming the glories of the State, I was seen by a medical person.

Me: I HAVE A DIRE MEDICAL SITUATION THAT YOU WILL TREAT FOR FREE BECAUSE I HAVE A RIGHT TO HEALTH CARE AND YOU CANNOT FORCE ME TO PAY!!!
Doc: Why are you yelling?
Me: QUIT STALLING CAPITALIST DOCTOR!! HOW MANY CHILDREN HAVE YOU KILLED BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS WOULDN'T PAY YOU YOUR OPPRESSOR FEE FOR YOUR MEDICAL SERVICES!!!
Doc: Great, lucky me. I always get the weird ones. Ok whats the problem....you cut your toe? You came here because you cut your toe?
Me: THATS RIGHT CAPITALIST PIG!!! I HAVE A MEDICAL NEED AND AS A CITIZEN OF THE PLANET I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FORCE YOU TO TREAT ME FOR FREE!!! SO GET TO IT!!
Doc: Look will you stop yelling? Ok here..*puts on a band-aid* All done. Leave now.
Me: HOW DID THAT FEEL CAPITALIST PIG DOG SCUM!! THE TIME OF THE PEOPLE IS AT HAND!!
Doc: Whatever...

On my back out through the waiting room:

Me: PRAISE BE THE GLORIES OF THE OBAMA STATE TO GIVE US ALL FREE HEALTH CARE FOR IT IS OUR RIGHT AS HUMANS!!! DO NOT LET THEM DENY YOU COMRADES!!
CO: Just leave please.

I also liberated a sucker from a bowl the capitalist oppressor had on her desk, obviously flaunting her wealth of suckers to those that have none.

I proceeded to get into my vehicle and demand my driver take me to the stock exchange where I can throw rotten beets at day traders after I check on my portfolio.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

I believe the Capitalist swines have even infiltrated some state run health care; for I heard of one person being told she was too young to have a certain disease and they refused at first to address what was clearly that disease. Shame on the Capitalists for undermining our glorious free clinics

O'Brien wrote:I do not have a horror story but one of victory for Obamacare!

Recently while I was throwing empty vodka bottles at evil capitalists, I accidentally dropped one and received a cut to my big toe! After violently denouncing George Bush for doing this to me, I had my driver take me to the nearest emergency room. After I walked in I proceeded to have the following conversation:

Me: I DEMAND HEALTH CARE FOR MY BIG TOE!!!
Capitalist Oppressor (CO): Of course sir. Insurance information please?
Me: I DON'T NEED INSURANCE, CAPITALIST OPPRESSOR!!! COMRADE OBAMA HAS ASSURED ME, HAS ASSURED US ALL, THAT WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO FREE HEALTH CARE!! SO STAND ASIDE AND GIVE ME MY HEALTH CARE!!!!
CO: You don't have to shout sir, it doesn't matter if you have insurance or not, we will not turn you away. You will get treatment.
Me: THATS RIGHT CAPITALIST PIG DOG SCUM!!! YOU CANNOT STAND IN THE WAY OF PROGRESS!!!
CO: Ok sir, please have a seat and we will get to you as soon as possible.

After 7 hours of waiting in the emergency room, chatting up the undocumented workers and proclaiming the glories of the State, I was seen by a medical person.

Me: I HAVE A DIRE MEDICAL SITUATION THAT YOU WILL TREAT FOR FREE BECAUSE I HAVE A RIGHT TO HEALTHCARE AND YOU CANNOT FORCE ME TO PAY!!!
Doc: Why are you yelling?
Me: QUIT STALLING CAPITALIST DOCTOR!! HOW MANY CHILDREN HAVE YOU KILLED BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS WOULDN'T PAY YOU YOUR OPPRESSOR FEE FOR YOUR MEDICAL SERVICES!!!
Doc: Great, lucky me. I always get the weird ones. Ok whats the problem....you cut your toe? You came here because you cut your toe?
Me: THATS RIGHT CAPITALIST PIG!!! I HAVE A MEDICAL NEED AND AS A CITIZEN OF THE PLANET I HAVE THE RIGHT TO FORCE YOU TO TREAT ME FOR FREE!!! SO GET TO IT!!
Doc: Look will you stop yelling? Ok here..*puts on a band-aid* All done. Leave now.
Me: HOW DID THAT FEEL CAPITALIST PIG DOG SCUM!! THE TIME OF THE PEOPLE IS AT HAND!!
Doc: Whatever...

On my back out through the waiting room:

Me: PRAISE BE THE GLORIES OF THE OBAMA STATE TO GIVE US ALL FREE HEALTH CARE FOR IT IS OUR RIGHT AS HUMANS!!! DO NOT LET THEM DENY YOU COMRADES!!
CO: Just leave please.

I also liberated a sucker from a bowl the capitalist oppressor had on her desk, obviously flaunting her wealth of suckers to those that have none.

I proceeded to get into my vehicle and demand my driver take me to the stock exchange where I can throw rotten beets at day traders after I check on my portfolio.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Comrade O'Brien,

I feel much sympathy for you having to struggle with this evil greedy system. How ever, I am disappointed you took a capitalist sugar loaded sucker that is designed to make you fat and then use more resources. Also I am upset that you did not recycle those vodka bottles. You could have at least did the earth friendly thing and throw rocks like our comrades protesting in Arizona.

Your motives were noble, but your methods were very damaging to the earth. I will have to inform comrade Gore of your treasonous behavior.

Did you just denounce Comrade O'Brien? Oh my... what a truly brave and noble act! You are not letting your fervor for Saving The Earth(TM) get in the way of calling out a more equal comrade! Revolutionary Fervor is strong in you!

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Did you just denounce Comrade O'Brien? Oh my... what a truly brave and noble act! You are not letting your fervor for Saving The Earth(TM) get in the way of calling out a more equal comrade! Revolutionary Fervor is strong in you!

Progress shows no mercy, comrade. Nor will I.

Whatever you do Comrade Chedoh, don't forget todenounce Pinkie.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Whatever you do Comrade Chedoh, don't forget todenounce Pinkie.

I have yet to encounter pinkie, but have no fear I will blindly follow your orders without question or reasoning!

Ahhh a prog after my own heart!

Chedoh wrote: I feel much sympathy for you having to struggle with this evil greedy system. How ever, I am disappointed you took a capitalist sugar loaded sucker that is designed to make you fat and then use more resources. Also I am upset that you did not recycle those vodka bottles. You could have at least did the earth friendly thing and throw rocks like our comrades protesting in Arizona.

Your motives were noble, but your methods were very damaging to the earth. I will have to inform comrade Gore of your treasonous behavior.

Ahem.

Comrade Chedoh, apparently you do not understand the workings of the Party as you should.

Those bottles were properly recycled. If you would actually read your People's Progressive Manual ™ you would see that in Chapter 43, paragraph 82, verse 196, under the section entitled "Proper Methods of Recycling Used Vodka Bottles"...

"The preferred method of recycling used vodka bottles is to hurl them at capitalists, pictures or other renderings of capitalists, buildings or business associated with capitalists, or at other enemies of the state. Refer to the latest Party Directive (PD 36813.4219.3453 Rev Q) for official list of enemies of the state. If there are no capitalists or approved targets for hurling your bottles at you should place them into the nearest blue recycling container while saying a small prayer to Mother Gaia."

And lest you forget ANYTHING is acceptable to liberate from a capitalist oppressor, be it money, suckers, food, clothes, women, small furry rodents, ANYTHING!!! For we of the Party liberate it for the betterment of the collective and deny the evil capitalist its use to use in evil capitalist ways.

You have much to learn Comrade.|

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Speaking of small furry rodents; just last week I liberated a beaver from the oppressive capitalist who was ignoring it and spending more time at work than with the beaver....

O'Brien wrote:

Chedoh wrote: I feel much sympathy for you having to struggle with this evil greedy system. How ever, I am disappointed you took a capitalist sugar loaded sucker that is designed to make you fat and then use more resources. Also I am upset that you did not recycle those vodka bottles. You could have at least did the earth friendly thing and throw rocks like our comrades protesting in Arizona.

Your motives were noble, but your methods were very damaging to the earth. I will have to inform comrade Gore of your treasonous behavior.

Ahem.

Comrade Chedoh, apparently you do not understand the workings of the Party as you should.

Those bottles were properly recycled. If you would actually read your People's Progressive Manual ™ you would see that in Chapter 43, paragraph 82, verse 196, under the section entitled "Proper Methods of Recycling Used Vodka Bottles"...

"The preferred method of recycling used vodka bottles is to hurl them at capitalists, pictures or other renderings of capitalists, buildings or business associated with capitalists, or at other enemies of the state. Refer to the latest Party Directive (PD 36813.4219.3453 Rev Q) for official list of enemies of the state. If there are no capitalists or approved targets for hurling your bottles at you should place them into the nearest blue recycling container while saying a small prayer to Mother Gaia."

And lest you forget ANYTHING is acceptable to liberate from a capitalist oppressor, be it money, suckers, food, clothes, women, small furry rodents, ANYTHING!!! For we of the Party liberate it for the betterment of the collective and deny the evil capitalist its use to use in evil capitalist ways.

You have much to learn Comrade.|

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

You are forgetting as well! As progressives we have/need NOTHING to learn! This brings your loyalty to the party further into question!

I will be on later, but I will try to have secret police sent to your location with clubs to initiate "physical therapy"!

Ahhh a Comrade is lookin' for a whoopin'!

Sadly I must denounce Comrade Chedoh for engaging in various thoughtcrimes against Comrade O'Brien. He fails to understand the levels of equality built into the system; that some Progressives are more equal than others. Some read the manual, and others write it.

HA!!

Chedoh. Stand were you are. You will be collected shortly to be taken to re-education facility for questioning The Party.

Yours is not to question. Yours is to follow ever changing Party directives and blindly accept and obey.

The PARTY has nothing to learn for WE know best.

You show promise though. We will get your mind right.

Where's my rats?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Speaking of small furry rodents; just last week I liberated a beaver from the oppressive capitalist who was ignoring it and spending more time at work than with the beaver....

Sounds like something Chairman Meow would say.....

O'Brien
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Where is the good Chairman anyway? I almost am starting to miss the furballs he would leave around my desk, and inside my safe. Without him to steal my OPM from me, I'm actually getting too much of the stuff. I need to party more...

O'Brien wrote:HA!!

Chedoh. Stand were you are. You will be collected shortly to be taken to re-education facility for questioning The Party.

Yours is not to question. Yours is to follow ever changing Party directives and blindly accept and obey.

The PARTY has nothing to learn for WE know best.

You show promise though. We will get your mind right.

Where's my rats?

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

I deny the charges sir! (for lack of a neutral gender title)

But you seem to be using reason, that is a very dangerous trait for a progressive to have.

Comrade Colonel, I think the last sighting of Chairman Meow was on a luxury yacht headed for points south with a boatload (literally) of OPM and nubile sex kittens...

Chedoh,

LEARN YOUR PLACE!! It (whatever it may be) originates from the highest echelons of the Party comes down through Commissars, military personnel, KGB, NKVD, mid level party members, street sweepers, cats, small furry rodents, the drunk senile old guy on the corner that mumbles to himself, and then you.

Maybe one day you will earn the trust of the Inner Party but until then rmember that some are more equal than others.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Whatever you do Comrade Chedoh, don't forget todenounce Pinkie.

The Colonel's advise is wise... I recently denounced Pinkie and the following conversation took place...

O'Brien wrote:Comrade Colonel, I think the last sighting of Chairman Meow was on a luxury yacht headed for points south with a boatload (literally) of OPM and nubile sex kittens...

Chedoh,

LEARN YOUR PLACE!! It (whatever it may be) originates from the highest echelons of the Party comes down through Commissars, military personnel, KGB, NKVD, mid level party members, street sweepers, cats, small furry rodents, the drunk senile old guy on the corner that mumbles to himself, and then you.

Maybe one day you will earn the trust of the Inner Party but until then rmember that some are more equal than others.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

This is where you are wrong, comrade! I am so dedicated to the cause that my shovel is a spoon! The harder I work for the common good, the more my loyalty is proven. I break my back all day doing something in five hours that should have taken five minutes. This is in the spirit of American unions!

You probably use a big shovel with a comfortable grip, trying to be as efficient as possible! Just save the interrogators the the energy and time from beating it out of you and admit that you are a capitalist, or at least "free market curious".

I DENOUNCE COMRADE CHEDOH! Continually he fails to understand his role beneath mumbling drunks and furry rodents in dumpsters. He takes on superior airs, and denounces his betters, despite having just stepped off the boxcar on platform 927. He willfully disregards instructions from the Inner Party, and engages in Capitalist style bragging. He claims to be a progressive, yet tries just a little too hard; dare I say it WORKS at it! In essence, Comrade you have MUCH groveling to do, begging of forgiveness, bribing and public self examination to do. Be grateful it is just Comrade O'Brien and myself attempting to educate you. You do not wish to incur the wrath of Pinkie, or Red Rooster. Stalin forbid you should come to the attention of Red Square Himself...

I suspect you are still simply reacting to years of torment under the Bushhitler. Blame Bush, engage in public self examination, change the error of your ways, and punishment will be light. Act quickly before a Commissar with less mercy stumbles upon your many thoughtcrimes!

Colonel 7.62 wrote:I DENOUNCE COMRADE CHEDOH! Continually he fails to understand his role beneath mumbling drunks and furry rodents in dumpsters. He takes on superior airs, and denounces his betters, despite having just stepped off the boxcar on platform 927. He willfully disregards instructions from the Inner Party, and engages in Capitalist style bragging. He claims to be a progressive, yet tries just a little too hard; dare I say it WORKS at it! In essence, Comrade you have MUCH groveling to do, begging of forgiveness, bribing and public self examination to do. Be grateful it is just Comrade O'Brien and myself attempting to educate you. You do not wish to incur the wrath of Pinkie, or Red Rooster. Stalin forbid you should come to the attention of Red Square Himself...

I suspect you are still simply reacting to years of torment under the Bushhitler. Blame Bush, engage in public self examination, change the error of your ways, and punishment will be light. Act quickly before a Commissar with less mercy stumbles upon your many thoughtcrimes!

I do wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night from a nightmare that Bushitler is still in charge. But I only need to look at my wall where a Obama "hope" poster is deployed, and I realize it is just a bad dream. Then I am re-encouraged by all the other (23 to be exact) Obama posters stationed strategically in my barrack. I'm sorry if comrade O'Brien feels as though I am being too harsh, I am just merely venting anger from those traumatic days. Now I just need to remember that Bushitler is in Texas eating babies and puppies, maybe even kittens, and is no where near me. Perhaps I just need to relax and focus more on Dear Leader, and not that horrific past.

Forgive me Comrade O'Brien, I did not mean it when I said you were "Free Market Curious".