The People's Cube - Historians: Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Was Overreaction

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Historians: Warsaw Ghetto Uprising Was Overreaction

By Red Square
8/7/2006, 12:47 pm

Europe 's view of the present Israeli offensive against Hezbollah as an "overreaction" and "disproportionate use of force" is rooted in relatively recent history, say progressive researchers. In 1943, Europe itself suffered from a similar Jewish overreaction to some controversial German policies, in an event known as the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising, when Zionist radicals attacked the National Socialist German Workers Party that was loved by the German people for its far-reaching educational and social welfare services. In fact, many academics who teach Peace Studies at prestigious universities believe that it was the Zionists' "disproportionate use of force" that had ruined hopes for peace in Europe and caused a humanitarian crisis that could have easily be avoided if only Jews had shown restraint and tolerance towards the democratically elected German government.

In fact, the reaction of world's media to the current Middle Eastern crisis is almost identical to that during the 1943 Warsaw crisis when, as modern historians claim, militant Zionists jeopardized the fragile peace that European leaders and progressive intellectuals had been trying to achieve by civilized means - as evidenced by the following collection of quotes and headlines of the time.

European politicians avoid apportioning blame

BRUSSELS, April 30, 1943 -- European leaders today expressed their "acute concern" over the intensifying conflict between Jews and the Gestapo in Warsaw, which they fear may further deteriorate fragile peace in Europe. Foreign ministers of the few remaining independent European powers adopted a declaration calling for an immediate end to the hostilities. Reflecting differing views among European nations, the document appears worded to avoid apportioning blame. It notes the Nazi Resistance must immediately make the operation of their gas chambers more transparent, while adding that Jews must show "utmost restraint" and not resort to "disproportionate action."

League of Nations anti-bias panel accuse Jews of racism

Members of a League of Nations anti-bias panel criticized Warsaw Jews on Thursday for violating humanitarian law and racially targeting the Nazis.

Jewish Uprising Triggers Humanitarian Crisis
16 Germans dead and 85 wounded In Warsaw Slaughter

Europe's call for an end to hostilities in the Warsaw Ghetto raises questions over how long Jews can stave off international pressure to end their three-week offensive in Warsaw, which has claimed hundreds of lives and created a refugee crisis. While moderate politicians are urging Jews to exercise "restraint" in their retaliation against the Nazis, most European leaders are denouncing Jewish retaliation as "disproportionate."

Goebbels: Jews must be held accountable for war crimes

Joseph Goebbels, a charismatic spokesman for the popular National Socialist German Workers Party, described the aftermath of Jewish strikes as "dramatic" and said Jewish forces had struck "very important elements of infrastructure," demanding that perpetrators be brought to justice at a press-conference in Berlin on Wednesday. "Jews must be held accountable for their war crimes, terrorism, and systematic human rights violations committed against the Aryan people," Mr. Goebbels said.

How could both sides have blundered so badly?

Miscalculations by Jews and Nazis have weakened Europe's fragile unity. A ceasefire is needed immediately. Where is Zionist exit strategy? Jewish hawks have started a war without any plausible objectives, any viable plan for disengagement, or any rational assessment of costs and benefits. Are they ready to absorb damage on the home front?

Poll: The tide of public opinion has shifted in the direction of Gestapo

The Jews' bloody response to concentration camps has united their enemies and divided their friends, the results of a current poll show. Atrocities committed by the Zionist militants in Warsaw and elsewhere have appalled Western opinion. The stature of the Gestapo grows, and the uprising has succeeded in discrediting moderate Germans and silencing the Nazi leaders in Berlin who were ready to start talking instead of killing.

Indeed, those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them.

FROM PROFESSOR KURGMAN'S DESK:

Kevin Sites in Nazi Germany
How odd to find this old interview of a Nazi during World War ll, no doubt written by Kevin Sites' grandfather -- and yet the similarities to the younger Mr. Sites' missives from Lebanon are almost identical!

Guns in the Closet
At home in a town in southern Germany, an SS fighter waits to be called to action.

Hamburg, 1944 - Plumes of black smoke begin to fan out over the coastline in the distance. We ask someone in town what has happened. He tells us it's the power plant; the Americans have struck it with a missile. But it's impossible to confirm because the roads leading to it were bombed early in the offensive.

In fact, Germany's main north-south road is so pocked with bomb craters, blown-out bridges and blasted highway spans that there is only one route left for drivers headed into Berlin.

It is in this unfortunate but familiar reality for Germany that the new landscape is being formed - deepening current loyalties rather than shifting them.

Nowhere is that more clear than in the area I am traveling today, a Nazi stronghold north of the city of Duesseldorf. Here, I am told, few families have fled. Instead, they are waiting for the call of Nazi leader Adolph Hitler to come south to fight the Americans.

It's not a difficult or even particularly mysterious undertaking to meet members of the National Socialist Party. Politically, they are part of the current German government and have been highly visible throughout the country, particularly for the millions of der volk in Germany. But it is the Nazis with which America says it is at war.

Even its critics concede that the Nazis are a well-organized politically and highly disciplined militarily, and the two are woven together through common religious, cultural and social threads.

"They are an integral part of the fabric of German society here," a source with an intimate knowledge of Nazis who did not want to be identified told me. "It's a fallacy to think they can be cleaned out or eliminated."

We meet "Heinrich" at his home and sit down to talk in his living room, while his four-month-old baby daughter lies on a blanket on the floor. He is in his late 20s and has a calm face. He is polite but has a resolute sense about him that creates a cautious distance. Like many fighters, he says, he has another job and only joins the SS when he's needed.

But even though he's not on the front lines now, he says there is still a lot of work to do in the village — like looking for American spies. "We caught someone last night, he says, "sneaking around in the middle of the night."

"What do you do with 'spies' after you catch them?" I ask. "We question them for a while," he says, "then turn them over to the (German) army."

As for the fighting in the south, he says it's not necessary for him to leave yet. "I have a job to do and if the Americans want to come inside," he says, "then we'll do our job and defend our families."

Read more here>>

UPDATE:
(08/18/06)

For publik-skool educated comrades, a simplified analysis
of this article has appeared on the Internet in the "Urban Legends" category:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/israel/warsaw.asp

http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_1943_nytimes.htm

The last one sounds as if it were written by our own columnist Paul Kurgman himself!

By Comrade Otis
8/7/2006, 8:22 pm

And don't forget later in the war when we rashly invaded France on the beaches of Normandy. Why, we weren't even at war with France! The New York Times was the first to sound the call for peace and a cease-fire so that we could negotiate with the National Socialists and bring an honorable end to the war. Thank goodness our leaders followed that advice. Just imagine what the world would have been like if we'd continued with all that fighting?

By Komrade Zuulski
8/7/2006, 11:41 pm

Our Comrades at arms are the real heros of the Great Patriotic War! Hail Comrade Stalin! Our Man of Steel!

By laffalot
8/8/2006, 4:36 am

Glad to see DEMs total support of Hezbollah. With our House and Senate apparently getting out of GW's control in 2007, unlike 1940s US should be able to back the peace-loving side (Hezbites) - who are dedicated to fill the world with peace, human rights, justice and free love for all.

By Premier Betty
8/10/2006, 2:05 am

Hitler got it all wrong....

By pallywood
8/10/2006, 3:31 am

Your alleged Goebbels-Quote are almost identical to what "Poticial Experts" are saying on German TV right now in 2006. Germany is becoming a scary place - again.

By Red Square
8/16/2006, 11:52 am

How to cheapen the suffering of Jews
a hands-on manual with examples from a progressive website

Perhaps because our Warsaw Ghetto Uprising story was referenced in several comments at Little Green Footballs, it is now also being discussed at the left-wing progressive LGF Watch site that claims to be "Keeping an eye on those rabid racists at Little Green Footballs."

We have posted a screenshot of the discussion - in case the LGF Watch comrades see this comment and decide to clean up their act:
http://lgfwatch.blogspot.com/2006/08/how-to-cheapen-suffering-of-jews.html

Dear comrades at LGF Watch! The Politburo appreciates your zeal, and while you correctly establish all the true progressive viewpoints about the lying Jews and the hatred of "hate mongering diatribes meant to enlave [sic] and control and brain wash," need we remind you that such rhetoric should be limited to the select inner circle - where it cannot be overheard? For external use the Party recommends polite and high-brow faking of love, tolerance and acceptance while acting as victims and generating a reasonable amount of healthy guilt in the audiences. Remember: the truth is a precious commodity and has to measured carefully!

Now look at what you did. The discussion has run amok and is likely to scare away any potential converts to the Party line, as they won't know who exactly are the liars and the hate mongers here, let alone who is really out to cheapen the suffering of Jews.

***********************************
Ay ay ay! Well, comrades, consider your vodka and potatoes rationing coupons revoked until further notice. To enforce the Party discipline the Politburo must sentence you to self-criticism sessions of various lengths. Report to the nearest Kommissar. Bring warms clothes and a shovel.

-- Red Square

By Red Square
8/18/2006, 11:27 am

UPDATE:
(08/18/06)

For publik-skool educated comrades, a simplified analysis of this article has appeared on the Internet in the "Urban Legends" category:

http://www.snopes.com/politics/israel/warsaw.asp

http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_1943_nytimes.htm

The last one sounds as if it were written by our own columnist Paul Kurgman himself!

By Alva Goldbook
8/21/2006, 3:59 pm

Actually, Adolf Hitler was named Time Magazine's Man of the Year in 1938. Henry Ford gave Hitler $30 grand every year for his birthday, the US business community loved Hitler and Mussolini, IBM and Coca-cola did business with him (Shasta Orange is the Nazi soda), not to mention the America First Committe which was committed to keeping America out of Hitler's way, which was headed by Sears & Roebuck CEO Robert E. Wood, and whose members included Republican Senator Gerald P. Nye and future Republican President Gerald Ford. And who can forget Father Coughlin's radio commentary, when he ruthlessly attacked Jews in equal fury that he attacked FDR and the New Deal, and such "crazy ideas" as a minimum wage.

Fascism: A system of government that exercises a dictatorship of the extreme right, typically through the merging of state and business leadership, together with belligerent nationalism." - American Heritage Dictionary, 1983

By Red Square
8/21/2006, 4:48 pm

Dear Comrade Alva!

Welcome to the Gulag outpatient program of Karl Marx Treatment Center. Have you met all the patients yet? We hope you'll feel quite at home here.

We're glad you bring up the fascism-communism dichotomy here. If it's not communism, it's gotta be fascism, right? You're making your Kommissar proud.

You're following all the correct steps in making a strong progressive argument! That includes accusing US capitalists in being friendly with the Nazi Germany while omitting that many US capitalists were also friends with Lenin, Stalin, and the USSR (Armand Hammer of Occidental Petroleum and others). It should only be known in the inner Party circle, that Stalin himself at some point was friendly with Hitler and supported him all the way until June 22, 1941 when Hitler attacked the USSR. The NY Times and many liberals too supported Stalin (look up Walter Duranty and his Pulitzer-winning reports from Russia of the time). And when Stalin issued a directive to kiss Hitler's butt, the International Left opened their chapsticks. They are currently doing exactly the same with Ahmadinejad, but that's a different story (or is it?).

But wait, if the Times liked Stalin, and Stalin liked Hitler then... Oops. Hey, we don't have to connect ALL the dots, right? If we invented this logic, we can also choose when to follow it and when not. It's the right-wingers who must follow logic and all the stupid rules all the time. But we, the enlightened progressives who fight for The Greater Good™, are allowed to rearrange the reality, lie, exaggerate, conceal, and slander because it's all justified by the outcome when The Greater Good™ is finally achieved. Just like our progressive Islamist comrades are allowed to use deception with infidels, especially if they live in the West.

For more on Hitler, Fascism, and the proper way to fight right-wingers, please refer to our People's Glossary - http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=42#Hitler

Actually...........she's proved our satirical point. Mulva, please keep posting, don't go away like other trolls, we promise not to insult your great intellect. Please Red, can we keep her?

L.

By Alva Goldbook
8/22/2006, 10:55 am

Thanks for the warm welcome.
Indeed Hitler was a fascist, and a madman to boot. I’m not sure what his treaty with the Soviets have to do with anything, or the US being allies with the Soviets in fighting Germany (who had declared war on both of them). It wouldn’t be the last time the US made nice with some unseemly (cough cough Saddam cough cough) friends. I’m also not quite sure what Muhammad Amadinthehead has to do with anything, except that his election is proof that if the biggest military in the world calls your reformist-leaning nation an “axis of evil” you will run to the hills and elect the biggest bellicose freak you can to protect you. Of course, the US has a wonderful track record when it comes threatening Iran. The last time we overthrew their government we kicked out their democracy and put a dictator named the Reza Pahlevi in place. Well you know what they say about dictators….they’re reliable….unlike those pesky elections where they elect the wrong puppet. Damn those free elections!

It is news to me that Islamists are progressives. Give Pat Robertson a turban and you get….oh never mind.

“The…party…assembled…again declares its faith, appeals to its history, and announces its position upon the questions before the country…We are opposed to further grants of the public lands to CORPORATIONS and MONOPOLIES, and DEMAND that the NATIONAL DOMAIN be set apart for FREE HOMES for the PEOPLE. Among the questions which press for attention is that which concerns the relations of CAPITAL AND LABOR, and the…party recognizes the DUTY of so shaping legislation as to secure FULL PROTECTION…for labor—THE CREATOR OF CAPITAL” - excerpts from the Republican Party Platform of 1872

Everbody knows about the Shah of Iran, who cares about Pat Robertson, but what was Tilden's platform? This I'm dying to know! .....oh and yes, another stolen election by Republicans....get over it and grab a life while you can Ms. Nitwit. Nice blogspeck BTW, your one hit today was me.

Laika

By Margaret
8/22/2006, 6:39 pm

Alva Goldbook wrote

“The…party…assembled…again declares its faith, appeals to its history, and announces its position upon the questions before the country…We are opposed to further grants of the public lands to CORPORATIONS and MONOPOLIES, and DEMAND that the NATIONAL DOMAIN be set apart for FREE HOMES for the PEOPLE. Among the questions which press for attention is that which concerns the relations of CAPITAL AND LABOR, and the…party recognizes the DUTY of so shaping legislation as to secure FULL PROTECTION…for labor—THE CREATOR OF CAPITAL” - excerpts from the Republican Party Platform of 1872

Sounds like you're telling the Republicans to take their party back from those who've betrayed the party's core principles. Am I correct in this assumption? The Left is always giving the Right well-meaning advice. Actually, the full quote about Capital and Labor is:

Quote

Eleventh. Among the questions which press for attention is that which concerns the relations of capital and labor, and the Republican party recognizes the duty of so shaping legislation as to secure full protection and the amplest field for capital, and for labor—the creator of capital—the largest opportunities and a just share of the mutual profits of these two great servants of civilization.

However, all of this is completely out of context to the subject of The New York Times, of which this post section is a part of.

Alva, the correct area to post your off-topic topics is at the People's Blog area. Off-topic posts in the reply sections of the topics of the work of others is considered rude. You do have manners, don't you? Good. Then, perhaps we can explore the full ramifications of this weighty subject first brought to light, I believe, at the commondreams website. I'm certain that you've put together a new synthesis of original and valuble insights and I'm looking forward to new ideas and ways of seeing things. Please, don't reinvent the wheel and then act as though it's your invention, don't write your topics as though the ideas of others are your original thoughts, and please give credit where credit is due and take the time to provide good web-links. Like you should have done above. Oh, and add a touch of humor when you can.

Laika, you were right. It is kind of cute. Can we keep it, Red Square? Can we? I promise to feed it.

But it's my catch, I get to net the elusive Nitwit Flounder. We already have a Habitat for Halibut for her. Maybe we get some Liberal roe and make caviar? No?

Laika

Smile

Laika, why do you call it a "her"? How can you tell? Is there something I'm missing here?

Alva dear, are you a male or a female of your species? Or are you just a Nitwit? Prey, do tell.

Margaret

By General Ivan
8/28/2006, 8:58 pm

The idea that she feels she has to prove something I.E. Intellectual juggernaut or student of hatred at Berkley she did prove one thing. No matter how many women and childer die here or in Hiafa she has an excuse not to have blood on her hands......Bombs away!!!..........Now moost rea-turn for beatinks an shuvel class at Gulag....And reh-mem-bor coomrads beetings vill conn-tin-ewe until morh-al improhves!!!

By Premier Betty
8/28/2006, 11:09 pm

Quote

Actually, Adolf Hitler was named Time Magazine's Man of the Year in 1938.

That isn't surprising....

By Branish
8/31/2006, 4:36 pm

I believe there are incidents of overreaction in American history as well, comrades. Take, for example, when American capitalists, tired of being taxed (for the greater good of course) by their British government, threw tea overboard in Boston harbor, and then Amerikkkan farmers attacked the British peacekeepers and started a war what they called a "revolution." It was not a true revolution of course, as it did not bring a great future of socialism to the new country. Nevertheless, Amerikkka was born out of an overreaction to taxes.

Another instance, is more recent. For decades in the first half of the 20th century, the Japanese people had been oppressed by the Western imperialists, who had established colonies in Asia. The Japanese emperor and his government began a policy of liberating Asian countries, such as China, Indochina, and the Pacific islands. Just as the peaceful Muslim freedom fighters today fight for a worldwide greater Islamic cailphate, the Japanese fought for a Greater Co-Prosperity Sphere and began to liberate Asian lands from the Western oppressors. When the American government stationed warships at Pearl Harbor in a move to provoke the peaceful Japanese government, the misunderstood and desperate Japanese had to attack the Amerikkkan ships on December 7, 1941. The Amerikkkans overreacted to the attack, and waged a total war with their imperialist allies that destroyed the empire the peace loving Hirohito had worked so hard to create.

By Red Square
1/9/2008, 4:11 pm

Just in case somebody doubts that the lead article depicts a plausible scenario based on the liberal Left's frame of reference, Jessica's Well blog has uncovered a 1946 issue of Life Magazine, published 6 months after the war ended, with a story about America's "failure to win peace in Europe" by Dos Passos, a communist novelist.

Life Magazine wrote

"We have swept away Hitlerism, but a great many Europeans feel that the cure has been worse than the disease."

Read the whole thing.

Video of Fox News summarizing the story.

By Comrade Lysenko
11/19/2008, 10:42 pm

The urban legends "debunking": http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_1943_nytimes.htm

includes a poll with the question:

"Do you think this parody is a valid critique of the editorial stance of today's NY Times?"

so far, thepeoplescube's satire appears vindicated with "Yes" @ 62% versus "No" @32% :

Vote early & vote often, comrades!

By rainbow2009
5/12/2009, 3:53 am

I'll vote. simulation credit auto
Have a good day! ^^

By Colonel 7.62
5/12/2009, 4:04 am

Comrade Rainbow, of course you will vote. You will vote early, and you will vote often. All in accordance with the wishes of your ACORN handlers.

By Lavrentiy Pavlovich Beria
5/15/2009, 3:48 pm

Comrades, this is to beautiful for words.

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Obama urges liberals to start listening to Rush Limbaugh: 'all too often we start by dictating on issues and don't always know all the factors involved. So let's listen.'

More bad economic news: area antiwar group lays off its bumper sticker makers

Dissent no longer patriotic: Obama

Reminder to Hollywood celebrities: must change 'patriotic' setting from 'hate America' to 'love America' on Jan. 20

Obama promises to Photoshop a better future for America

You won't be told lies if you don't ask questions: Obama's new media policy

Personals: senate seats available in NY & Il. Hardly ever used. Cash OK.

Change we can believe in: Clinton 1990s staffers

Somali pirates hijack international space station

Starting with 11/5/08, the cor- rect progressive greeting in America is "Barack Obama!" The reply is "Obama Barack!"

Laika the Space Dog consi- dered for new White House pet: "Thoroughly vetted by Bill Ayers"

CHANGE: President-elect Obama crushes Yankee imperialism in a landslide

Seven Obama cousins found living in voting booth

US choppers attack ACORN voter registration center in Syria

US military: We decided to strike now because this time next year we’ll be a Peace Keeping force

Biden predicts severe test for Obama in first six months: another question from Joe the Plumber

Obama: Let he who is without wealth cash the first check!

Joe Biden: work is a four-letter word

FBI investigates Mickey Mouse Club for voter fraud

Embarrassed ACORN accidentally registers 'Ronald Reagan'

Kids' hymns to Obama a success of Democrat strategy: If you can't abort them, indoctrinate them

World to USA: 'Fix world ecomonic crisis so we can get back to hating you'

Obama's campaign invites opponents to play 'Truth or Jail'

Biden: Hoover text-messaged Americans to calm fears during 1929 crash

Dead support Obama, all are registered to vote by ACORN

Biden calls taxes patriotic

Study: Jesus spoke without a telepromter

Obama promises free lipstic for everybody if elected

KARAOKE: These Are The Jerks We Call Journalists

Obama's negotiations with Gustav prove fruitful; storm spares "French Quarter"

Feminist group: Sarah Palin worst mother since June Cleaver; decried as "too feminine"

Obama: leave Bristol alone, she has been punished enough with a baby

Putin shoots tiger with Polonium-laced dart

Obama: ready from day one to place a call to UN if a US city is nuked

Cult of personality at the People's Cube is up 90% compared to previous Five-Year Plan

Congress established windfall tax on US gold medals

International Olympic Committee to redistribute Phelp's ill-gotten golds to less fortunate athletes

Obama beats Hillary to coveted CPUSA endorsement

February 2050 declared White History Month. Future headlines expected to read "Minorities hardest hit... and deservedly so."

Obama denounces Russia's actions; humbled Russia sends self to Gulag

US trade deficit dropped; NYT instructs readers to turn paper upside down for more favorable view of graph

Sharpton protests disproportionate deaths of Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes, calls for immediate deaths of David Letterman and Billy Joel to even score

Science to unveil invisible cloak; Conservative White Christian male in NJ says he's been invisible for years

NYT: Russia's invasion of Georgia leaves much smaller carbon footprint than US invasion of Iraq

Larry the Cable Guy issues call to "man the pick up trucks" as Russia invades Georgia

Edwards claims he was having affair with camera, didn't notice woman attached

Chavez's parents cut off Hugo's credit card after Moscow shopping binge

Oil industry to Pelosi: You've been given a brain. Use it or lose it.

Congress to declare July 19th International Swimmers' Day

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How many superdelegates does it take to change a lightbulb?

Photoshopped Iranian missile saves 25% on Islamic Republic's carbon footprint

Word of the day:
HUSSIES n. Female Obama supporters changing their middle names to Hussein

Obama: we have always been at peace with Hillary Clinton

Grand Rapids Mayor George Heartwell vows city will be "vanilla" when rebuilt

Media grows impatient with Iowa's lack of flood-related rapes and pillaging: Why can't they be more like New Orleans?

CNN investigates Iowans caught blowing FEMA debit cards at Tractor Supply Company

Obama: WTC problem ended on 9/11, Pentagon still a problem

Hillary supporters organize against Obama

Janet Reno congratulates Elian Gonzalez on joining Cuba's Young Communists

Elian Gonzales - my kid is a Communist Party Honor Student

Dick Durbin denies that being Hell's spokesperson and moonlighting as a Democrat Senator presents a conflict of interest

Flooding in Iowa causes typical white people to turn bitter and cling to evacuation procedures

Democrat energy policy: let them eat cake

Monica Lewinsky endorses Obama: 'This is not the Bill Clinton I knew'

NASA unveils 'ass-crack' space suit for plumbing repairs at int'l space station

Dead people at Obama's rally identified as a renegade splinter group of Hillary's 'invisible Americans'

Howard Dean: dead people will vote Democrat no matter who gets the nomination

Mainstream media silent on increased attacks on US troops by mainstream media

Sen. Kennedy under treatment. Mary Jo still dead

Muanmar drafts Mayor Nagin and Gov. Blanco to help with cyclone clean up

New Orleans Mayor sends school buses to Myanmar

As Darfur violence surges, world vows not to give a crap unless the US gets involved

Chinese citizens crushed by bricks and rubble; tanks have day off

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Friendly fire: BBC office hit by al-Qaeda rocket

Al Gore knows what caused Burma cyclone but won't say it

International community promises to suspend anti- Americanism until after American aid reaches Burma

Mainstream media saddened that Austrian pedophile isn't a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister, or a GOP senator

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North Korea's nuclear technicians protest outsourcing jobs to Syria

Earth Day: save the planet, starve the children!

Focus group: if water boarding was a sexual preference, they'd be teaching it in public schools

Study: Wall Street losses unfairly target the rich

Mixed month for MTV: teen pregnancy drops, however STDs are on the rise

Obama pledges to give every typical small town family a possum sandwich

Delays at American Airlines: a sneak peak into proposed government healthcare

Stop and smell the Sharpies

Obama: baby is punishment; tax increase is bundle of joy

Media: this year's Global Bad News Awareness week to overlap with International Good News Obliviousness month

NPR journalists go on truckers-style protest over high price of lattes

Most popular April Fools joke: "A Democrat president won't raise taxes"

Obama denounced extreme statements in Osama's new tape but urged voters to listen to the entire message before making judgment

Obama's speech calls for change in stereotyping "the typical White person"

Spitzer denies applying hardball tactics in front of bathroom mirror and threatening to come after himself

New York State House retires Spitzer's #9 jersey

KKK endorses Harvard's gym segregation policy: 'Blacks and Jews are next'

London quake caused by SUV, now impounded by Scotland Yard

Hillary's healthcare plan to include smelling salts for Obama's supporters and mandatory amputation of Chris Matthews' leg

USMail Service to publish Obama's resume on new stamp

Obama: one man's plagiarism is another man's audacity

Candidate Barry O'Bama to court Irish vote

Berkeley ousting US Marines gives hope to al Qaeda: 'If hippies can do it, so can we!'

Berkley builds wall around self; man trying to flee 'Peace Sanctuary City' shot at checkpoint

John McCain apologizes for going to Vietnam, earns Jane Fonda's endorsement

To avoid scorn and ridicule, Tom Cruise converts to Islam

NY Times: Backward, close-minded, inbred southern hicks vote for Obama

NY Times: All the news that's fit to pimp

Dems offer first female for President, first Black for President, first pretty pony for Attorney General

Brokeback Mountain loses climber

NASA's Spirit Rover finds Dennis Kucinich campaign on Mars

Las Vegas: candidates offer plans to bail out flustered gamblers

Feds: subprime borrowers' relief package to include subprime rib

Silence in Cuba: Castro too ill to speak in public, Cubans too afraid to speak

Dems adopt old British "don't mention the war" strategy for '08 campaign

Obama's 'Take a penny, leave a penny' economic plan sparks new hope

Obama's campaign hires homeless people to talk about change on street corners

Panhandlers Union endorses Obama's plan for change

Al Gore's children receive carbon credits for Winter Solstice Holiday

Democrats call for troop surge in the War on Bush

Murtha: if we quit now, capitalism will win

Pelosi declares she likes class war, pledges to stay the course

Expert blames Republicans for not attacking all Democrat candidates equally

High school Meth teacher starts new class

Holy Mitt!

Violence in Iraq down 60%; media stories reporting this down 6000%

Imus covers all bases by hiring undocumented-Black- Jewish-homeless- transgendered-vegan- disabled-obese-Kartina- victim as a sidekick

Poll: most Muslims find curvature of Riemannian manifolds offensive

"How The Grinch Redistributed Winter Solstice" opens on Broadway

Left-wing bloggers hold vigil hoping suspect is connected to GOP candidate

Hostage situation expected to be politicized in the next 20 minutes

"Mall security" takes over operations in Baghdad

New study suggests that 1 US gallon of Latte is 170 times more expensive than 1 US gallon of Regular gasoline.

Al Gore sterilizes self to protect planet: 'Having children is selfish'

NY Times: some news is fitter to print than others

Study: most Americans will be worried about economy if told so often enough

Musharraf changes name to Chavez to avoid being called "dictator" by MSM and Democrats in US Congress

Media changes old adage "no news is good news" to "no good news is news"

US Congress extends hurricane season until the first Sunday in November

Lack of bad news from Iraq causes media recession. Women and minority journalists hardest hit.

LA Times drops term "wild" describing fire, uses "undocumented" fire instead

USA Today: big fires are getting bigger, small fires are getting smaller

Reid: Global Warming caused fire by overheating arsonist's head, provoking delusional paranoia

MoveOn.org pressures Congress to stop fighting fire and bring firemen home

Reid: The war on fire is lost

Pelosi: The number of fires has gone up since we started fighting fire

Kerry: If you don't do well in school you'll get stuck fighting fire in California

NY Times: Fighting fire creates even more fires

Harry Reid auctions clothes, furniture, car on eBay in effort to make millions off his name. "If Limbaugh can do it so can I." No takers so far.

Princess Leia Organa presents the Alderaanian Medal of Honor to Al Gore

Did Che Guevara descend from Prophet Mohammed?

San Andreas Fault in California preemptively renamed George Bush's Fault

Media Matters editor blows self up over Limbaugh's 'bomber' remark

End of Ramadan brings new rioting season to France

Harry Reid bangs shoe on table: "We will bury you!"

Dutch follow Ahmadinejad's lead, declare "there are no dykes in Holland"

Ahmadinejad to Amerika: "Don't tase me, bro!"

Bomb Girl and Taser Boy sell rights to their characters to Marvel Comics

Cindy Sheehan hires Bomb Girl and Taser Boy as image consultants

CBS stands by firing of Dan Rather: "He couldn't tell our logo from a hole in the ground"

Jessie Jackson on Obama: "too White." Obama on Jackson: "I'm a smoke dat biatch if I see him"

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Tasered victim at John Kerry's speech to receive Purple Heart

Mugabe blames Zimbabwe's meltdown on Global Warming

To stomp out possible confusion, MSM changes spelling of Obama to Ubama

Craving acceptance from liberals, General Petraeus gains 300lbs and debuts report at Cannes.

George Soros stops funding Democrats, converts to Islam

Edwards: 41% of American children don't have lawyers

John Edwards proposes "single payer" trial lawyer insurance for all, mandatory pre-jurisprudence care

Illegal aliens kill people Americans won't kill

Democrats select 2008 presidential slogan:
"Death to America"

Larry "Happy Feet" Craig uses Michael Flatley's Riverdance defense

"Americans Coming Together" admit they had timing issues

Presbyterian clergy issue fatwah calling for Pope's death

New Jersey teen cracked iPhone with his face

Vick awaits doggie-style welcome in prison

Rock star behaves like rap star: huge media outcry

China's recall of defective Daily Kos bloggers causes suicides among Democrat strategists

Al Gore to recall the Internet

Media declares September National Bridge Awareness Month

First New Orleans, now Minnesota: Anderson Cooper travels up the Mississippi without a paddle

Ray Nagin pledges to build a chocolate bridge instead

William Jefferson spotted under collapsed bridge retrieving mystery package

Cannibalism, rape, looting, republicanism rampant in Minneapolis

Lindsay Lohan to enter astronaut training program

Nigeria's plan to nationalize local spam industry sparks massive riots in Lagos

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Democrat Congress's two major victories: minimum wage increase and al-Qaeda's restored operating capability

London Mayor Livingston mandates Sharia law at nightclubs to prevent further bombings

Taliban spokesman blames media bias as civilian deaths from US air strikes grab headlines: "Taliban has murdered thousands of civilians and we can't even get mentioned on Countdown with Olbermann. What gives?"

Back alley massage parlors now offering "better ending than Sopranos"

Bush to close Gitmo, detainees released into Mexican custody to be put on fast track to US citizenship

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Study: Dan rather still unable to tell the difference between Paris Hilton and Katie Couric

Civil war in Gaza: if it's not in Iraq why report it?

US media increasingly impatient at lack of civil war in Iraq

US Embassy in Syria warns of sex attacks. So how long will Bill be visiting for?

Delighted Dems: "The surge has failed!"

MSM spokesman: There are no civil war clashes in Gaza!

Palestinians still wonder why their real civil war can't knock Iraq "civil war" off the front page

As Albanians welcome Bush and show love for USA, NY Times offers them free subscriptions to "solve problem"

Paris gets out of jail faster than an illegal immigrant

Socialist utopia takes foothold in Venezuela as water cannons salute victory

Pelosi: "I've seen climate change." John Fogerty of CCR also wants to know "if she's ever seen rain"

Democrats call for troop withdrawal from Jersey

Harry Reid: "Troop presence in New Jersey creating more terrorists"

French riot police deployed as open minded, tolerant socialists expected to react to election results

Progressives concerned with Sarkozy's "extremist agenda " of rule of law and assimilation to French culture

Dems: War needs deadline; only social policies can run indefinitely

Sheryl Crow to wipe out global warming one butt at a time

Va Tech lessons for MSM: must ban guns, rich kids

ACLU calls for calm, fears backlash against innocent gun owners: 'all gun owners aren't terrorists'

Liberal groups join gun tolerance and awareness workshops

Gun owners converting to Islam in droves to ward off profiling

Sharp jump in number of 'non-decapitated' babies following Supreme Court decision

Sharpton makes a list of 57 Don Imus sympathizers on public airwaves

Al Gore and John Kerry agree: people who live in greenhouses should not expel noxious gases

Al Gore hired by K-Y to pro-
mote Global Warming Jelly

New study shows Earth's 'fever' contagious; Mars asks planets to kick 'Greenhouse Mary' out of solar system

Schumer demands Karl Rove be indicted on 1976 parking ticket

Al Qaeda reacts to Schumer attack: "Thank Allah we're not Republicans!"

Dems: Khalid Sheik Mohamed just watched too many episodes of 24 and made all that stuff in his confession up

Fitzgerald to prosecute Ann Coulter for disclosing identity of presidential candidate John Edwards

Following Scooter Libby success, media demands journalists be included on all future juries

Kent State professor calls for bin Laden victory: time to bring in the National Guard again?

Hollywood to America: our moral issues are better than your moral issues

Obama promises to "purge himself" if he loses to Hillary to spare the public a lengthy trial

House vote: Insurgents react with non-binding IED

Democrat leaders don't support terrorists but they support their mission

North Korea agrees to nuclear disarmament, media hails Madeleine Albright

Bush: I support Democrat majority - but not their mission

Is it time for Pinochet yet?

Helen Thomas to be inducted into Museum of Natural History

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