The People's Cube has obtained a draft of Al Gore's Oscar acceptance speech to be read in full, uninterrupted by music, at Hollywood's Kodak Theater on Feb. 25. The same speech, with minor adjustments for local weather, will also be delivered in Oslo City Hall on Dec. 10, where Al Gore is hoping to receive a Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in putting Global Warming on the front burner of class struggle. Below is the full text of Al Gore's speech:
Climate change is a modern-day equivalent of class struggle. Global Warming is an easily understood, historically inevitable concept in Marxist Science designed to help the Party to crush capitalism and fulfill mankind's utmost desire to redistribute wealth and establish a centralized global government with an army of enlightened bureaucrats running a planned global economy based on world-wide quotas and five-year plans.
In the absence of classical Marxist preconditions for the Revolution - global crisis of capitalism combined with massive poverty and despair - Global Warming stands out as the most convenient, non-denominational replacement thereof. It provides both the means to manipulate the masses - and a moral justification for doing so. As such it replaces the previously promising but failed agitprop tools as "Overpopulation," "Ozone Holes," "Global Famine," and "Ice Age 2." Until the time when it gets replaced by another convenient agitprop tool, Global Warming must remain an unquestionable dogma in all political discussions (you shall be notified of changes, if any, by the NPR, the New York Times, and other progressive media organs.)
The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. The masses must believe that it is beneficial to have faith in Global Warming whether it can be proven or not. If Global Warming didn't exist it would be necessary to invent it.Global Warming encompasses four dogmas:
Note: if you can't prove Proposition #1 & #3 you must quickly move to #4.
Many people have difficulty with things like driving directions, balancing a checking account, and releasing the "Caps Lock" key. And yet, after watching my film "An Inconvenient Truth," they all figured out Global Warming just as easily as they had figured out the Iraq war after watching Michael Moore's Oscar-winning "Fahrenheit 9/11."
This, and many other Global Warming trivia you will find in my new book which I will be selling in the lobby right after this speech, so you better start forming a line now. Get used to standing in lines, comrades, because when my plan for the future is implemented, lines and ration coupons will become a national pastime for non-Party members. In an easy, accessible format, my book will explain why, unless you appoint me the next President of Earth, you and your pets will all die a horrible death when this planet blows up.
The book consists of the following chapters:
You will also learn:
* * *
We hear that Al Gore has generally approved the draft but asked to go easy on Marxist references so as not to scare away those bourgeois who might still write him a big check. His other suggestion was to change the book title from "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Global Warming" to "The Progressive Activist's Guide To Global Warming."
The speech, commissioned to the writers of the Propaganda Department at Karl Marx Treatment Center, has been reserved for inclusion into a compilation CD of "Historical Speeches of Famous American Leaders" also featuring speeches by Barbra Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, and Oprah Winfrey.
Quote:Thats my Uncle Jasper in the pink leotard
Bvt. Field Marshal PravdaMeow admitted to the world:
Quote:Thats my Uncle Jasper in the pink leotard
'Doomsday vault' to resist global warming effectsAn Arctic "doomsday vault" aimed at providing mankind with food in case of a global catastrophe will be designed to sustain the effects of climate change,
Quote:Former Vice President Al Gore could pay a visit to the University in the near future to receive an honorary degree for his work in climatology.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoQuickly, someone get Dr. Strangelove on line-two, we might have to go underground until Global Warming goes away
BranishAs long as a computer selects several hundred of our most talented people to inhabit these mine shafts for a hundred years, they would probably be able to come back up in a hundred years. However, we must not allow a mine shaft gap!
Sister Massively Opiated.....and the most reported thing that came out of it was his pronouncement that although he still believes the Canadian people capable of great leadership and making wise choices, he doesn't believe our leadership is capable in the same wise... so, apparently, we can make good choices regarding leadership, we just haven't?
Quote:Very confusing... just caught a recap of Algore's speechifying in Toronto last night... He spoke at the University of Toronto at Convocation Hall which normally holds 1,500 but was 'expanded' to hold 2,000... 500 tickets were prereserved, so there were 1,500 tickets for sale for $20 each and there were 23,000 hits on the website and it crashed... thing sold out in 5 minutes and as of yesterday afternoon, they were scalping tickets for up to $500 each... I don't understand
The TsarevnaYou're my hero, SMO! :-) uh, in a comrade sort of way.
LaikaI understand! Dammit SMO! You shold have bought ten and the Party would be up $5K in soft cash. Don't let Hillary know.
Quote:With respect, Comrade Canine Laika... how do you know I did not?
Laika the Space DogBecause the Party didn't receive the wire transfer. You have the ABA and the routing, plus the secret account number for Switzerland. Now what's the hold up?
Noble TheocritusHave I crossed the boundaries of taste? Moi?
Quote:my serfs/peasants/useful-idiots believe that I am a Communist New Man with strange God like powers
Quote:my serfs/peasants/useful-idiots believe that I am a Communist New Man with strange God like powers
Sister Massively Opiated
Red SquareEnvironmentally-conscious proletarians relax after a week of hard work while listening to Party-approved songs by government composers powered by the People's Solar Panel.
Quote:However, I really am going to have to have a long talk with my parents and ask them to explain to me just WHAT THE F**K this song is going on about, cause I just don't understand and to be entirely honest, the whole thing, when listened to with the music, freaks me out a bit... I know it was in the musical Hair, but really, baby-boomers... that's just no excuse!!! All those words... those disjointed words in the lyrics at the end... he sings them all... all of them!!! And Tipper was worried about the lyrics to MY music... Freaks!!!
Sister Massively OpiatedI really am going to have to have a long talk with my parents and ask them to explain to me just WHAT THE F**K this song is going on about
Laika the Space DogI am the Space Dog
Red SquareThe part you couldn't understand in the song was the "speaking tongues" part of the new religion. That cult spread like fire not because it was better than the old one, but because there had been a prophecy about it and many people really really really wanted it to spread, without much of an idea of what it was exactly they were spreading.
TheocritusIs there really a difference? Socialists, new age, sky pilots--all the same thing all the time. All coercion, all channels, all the time, to everyone.
Red SquareWho's Oliver?
Laika the Space DogSorry Sister, I'm sorta like "Brain Drain Golden Olden Moldy Goldies".
Red SquareThe Party and Politburo's favorite composer has always been Tchaikovsky. His Swan Lake used to be played nation-wide when a significant Party leader died. Both sad and optimistic, on many levels. Please adjust your musical tastes accordingly.
Red SquareAndew Lloyd Kulak Monster didn't write the decadent bourgeois musical Hair. Hair was written by James Rado and Gerome Ragni (book and lyrics), and Galt MacDermot (music). http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_%28musical%29
Red SquareI think Andew's first musical was "J.C. Superstar," an equally decadent reactionary propaganda of the opiate for the masses, as it was described to us by our teacher in school.
MargaretGlobal Warming Beach Party
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