Having analyzed world media sympathies towards Muslim radicals who teach their young to lace their suicide belts with screws and rat poison to inflict maximum carnage in a crowd of infidels, a desperate Jewish manufacturer of educational toys has launched a " Jewish Martyr Babies" marketing campaign, which they hope will finally make Reuters, BBC, CNN, and other networks view the Jewish experiencehave more favorably. They now offer their customers anthrax yarmulke, razor-wire-lined tallit, exploding gartel, strangling attarah, metal-piercing dreidels, and other novelty items that are "fun, educational, and lethal."
Below is a sample lineup of Jewish Martyr Toys and mission statement from the manufacturer's website:
|Jewish Martyr Toys|
Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale! Sale!
|Free Torah pointer with each purchase, good for poking out eyes or creating neck wounds!|
If we want the world to start liking us, Jewish children need to stop learning useless Western ideas like arts and sciences, and start learning how to become fanatical holy martyrs bent on destroying everything that doesn't conform to their new, pious outlook. At that point, international human rights groups and all progressive people will finally welcome us into their community on par with Palestinians.
In order to attract more of the word's sympathies we encourage all Jews to start protecting their beliefs from criticism and questioning in the manner of their Muslim neighbors. Our new product line is meant to teach our your children to do just that - protect their faith from unbelievers in their formative years. These products, which can be enjoyed by any child over the age of three, are fun, educational, and lethal.
If you are Jewish, please feel free to browse through our selection of fine products (with free shipping for the rest of the month). If you are not Jewish, then G-d will terminate your cursed existence soon. Shabbat Shalom!
Muslim toymakers in the neighboring Ramallah remain skeptical about the new competition. "We are glad our Jewish counterparts are finally accepting our terms on the road towards progress," says Abu Hassan, owner of one of the city's many popular metal shops frequented by teenage bombers. "But you just can't make a quick jump from making puzzles, atlases, and song books to rockets, bombs, and suicide belts. It takes generations of experience and the know-how which the cursed Jew doesn't have," he added, smiling gently under his kuffiah.
Western aid workers have responded to the news with anxious concern. "If one of those damn Jewish toys touches one of my peace tattoos? Like, I am so totally gonna sue their Jewish asses in the international court!" says 23-year-old Hannah, an American student who is spending her second summer at the Rachel Corrie Memorial Camp in Gaza, teaching Palestinian children to dig smuggling tunnels.
When asked if the new trend is going to change the way his organization reports the news, an unnamed Reuters Middle Eastern stringer scoffed, "This is just one of their cheap Jew marketing tricks to earn undeserved sympathy. Life would be so much less complicated if they just didn't exist."
YNetNews.comJoint paratrooper, Shin Bet force uncovers explosives lab in West Bank city, finds toys with wires hanging from them, apparently slated to be used as deadly explosives
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