Violent protests accompanied by massive looting, flag-burning, and clashes with riot police erupted yesterday among faculty members on U.S. and European campuses, after Newsweek magazine reported that a U.S. interrogator desecrated Das Kapital. The holy book of an estimated 1.5 billion world's Marxists was allegedly flushed down the toilet in order to humiliate and demoralize a progressive human rights lawyer and devout Marxist Lynne Stewart.
Riots continued through the night despite denials by Scott McClellan that Das Kapital had ever been mishandled. The White House spokesman assured that the U.S. government respects cultural sensitivities of all Marxists regardless of their citizenship or immigration status, and routinely provides activists of progressive faith, who happen to be in detention, with free standard-issue copies of Das Kapital, which their faith requires them to read five times a day. The government started doing so after being bitterly criticized by ACLU and Amnesty International.
Continued pressure from progressive groups and the media forced apologetic government officials to release new details about five confirmed cases of U.S. personnel mishandling Das Kapital at federal detention centers, acknowledging that guards and interrogators kicked the Marxist holy book, got copies wet, stood on Das Kapital during an interrogation and inadvertently sprayed urine on another copy.
Conservative bloggers have ridiculed Newsweek's allegations on the grounds that no toilet is fit to flush even a comic magazine, let alone Das Kapital of 1,200 pages. But ACLU claims its lawyers have evidence that the Bush Administration had placed a large order with Halliburton, a company formerly owned by Dick Cheney, to manufacture a ProgressoFlush 3000, an SUV-sized gasoline-powered 3,000 liter monster toilet, capable of flushing such voluminous books as Das Kapital, Bhagavad Gita, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, the Harry Potter collection, and Star Wars spin-offs, with the purpose of humiliating and breaking the will of worshippers in federal detention facilities.
Lynne Stewart is a Marxist attorney indicted by Attorney General John Ashcroft for enabling her client, the progressive Sheik, Omar Abdul Rahman, to carry out his progressive agendas while in prison. Rahman was the spiritual leader of a cell that carried out the first World Trade Center bombing and was planning to blow up the Lincoln and Holland Tunnels.
Ramsey Clark, founder of the progressive International Action Center, who recruited Stewart to the Rahman case, issued a statement today inviting the involvement of the International Tribunal, and suggesting to turn Lynne Stewart's prison into a museum of atrocities committed by the US government against Marxists, similar to the ones already planned for the Abu Ghraib prison and for the Liberty Museum at Ground Zero.
flusher
You can do it now at Flush A Holy Book
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