People's Cube list of Approved Interrogation Techniques


Well the People's Cube™ presents two "Kinder, Gentler" methods that might meet with approval.
The School Room
Hillary Clinton (on endless loop)






I keep hearing my betters in the political class say, "Torture never works." I know this must be the Current Truth ™, but must denounce myself for my doubts.
When serving as a Valiant Air Person in the Glorious People's Air Force I was treated to three helpings of training we affectionately dubbed "Advanced Beatings". The whole purpose of Advanced Beatings (other than the amusement of those teaching) was to ingrain techniques to resist questioning under torture. If "torture never works", why did I have to be trained to resist it? I am ashamed of such linear thinking.
In the previous Current Truth ™ documentary Dr. Strangelove, General Ripper expresses concern that he will not stand up under torture. Group Captain Mandrake replies that no one ever does. So at one time even Made Progs Stanley Kubrick and Peter Sellers thought torture worked.
I will now finish denouncing myself and report to the rail yard.
Navigating the swirling Current Truth ™,
Red Salmon


"Just answer the question!"