Comrades,

Recently there have been rumors that the People's Navy Nuclear Reactor safety program has been deficient in ensuring that our reactors are totally safe and pose no danger to the surrounding marine environment.

These rumors are patently false. It is also just pure coincidence that these rumors also started to swirl right after the discovery of this new marine species, that just happened to be found in the same area as our recently newly re-christened and renamed " PNS Flouncer" fast attack people's navy submarine.



So no need to worry, everything is fine. Oh Comrades just a quick question. Seems we are running a little low on duct tape lately in the fleet, anybody got a few rolls to spare for the common good?

My Dear Commadore:

What ever happened to the galley slaves?

There is a certain inequity that has plagued the People's submarine fleet for some time now.
Namely "What goes up will always come down, however what goes down rarely comes back up."

(Mrs. Al's goat gonad soup not withstanding)

Comm. SW , 28/12/2010
Encrypted message to follow...........

Uyay aitedway otay onglay......... ixfay eakinglay ipespay, esyay ? asnodarKay illway eesay ifyay itkay ankay ebay ( bad pun) ixedfay.

No worries, dear boy ! I have extra duct tape from Laika's supply mission that can repair the reactor ....... tractor coolant pipe. And as you can see, I've changed my avatar for the occasion. Be back soon. ( And just between us, don't stay on the lower deck for more than five minutes. Remember what happened last time, commrade ! )

Krasnodar, People's engineer for engineering things...... (you know, like Chicago elections.)

The People's Navy should have stayed with the coal burning submarine fleet!

There were a few drawbacks but the creation of new species with silly long Latin names was not among them.Offical line:

People's Navy Nuclear Reactors Are Totally Safe*

* all the way up to the explosion!

Commodore Woogums,

My memory is a little hazy, but isn't that actually a picture of Laika during last week's Christmas Tree Lighting Party People's Winter Solstice Arbor Illumination Fellowship Gathering? I vaguely remember Laika lapping up what appeared to be bottom shelf vodka, in between snootfuls of pickled beets.

PPeabody

Comrade Whoopie wrote:..............

(Mrs. Al's goat gonad soup not withstanding)

MRS. AL!! WHERE DO YOU GET THIS MRS. AL'S STUFF?! That is my delicious- special made- recipe for the beloved late Mr. Pulloskies!!! I demand apayoff apology!!!

But I digressed . . . there is no problem with the People Navy Nuclear boats. Well, nothing that is deemed harmful. Why, just last week, before he deceased, Ensign Federsteinoff lovely pet, Gertie gerbil, was well and happy. Who starts these awful rumors??!! We need the FCC to intervene and Stop the Gossip ™ .

My apologies Frau. Perhaps we should power our submarine fleet with your soup, since nobody can keep it down.

You must consume it incorrectly. The beloved late Mr. P never had any trouble keeping that delightful soup down, especially after he passed away. (It's also good for embalming and many other useful tasks which I shan't mention, but if it makes your boat to float, try it in your submariner.)

Personally I think we should switch the submarines to clean wind technology. Surely a submarine can operate under sail?

Comrade Colonel, that is why we are so pleased and happy to have such a thought filled comrade in our midst.... wind for subs. What a glorious idea! The sails can always been lowered when they want to ..... sit or whatever. I must give you the hammer & pop award for such good thinking. ah, if we only had more of you. Maybe your brain can be transplanted for progressive prosperity?!

There's no connection at all. The lobster dude was just visiting and Admiral Nelson turned him into bisque anyway

Wow...I haven't seen " Voyage to See What's on the Bottom " for decades, now !

And Commodore, I took care of most of those leaks down below decks ........ "in your tractor"..... Isn't that right, comrade ?
BTW, you'll need to reimburse my emergency appropriations from the collective's Store #86 for some of that spray foam insulation stuff, three rolls of duct tape and a can of Prestone Stop-Leak.

Comrade Pulloskies, I am honored. Deeply so. Even more so, when my lack of other Party awards comes to mind. I shall treasure this forever.

Krasnodar wrote:Wow...I haven't seen " Voyage to See What's on the Bottom " for decades, now !

And Commodore, I took care of most of those leaks down below decks ........ "in your tractor"..... Isn't that right, comrade ?
BTW, you'll need to reimburse my emergency appropriations from the collective's Store #86 for some of that spray foam insulation stuff, three rolls of duct tape and a can of Prestone Stop-Leak.

Outstanding work! I even see you did a little WD-40 action on the screen door covering the subs main hatch to take care of that pesky squeak. Of course your stores will be replenished! Just fill out form 1288-090-567B (a) in triplicate using a number two pencil, file the appropriate sub form- 877-9358 and it'll get there in a.....er.....Jiffy.

Meanwhile let me treat you to a free submarine sandwich for your great work! Now no complaining like you did the last time claiming that the submarine sandwich was soggy though.

Ahh....A Commodore's work is never done. Just received a report and it seems that new crew member I just assigned to the Flouncer has met with a rather cool reception from his new shipmates.

Comrades,
Hot off the drawing boards is our newest fast attack submarine:


Enjoy Commodore, enjoy.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Comrade Pulloskies, I am honored. Deeply so. Even more so, when my lack of other Party awards comes to mind. I shall treasure this forever.

Colonel!

Don't fret, instead of an award for your wonderful idea I have reserved for you instead the best seat in the house so you can watch and catch all the excitement for this years event!!!!

Why thank you Comrade. I even brought some depth charges to throw into the water. I enjoy the splashes they make. Although sometimes I see oil slicks after setting them off. I'm confused.

Colonel,

Does this bring back some memories?

There were a few drawbacks but the creation of new species with silly long Latin names was not among them.Offical line:

Comrade Tooorisky,

I do rather like the name Noproblemious Nucluesreactorvis Caninefishytantis that was submitted by People's Navy Lab Scientist Dr. Hugo Flugsplatts myself. He was the brilliant sub engineer that came up with the installed screen door on our submarines that Krasnador just give a few drops of lube oil to after he was done doing some....er...routine maintenance on some other just really unimportant minor stuff inside the boat.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Comrade Pulloskies, I am honored. Deeply so. Even more so, when my lack of other Party awards comes to mind. I shall treasure this forever.

and I am so pleased with your pleasure . . . and do not forget to make the check, money order or paypal payable directly to myself.

And is it not fulfilling to see Seaman Nancy in full vigor; are we not delighted that Obama got DADT remanded to the gulag of dead ideas. SHOW YOUR PRIDE, SEAMAN NANNY NANCY!

I see Bruno has been auditioning for recruiting commercials (how sad).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ki32TxK ... r_embedded

Semper Fabulous

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Personally I think we should switch the submarines to clean wind technology. Surely a submarine can operate under sail?

Brilliant idea, comrade....we could approach our targets silently.

MY MY MY, isn't Bruno the cutest little thing in his little outfit. Theo must be pleased and punch to have such a brave and loyal companion friend.

Krasnodar, I am not sure you should be revealing such secret sub secrets... what if a reichwinger saw this accurate photo and yakked to the enemy?! They would know what to look for, would they not??

Not to worry, Fraulein ! It's called "hiding in plain sight ". The enemy sees sailboats everywhere and doesn't consider them a threat.

Krasnodar wrote:Not to worry, Fraulein ! It's called "hiding in plain sight ". The enemy sees sailboats everywhere and doesn't consider them a threat.

There is of course no reason for glorious Soviet submarines to hide at all, they are all delightful and friendly boats, and are just plying our waters to help. All are commanded by warm and fuzzki Captains like Sean Connery What a lovable comrade. Just look at that glorious Soviet rug, who could think of him as an enemy?

Zenitar_Kamera

Noticed that you are new here and it is with pride to welcome you aboard. Now to earn your keep I will task you to film the following award ceremony:

ATTENTION...............Boatswain Nancy(good Gaw'd)...... pipe over the following personnel:

Krasnodar, Colonel 7.62


Krasnodar

For services set forth in the following citation:

During a recent minor typical repair operation on-board People's Naval Submarine PNS FLOUNCER you performed well beyond typical expectations. Your attention to detail was an inspiration to others to follow while doing their typical totally safe minor repair work on-board the unit.

It is with pleasure to Award you the "120 Men Go Down 60 couples Come Up" pendant for your services to the fleet.




Colonel 7.62

For services set forth in the following citation:

During a minor repair operation on-board People's Naval Submarine PNS FLOUNCER that recently was taking place. You demonstrated outstanding support in suggesting an idea that will revolutionize future submarine propulsion technology. Making our progressive fleet to be lean and totally green in the future.

It is with pleasure to Award you the "It Ain't Gay When Your Underway" pendant for your services to the fleet.




Thank you Gentlemen.....Boatswain Nancy, blow your pipe and dismiss the
Awardees.

This concludes our ceremony and I have a special treat for all here who attended. I've been in the galley and have whipped a meal in the finest tradition of Navy culinary excellence.

Grab your forks Shipmates and dig in!!!!!!!

Snoogie, did Che Gourmet teach you that? That guy really does wondrous things with Spam. You should try his spiral cut Spam loaf with glazed pineapple slices. Even Mrs. Al drools when she sees it. And his Sweet & Sour pork liver....mmmmmm

(I think he's Hawaiian)

Whoopie, you are down right insensitive to mention PORK in the same sentence with Mrs. Al!! Do you not know how offensive Mooslimics find porkage? They are not allowed to see, touch, eat, think or drool over any pig or piglet products, which you should know by now. In fact, porkley products might make her hurl in disgust all over your ax.

But Commodore Woogums, you have made a delightful spread there. Why, I can almost look at it without spitting up.

Frau, now you've gone and hurt the feelings of our Commissar of hog gulags, Buffoon. He works so hard to raise them from babies then trucks them across the country so kindly killers can hang them upside down and slit their throats. Is that not a good mooslimic way to die?

And now I must sit down to some tasty breaded pork chops.

Numero one, I was not referencing Comrade Buffoon, the little dear that he is. He was not about talking about pigs and their tasty ways. I am almost sure Mrs. Al would look the other direction as Buffoon is driving his piggery by but you do not need to be talking eating pigs and offending her offensive sensibilities. Numbero two . . well, I forget what that was but I am sure it was something of importance.