Image

Top 15 things that didn't happen in 2015

User avatar
Image
It has become a People's Cube tradition that in the last days of the outgoing year we post a list of things that didn't happen that year, a list of things that won't happen in the coming year, and sometimes a list of things that will, indeed, happen.

Image
See our lists for the years of 2012, 2013, and 2015.

Once again, special thanks to the most equal contributions from Will Beria, our Official Listmaster of Things that Didn't Happen and Will Not Happen.

Top 15 things that didn't happen in 2015

  1. Santa Claus converts to Islam. "He's keeping a list," non-believers warned
  2. 12 year-old Tibetian self-identifies as 40 year-old American; enters Democratic presidential primaries
  3. Experts agree: agreeing to disagree is disagreeable to experts
  4. Psychiatrist recovers repressed national memory hole: "Jam-packed with campaign promises, doomsday predictions, New Year resolutions"
  5. Fed misses inflation target, shoots employment instead
  6. Cuba nationalizes sunlight, tourists charged for suntans
  7. Dictionary News: "government" replaced with "do-together-ment," "after-tax income" becomes "allowance"
  8. Mime caught stealing air guitar serves 30 days in imaginary box
  9. Rat race ends in dead heat; sheeple chase begins
  10. High court rules college speech codes "double-plus-good," dissenting opinion withheld
  11. "Zombie" decried as insulting to the undead: correct term is "the nearly departed"
  12. NASA adjusts records to show first man on moon was Bruce Jenner. Also named "first woman on moon"
  13. NEA takes over NCAA, awards 7,862 Heisman trophies
  14. Fed severs US dollar tie to reality; gold no longer worth its weight in gold
  15. UN Court of Cultural Appropriation: Africa wins "first human walking upright" case; Europeans ordered to live on knees

User avatar
A slight change to the Current Truth, comrades: as we were preparing this year's "No News Good News" edition, we received this news, which shows that Santa Claus has indeed converted to Islam and is keeping a list.

Image

User avatar
Red Square wrote:See our lists for the years of 2012, 2013, and 2015.

Apparently, 2014 didn't happen, either. That's a relief. That wasn't a very good year for me. I'm very happy to know that it was all in my imagination - which I'm not supposed to have, unless it's Party™ approved.

I'm also happy to learn that our Muslim brothers are celebrating the birth of Christ by crucifying Christians. It helps to make the world make sense.

User avatar
Our friend at American Irony posted this parallel list (or is it perpendicular?)....

Image

User avatar
Last year saw many progressive advancements. Police, once society's enemy, have adopted a new multicultural posture. One of the more visible statements is a less threatening, more culturally inclusive uniform selection. Gone are the garish displays of rank and privilege. Imams, Mullahs and Misanthropes everywhere are certain to embrace these new standards of sensitivity and enlightenment.

new cops.png


User avatar
Red Square wrote:Our friend at American Irony posted this parallel list (or is it perpendicular?)....
Orthogonal?

User avatar
Red Square wrote:Our friend at American Irony posted this parallel list (or is it perpendicular?)....

Image

[OFF]

Have you seen the Patriot Dictionary on American Irony? It's an absolute riot!

COFFEE
The lifeblood of big business like Starbucks which keeps self-indulgent “Anthropology of Feminist History Studies” majors employed and off welfare so they can continue, unabated, their focus on hating capitalism.


User avatar
Dedhedvedev - because #blacklivesmatter


User avatar
Thankfully for the Air Guitar World Championship, the mimes did not rebel

I am quite new to The People's Cube. If anybody wants to help me adjust, i would like to.

User avatar
Welcome, comrade RedPokemon.

The help you get will depend on the adjustment you require. We can set you up for gender realignment surgery or re-education camp. If you need only minor adjustments, we can put you through a show trial.

Any questions, and you will be formally and informally denounced until you become a well adjusted citizen of the world and resident of the USSA.

Don't hesitate to Personal Message members if you need help adjusting. Click on their name(s) and follow the links. On the top right of the page are controls for your personal profile.

Welcome to Utopia, comrade. The World of Next Tuesday will be with us soon.


 
POST REPLY