Progressive news media have come up with a series of articles asking the same question, "Why do clouds hate us?" Already the spelling of the word "hurricane" in the New York Times and other leading media has been replaced with a more sensitive Spanish term "huracán," and some pundits have switched to a less judgmental term "draft" The word "cumulous" has quickly become derogatory and is also being ubiquitously replaced with such euphemisms as "cute" and "puffy."
President Bush has spoken to the nation from the rooftop of a flooded Seven Eleven in downtown New Orleans yesterday, vowing a swift and decisive response towards the environment. "We are up against ruthless weather systems that wish us harm," the President said. "But we are going to hunt them down and strike them at their bases. Make no mistake, and I want to be absolutely clear about it - this is not a war against all environment. We are not fighting animals and forest, just the weather."
Conservative commentator Sean Hannity has pointed out that even though weather systems had been lashing Florida and the Carolinas for years, the previous administration's response was to "just put up with them," while Bush has sworn to take the fight to the enemy, no longer treating it as a meteorological problem. An ultra-conservative talk show host and Bush critic Michael Savage called President's actions too soft and demanded an immediate destruction of all weather systems crossing US borders. He has also insisted that all activities of Environmental Protection Agency be suspended and its computers checked for possible clues of sedition and mental disorder.
France and Germany have called Bush's response "a knee jerk reaction" and urged more understanding and tolerance. White House spokesman Scott McClellan was quick to point out that "only last year France had 10,000 citizens killed in a heat wave, an action bearing all the hallmarks of weather." He also commented there was "another heat wave across Europe this summer, without a meaningful response from France and Germany whatsoever."
Despite the unwillingness of many in Old Europe to join the War on Weather, Bush has found two staunch allies in Ireland and Britain. This is seen as a major boost in support for war effort as both island nations have long suffered under what the White House described as "perpetual cloud of wet gloom, rain, mist, fog, and damp." Irish Premier Bertie Aherne is pleased that the US has finally woken up to the "dastardly effects of the weather," as Irish people are forced to spend long tedious hours in bars due to the perpetual rain outside. All activity in Ireland and Britain is at the mercy of the weather.
ACLU has warned the Bush Administration against profiling darker, heavier clouds and demanded that all clouds be treated equally, regardless of their origin, color, or elevation. Meeting their demands, US Air Force has detained a formation of cirrous clouds over the North Pole. The suspects were escorted over to the island of Cuba, examined, and then released after severe criticism from an international group Could Watchers for Peace.
Although Americans seem to be united in their response to the recent disastrous attacks, signs are emerging that the Democrats in Congress are giving in to radical pressure groups and begin to question President Bush's methods and motives. Senator Edward Kennedy has stated in a televised interview that Bush "knew" about Hurricane Katrina back in 2004, after a leading meteorologist had sent him a memo predicting, with an absolute certainty, that there would definitely be a hurricane in the following summer. "Bush knew," Kennedy repeated several times. A few whistleblowers have emerged since then exposing an alleged cover-up of corporate weather forecasters. Some Democratic leaders are now claiming that Bush had invited Katrina on purpose, in order to stir up media frenzy and thus avoid meeting with Mother Sheehan.
The new Republican initiative is met with vehement protests from grass root groups bankrolled by George Soros, claiming that declaring martial law in Louisiana infringes upon the rights of the looters to freely loot, as they represent oppressed classes who have a moral right to get back at society.
Mother of All Protesters Cindy Sheehan sided with Mother Nature at Meet the Press yesterday, where she endorsed Hurricane Katrina as Mother Nature's way to liberate itself from the oppression of American imperialism. "A grieving mother myself, I understand Mother Nature's rage against America and George Bush in particular. I did not give Bush my permission to protect America from diddly-squat! I am outraged that he is sending our kids to fight an immoral war against nature in Louisiana. Our children were not raised to fight the Neocon war for Israel in New Orleans."
In other news, Jane Fonda and George Galloway's Anti-War Bus Tour is said to be diverted to Louisiana in order to protest the illegal use of US troops in flooded areas.
Quote:It is reported that black hurricane victims in New Orleans have begun eating corpses to survive. Four days after the storm, thousands of blacks in New Orleans are dying like dogs. No-one has come to help them.
Quote:In fact, Comrade Probie, Nazism was one of the highest forms of collectivism, fighting for the right of their socialist ethnic collective to trump the rights of all other ethnic collectives and of the bourgeoisie. But that information is to be shared among Party members only. For the rest of the masses we must reinforce the image of Nazis as right-wing individualists in the mold of Ayn Rand.
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Obama visits US-Mexican border, calls for a two-state solution
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Russian separatists in Ukraine riot over an offensive YouTube video showing the toppling of Lenin statues
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Joe Biden to Russia: "We will bury you by turning more of Eastern Europe over to your control!"
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Mardi Gras in North Korea: "Throw me some food!"
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US offers military solution to Ukraine crisis: "We will only fight countries that have LGBT military"
Putin annexes Brighton Beach to protect ethnic Russians in Brooklyn, Obama appeals to UN and EU for help
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North Korean voters unanimous: "We are the 100%"
Leader of authoritarian gulag-site, The People's Cube, unanimously 're-elected' with 100% voter turnout
Super Bowl: Obama blames Fox News for Broncos' loss
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Biden to lower $10,000-a-plate Dinner For The Homeless to $5,000 so more homeless can attend
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White House hires part-time schizophrenic Mandela sign interpreter to help sell Obamacare
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President resolves Obamacare debacle with executive order declaring all Americans equally healthy
Obama to Iran: "If you like your nuclear program, you can keep your nuclear program"
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Shocker: Obama had no knowledge he'd been reelected until he read about it in the local newspaper last week
NSA marks National Best Friend Day with official announcement: "Government is your best friend; we know you like no one else, we're always there, we're always willing to listen"
Al Qaeda cancels attack on USA citing launch of Obamacare as devastating enough
The President's latest talking point on Obamacare: "I didn't build that"
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Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as offensive to most Americans
Poll: 83% of Americans favor cowboy diplomacy over rodeo clown diplomacy
Obama administration gets serious, threatens Syria with ObamaCare
Obama authorizes the use of Vice President Joe Biden's double-barrel shotgun to fire a couple of blasts at Syria
Sharpton: "British royals should have named baby 'Trayvon.' By choosing 'George' they sided with white Hispanic racist Zimmerman"
Nancy Pelosi extends abortion rights to the birds and the bees
Hubble discovers planetary drift to the left
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FISA court rubberstamps statement denying its portrayal as government's rubber stamp
Every time ObamaCare gets delayed, a Julia somewhere dies
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Janet Napolitano: TSA findings reveal that since none of the hijackers were babies, elderly, or Tea Partiers, 9/11 was not an act of terrorism
News Flash: Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) can see Canada from South Dakota
Drudge Report reduces font to fit all White House scandals onto one page
Obama: the IRS is a constitutional right, just like the Second Amendment
Jay Carney to critics: 'Pinocchio never said anything inconsistent'
Obama: If I had a gay son, he'd look like Jason Collins
IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
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This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester
White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
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Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
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Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
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Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
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Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
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Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
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White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
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Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
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Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
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May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
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Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
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