E-indictments

E-indictments are sweeping the nation! Read testimonials from some of the satisfied customers:

I used E-indictment on my Republican neighbor because I didn't like his dog growling every time I entered his property, or the fence he put up to stop sharing his stuff with me. Now that he's been indicted I can use his barbecue grill anytime and I don't have to clean it too!.

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My abusive wife hated my political activism and one night even slapped me when I just asked her to say she's my sister to those Code Pink activists I brought home from a street protest. I slapped her back with an E-indictment! Thanks Thelma and Louise for the link!.

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My co-worker refused to cover my extended lunches and never laughed at the jokes that I cracked every five minutes about Bush and the Neo-cons. I logged on to E-indictments.com and soon he was making license plates while I took his position. Who's laughing now?.

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My boss refused to give me a promotion during the long six weeks that I worked for him. He even made a snide comment about my "liberal" work ethics. I used E-indictments.com and I never saw him again. The company closed down and that's good because I now qualify for unemployment benefits!

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Reagan and Bush 1 were the reasons that the USSR fell.  I want to indite them for it.  Also, I want to indite the current Bush for the Racist hurricanes!
 

Dear Red Square,

As proprietor of "E-SexHarassment.com" and "E-Discrimination.com,"  I hereby order you to cease and desist or face an "E-indictment" as produced by your own form!  Understand that while I agree with your goals, my endeavors have been ongoing since the origin of the internet, and therefore I should have the first right to any indictment website.
 

Good news comrades, San Francisco will soon be outlawing handguns! Unfortunatly since I live several miles North of the bay area, I am exempt and donot have to deal with rising crime rates. I want people to break into my house and threatem me without me being able to defend myself!
 

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Your contribution will help build the Democratic Party in every state and territory and help carry our message and our values into every community:

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Comrade Square:

I need several million e-indictments with which I can convict and send all SUV drivers to the Red-States (wait a second - isn't a Red State better than the Blue...? I am confused).

I am on a fly-over-states private jet flight right now, on my way to the LeftCoast (it's a fuel efficient jet -so they assured me -otherwise I would ride my democrat donkey)- but if you could get those to me by tomorrow - I shall be eternally socialistic,

Big many thanks,

xoxoxo,  Ariana
 

Comrade Clinton doesn't share that massively plump rear end of hers...

INDICTment time!
 

I just indicted a convenience store clerk for failing to sell me a winning lottery ticket.  "Betta find a winna, or else, sucka," I said.  He sold me a ticket, I scratched it off, and got nuthin'.  The convenience store clerk, however, will be gettin' 5 - 10 years of hard labor in the Gulag.  E-indictments rules!

By the way, Comrade Red Square: How do we loyal Party members protect ourselves against frivilous E-indictments?
 

Kommissar Betty

Good news comrades, San Francisco will soon be outlawing handguns!
Welcome to utopia. The strict anti-gun laws here in MA have completely eliminated violent crime.
 

da#96 - now you listen to what I am saying - who's private jet do ya think she's ridin' in Waaaaawhoooo - I do mean ridin' !!!!
 

I find I still watch reruns of "Andy Griffith" and sometimes "The Waltons".  This is not good watching subversive programs like this.  I am glad to indict myself, comrades.  Send for the black marias.
 

Blue Rose,

We've sent BMSSC-57 (Black Maria Special Squad Car #57) to collect you and deliver you to the proper authorities. Please be waiting outside with all of your valuables, so that our Appropriation Brigade doesn't have to waste the People's time ransacking your flat in order to find them.  The State appreciates your cooperation!  

--BMD
 

I found myself working at my job yesterday. The news of the E-indictments sweeping the nation propelled me to quit. I will no longer live in fear of punishment and just sit on my, now, dead ass.
 

Thanks to E-indictments, my progressive colleagues and I at UC-Boulder were able to coerce the resignation of a "closet" libertarian member of the faculty. What a glorious day!

You think Socrates was bad?...this fascist freak was really poisoning the fragile minds of the students with talk of "individual rights", "free markets", and "limited government" (whatever that is?).
 

Comrade editors, journalists, filmmakers, textbook writers, teachers professors, entertainers of the proletariat mASSes!

Deploy the People's Inventor's (AlGrrr's) glorious revolutionary invention -

The Progressive Media Historical Revision and News-story Concoction Machine (nomenclature: MsM-v.1969rddb, danratherski memorial type)!

Now that the real purges and show-trials have begun - we must MoveOn to
revise history and report events in terms of our people's socialists' utopia.

Eliminate all traces of the counter-revolutionary reactionaries and strike from the proletariats' view their biographies and photos!

Head Chief, Main Central Organ of Agitation Propagation Directorate
 

I need one of those, oh, what do you call it, gosh my mind is not working again (does pot smoking really cause memory loss...?).
Well whatever it's called - I want that b*&#ch Plame arrested.
Like that filthy Rove-$$H.I.Burton whorican Katrina - she stole the media spotlight from me!!!
Come on!!! Turn the cameras on!!! Just wait though until those hunky Police officers start man-handling me again - then start filming. And edit out my laughing and giggling. You made me look like some kind of bimbo the last time!
I am chained to this fence and it's freezing out here - hurry up!!!
Oh - where am I? Gosh I can't remember the address. I'm in front of this really big white house!
Sindy "the Spark"
 

indite bush because of global warming on mars too.
 

and indict him for global warming of the Sun while we're at it! How can he deny THAT?
 

Jihad E

I just indicted a convenience store clerk for failing to sell me a winning lottery ticket.  "Betta find a winna, or else, sucka," I said.  He sold me a ticket, I scratched it off, and got nuthin'.  The convenience store clerk, however, will be gettin' 5 - 10 years of hard labor in the Gulag.  E-indictments rules!

By the way, Comrade Red Square: How do we loyal Party members protect ourselves against frivilous E-indictments?
Shouldn't all lottery tickets be winners anyway?  Whenever a person purchases a losing lottery ticket, his or her (or, in the case of transgendered people, "its") self-esteem will be irreparably damaged.

Why should a select few win hundreds of millions of dollars in massive jackpots and the rest of the people get nothing?  

FREE MONEY FOR EVERYONE!

Actually, In the bright communist future, all lottery tickets will be losers so everyone who buys one will be contributing to society!

-Kommissar Betty
 

I indite all previous "comrades" who mentioned "money" as counter-revolutionary reactionaries.

Money is only the tool used by the Leaders of the Revolution to destroy capitalism from within.  All others must stand in line for cabbage.

Viva Che!