Guilt Quiz & Guilt Level Chart: Tools for the Guilted Age

3/25/2009, 6:27 pm

Seems to be a lot of S&M heah. What's up with that?

3/25/2009, 7:14 pm

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:Comrades,

My Socialist heart swells with Collective Pride as I observe the role call of new proles who have recently joined The People's Cube.

New proles: I DENOUNCE ALL OF YOU!!!! I have received very little grovleing. Additionally, you have not fulfilled your obligations to The Party. I order ALL of you to report to Platform 1 at the Hauptbahnhof. There you'll be taken to the Karl Marx Treatment Center for proper re-education and you'll be afforded the opportunity to get in touch with your Inner Comrade:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=2928 

-COV

Marvelous and terrifying COV, please excuse this poor excuse for a lowly prole who omitted the groveling so necessary to the betterment of the Party... say, this huge wad of CEU's must've dropped out of your pocket or something. I was reaching down to pick up my squeegee - did I mention I have a Bachelor of Squeeqeeology?? - and noticed it on the tracks. Sure is lucky I found it for you before the ~~cattle car~~ Taggart Transcontinental arrived to take me to the KMTC. I was hoping my advanced B.S. degree would get me a job here at the Hauptbahnhof washing the windows of all the KMTC Express trains that pass through so I could ~~shovel the payola~~ continue to enrich the coffers of the Inner Party.

3/25/2009, 7:38 pm

oh boy
oh boy
oh boy

THREE DAYS TIL EARTH HOUR!

aLL hAIL tHEoNE!

3/25/2009, 7:53 pm

470!

None of you have been as progressive as I am. Granted, most of this is because I know many progressives of varying races and I do not own a car. I have decided to become more progressive this week by ignoring all NYC buses that have not been converted to the more environmentally friendly hybrid bus. Unfortunately, this means I have to wait for over an hour on some occasions and have been late to work three times this week. Fortunately, this could help me lose my job (I work for an Evil Conglomerate at the moment, and they are so evil it takes several write ups and several management meetings to fire anyone just in case they sue!), and losing my job will be just another battle won in The Good Fight^®!

Edit: I should not have been gloating. I have finally seen that some have led more progressive lives. For this very reason, I have now stopped using the toilet and reported my landlord to the IRS.

3/25/2009, 8:24 pm

Toilet and IRS same sentence. Hmmmm subliminal thought crime?

3/25/2009, 9:37 pm

Phuzzy Logick wrote:Marvelous and terrifying COV, please excuse this poor excuse for a lowly prole who omitted the groveling so necessary to the betterment of the Party... say, this huge wad of CEU's must've dropped out of your pocket or something. I was reaching down to pick up my squeegee - did I mention I have a Bachelor of Squeeqeeology?? - and noticed it on the tracks. Sure is lucky I found it for you before the ~~cattle car~~ Taggart Transcontinental arrived to take me to the KMTC. I was hoping my advanced B.S. degree would get me a job here at the Hauptbahnhof washing the windows of all the KMTC Express trains that pass through so I could ~~shovel the payola~~ continue to enrich the coffers of the Inner Party.

Comrade Phuzzy,

Fantastically Progressive groveling! I greatly appreciate your assistance in preventing me from misplacing my CEUs. I was concerned about your level of education, but in light of this CEU development, I will spare you the fate usually reserved for intellectuals. That's right- no Prole-O-Matic assignment for you! My only fear reagarding the windows of the TT is that the proles inside generally do not have any CHANGE to give you for your services. The Party depends on Skim. More Skim is available on street corners, so the first 12 hours of your work day will be spent on the Haight-Ashbury street corner washing the windshields of Tatas and Smarts and then the next 6 will be spent at the Hauptbahnhof as the TT does indeed need washing.

I look forward to enjoying the fruits of your labor! Should you continue to prove your worth, I might issue you a Get Out of Gulag Free card...

Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products
Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkov

3/26/2009, 12:25 am

Guardian of Pravda wrote:Toilet and IRS same sentence. Hmmmm subliminal thought crime?

That's exactly what I thought when i read this.
I felt it was my duty as a true progressive to alert the IRS. They are on their way to Fedorov's dacha as i write this.

Nothing personal,Fedorov

3/26/2009, 12:31 am

550

I considered drinking a litre of vodka, stuffing the contents of my medicine cabinet into my miserable furry body and slitting my paws.

Then I realized that despite my sorry condition, I am still worth more to the state alive. After all, I am a natural leader and 'special', just like the One. Therefore, I relenquish my command, by titles, and my concubines, and will report for re-education. I, a mere fallen leaf from the tree of socialism, commit myself to the the mighty current of inevitibility.

I have my shovel and my i-Pod, and stand ready to serve...

3/26/2009, 2:05 am

I look at this as a real voyage of self-discovery. It really helped me get in touch with my inner self and realize that I am a creature of infinite compassion and tolerance, especially toward those who must be crushed under the heel of the Party. It is out of sheer love of all humanity (and Huge Manatees) and respect for diverse viewpoints that I think we should hunt down all the people who don't feel guilty and make them pay. I think that really shows how much I care about the little guy. It doesn't really matter what I made on the test. The important thing is that I took the test. That made me feel really good about myself, because it shows that I am socially aware and care about progress. I just wish that other people could be as wonderful and compassionate as I am. I feel guilty that some people don't feel guilty, which makes me a better person than they are, which in turn makes me feel even more guilty. It's like the perfect circle of guilt.

3/26/2009, 7:15 am

Commissar;

i shovel - having commited the crime of having the "one who must never be named" (RWR) openly displayed on my own shovel has begun re-education.

168 hrs. straight with toothpicks holding eyes wide and MSNBC on screen has seemed to do trick - i see folly of my capitalist pig (spit) past and have recommitted myself to the party.
I feel thrill going up leg - is this normal?

i - shovel - continued on to phase 2 - listening to every one of the chosen ones speeches from his days as party organizer thru his glorius ass-ention to Czar dom hood. His wisdom touches the heavens. i shovel - declare my undying obedience & loyalty to the OBAMA!
For his teleprompter is the one i have been waiting for.

i have to admit - being in solitary with the "View" piped into my dark cell all night has your humble servant shovel a changed man - next time - on test - i score -8950, i think.
i promise to start up the "Norilsk Gulag - Save the Polar Bears Club".

i thank you commissar for helping your lowly shovel and will double my output of shovel production in the name of the motherland.

may i have beets ration now?

шовел 4 У
Норилск Гулад

3/26/2009, 8:47 am

Ivan Betinov wrote:I look at this as a real voyage of self-discovery. It's like the perfect circle of guilt.

Comrade Ivan Betinov,

Your proletarian prose has moved me, yet your actual score eludes. But then, what is a score but a false social construct based on cultural, social, sexual, speciesist, and economic fallacies?

3/26/2009, 11:56 am

675.

I had better hide out in my Dacha

3/26/2009, 12:46 pm

Shovel 4 U wrote:Commissar;

i shovel - having commited the crime of having the "one who must never be named" (RWR) openly displayed on my own shovel has begun re-education.

168 hrs. straight with toothpicks holding eyes wide and MSNBC on screen has seemed to do trick - i see folly of my capitalist pig (spit) past and have recommitted myself to the party.
I feel thrill going up leg - is this normal?

i - shovel - continued on to phase 2 - listening to every one of the chosen ones speeches from his days as party organizer thru his glorius ass-ention to Czar dom hood. His wisdom touches the heavens. i shovel - declare my undying obedience & loyalty to the OBAMA!
For his teleprompter is the one i have been waiting for.

i have to admit - being in solitary with the "View" piped into my dark cell all night has your humble servant shovel a changed man - next time - on test - i score -8950, i think.
i promise to start up the "Norilsk Gulag - Save the Polar Bears Club".

i thank you commissar for helping your lowly shovel and will double my output of shovel production in the name of the motherland.

may i have beets ration now?

How dare you make demands on the state!

You may get get your rations when the Obamarxist deems you worthy. It is not for you to presume he give them to you any earlier.

3/26/2009, 12:58 pm

525
It appears that I am every bit as guilty of thoughtcrime as I am of being beautiful.

3/26/2009, 1:17 pm

may i have beets ration now?
[/quote]

How dare you make demands on the state!

You may get get your rations when the Obamarxist deems you worthy. It is not for you to presume he give them to you any earlier.

May i beg your gracious forgiveness. i beg the collective for mercy on lowly shovel maker.
i head to platform 1 once more for double treatment session. Comrade "Olby" starts @ 8...

шовел 4 У
Норилск Гулад

3/26/2009, 5:35 pm

Kommissar Vega wrote:525
It appears that I am every bit as guilty of thoughtcrime as I am of being beautiful.

So just exactly what entitles you, of 18 posts, to call yourself a Kommissar?

3/26/2009, 5:53 pm

Shovel 4 U wrote:Commissar;

i shovel - having commited the crime of having the "one who must never be named" (RWR) openly displayed on my own shovel has begun re-education.

168 hrs. straight with toothpicks holding eyes wide and MSNBC on screen has seemed to do trick - i see folly of my capitalist pig (spit) past and have recommitted myself to the party.
I feel thrill going up leg - is this normal?

i - shovel - continued on to phase 2 - listening to every one of the chosen ones speeches from his days as party organizer thru his glorius ass-ention to Czar dom hood. His wisdom touches the heavens. i shovel - declare my undying obedience & loyalty to the OBAMA!
For his teleprompter is the one i have been waiting for.

i have to admit - being in solitary with the "View" piped into my dark cell all night has your humble servant shovel a changed man - next time - on test - i score -8950, i think.
i promise to start up the "Norilsk Gulag - Save the Polar Bears Club".

i thank you commissar for helping your lowly shovel and will double my output of shovel production in the name of the motherland.

may i have beets ration now?

шовел 4 У
Норилск Гулад

Comrade Shovel,

I applaud your transition to a compliant Comrade! The KMTC benefits us all. You have indeed earned (though I hate to use the word EARNED) your beets. You're entitled to them now as a member of The Collective. Don't worry about grovling to Comrade Kaos Klerik- he's not a Made Progressive. Focus your groveling on Big Mighty "real" Commissars and you'll do just fine in the eyes of The Party.

-COV

3/26/2009, 6:34 pm

Re-education works. Soon the masses, well OK, more masses.

3/26/2009, 6:48 pm

With great sadness I must not only report my score (575) but also report to Karl Marx Treatment Center "flower bed" in the back of the complex. Just great, 49 years spying on ..err.. assisting the Party and it's all gone down the drain. There must be some way I can blame the score on some nefarious capitalist plot.

3/26/2009, 7:03 pm

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:
Comrade Shovel,

I applaud your transition to a compliant Comrade! The KMTC benefits us all. You have indeed earned (though I hate to use the word EARNED) your beets. You're entitled to them now as a member of The Collective. Don't worry about grovling to Comrade Kaos Klerik- he's not a Made Progressive. Focus your groveling on Big Mighty "real" Commissars and you'll do just fine in the eyes of The Party.

-COV

I did not seek to gain the groveling of Shovel but merely sought to prevent others from following in his bootsteps. Nip in the bud so-to-speak.

I did not mean to intrude upon your authority or speak for you. Oh, well. I hear Siberia is lovely this time of year.

3/26/2009, 7:39 pm

Comrade Kaos,

As I'm in a giving mood today, I'll float you a pardon for this transgression. You were merely upholding Party Doctrine that it is incumbent upon every Comrade to denounce anyone and everyone they even begin to suspect might be plotting against The Party. Bitter infighting distracts proles from the massive infusions of CHope, and therefore must be promoted. Proles need a sense of entitlement for our strategy to be successful, but they must not feel TOO entitled lest they begin to believe we could be doing more for them.

Dig on.

-COV

3/26/2009, 9:10 pm

540, Bitches! Although not as nearly as guilty as the Party thinks I ought to be.

It needed more gun-related questions, methinks. Then you would have definitely outed me as a thoughtcriminal!

3/26/2009, 10:42 pm

Glorious Red Square, I am pleased to announce that I scored a -8,765,456,478,219.56! Since I had to cheat to obtain such a score, I will add a bonus -500 points. I do believe that should make me eligible and the leading candidate for the open position of Guilt Tsar, In addition, it is clear from the confessions above, that I have plenty of fresh prospects.

Lenin be praised! It makes me feel so more equal than others!

BTW, I love the way you confiscated one of my favorite Far Side cartoons to be used for the People's edification.

3/26/2009, 11:04 pm

I thought we had agreed to call them Commissars, or at least 'ssars...

You would, however, be a fantastic candidate, IMHO.

3/26/2009, 11:05 pm

Marshal Pupovich wrote:... that should make me eligible and the leading candidate for the open position of Guilt Tsar...

I don't know, Pupovich... Can you possibly compete with SMO's Guilt-Inducing Pup?

Oh, and I loved Far Side from the first time I laid my red eye on them.

3/26/2009, 11:57 pm

did not mean to intrude upon your authority or speak for you. Oh, well. I hear Siberia is lovely this time of year.

Is lie. Siberia is lovely at all times of year. Is order from on high. Siberia will always be close to the heart,................. for those buried there.
Try to book your visits during Winter,.... before cold set's in.

3/27/2009, 1:18 am

I denounce myself for scoring a 500. Sadly I take public transportation and have to rub shoulders with all the local progressives and similar wonderful people.

Also I was unsure how to vote on home ownership. I live on my sailboat (decadent capitalist pig yacht to the made progressive with a cardboard sign on the street corner) but rent the slip it's in. I do have 5 acres in Alaska though, where I plan to cut a few trees down when I get up there...

Also how would you score someone who owns more than 10 People's Motivational Tools, and several thousand rounds of ammo for them?

At any rate I soundly denounce myself. My shovel got redistributed to someone who did not have one. I must either now dig without one, or redistribute one from someone who has one.

Mmmm perhaps there is only one shovel, and everyone gets a crack at it as it is redistributed from the "have a shovel" to the "does not have a shovel."

3/27/2009, 1:20 am

DDR Kamerad wrote:540, Bitches! Although not as nearly as guilty as the Party thinks I ought to be.

It needed more gun-related questions, methinks. Then you would have definitely outed me as a thoughtcriminal!

Well fellow thought criminal, we shall simply have to melt down our guns and use them to make a statue of Marx to inspire us. Shell casings would make a pretty brass pedestal would it not?

3/27/2009, 1:28 am

Obamissar 7.62 wrote:I live on my sailboat (decadent capitalist pig yacht to the made progressive with a cardboard sign on the street corner) but rent the slip it's in.

Comrade Obamissar,

That should entitle you to a new McMansion if you elevate your living situation to The One ala Comrade Henrietta... I put it to you, however, that a boat is exactly where a Made Progressive would want to live what with the rising of the sea and all...

3/27/2009, 7:40 am

Red Square wrote:I don't know, Pupovich... Can you possibly compete with SMO's Guilt-Inducing Pup?

Comrade Red Square, while I would not wish to engage in any unhealthy competition with Comrade SMO's quite talented Guilt-Inducing Pup, I too have a most talented protege to consider....<center><img src="https://members.cox.net/1sickpup/dog cute.gif"></center>

3/27/2009, 11:17 am

Pupovich - you win hands down. When will you be ready to assume the position of Guilt Czar with Guilt-Inducing Pup as your mascot?

Perhaps this pup could be standing next to a sign that says something about how he was wronged by capitalism and calling for Change. But all I can think of right now is a sign that says "I voted for Obama and all I got was this rubber chicken."

3/27/2009, 12:45 pm

Kaos Klerik wrote:
I did not seek to gain the groveling of Shovel but merely sought to prevent others from following in his bootsteps. Nip in the bud so-to-speak.

I did not mean to intrude upon your authority or speak for you. Oh, well. I hear Siberia is lovely this time of year.

Comrade Klerik;

Boots???? Capitalist plot - i think.

Шовел 4 у
Норилск Гулаг

3/27/2009, 1:19 pm

Shovel 4 U wrote:
Kaos Klerik wrote:
I did not seek to gain the groveling of Shovel but merely sought to prevent others from following in his bootsteps. Nip in the bud so-to-speak.

I did not mean to intrude upon your authority or speak for you. Oh, well. I hear Siberia is lovely this time of year.

Comrade Klerik;

Boots???? Capitalist plot - i think.

Шовел 4 у
Норилск Гулаг

Is not new. In South we are very well aware of many used of Duct Tape. To include clothes.
We dress our party Guards and Spies in them.

3/27/2009, 1:34 pm

But what do we do when the duct tape factory does not meet it's quota? I have two pairs of boots and a beat up pair of tennis shoes. Which of these will I be allowed to keep? My feet are size 14w, so I use more shoe and boot resources than the average comrade, does that mean I will have to work more in order to get the duct tape I need to cover my feet? If all are equal, when will The One equalize shoe size?

3/27/2009, 2:16 pm

Obamissar 7.62 wrote:But what do we do when the duct tape factory does not meet it's quota? I have two pairs of boots and a beat up pair of tennis shoes. Which of these will I be allowed to keep? My feet are size 14w, so I use more shoe and boot resources than the average comrade, does that mean I will have to work more in order to get the duct tape I need to cover my feet? If all are equal, when will The One equalize shoe size?

Equal? Of course not. The guards and spies are more equal. You fail to comprehend Comrade. Equality is based on need. We need the guards and spies to tell us who is not loyal or working. (Are you shoveling while you post?)
Keep the boots you may become a guard and will need them for ~~kicking~~ disciplining workers. (Promotion is always a possibility, like commercial space travel)
Of course you will have to discipline twice as many as your fellow guards based on your use of resources.
The Factories always meet their quotas,,,,,even if we have to lower them.

3/27/2009, 2:52 pm

Never lack faith in the "ONE".
There is no need to worry - the OBAMA has heard your cries before you have them...

гулаг 4 алфред
норилск гулагLack

In charge of "Whips N Things"
Norilsk Gulag

3/27/2009, 3:21 pm

Marshal Pupovich wrote:
Red Square wrote:I don't know, Pupovich... Can you possibly compete with SMO's Guilt-Inducing Pup?

Comrade Red Square, while I would not wish to engage in any unhealthy competition with Comrade SMO's quite talented Guilt-Inducing Pup, I too have a most talented protege to consider....<center><img src="https://members.cox.net/1sickpup/dog cute.gif"></center>

OH BROTHER!

Why do we have to let this place go to the dogs?

Don't we realize how offensive this is to our Muslem brothers, the true freedom fighters of the world? No wonder they are so frustrated and rightfully wanting to behead and blow up everything that breathes before entering paradise where 72 virgins await the true martyrs?

3/27/2009, 4:58 pm

Oh dear....I logged in at:

535

Which train platform do I report to for re-education?

3/27/2009, 5:03 pm

Ahh...my delicious Commisarka Pinkie,

Do me a little favor and don't let the proles know what is on the pizza, ok? They should enjoy the ice cream though, since it's Ben and Jerry's YES PECAN!

It's for the Common Good(tm)
Marshal,

Felicidedes Pup, for being the first to pounce on the GUILT Commissar position. Must be instinctual after all these years of your selfless service to the Party(tm). LOL
I do, indeed need to feel a little quilty (yeah, right!) for flying to Tahiti, but I did purchase carbon credits to offset the flight, Sir. The sunsets really are spectacular, and BTW: I have replaced every light bulb in my dacha, way ahead of the Party's schedule too. I shall try to ramp up my guilt (it's so hard when you are more equal than others) to at least appear to feel compassionate, in the future.
I seem to be having trouble with the Rich Text editor?...........

3/27/2009, 5:12 pm

Comrade Leftfield wrote:Oh dear....I logged in at:

535

Which train platform do I report to for re-education?

Platform one. engine engine number nine.

3/27/2009, 5:14 pm

Che Gourmet wrote:Ahh...my delicious Commisarka Pinkie,

Do me a little favor and don't let the proles know what is on the pizza, ok? They should enjoy the ice cream though, since it's Ben and Jerry's YES PECAN!
 It's for the Common Good(tm)
Marshal,

Felicidedes Pup, for being the first to pounce on the GUILT Commissar position. Must be instinctual after all these years of your selfless service to the Party(tm). LOL
I do, indeed need to feel a little quilty (yeah, right!) for flying to Tahiti, but I did purchase carbon credits to offset the flight, Sir. The sunsets really are spectacular, and BTW: I have replaced every light bulb in my dacha, way ahead of the Party's schedule too. I shall try to ramp up my guilt (it's so hard when you are more equal than others) to at least appear to feel compassionate, in the future.
[HIGHLIGHT=#fac08f]I seem to be having trouble with the Rich Text editor[/HIGHLIGHT]?...........

your not alone in that. I have had the same problem.

3/27/2009, 6:03 pm

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:
Phuzzy Logick wrote:Marvelous and terrifying COV, please excuse this poor excuse for a lowly prole who omitted the groveling so necessary to the betterment of the Party... say, this huge wad of CEU's must've dropped out of your pocket or something. I was reaching down to pick up my squeegee - did I mention I have a Bachelor of Squeeqeeology?? - and noticed it on the tracks. Sure is lucky I found it for you before the ~~cattle car~~ Taggart Transcontinental arrived to take me to the KMTC. I was hoping my advanced B.S. degree would get me a job here at the Hauptbahnhof washing the windows of all the KMTC Express trains that pass through so I could ~~shovel the payola~~ continue to enrich the coffers of the Inner Party.

Comrade Phuzzy,

Fantastically Progressive groveling! I greatly appreciate your assistance in preventing me from misplacing my CEUs. I was concerned about your level of education, but in light of this CEU development, I will spare you the fate usually reserved for intellectuals. That's right- no Prole-O-Matic assignment for you! My only fear reagarding the windows of the TT is that the proles inside generally do not have any CHANGE to give you for your services. The Party depends on Skim. More Skim is available on street corners, so the first 12 hours of your work day will be spent on the Haight-Ashbury street corner washing the windshields of Tatas and Smarts and then the next 6 will be spent at the Hauptbahnhof as the TT does indeed need washing.

I look forward to enjoying the fruits of your labor! Should you continue to prove your worth, I might issue you a Get Out of Gulag Free card...

Commissar Obamissar Vodkavich
Commissar of Obamissars, Gulags, and Car Wash Products

Not to be confused with The Criminally Insane Vodkov

Magnificent munificent Commissar, thank you for only giving me 18 hours of work a day - that's four less than when I was shoveling beets at the KMTC. Your concern for the Welfare of lowly proles has become legendary. I feel very guilty about being more equal than my brethren and cistern.

I have an idea on how the Party can ensure their progressive monetary needs (and lower my guilt level), The party needs ~~credit~~ ration card readers that can scan a card while it's still in a prole's pocket. With it, every prole on the train will pay their Fair Share^tm (plus a little ~~skim~~ tip).

There are a myriad possibilities for using this to enrich the Inner Party, as I'm sure you can easily see, being much more equally intelligent and ~~devious~~ resourceful than the common Party member. Why, with this technique, you could almost equal Chairman Meow's abilities (though nothing could come close to Madame Pelosivich) for relieving proles of their CEU's - for the Common Good^tm, of course.

3/27/2009, 10:40 pm

Red Square wrote:Pupovich - you win hands down. When will you be ready to assume the position of Guilt Czar with Guilt-Inducing Pup as your mascot?

Perhaps this pup could be standing next to a sign that says something about how he was wronged by capitalism and calling for Change. But all I can think of right now is a sign that says "I voted for Obama and all I got was this rubber chicken."

Comrade Red Square,

Forgive my tardiness in presenting this late entry.

We all know for centuries, the capitalist rapists of the earth, the only earth we have, have targeted defenseless baby seals for the bourgeois to wear as coats. Certainly this symbol would be the least offensive of all to anyone of our brothers and sisters who struggle against the Bu$hitlers of the world.

I leave this matter in your wise and capable hands.

3/27/2009, 10:55 pm

Commissar Obamissar V wrote:Comrades,

My Socialist heart swells with Collective Pride as I observe the role call of new proles who have recently joined The People's Cube.

New proles: I DENOUNCE ALL OF YOU!!!! I have received very little grovleing.

That Comrade Commissar, simply will not do! Groveling is essential for new proles, and I will not stand for a lack on their part! Bring out the shovels!

3/27/2009, 11:34 pm

Red Square wrote:Pupovich - you win hands down. When will you be ready to assume the position of Guilt Czar with Guilt-Inducing Pup as your mascot?

Honored Red Square, as you know, I am always willing to serve where the Party calls. I would be honored to serve as Guilt Czar. However, I need help. How does one add these titles to one's avitar as I see so many comrades have. I was thinking along the lines of "Marshal Pupovich Guilt Czar....the People's Priest."

I will be honored to add this to my growing resume. As you know, as Commissar of Eco-Prostitution and Mental Health, I started the incredibly productive and progressive Pup's Party Pleasure House™ chain. This continues to bring in record breaking contributions to the Party, that has grown even more in these perilous (for non Inner Circle) financial times. Working together with my other comrades, we have also seen increased loosening of those tired old "morals" imposed upon the people by imperialist class enemies and much more. As Marshal, I have developed advanced weaponry such as the Talent Shitting Stealth Pigeon, Meow Begone™ personal wealth protection system, and increased the general safety of the revolution by working closely with our allies in North Korea, Iran, and the Muslim world as you know.

With all this in mind, I am confident that I will make an outstanding Guilt Czar!

3/27/2009, 11:38 pm

Reiuxcat wrote:OH BROTHER!

Why do we have to let this place go to the dogs?

Don't we realize how offensive this is to our Muslem brothers, the true freedom fighters of the world? No wonder they are so frustrated and rightfully wanting to behead and blow up everything that breathes before entering paradise where 72 virgins await the true martyrs?

And just where is your guilt Comrade Reluxicat? You sound offended, even a bit riled, but I do not hear or see even a hint of guilt for your role in this. It is good that I have been promoted to Guilt Czar, and you can be sure, I will be looking for guilt!! NOW pick up a shovel and show me some true progressive guilt!

3/27/2009, 11:51 pm

Loose the Hounds. So to speak.

3/28/2009, 1:13 am

Comrades,

I am in a quandry. I recently discovered that I do in fact harbor some guilt over all the goodies that I am entitled to, just because I was born the planet.
I was getting ready to take my beauty nap (un-needed of course but what the hey) when this horrible thought occurred to me.
That free house, car, health insurance, college education, food and beer that Obama's going to fork over to me as I am a complete leech on society I began to think that, 'SOMEBODY ELSE WILL ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK AND SUFFER A LITTLE TO PROVIDE IT TO ME.'
[HIGHLIGHT=#938953][/HIGHLIGHT]I started to feel a little guilty for those folks!!!!!!!! I know this just ain't right. These are my entitlement goodies Obama promised! Why would this horrid thought enter my young little brain? Maybe a failure in my state sponsored public education system perhaps?

I need expert advice to deal with this situation. I stand by to do some serious groveling to seek a solution, as I am entitled also to a restful little beauty nap, without any horrid thoughts intruding in on my snoozy bliss.

3/28/2009, 5:03 am

A very, very misguided Comrade wrote:I am in a quandry. I recently discovered that I do in fact harbor some guilt over all the goodies that I am entitled to, just because I was born the planet.
I was getting ready to take my beauty nap (un-needed of course but what the hey) when this horrible thought occurred to me.

That free house, car, health insurance, college education, food and beer that Obama's going to fork over to me as I am a complete leech on society I began to think that, 'SOMEBODY ELSE WILL ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK AND SUFFER A LITTLE TO PROVIDE IT TO ME.'

Awkward heretical comments like the above is why I show up for work everyday, comrades.

Reading this makes me wonder how many of your friends, family members and co-workers have been influenced, manipulated and completely brainwashed into becoming mindless, knuckle-dragging and mouth-breathing members of a vast and intricate network of Faux News-watching Rovian double-agents. I bet your entire commune has been infiltrated!

They will all be dealt with… and then some.

Now then, about your guilt. That money we are taking from those doing the working -- actual work, mind you -- is in fact not their money: that money is the GOVERNMENT'S MONEY. And because it is the GOVERNMENT'S MONEY, we -- the thoughtful, compassionate and gracious Government care-takers working, toiling and going out of our way on your behalf -- get to decide what to do with the GOVERNMENT'S MONEY.

GOVERNMENT MONEY is your money because you have suffered for it. You deserve that money since that money was originally your money to begin with. GOVERNMENT MONEY is always, always your money -- so long as you don't work for it or pay taxes.

What have we learned, Comrade?

We learned that money belongs to the GOVERNMENT -- all of it.

We learned that Government workers like me -- although I do more governing than working -- are always, always here to assist you in any way we see fit. And right now I see it fit for you to get off your ass, find warm clothing, your shovel in good repair, and get your ass down to Platform #6 so that you can report to your shovel-ready job out in the desert. And so help me if I hear one more heresy on this thread! So help me I will send every last one of you -- those not within the super exclusive Inner Party cadre -- TO DETROIT!

Yes, Detroit. You've been warned.

p.s. -- When you think of GOVERNMENT think of it as GIVERMENT. We Give(TM), We Care(TM) and all we ask in return is absolute COMPLIANCE AND OBEDIENCE.

3/28/2009, 5:53 am

Great and Glorious Chairman M. S. Punchenko,

How can this humble, misguided, Comrade ever thank you enough. Your superior wisdom and intellect is an inspiration to us all. After your humble suggestion, that I 'volunteer' to platform six, well as I was sitting on platform six, and waiting to begin my new job as a latrine digger first class, (a lucky assignment much sought after by others but given to me by that super friendly guy with the bullwhip before I entered the cattle car) I could not contain my joy.

I wept Glorious Chairman, the thought of three free healthy meals a day and actual work that benefits the masses all provided for me by you all due to you and fellow Senior Party members superior knowledge as to what is best for all of us.... (I must pass on this to you also wise Chairman, the mid-level party members also care about me and the masses, such as the kind chap on the platform six medical station, who was also kind enough to inquire about my health and went so far as to warn me that I was going to feel a little 'pressure' as he examined my lower backside nether regions, I never knew that involved both his hands on my shoulders, by the way but who am I to question free health care now).

I stand humbled (and pretty damn bow-legged now.........oops, I mean oh so grateful for the free exam, by the way if you could pass on to me his name, as I really didn't get it through all the grunting, I'd like to send him some flowers). I will no longer carry any doubts that you and giverment know whats is best for me and will never have any bad thoughts again. I wish you warm thoughts ( even though where I'm at right now it is just a tad bit nippy) and may you continue to inspire me as to what a true progressive is all about.

3/28/2009, 7:22 am

Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote:Your superior wisdom and intellect is an inspiration to us all.

That is true. That is a very, very true statement. I'm also extremely good looking as well. Everyone loves me... EVERYONE!

Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote: I wept Glorious Chairman, the thought of three free healthy meals a day and actual work that benefits the masses all provided for me by you all due to you and fellow Senior Party members superior knowledge as to what is best for all of us....

I wept too after you said that -- I haven't laughed that hard in a long while. But, uh, grass and mud is, uh, considered a healthy meal. I'm not sure you will be able to have three cups of grass and mud... I mean, that is a little too much if you ask me. You certainly don't want to appear greedy, now do you?

Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote:I must pass on this to you also wise Chairman, the mid-level party members also care about me and the masses, such as the kind chap on the platform six medical station, who was also kind enough to inquire about my health and went so far as to warn me that I was going to feel a little 'pressure' as he examined my lower backside nether regions, I never knew that involved both his hands on my shoulders, by the way but who am I to question free health care now

That is certainly interesting.

Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote:by the way if you could pass on to me his name, as I really didn't get it through all the grunting, I'd like to send him some flowers

Jim McGreevy.

3/28/2009, 11:06 am

I have but one thing to add to the wonderful and wise words of the Chairman. Comrade Snoogie Woogums, while the Chairman is quite correct in his advice to you in regard to money and your right to government money that we provide you out of the compassion of our heart, you are also correct when you sense guilt on your part. You simply have a case of misdirected guilt. Comrade, you should feel guilty, not for the stipends that you receive, rather for the poisonous, earth destroying carbon dioxide that you and other like minded pollution spewing proles inflict upon the world every day! I do hope that I have cleared this up for you. I care more for this world than others, and since being promoted to Guilt Czar, it is my duty and privilege.

3/28/2009, 11:12 am

Che Gourmet wrote:Ahh...my delicious Commisarka Pinkie,

Do me a little favor and don't let the proles know what is on the pizza, ok? They should enjoy the ice cream though, since it's Ben and Jerry's YES PECAN!

Good grief, Che Gourmet. I'm not so sure I want to know what's on it!
 That's either something the Mime left behind in the Janesville, Wisconsin public restroom; or we're already ahead on the five-year program for adding high energy plankton to the new State Nutritional O Table or SNOT (we're replacing the Food Pyramid with a circle or O, if you will, in honor of Dear Leader).

3/28/2009, 11:13 am

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote: Awkward heretical comments like the above is why I show up for work everyday, comrades.

Welcome back Comrade Chairman! You almost sound sober and alert today! I do hope that the blessings of the Stimulus Package is shining upon you this day?

3/28/2009, 12:27 pm

Che Gourmet wrote: Felicidedes Pup, for being the first to pounce on the GUILT Commissar position. Must be instinctual after all these years of your selfless service to the Party(tm).

Yes Comrade Che Gourmet, when I hear the call of duty it is my delight to answer that call, as quickly as possible as to relieve any other comrades of Guilt for now responding as quickly and effectively as I.

3/28/2009, 12:41 pm

Such accum, such willingness to self sacrifice, such ~~gluttony~~ desire to protect.What can be said?
Dinner is served?

3/28/2009, 1:45 pm

Marshal Pupovich wrote:How does one add these titles to one's avatar as I see so many comrades have. I was thinking along the lines of "Marshal Pupovich Guilt Czar....the People's Priest."

I will be honored to add this to my growing resume. As you know, as Commissar of Eco-Prostitution and Mental Health, I started the incredibly productive and progressive Pup's Party Pleasure House™ chain.

I can modify your avatar, but let's settle on the language. I wrote this but I'm not completely happy with it:

Guilt Czar
The People's Priest
Commissar of Eco-Prostitution
and Mental Health

Any better suggestions?

3/28/2009, 2:05 pm

Guilt Czar
The People's Inquisitor
Commissar of Eco-Prostitution And Proselytization
Guardian of Sanity Prevention

3/28/2009, 2:07 pm

Oy! I almost forgot!

it is earth hour today!
At 20:00 your time, be sure to be a good comrade and turn off all your lights, and it would be a good time to catch up on those pesky household chores. Utilize your dish washer and vacuum cleaner. Do some laundry, hey how many years has it been since you ironed your clothes? Bake a roast or better yet COOKIES. Dont forget to turn on your TV and or entertainment center. Fire up the air conditioner or space heater as the situation dictates and dont forget to use your ceiling fans.
And sure, why not-- Microwave or Air Pop some popcorn and blend up a milkshake or smoothie -- you deserve it for combating Global Warming^TM and saving the earth.

3/28/2009, 2:16 pm

Oh My Stalin! Your Dear Leader scored a +735!! That's a perfect score, but in the wrong direction. I think Condeleeza Rice slipped some Roofies in my mao-tai drink the last time she was here and whispered sweet nothings in my ear - "Capitarism is good", "Sociarism is bad", "Barrack Hussein Obama is an unquarified affirmative -action dumbass", "Tim Geithener is a snakeoil salesman who rook rike a deer in the headrights". She say other pirrow-talk bonbons too, that brack bitch.

I not in deinal. I check myself into People's Politikal Reeducation Concentration Kamp #667b-HJ9klf5 for thlee week refresher course in Proper Thought(tm).

3/28/2009, 2:21 pm

Kim Jong Illin' wrote:Oh My Stalin! Your Dear Leader scored a +735!! That's a perfect score, but in the wrong direction. I think Condeleeza Rice slipped some Roofies in my mao-tai drink the last time she was here and whispered sweet nothings in my ear - "Capitarism is good", "Sociarism is bad", "Barrack Hussein Obama is an unquarified affirmative -action dumbass", "Tim Geithener is a snakeoil salesman who rook rike a deer in the headrights". She say other pirrow-talk bonbons too, that brack bitch.

I not in deinal. I check myself into People's Politikal Reeducation Concentration Kamp #667b-HJ9klf5 for thlee week refresher course in Proper Thought(tm).

You speekee moe like Chinee. You sure you good HanGuk fellah?
Nugu say yo?

3/28/2009, 2:24 pm

Barrack Hussein Obama is an unquarified affirmative -action dumbass

You monster!

3/28/2009, 2:25 pm

Red Square wrote:
Marshal Pupovich wrote:How does one add these titles to one's avatar as I see so many comrades have. I was thinking along the lines of "Marshal Pupovich Guilt Czar....the People's Priest."

I will be honored to add this to my growing resume. As you know, as Commissar of Eco-Prostitution and Mental Health, I started the incredibly productive and progressive Pup's Party Pleasure House™ chain.
I can modify your avatar, but let's settle on the language. I wrote this but I'm not completely happy with it:

Guilt Czar
The People's Priest
Commissar of Eco-Prostitution
and Mental Health

Any better suggestions?

Supreme Czar of Guilt
Penance receiver of the masses
Purveyor of Eco- Prostitution
and Demented Health

3/28/2009, 2:29 pm

Red Square wrote:
Marshal Pupovich wrote:How does one add these titles to one's avatar as I see so many comrades have. I was thinking along the lines of "Marshal Pupovich Guilt Czar....the People's Priest."

I will be honored to add this to my growing resume. As you know, as Commissar of Eco-Prostitution and Mental Health, I started the incredibly productive and progressive Pup's Party Pleasure House™ chain.
I can modify your avatar, but let's settle on the language. I wrote this but I'm not completely happy with it:

Guilt Czar
The People's Priest
Commissar of Eco-Prostitution
and Mental Health

Any better suggestions?

That would be wonderful Glorious Cube! Then I can be equal to Commissar Theocritus and his avitar!

BTW, I am doing a bit of shopping for a t shirt even as we speak.... I have to be ready since I have already pleaded with my boss to take off on 4/15..... though of course, I did not suggest why I would need this day.....

Baton Rouge Tea Party

3/28/2009, 2:49 pm

Marshal Pupovich wrote:I have to be ready since I have already pleaded with my boss to take off on 4/15..... though of course, I did not suggest why I would need this day.....

Baton Rouge Tea Party

AwwwwwYeeee. For sure. You gon be in dat one fine Bahtawn Roog Tea pahtee.
Don be throwing the fine Ambita Amber wit it now. For sure this gon be one fine pahtee don you be knowing. Awwwyeee.

3/28/2009, 3:15 pm

Pupovich and all - horosho!

I combined all the suggestions into this bloc:

Czar of Guilt
Penance receiver of the masses
Commissar of Eco-Prostitution
Guardian of Sanity Prevention

And I was also thinking of adding the fifth line - "Purveyor of Yellow Currents" but it's entirely up to you.

3/28/2009, 3:46 pm

Red Square wrote:Pupovich and all - horosho!

I combined all the suggestions into this bloc:

Czar of Guilt
Penance receiver of the masses
Commissar of Eco-Prostitution
Guardian of Sanity Prevention

And I was also thinking of adding the fifth line - "Purveyor of Yellow Currents" but it's entirely up to you.

Leg hiked position, ready.... assume. Good dog.
S'alright with me.
Yai Phai.

3/28/2009, 6:18 pm

Red Square wrote:Pupovich and all - horosho!

I combined all the suggestions into this bloc:

Czar of Guilt
Penance receiver of the masses
Commissar of Eco-Prostitution
Guardian of Sanity Prevention

And I was also thinking of adding the fifth line - "Purveyor of Yellow Currents" but it's entirely up to you.

That sounds like a wonderful idea! Purveyor of Yellow Currents.... yet another item to add to my growing resume! Soon I will be more equal than anyone, that is of course with the exception of you and the Chairman, progressives so pure and compassionate that just the mere name suffices.

3/28/2009, 6:21 pm

Yes Comrade Guardian, I plan on manning the barricades, just as I did back in the Motherland to overthrow the Tsar. I am going to need some help with what to put on my sign, and will need to go to the Bunker for this. I have also purchased a Laika shirt to wear that day!

3/28/2009, 6:25 pm

The Toadyism, the groveling, the shear awesome supplication and deference shown by the Pup make it clear he has no equal beyond himself in bandying for and to the hierarchy.
Truly he deserves his own hydrant (Red of course) and grooming on a weekly basis.
I stand in awe of his powers. (I may be standing in something else of his too)
Unleash him I say. Let loose the hounds of psy war.

3/28/2009, 6:44 pm

What?

WHAT?!?

First Pupovich gets promoted to Marshal, and now he gets a bunch of titles like some returning conqueror? Just what has he conquered?

But more importantly, what about me? ME!!! WHAT DO I GET?

So you're gonna make me dig into the archives and MimeSwipe that old rant I copy and paste every time Pupovich is made more equal than Pinkie:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Hey, wait a fat minute! Didn't Pupovich just get promoted to Vice Chairman? And now he wants to be General Secretary? And he's being promoted to Marshal?

What about me? I bust my buns for The Party around here, and what do I get? "Here, Pinkie, I found you a real nice guy in a red hat. He enjoys digging long ditches on the beach at sunset." They're all losers after only one thing--my vodka ration card!

I might add that I'm not the one currently measuring the Empress for her cut-out. That's the work of a certain furry, four legged commissar/vice chairman/general secretary-wannabe-but-might-begrudgingly-settle-for-marshal. Plus he keeps letting the Criminally Insane Vodkov off the hook, when he should have had his show trial months ago.

Pupovich gets nervous at everything I do. Every time I come up with a new movement and/or cause, he trembles and glances around and says stuff like, "I don't know about this, Commissarka, I don't want to lose the desk in the corner office suite we share." Always trying to dissuade me from my glorious movements--wait a minute, that sounded weird--my--well, he just never thinks my ideas are well thought out. He's like Jiminy Cricket. Maybe you could give him a top hat and umbrella, and promote him to Jiminy Pupovich.

In fact, you might say he's like one of those digitally lobotomized yada yada 19 percenters (sorry, my carpal mime syndrome is flaring up again, can't type it all out).

Moreover, he's been denounced several times--once he even denounced himself.

On the plus side, he did save me when Zampolit shot me off the ledge and I landed on that flagpole. And he did inspire the notion of the Trojan Donkey. But I'm the one who took credit for it, dammit!

I also awarded him Pinkie's Prestigious Beet of the Week Award, simply because he was feeling unappreciated. Talk about your overdeveloped sense of entitlement! But good feel-good Progressive that I am, I gave it to him.

In the meantime, look at all the initiatives I've initiated in recent months--making up an extensive list of Bush's crimes, my "perch-in" on the ledge, the People's Vigilante Committee, and Project Giant Trojan Donkey that's full of condoms for all the boys and girls at the convention in Denver. Why, I've done more to raise awareness and show how much I care than anyone else here!

What have the rest of you done? Anything? Anything at all?

P.S. Only I don't wanna be a marshal. I can just hear some smart-aleck like Betinov putting on his whiny Jan Brady voice and chanting, "Marshal, Marshal, MARSHAL!" every time I enter the bunker.

And by the way, after all these months, he's STILL hogging the "Reserved for Beet of the Week" parking space in front of Party headquarters. I don't even know what he has parked there anymore. It's covered with unpaid parking tickets; menus from Chinese restaurants; flyers that say, "Foreclosure? Bad Credit? Stupidity? We Can Help!" and tracts for "Tea Parties."

I might be cheap and easy, but not anymore. From now on I'll just be easy . . . but you're gonna pay.

3/28/2009, 6:52 pm

Would you settle for a bowl of gruel?

3/28/2009, 9:56 pm

Good News, Guilty Ones!

Because of O'Bama Presidency, the New York Port Authority has changed the name of the "Freedom Tower" to "The One-World Trade Centre". Even the NYPA understands that the name "Freedom Tower" is no longer appropriate.

all hail TheOne!

3/28/2009, 11:02 pm

Chairman M. S. Punchenko; Marshal Pupovich;

Your kind words and advice along with the 'helpful' assistance from the staff here at 'resort' camp has been able to channel my misguided guilt into the right direction. Before if I was at a resort that did not have any hot water or clean sheets or pillows for that matter, I would have lodge a complaint. It would not have occurred to me that by complaining, I would further harm the environment by using precious energy to heat the water and contribute to global warming, or by using water to actually wash clothes and bathe that some poor farmer in Africa would not be able to water his crops and may starve. My guilt as to the damage I caused by my former greedy self is now channeled in the right direction.

I must report that the camp the fine Chairman suggested that I take my little 'vacation ' to, is totally ECO-FRIENDLY. I know this will warm the cockles of the Chairman's and Marshall's hearts.

The work that I'm doing as a Latrine Digger First Class is going swimmingly, which brings up an interesting tid-bit on how the five year plan is being implemented at the camp. As the wise party leadership knows all latrines are to be dug to a depth of three meters, however due to a slight oversight the camps latrines were only dug to a depth of two meters (I'm sure the Party will find the person that made the mistake in carrying out this directive and have a little chat with him about this oversight) so the camp owner decided to correct it.

The camp owner is totally eco friendly and did not want to impact the environment anymore than he has to by digging any new latrines to meet this requirement, and in his wise decision, decided to dig the EXISTING latrines that are IN USE one more meter to be in total compliance with all party directives.

As a Latrine Digger First Class you can just IMAGINE my joy on hearing this glorious news. I was so enthralled that I was really going to help the environment even more than I am already doing by only taking a COLD shower once a week FIVE days from now, that I went right to work on this project.

Again Chairman, Marshall my total gratitude for all you have done for me up to this point and I hope my humble little reports I'm sending you DOWNWIND from Camp Pelosi you are finding interesting.

3/28/2009, 11:21 pm

That may place you upwind of Recreation Area Reid. Be careful not to breathe deeply.
Commissar Reid is known for his effusive use of 'scents' to cover up his problem with standing in septic areas to gather his thoughts and comments from the source. Commissar Reid likes the Eco Friendly conditions found there. There is so much he can identify with.
The Chairman and the Marshal have Cockles? Are they ~~taxed~~ divided equally?◄◄
This is important considering the Marshal's future appointment. Were it just me I would not care. however we do not want the others of the Party hierarchy being jealous or feeling left out. It would not bode well for the Beet Diggers and Latrine Specialist as they would have to take out their frustrations on someone else.
Witness the Two Houses of the Party as they take out their frustrations on each other and the Proles.

3/28/2009, 11:34 pm

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrades,

I scored 385...

And there I thought, my 435 was too low...

3/28/2009, 11:52 pm

Guardian of Pravda wrote:The Toadyism, the groveling, the shear awesome supplication and deference shown by the Pup make it clear he has no equal beyond himself in bandying for and to the hierarchy.
Truly he deserves his own hydrant (Red of course) and grooming on a weekly basis.
I stand in awe of his powers. (I may be standing in something else of his too)
Unleash him I say. Let loose the hounds of psy war.

Thank you comrade, I can only hope I can continue to live up to those high standards!

3/29/2009, 12:04 am

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:What?

WHAT?!?

First Pupovich gets promoted to Marshal, and now he gets a bunch of titles like some returning conqueror? Just what has he conquered?

But more importantly, what about me? ME!!! WHAT DO I GET?

Commissarka, I detect an absence of guilt, and no doubt that is holding you back. But do not think for a minute that I do not appreciate the fine work you do for the Party. Perhaps this will help instill some guilt on your part when you see that I am awarding you the very first Pup's Medal of Eggselence award for your fine work!

In honor of the Commissarka's tireless and apparently thankless work for the World of Next Tuesday, I hereby present her with the first.....

3/29/2009, 12:15 am

I got 610.
I must confess something, I am very ashamed that I turned on all of my outside lights tonight at 8:30 when I was supposed to support the dark earth hour by turning all lights off.

I am so in need of small group therapy for transformation.

3/29/2009, 12:24 am

niHil wrote:
But I do feel guilty bout making this:

This question seems odd. Oughtn't it be this instead?

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