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Competition is a barbaric, insensitive ritual that reeks of social Darwinism. We cannot allow the fittest to survive on our pages. Your loss is someone else's gain, and your gain is someone else's loss. Therefore, losers contribute to the society and winners take away from it. Being a winner is unethical, while a society of losers is happy and striving as a collective. In the spirit of diversity, inclusiveness, and collectivism our contests shall have no winners. Everyone is declared a loser, which in our book means an ethical team player.

Thanksgiving Caption Contest

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Just in time for the Holidays, Dear Leader provides us with food for thought:

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So let us all pause for a moment and give thanks to Dear Leader for another year of waiting for the Glorious World of Next Tuesday by supplying captions for this glorious photo.

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The President today appointed a new Budget Czar

On his trip back from Asia, the President paused to apologise to Turkey for past American transgressions

HEAL!

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Don't give me that look, young lady. If Daddy says he can hypnotize a turkey, Daddy can hypnoitize a turkey.


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Faux pas, extraordinaire!!! Someone please photoshop that owl t-shirt out of the picture. Sanitize it. Replace it with a tree, or something. The owl is a symbol of death. What is the message here, comrades: Pardon = Death?

This is bad PR, really bad PR! PETA will not be happy. We can have our show-trials after the re-election. But now, why be so obvious?

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This turkey does not want your autograph, and wants to tell you what to do with your outstretched arm.

Colonel? Pass, Sir!

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Dr. W. S. Palimpsest wrote:Faux pas, extraordinaire!!! Someone please photoshop that owl t-shirt out of the picture. Sanitize it. Replace it with a tree, or something. The owl is a symbol of death. What is the message here, comrades: Pardon = Death?

This is bad PR, really bad PR! PETA will not be happy. We can have our show-trials after the re-election. But now, why be so obvious?

Dr. P, owls are very important public service employees who, not coincidentally, perform a very important public service. They tell us to give a hoot and not pollute.

In other words, they raise awareness of the need for us to care—just like I do. Yet would you have MY image photoshopped off a t-shirt, simply because I'm the symbol of a shovel whacked upside your head?

Owls have been telling us for many years now to give a hoot and not pollute. Years, Dr. P! That makes them sacred. That makes them a national treasure. That makes them something which the Government, having given it to us, can never, ever take away from us. Not without a lot of hooting and screeching while perching in treetops.

Without the owls to tell us we should give a hoot and not pollute, our air and water would be a lot dirtier than the Republicans would like. Not only do the Republicans want to cut funding for the owls, but they even want to chop down the trees where they live. Republicans want to see the owls jobless as well as homeless. In fact, they'd like to see the owls die quickly. Dr. P, if any creature is a symbol of death, it's a Republican!

But if that's not enough, Republicans also want to ban owls from fraternizing with pussycats, and even cut funding for their beautiful pea-green boats, without which the owls cannot go to sea with the pussycats.

When you see an Obama daughter wearing an owl t-shirt, you know she gives a hoot. She gives a hoot about the planet, and clean air and water. She gives a hoot about the owl's habitat. She also gives a hoot about the owl's right to go to sea with the pussycat in a beautiful pea-green boat.

She gives a hoot. I give a hoot. We all give a hoot. Why don't YOU give a hoot, Dr. P?

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Ahem.

The owls are, well, not what they seem.

Seriously.

No, I mean it.

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Screw the pardon.

Let's eat!

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I give thanks for the benevolence of Barry the Great, this year and always.

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--Instead of pardoning the White House Turkey, President Obama today begged the Turkey's pardon.

--"The life-force is strong with this one. Michelle will be pleased. Throw it into the feeding cage with her and duck."


"You remind me of my daughter, she's about this tall."

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Turkey Sez

"I can't believe I gave up that spa treatment in the family's kitchen for this. Somebody shoot me now!"

"Easy now - Janet says that these things have been exploding."



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A beautiful creature. Truly the symbol of Dear Leader's excellent rule.

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Red_Leader wrote:"You remind me of my daughter, she's about this tall."

Congratulations, Comrade Red_Leader. Your contribution caused the muscles around my mouth to twitch in such a way as to force the ends of my lips upward in a rare display of amusement, thereby making you the latest recipient of Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!

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And for your mother:

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Additionally, as a newly minted BOTW recipient, you get to participate in our new "Beet of the Week Gives Back" Program! BOTW Gives Back is a unique opportunity for BOTW alumni to give back to the community via the transfer of funds from your bank account to my foundation, Caring and Raising Awareness by Pinkie, or CRAP. CRAP takes action to help people learn how to care and contribute to the betterment of their communities by educating them to identify and raise awareness of the important issues affecting those communities and to discuss ways to address those issues through promoting and advocating social and economic justice.

CRAP is a shovel-ready project funded by Obama's Stimulus--and now comrades like you!*

*Contributions are not tax deductible.

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"My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."


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Commissarka Pinkie wrote: I give a hoot.

No one gives better hoot.

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Comrade Red_Leader!

You have been bestowed with a great honor by our dear Commissarka.

Please remember to remit your contributions through the correct channels.

I will be most happy to help you with your new obligation to our little collective. Contact me and I'll give you the peoples laundering email account.

All our donations must be as clean as a union contribution to his O'liness.

Thank you so much for your support

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Why don't YOU give a hoot, Dr. P?
Dearest Commissarka, Of course, I give a hoot! So much so, that I believe two hoots are better than one. That's why I try to eat lunch, at least once a week, at HOOTERS. ~Dr. P

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Comrade Doctor, More groveling and less showing off. Just saying.

AND BY THE POWER VESTED IN ME BY KARL MARX, I HEREBY PARDON THIS DUCK TO BE RELEASED BACK INTO THE WILD TO LIVE FREE OR DIE!

HOLD IT BOYS! IF MOOCHELLE SEES THIS GOOSE, SHE'LL TRY TO KILL IT HERSELF. SHE'S BEEN KINDA MOODY AND HUNGRY LATELY!

HIDE THAT PEACOCK IMMEDIATELY! IF FAT BOY CLINTON SEES THAT THING HE'LL WANT TO USE HIS NEW RIFLE ON IT AND EAT IT ON A SPIT NEXT TO THE LEWINSKI CLOSET!

THAT'S THE BIGGEST ALBINO CHICKEN I'VE EVER SEEN! SEND IT BACK TO ENGLAND WITH THAT BUST OF WHATCHAMACALLIT CHURCHILL.

WHOA, BOYS! IT JUST LEFT SOME OCCUPROXY ON THE TABLE! GET THAT NASTY THING OUT OF HERE!

AMERICAN EAGLE, MY BEAGLE! THAT'S THE UGLIEST OCCUDUCK EVER!

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Reiuxcat wrote:Comrade Doctor, More groveling and less showing off. Just saying.
I only show off when I'm watching Jeopardy with... Umm... The name escapes me.

Obama: "GO! And gobble no more!"

Obama to turkey handlers: "Okay, I want it killed, dressed, cleaned, and cooked by 4pm tomorrow!"

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"I pronounce you my new Green Energy Czar! Rise and be recognized!"

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Gulag 4 Alfred wrote:
Commissarka Pinkie wrote: I give a hoot.

No one gives better hoot.

woodsycard2.jpg


give-a-hoot-puking-uniorn-puke-mythological-cryptozoology-demotivational-poster-1238180437.jpg

Well, crud. Gulag 4 Alfred, I am ever so touched by your tribute to my Pink Commissarkness* that I wish I could give you, too, Beet of the Week, but policy prohibits me from awarding it more than once in a thread so as not to detract too much from the main topic.

However, you don't have to make Beet of the Week to Give Back to my CRAP. Rest assured the funds are being exchanged from your bank account for CRAP even as I sit here typing!

*Please note I have coined a word.

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"The Force is strong with this one, Obi wan."

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I have looked into your eyes and I know what evil lurks there. Your one one us aren't you?
Anything from the Mother Ship?

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Nikolai Dogoda wrote:
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Would he really tell if he was?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
Red_Leader wrote:"You remind me of my daughter, she's about this tall."

Congratulations, Comrade Red_Leader. Your contribution caused the muscles around my mouth to twitch in such a way as to force the ends of my lips upward in a rare display of amusement, thereby making you the latest recipient of Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!

Image
And for your mother:

Image
Additionally, as a newly minted BOTW recipient, you get to participate in our new "Beet of the Week Gives Back" Program! BOTW Gives Back is a unique opportunity for BOTW alumni to give back to the community via the transfer of funds from your bank account to my foundation, Caring and Raising Awareness by Pinkie, or CRAP. CRAP takes action to help people learn how to care and contribute to the betterment of their communities by educating them to identify and raise awareness of the important issues affecting those communities and to discuss ways to address those issues through promoting and advocating social and economic justice.

CRAP is a shovel-ready project funded by Obama's Stimulus--and now comrades like you!*

*Contributions are not tax deductible.

Wow, I'm blushing. Thank you very much Pinkie! I am humbled and honored. :D

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!


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"You must be this tall to be my Running mate in '12, but I can get you a waiver. Joe may be one of the unexpected unemployed...



Obama to turkey
"Show me some golden eggs dammit! The proles don't have any more money for ME to confiscAte."

Obama: "Is this turkey isn't a gift from the kollective you can stuff it."

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"This Turkey Acted Stupidly, though I know nothing about the case."


 
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