A world-famous doctor has just issued a disturbing telediagnosis concerning U.S. president Donald Trump's health and fitness for office.

Dr. Sevina Lebhen is a renowned Nepalese physician and psychologist, and one of the most well known Jhakris in the world. A Jhakri is a traditionally trained medical professional in Nepal and northeastern India who uses a variety of non-Western techniques to diagnose and treat diseases of the mind and body.

Dr. Lebhen has invented a method of "telediagnosis"—diagnosing patients from a distance—which allows him to identify the presence of disease in individuals from any place on earth. His groundbreaking method involves the use of a technologically advanced aluminum headdress, which is used to both transmit and receive electromagnetic wavelengths emitted from the body and brain.

With the correct training, a medical practitioner can use this device in conjunction with immense concentration to focus in on a patient's electromagnetic emissions and thereby acquire information about the individual's mental and physical health. This procedure does not require the consent or awareness of the patient.

After being contacted by several members of Congress who expressed concern about the President's fitness to serve, Dr. Lebhen used his new technique to ascertain Donald Trump's state of health. Several hours later, Dr. Lebhen issued his report, which contains the following observations about President Trump:

• He is clinically insane.
  
• He is a psychopathic narcissist.
  
• He suffers from advanced heart disease and stage four liver cancer.
  
• He has extremely low testosterone levels.
  
• He suffers from social anxiety disorder and depression.
  
• His true height is 4'11", and he uses shoe lifts and favorable camera angles to appear taller due to being extremely height sensitive.
  
• He is incapable of siring offspring, and his supposed children are adopted.
  
• His IQ is 12.
  
• He is a level 10 warlock who uses mind control spells on the mentally weak.
  
• He possesses white, male, cisgendered, heterosexual privilege.
  
• He is a racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, Islamophobic, transphobic, bigot.
  
• He secretly wishes to be a strong, independent woman of color.
  
• He is a major cause of climate change.
  
• He is unfit to serve as president of the United States.

The doctor was also asked to conduct a medical analysis of Joe Biden, the results of which concluded that the Democratic candidate is "in excellent health."

Dr. Lebhen's telediagnosis of Donald Trump has been offered up as evidence in favor of a motion to invoke the 25th amendment, which states that the president can be removed under certain circumstances in which he "is unable to discharge the powers and duties of his office."

Due to the urgency of the situation, many have suggested that standard immigration procedures be waved to allow Dr. Lebhen to appear before Congress as an expert witness. However, an increasingly popular option would involve a socially distanced Congressional hearing which would employ Dr. Lebhen's aluminum headdress technology to allow members of Congress and the doctor to communicate telepathically. In fact, sources confirm that employees of the U.S. mint are currently hard at work manufacturing sufficient headgear for all possible participants.

As for Dr. Lebhen, he intends to make the knowledge concerning the functionality and construction of his revolutionary aluminum headdress publicly available in the near future. Despite the monetary value of his invention, he has determined that the technology should be available freely to all, due to its humanitarian significance. In any case, most of the doctor's income is actually derived from his ownership of a chain of convenience stores that bear his name.

At last, a voice of reason in these troubling times.

I am a bit concerned, however, as to the expert's political credentials. On the plus side, he is a Person of Color AND an indigenous traditional physician. On the other hand, Nepal has stoutly resisted the pure light of Socialism, is currently a monarchy (the last time I checked), and is home to the Gurkhas. Can we really trust a nation, or anyone in it, that has consistently provided mercenaries to an imperialist system?

That being said, Lebhen's diagnosis is spot on. I have it from a Yeti close to the Trump campaign (who wishes to remain anonymous due to fear of retribution) that Trump is in fact in a coma, and all the virtual appearances he has made since his release from the hospital are computer generated.

Ivan Betinov wrote:I have it from a Yeti close to the Trump campaign (who wishes to remain anonymous due to fear of retribution)

Comrade Other Ivan, is this the October surprise?

Comrades Pelosi and Feinstein have been successfully operating the Biden Sock Puppet for some time now, waiting for the "free and democratic election" (wink wink, nudge nudge) of Joe Biden in order to transfer Kamala's membership to their District of Columbia Chapter of the San Francisco Coven. Once that foundation is established, they apply the "new and improved 25th Amendment (patent pending)" rules--Joe retires to his applesauce and naps, and Kamala slides into her rightful place in the Oval Office, and they all proceed with their plan to turn USSA into "Eastern San Francisco."

Meanwhile, back at the People's Orchards, there are beets to tend, and I've received a report of a Zastava recently abandoned on the side of the road, so I have parts to harvest for modification for tractor repairs, and there are only so many hours in the day...

SHHH! Hat-tat-tat! Don't write that! Don't say it out loud! Of COURSE this is the plan. Stuff the ballot boxes with as many newly generated "late" mail in ballots, 98% of which are votes for Biden, as needed and drag his senile carcass across the finish line to a victory. Then once he is safely in the White House, declare him unfit under the 25th amendment and coronate Kamala. This way, we can do it without raising an eyebrow, as we will be applying the same standard to our president as we proposed for their president. Who says we aren't fair and even-minded?

Ahem. But of course. May we be comforted in assuming that the good Doctor is an approved primary care provider in the Obamacare network? Otherwise Trump is obtaining medical care by white privelege...

Ivan Betinov wrote:... Of COURSE this is the plan. Stuff the ballot boxes with as many newly generated "late" mail in ballots, 98% of which are votes for Biden, as needed and drag his senile carcass across the finish line to a victory. Then once he is safely in the White House, declare him unfit under the 25th amendment and coronate Kamala. ...

tsk, tsk, tsk...
What's happened to you, Komrade Brain? You always inject a nice dose of sarcasm in your elucidations - yet here, all of a sudden, you go 120% REALIST! tsk, tsk, tsk...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Ahem. But of course. May we be comforted in assuming that the good Doctor is an approved primary care provider in the Obamacare network? Otherwise Trump is obtaining medical care by white privelege...

Komrade Ivan, I have it on good authority that Dr. L is a certified expert within the Messiahcare Global Benefaction (MGB), established (silently!) by UN/WHO. The aims and ambitions of MGB are fully proclaimed in the self-explanatory naming of this honorable agency.

MGB will come to public light on the day of Kamala's Coronation (see Betinov above).

Experts of MGB - Dr. L among them - are licensed for planetary telediagnostics, of course.