New government dietary requirements for breakfasts, lunches, dinners, suppers, brunches, banquets, snacks, canapes, and hors d'oeuvres in school cafeterias, instituted by the FLATUS in her Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, has students hurling epithets at her that her food choices "taste like vomit," and their parents complaining that the barfy cafeteria fare is throwing up barriers to quality education because "hungry students can't learn."

The new law takes selection of both food choices and portion sizes out of the hands of state and local governments and gives it to the federal government. For example, students can have only one serving of meat or other protein and servings of carbohydrates such as potatoes are limited to just a single serving of 3/4 of a cup per student. Milk must now be 1% fat or skim, not 2% or whole, and both chocolate- and strawberry-flavored milk must be nonfat.

Some unprogressive parents were pointing out that President Obama hasn't even held a press conference to ask The Children™ what should be done to correct this abomination, as he did following the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in Connecticut.

When asked for a response about the situation the FLATUS retorted: "Uhkontauk rotnah, khanth yuthee mahmouf ithful?"

The White House spokesperson issued this statement, refusing any further questions:

There is nothing wrong with your taste buds.
Do not attempt to adjust your diet.
We are controlling your ingestion.
If we wish to reduce it, we will starve you.
If we wish to increase it, we will force feed you.
We will control the fats.
We will control the carbohydrates.

Let them eat tossed cookies!

In order to combat a spike in contraband sales involving Snickers, Coca-Cola, and hearty meat-packed sandwiches across the nation's schools, the DHS is launching a new special operations force. Surveillance Take-down and Arrest of Ration Violating Entities, or STARVE for short, is designed to crack down on pint-sized traffickers that are turning the country's cafeterias into hotspots of carbohydrate abuse.

"... rich kids can buy a second portion each day on their own dime."

NOT FAIR! Redistribution is in order here. We need O-Lunch cards for the underprivileged youth so they too may skirt the First Horse Mandate! Alternatively, do not allow thoe 1%ers to get away with paying their own way, which is really just RAAAACISM if they don't want to do what the First Horse dictates is good for them. Get Jesse and Al down there right away ... after lunch.

Red Square wrote:Let them eat tossed cookies!

Tossed_Cookies.png

Mmmmm Cookies..

Comrade Korrekted - is that feline unit Party approved and fully progressive?

One can never be too careful...

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Korrekted - is that feline unit Party approved and fully progressive?

One can never be too careful...

Why of course Comrade! Commissar Snuggles receives free food and lodging and does nothing all day! Why, he is living proof of the New American Dream!

Splendid, Comrade - I expected no less. Comrade Rammstein is also a proper drain upon society, with no job other than sleeping and defending the hearth and home (his Obamaphone has 911 clearly marked on a paw-shaped button).

From us according to our abilities to them according to their needs!

Red Square wrote:Let them eat tossed cookies!

Tossed_Cookies.png

You are far too kind Honored Red Square.... Let them eat crap!

Er...excuse me. they already are. Carry on Comrades. Just don't let them know..... Solyent red is proles!

Now that pot is becoming legal here, there, and everywhere, the children will willingly eat anything available! Observe this, er..., person as it prepares for a glorious school breakfast.

Hell, I'd smoke that contraption just to see it work.

KrystynaKorrekted wrote:Why of course Comrade! Commissar Snuggles receives free food and lodging and does nothing all day! Why, he is living proof of the New American Dream!

This is a great truth of the animal world. Cat beasts are natures testimony to socialism. They do no work, serve no real need, demand the world feed and comfort them, then carouse during the night seeking their perverted pleasures. Here is a little secret.....our supposed worst enemy, the imperialist Rush Limbaugh, is a cat lover! But don't share that with the proles, it is a state secret.

Needless to say, this is why you never hear the term "working cat", they just do not exist. This no doubt explains the rather small number of People's dogs like myself, and Laika.We are a rare breed of great sophistication and intellect, which of course makes it a natural that we are more equal than others.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Needless to say, this is why you never hear the term "working cat", they just do not exist.

Oh, nonsense, Comrade Marshal - I have personally met working cats, who were lured against their will by capitalists into prostituting themselves for such things as cat food.

For example, I once met a delightfully well-muscled black tom cat who was, when I met him, taking a brief government-mandated break and sitting on the warm hood of a pickup truck on a cold winter day. He was employed at a lumber mill to keep the mouse population down in the lumber sheds, and judging by his rather haughty air was no doubt in management.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:

KrystynaKorrekted wrote:Why of course Comrade! Commissar Snuggles receives free food and lodging and does nothing all day! Why, he is living proof of the New American Dream!

This is a great truth of the animal world. Cat beasts are natures testimony to socialism. They do no work, serve no real need, demand the world feed and comfort them, then carouse during the night seeking their perverted pleasures. Here is a little secret.....our supposed worst enemy, the imperialist Rush Limbaugh, is a cat lover! But don't share that with the proles, it is a state secret.

Needless to say, this is why you never hear the term "working cat", they just do not exist. This no doubt explains the rather small number of People's dogs like myself, and Laika.We are a rare breed of great sophistication and intellect, which of course makes it a natural that we are more equal than others.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Oh, nonsense, Comrade Marshal - I have personally met working cats, who were lured against their will by capitalists into prostituting themselves for such things as cat food.

I deny these vicious slanders regarding "the product" as I like to call them, provided at the Pup's Pleasure Party Dachas. This simply is no longer the case. You would not believe the paperwork my minions have to fill out to document this.

Comrade Captain Kaopectate Craptek. I have heard the rumors of cat beasts and their alleged rat population control.....Just what do you have against our comrade rodents any way? Either way. I have known dogs that killed rats themselves, and one that even killed roaches by stomping on them. Now of course, I am far too important to stoop to such menial tasks. That is what we have proles for.