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A History of Republican Party, "Thanksgiving", and Civil War

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Although many of you know that I have 2 PhDs and 3 MAs, you might be unaware that currently all of those degrees are in various areas of the field of history.

How is this relevant? I have had recent comments on my blog proclaiming the laughable assertion that, and hold on to your seating devices so as not to fall out laughing, Democrats were slave-owners and founded the KKK! I shall give you time now to catch your breath and wipe the tears of laughter from your eyes.

I did not even mention the KKK or slavery in my post, but, since history is written by the victors, I have, appropriately for this upcoming Thursday's "National Day of Guilt and Turkey Genocide" published:


A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE REPUBLIKKKAN PARTY, “THANKSGIVING”, AND THE AMERIKKKAN CIVIL WAR

November 20, 2006, 11:10 pm
Filed under: History of Repukes


Although I do not often trumpet it, I am the holder of 2 PhDs and 3 MAs, all of which are currently in various areas of the field of history.

Recent laughably insane comments on my blog that “the kkk was created by southern liberals, all of which were members of the democratic party” (sic) and “the democrats are the party of teh klan and were the slave owners” (sic) have led me to this attempt to educate the uneducated. So:

Appropriately enough for the upcoming National Day of Guilt and Turkey Genocide (known under the Bush Regime's Orwellian “newspeak” as “Thanksgiving”), American Imperialism and genocide first started when the “Pilgrim Cru$aders” landed at the Mayflower Hotel in New York on the third Thursday of November several hundred years ago. They immediately started the RepubliKKKan Party, formed a TheoKKKracy, and used an elite group of RepubliKKKans with the shortened name “KKK” to commit genocide against the indigenous African-American people.

This genocide by the RepubliKKKan's KKK arm continued for several hundred years until the Evil RepubliKKKan Pre$ident George Wallace and his Vi$e-Pre$ident Bull Connor decided that, instead of killing the indigenous African-Americans, the Pilgrim Cru$aders could benefit more by enslaving them and paying them a non-living wage.

But there was a growing group of genuinely good, moral, altruistic, non-judgmental, non-homophobic, right-thinking, caring, sensitive people, many of whom were grandmothers, who called themselves “The Democrats”. The Democrats, led by Abraham Lincoln, arose in great numbers on the East Coast and the West Coast, until finally they had sufficient numbers to stand up to the Evil RepubliKKKans and say, “We are NOT okay with your slavery, your homophobia, and your non-living wages!”

Richard Nixon, then Chief RepubliKKKan, Chief TheoKKKrat, and Pre$ident of the U$$A, told the Democrats, “Screw you! Slavery stays! I'm starting the AmeriKKKan Civil War!”

An entire book could be written about the “AmeriKKKan Civil War” (better known before the rise of Bu$h, as the “Democrat War to free the African-Americans”), and perhaps someday I will be the first to do so. But until then, a brief synopsis must suffice.

The Eastern and Western States, under the leadership of Great Democrat Hero Abraham Lincoln, fought bravely against the Southern and Fly-Over States led by the Evil RepubliKKKan Richard Nixon. Although greatly outnumbered, the Democrats had the force of All Things Good on their side, and ultimately prevailed, thus freeing the indigenous African-Americans from their bondage of non-living wages.

But the victory was not without a terrible cost. 100 million African-Americans were slaughtered by the RepubliKKKans while hopped up on Jim Beam Whiskey as they retreated from the advancing Democrats. So many African-Americans died that the migration of the crows has forever been altered. The crows still to this day expect African-American bodies to always be there, and peck at any African-American they see (the RepubliKKKans would later pass “Jim Beam Crow” laws, segregating African-Americans from whites, ostensibly “to stop the crows from pecking at us”; despicable).

Great Democrat Hero Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by a racist, homophobic RepubliKKKan (is there any other kind?), and was replaced by the greatest man to ever live, Bill Clinton.

Utopia ensued, until Evil RepubliKKKan George WalKKKer Bu$h and his minions at Diebold and the $upreme KKKourt STOLE the elections in 2000, 2002, and 2004.

Fortunately, in 2006, the Democrats have once again prevailed over the forces of Evil, and they will never allow the RepubliKKKans to win an election again.

Happy National Day of Guilt.

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Thank you tovarich. Thank you.

That was brilliant. Simply brilliant. You are an excellent representation of the benefits of higher education.

I thank my Neo-Pagan Wicca Mother Earth Goddess for people like you. It's about time someone took this courageous stand against Bu$hitler revisionist history and finally set the record straight.

However I'm disappointed that you neglected to include the sacrifices of progressive womyn in that epic conflict. Who can ignore the heroic contributions of Comrades Margaret Sanger or Bella Abzug?

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An excellent piece that puts "vision" in "revisionism."

In the spirit of collectivism, we must put our forces together and contribute to this effort:

1. Describe the importance of the struggle of all minority activists, especially Muslims, in the Civil War effort against the Nixon-led RepubliKKKans. Focus on the contribution made by CAIR.

2. Noam Chomsky as the spiritual leader, tutor, and personal friend of A. Linkoln.

3. Include the sacrifices of progressive womyn in that epic conflict, especially heroic contributions of Comrades Margaret Sanger, Bella Abzug (as per Comrade Che Cure Booty's suggestion). Don't forget about Medea Benjamin (Code Pink) and Cindy Sheehan.

4. Describe ACLU as the leading organizing force of the American People in their struggle against the Founding Father$' Cabal.

5. Include a chapter about environmental activist groups, such as, Earth First, Sierra Club, and Green Peace, who rallied the plant and animal kingdom in support of A. Linkoln. Nixon's army suffered heavy losses as a result of mosquito bites, food poisoning, snakes, werewolves, and especially the polar bears and the penguins (Global Warming is, in effect, the RepubliKKKan revenge and a planned genocide of these peaceful, lovable creatures).

6. Portray a special role of Al Gore and his inventions in all this.

7. Write a definition of the Thanks-For-Nothing Holiday for the People's Glossary.

Feel free to add more points.

That was enlightning, thank-you comrade. Your poisonous tirade against the KKKrimal mob of Nixon sympathizers was more than well recieved and will put the History Channels interpretation to shame.

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And let's not leave out the great contributions made by PETA.

Hollywood was also part of the struggle. After all, Barbra Streisand invented the American flag, didn't she? George Clooney, Charlie Sheen, and Alec Baldwin installed it in a bloody battle over what later will be called the "House Of Color."

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When HRC rules America, there won't be any more "Holy Days". All there will be is worship of HRC and very hard work everyday for her.

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It is a tragedy that Bush's "All Children Left Behind" program has so shortened the attention span of people that I dared not go into more detail, in particular, the contributions of Progressive Womyn. I did mention that many of the Democrats were grandmothers, but it is unforgivable that I did not mention the Mother of Her Country, Barbra Streisand. None who have heard the tale can forget how she bravely sewed the first American Flag (a hammer and sickle on a field of crushed KKKapitalists) from the war-ravaged remains of her Donna Karan dresses, and then bravely had her bodyguards fend off Bush's minions until they were overrun and Bush himself snatched the American Flag and burned it, thus proclaiming himself Dictator For Life.

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An even more brief version.

"They came, they killed, they are evil, let's take all their money."

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"They came, they killed, they are evil, let's take all their money."

Are you quoting the RepubliKKKan's response to the Global Orgasm For Peace?

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Why not? Isn't that what we do, use their words against them. Just like we do with the bible. "Thou shall not kill" we use all the time even though we worship the only god of death and destruction, Hillary.


 
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