Organized Labor Plans to Unionize Elected Officials

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The People's Cube in The Washington Times


Hit with a drastic decrease in membership among traditional industry and government workers, the American Labor Unions have finally decided to return to their roots, re-examine their policies, and remember the original reason for their existence, which is to manipulate elections for political gain.

With this in mind, as well as to replenish their dwindling ranks, AFL-CIO is about to capitalize on its accumulated influence by organizing federal, state, and local politicians into a brand-new union of their own. According to Leon Zvernik, a local organizer in Washington, D.C., a new powerful entity called "Elected and Appointed Government Officials Union" is only days away from formulating its charter.

AFL-CIO President Richard Trumka receives professional massage from a non-unionized provider.

Experts are not surprised: labor unions have long become political organizations that propel elected and appointed officials into their careers, breeding a generation of supportive politicians who then work tirelessly to give more power to the unions, who propel even more politicians, and so on.

And yet, despite all the political favors, the politicians are getting the short end of the stick.

Apart from large campaign contributions and ballot stuffing, politicians receive no union benefits and no protection from conservative and libertarian pressure groups that have successfully ended political careers of many a pro-union official.

"Unless politicians unionize, they will continue to work unreasonably long hours under hostile conditions, and be routinely abused by the Tea Party and all those others who tend to interpret the law literally," said Zvernik.

"Our hearts bleed at the sight of union-friendly politicians being forced into unfair elections that are slanted in favor of some stickler to the Constitution," he said.

While labor unions' representation of American workers has declined to 11.5% from their 1945 high, their ability to finance political campaigns is stronger than ever. In 2012 they proved to be a formidable force, helping Barack Obama to defeat Mitt Romney, a known opponent of union wage hikes.

"American consumers resonate with many of our messages, such as, supporting the needy union members with inflated wages and lifetime benefits that come out of their pockets," said Zvernik. "So we know we are on the right track. And here's yet another large group of people who desperately need the kinds of employment protections and benefits that unions offer."

In state and local offices all over the land, politicians are being frequently discriminated against due to unfair practices, such as term limits or corruption investigations. According to Zvernik, unions can help politicians not only to roll back term limits, but also provide greater job security through legal defense, picketing of scab candidates, and redistricting that favors unionized politicians.

Appointed officials are fairing even worse. Many receive only a limited tenure and are forced to resign every time things go badly at their agencies. As if that were not enough, the abusive "confirmation process" for federal appointees leaves many of them emotionally scarred for days and even weeks.

"Imagine being interviewed for a job when half the people in the room are there to grill you," Zvernik said. "I mean, these things can get really heated. It is about time we modernize these processes so that political appointees are not subject to harassment even before they get the job."

As far as collective bargaining is concerned, Zvernik explained that politicians would assume their normal roles while also negotiating as union members. He likened it to public employee union bargaining, in which unions negotiate with government officials whom they support through campaign contributions taken from union dues.

"We're pretty much already there," Zvernik said. "Organizing a union for politicians just formalizes their existing membership in the union movement."

By Igor Toutellalai, American Media Collective

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Specrapular idea! Hard-working public servants need protection from their unreasonable, overbearing bosses. When a loyal legislator/employee gets fired from his lifetime job illegally by evil voters, he should have the right to call his shop steward and file a grievance with the NLRB and get his job back! These damn voter/bosses have TOO much power over the helpless congressperson or senator!

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Logo of the Elected and Appointed Government Officials Union

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Because a big politician EAGO is good for AmeriKa!

Before I was old enough to vote, unions were run as father/son clubs like the guild system of old Europe.

The last generation of sons didn't go to work and join the unions. They went to college and became activists who live off of government grants and non profit organizations, while the elected officials in government have become the new father/son-mother/daughter club to belong to.

With reapportionment I am now in such a district here in the lower Slobovian political directorate under Commissar Clay who inherited from his father and will be in Congress until he decides to pass it on to his progeny with the blessing of the local Electoral Comintern under which the votes are counted only by the judges of the People's Party, who are also holding those posts in lieu of Republicans which nullifies any possibility for any true opposition.

Comrade Chairman Stalin taught them well.

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Seems kerry belongs to a very exclusive union, the International Brotherhood of Living Off of Other Guys Money (IBLOOGM: pronounced "I-bloog'em"). Comrades, if you can join this union, you too can marry into somebody else's fortune, and then maybe park your yacht in the peoples republic of rhode island for a lower tax burden.

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I just discovered this cartoon by Michael Ramirez - exactly the same idea as mine above, only he did it 2 years earlier, in March, 2011. I swear on holy Marx's beard I didn't know it existed, or I'd have used this instead of spending all the time it took to 'shop my own.