Christian horses found too high

As everyone knows, the National Prayer Breakfast in Washington is a yearly event designed to put Christians in their place and advance Islam as the national religion. At today's breakfast, President Obama once again met the expectations of the progressive movement by telling off those uppity Christians like a true Muslim would:

"Unless we get on our high horse and think that this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ. In our home country, slavery and Jim Crow all too often was justified in the name of Christ."

Indeed, in these dark times of Christian Extremism, what we need is a president who can inform the world about all of the Christian atrocities throughout history for which currently living Americans are personally responsible. Having effectively airbrushed "Islamic Extremism" from the lexicon, Obama completed his sermon with a prayer towards Mecca.

Christians are hereby instructed to remove incorrect pages from their Bibles and replace them with the following corrected transcript of Jesus' words: "Thou shalt murder gays; thou shalt enslave minorities; thou shalt bomb women and children."

Since there isn't an equivalent in the Quran of anything so hateful as this corrected version of Biblical history, Christians need to get off their high horses and admit that Jesus had personally instigated terrible atrocities, as proven by the Crusades and the Inquisition.

As if that weren't enough, Jesus had the audacity to die but not stay dead, to walk around alive and kicking for forty more days, and then to fly up to heaven. Such antisocial behavior allowed Christians to start getting uppity around 33 A.D., which still continues unabated to this day.

The science is settled: there are no Islamic Extremists anywhere on Earth because President Obama has never uttered the words. Christians, on the other hand, are committing terrible atrocities daily, taking hostages, cutting off heads, blowing themselves up in public places, burning people alive, and otherwise terrorizing the peaceful and rapidly diminishing Muslim community. No verification of these facts is required simply because Obama is a genius who would never tell a lie.

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It is known that President Ronald Reagan liked to ride horses - all of them high - for which he is revered among Christian Extremists. He was once even injured in a fall from his high horse. Let that be a lesson to all Christians to get off their high horses and stay off.


President Reagan's horse was so high that in order to fit it into his Presidential Library, workers had to chop off its legs. This picture gives a whole new meaning to "Reagan's quarterhorse." Too high a horse would not be a humble memorial for a Christian anyway.


In view of the above, our scientists at the People's Cube Karl Marx Treatment Center have developed recommendations on how to get Christians off their high horses efficiently: hack off the high horse's legs or replace them with miniature low horses.

A standard horse owned by a Christian should be no taller than 36 inches. All horse-riding Christians will be subject to measuring with a pole similar to those used on amusement park rides.


Compliance with these measures is expected to level the playing field, bringing Christians closer to the ground where the peaceful Muslim crowd congregates.

And finally, as we discussed the subject of Christian high horses at our latest meeting, we received a few questions from confused members of the audience. People wanted to know whether the horse in question was a Christian, what exactly the definition of "high" was, and what if President Obama really meant to say that the horse was high from marijuana and the Christian should get off to avoid contact.

We will make sure to ask the White House spokesperson, Josh Earnest, for clarification on what the President really meant. Until then, the debate gallops on.


 

Christian Sensitivity Training



 

 

Indeed, at the National Prayer Breakfast, even the razor sharp mind of President Obama forgot that his ancestor, Roman Emperor Barackus Obamus, had recognized that Romans had for too long ridden on their "high horses,", so he he took decisive action to remedy such haughtiness:



--KOOK
 

Not that I'm a kapitalist, but I see an opportunity to provide a service to my comrades by raising, and grazing Arabian Horses (by definition, they have to be better...)

I'll use the acres I currently tend as the peoples pecan orchard. I of course will require significant government grants and reistribution of other peoples money to upgrade facilities, fences, the People's Tractor, hiring a number of undocumented assistants to do the work I will not do, and to offset my own expenses, but after all- its for the children, and to bring equality (and Sharia) to equestrianism and kowboys.
 

Comrades, remember a rider can only mount a horse from one side because a horse only likes to be mounted from one side. Therefore, if you mount from the front, you mount from the right, which is then the left because your right is its left, and the left the right, keeping in mind that the left is right and the right is wrong. Put your left to your right and step so your right is to the wrong and now your right is opposite its left and left the right. To right is to the left and to right is wrong is to the right, but backwards, the right is right and the left is wrong only when your right is on its wrong, and the left is on its right.

Right is wrong and left is right only from the front or else the left is right and the right is wrong.....
 

Comrade Trashmouth has re-awakened my temporarily dormant urge to vote for B Hussein Obama...
nd sent a Chris Matthews-like tingle up my leg...
 

I enthusiastically applaud Komrade Glorious Leader for conflating about high horses and the Christian problem. His message was clear: Christians are war mongering, racist, hate kriminal, slave owners. They should hang their heads in shame as they climb down off the high horse onto the pony.

Members of Christian terror cells, like Catholic, Lutheran, Methodist, and Baptist churches, must come under tighter scrutiny by the Ministries of Propaganda, Revenue, Security, and Injustice for the "common good," our "safety," and "the children."
 

Yes Comrade Gummipuppe, we must continue to mock, ridicule and demonize them as well as in the media for the self righteous hateful bigots they are. Even though dear leader graciously grants them the gift of tolerance, perhaps we could marginalize and purge them further by constantly extending this wall of shame just before a systematic elimination by boxcars.
 

trashmouth

Yes Comrade Gummipuppe, we must continue to mock, ridicule and demonize them as well as in the media for the self righteous hateful bigots they are. Even though dear leader graciously grants them the gift of tolerance, perhaps we could marginalize and purge them further by constantly extending this wall of shame just before a systematic elimination by boxcars.
Your thinking is korrekt komrade trashmouth. We should show them no mercy for their ekstremist behavior. To facilitate the systematic elimination, Komrade Glorious Leader will most certainly sign an Eksekutive Order requiring the wearing of a cross by all Christians. This will make them easier to identify, beat up, and herd into the boxcars.
 

Indeed, nonconsensual mounting of horses of any height by humans is speciesist horse abuse, and governmental agencies must immediately begin issuing fatwas regulations to tax prohibit such atrocities under penalty of great fines. Exemptions will be issued only to Party-approved entities.
 

Excellent reporting, Comrade Olga! This goes to the Mother Page.
 

Some additional reporting:





 

Ivan the Stakhanovets

I'll use the acres I currently tend as the peoples pecan orchard. I of course will require (long list).

You'll also require lots of horses**t, and Washington has an endless supply of fertilizer ... but they charge you for giving you s**t. So you might try Houston instead.
 

Everybody must get off their high horses - except for THESE GUYS.



In Iraq and Syria, ISIS juggles Shariah, services and overreach

Quote:

Militant Islamist fighters ride horses as they take part in a military parade along the streets of Syria's northern Raqqa province June 30, 2014. REUTERS/Stringer
 

Get off your high horse and take some notes because I'm about to show you how it's really meant to be done. Aint that right Michelle?
 

http://www.stripes.com/news/us/nbc-s-br ... t-1.327792

Brian Williams has a Hillary Clinton moment. Hillary walked in Sarajevo under sniper attack, same as Williams here.
 

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Cowboys... you can't take them anywhere!


 

spykmans_fault

Get off your high horse and take some notes because I'm about to show you how it's really meant to be done. Aint that right Michelle?

"....and the horse he rode in on!"
 

This history is inkorrect and must be ignored by the party and state-run media division of the Propaganda Ministry, as well as the "useful idiots" in the Republikan establishment. Why, you ask? Well komrades, because it eksposes Komrade Glorious Leader as an inkompetent, bloviating, deceitful liar. Of course, he is nothing of the sort, since he is black, has a Harvard JD, and won the Nobel Peese Prize simply for being born. We must stick with the narrative and kondemn the Christian terrorists.
 

Your vain-glorious leader in so many words: "Crusades. So shut up!"

And his project to fundamentally transform the world goes on.
 

Dear Leader is always correct,
During the time when knights wore armor and rode horses, the easiest way to take them out of action was to knock them off their horses. The armor weighed so much , the knight was stuck on his back, lacking the strength to regain his footing unassisted.
Two great hero from that time were “Saladin” and Suleiman The Magnificent.
 

Jesus sends the devils into 2000 pigs, causing them to jump off a cliff and be drowned in the sea. Clearly Jesus could have simply sent the devils out, yet he chose instead to place them into pigs and kill them. This is called animal abuse. Mark 5:12-13



 

General Confusion

Dear Leader is always correct...
Da. He is absolutely korrekt, no doubt about it. Anyone who disagrees with the pearls of wisdom, "common sense approaches," and direktives spewing from his purple gums is a racist, hate-mongering terrorist. An enemy of the state.
 

 

 

Komissar al-Blogunov

Christians are much worse. Did you know that every time a Christian extremist beheads an infidel, he gets a free sandwich from Chick-fil-A?

Da. And a baseball cap from the NRA.
 

 

Gummipuppe

Komissar al-Blogunov

Christians are much worse. Did you know that every time a Christian extremist beheads an infidel, he gets a free sandwich from Chick-fil-A?

Da. And a baseball cap from the NRA.
Well played, new Comrade... Keep up the work.We shall temporarily overlook the fact that your beet patch still has weeds, no matter how unacceptable.
 

Komissar al-Blogunov

Did you know that every time a Christian extremist beheads an infidel, he gets a free sandwich from Chick-fil-A?

lessee, we got a university in town with a Muslim Studies requirement ... I got a weed-whacker ...

Komrad Komissar, what part of the infidel do you have to bring in to get the sandwich? And is it limited to one per visit?
 

 

 

I must set the record straight, komrade Red Square. According to the official party narrative, as now inculcated in pub-ik skools and state universities, Washington was a terrorist, a criminal, and a slave owner. He help draft the Constitution, which is an outdated, obsolete document that must be disregarded for "fairness" and "the common good." Washington is to blame for founding an unjust, racist nation. This narrative is exactly in line with Komrade Glorious Leader's famous "High Horse Speech."
 

Our Dear Leader never gets on his high horse!

When he dictates to us, it is on a girl’s bike while wearing a helmet.
 

Chairman Meow

Our Dear Leader never gets on his high horse! ...
When he dictates to us, it is on a girl’s bike while wearing a helmet.
Don't let the skid lid, girl's bike, and mom jeans fool you. Komrade Glorious Leader is cunning and fierce when it comes to battling terror groups like Christians, conservative Republicans, Tea Baggers, the NRA, veterans, "shadowy characters" who make offensive movies about muzlums, and "the rich" (a.k.a. the middle class). Yet, he manages to subdue this fierceness by acting with compassion, understanding, and tolerance regarding muzlum victims of Christianity, the poor and oppressed victim of police self-defense in Fergadishu, the Castro Brothers, and Vlad Putin.
 

Gummipuppe

This history is inkorrect and must be ignored by the party and state-run media division of the Propaganda Ministry, as well as the "useful idiots" in the Republikan establishment. Why, you ask? Well komrades, because it eksposes Komrade Glorious Leader as an inkompetent, bloviating, deceitful liar. Of course, he is nothing of the sort, since he is black, has a Harvard JD, and won the Nobel Peese Prize simply for being born. We must stick with the narrative and kondemn the Christian terrorists.

Komrade Gummi,

I presume you've disposed of said document via your Party issued memory hole APP... yes?
 

Every good prog knows that Christians are a subversive element. Look at what they do - they try to usurp and take credit for all of the good things that Government does for us. I hereby denounce Salvation Army safe houses for battered women and homeless shelters, I denounce church-sponsored food pantries that attempt to move people away from getting their EBT cards and WIC vouchers, I denounce Catholic-run charity hospitals that worked diligently to keep Obamacare from becoming the law of the land by providing basic low-cost health care to poor people, and I denounce all other denominations that run clothing drives, shoe drives etc. so they can mess with our childrens' minds. Christians and their Jewish compadres are sneaky, trying to convince every good Prog that there is a source other than Government for life's essentials by being NICE. They can't fool me, but they should be silenced to make sure they don't corrupt our youth with this silliness.
 

Komrade Katz

Every good prog knows that Christians are a subversive element. Look at what they do - they try to usurp and take credit for all of the good things that Government does for us. I hereby denounce Salvation Army safe houses for battered women and homeless shelters, I denounce church-sponsored food pantries that attempt to move people away from getting their EBT cards and WIC vouchers, I denounce Catholic-run charity hospitals that worked diligently to keep Obamacare from becoming the law of the land by providing basic low-cost health care to poor people, and I denounce all other denominations that run clothing drives, shoe drives etc. so they can mess with our childrens' minds. Christians and their Jewish compadres are sneaky, trying to convince every good Prog that there is a source other than Government for life's essentials by being NICE. They can't fool me, but they should be silenced to make sure they don't corrupt our youth with this silliness.
Well put, komrade Katz. I specifically denounce the fact that the Christian terror groups do what they do with voluntary funding. These things must funded by the middle class "the rich," as mandated by our glorious government in order to be most effektive.
 

High Horse Sensitivity Training™ Update:

After Kim Davis was slapped on the wrist with a weekend in jail, for not issuing marriage licenses to gays, Christians quickly got off their high horses. Many forward-thinking progressives agree that it is ok for Kim to be put in jail for "not doing her job." Everyone's "job" is now to give special interest groups whatever they want. What does Kim think this is - the OLD America?! In the new, progressive America, "not doing your job" is a jailable offense (everyone knows this.) She should have known better. At least the Christians are now getting down off their high horses, like Obama commanded them to do. The High Horse Sensitivity Training is a success.




Christians finally got off their high horse.



When your horse is too high to get off of, use a ladder.
 

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Olga... please return my high squirrel!
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Comrade Putout

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Olga... please return my high squirrel!
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Olga Photoshopova

High Horse Sensitivity Training™ Update:

After Kim Davis was slapped on the wrist with a weekend in jail, for not issuing marriage licenses to gays, Christians quickly got off their high horses. Many forward-thinking progressives agree that it is ok for Kim to be put in jail for "not doing her job." Everyone's "job" is now to give special interest groups whatever they want. What does Kim think this is - the OLD America?! In the new, progressive America, "not doing your job" is a jailable offense (everyone knows this.) She should have known better. At least the Christians are now getting down off their high horses, like Obama commanded them to do. The High Horse Sensitivity Training is a success.

horse1.jpg
Christians finally got off their high horse.

horse2.jpg
When your horse is too high to get off of, use a ladder.
A ghost ladder!
 

Well, I suppose you have all seen this. The author is unknown, so I take ownership of it, even though I didn’t write it. It's good!

It's about two identical twins who are given a choice between having abundant toys or a pile of horseshit. Here is their dilemma:

There's a Pony in There Somewhere!
 

Pamalinsky

Well, I suppose you have all seen this. The author is unknown, so I take ownership of it, even though I didn’t write it. It's good!

It's about two identical twins who are given a choice between having abundant toys or a pile of horseshit. Here is their dilemma:

There's a Pony in There Somewhere!

“There’s got to be a shovel in there somewhere!"

 

Captain Craptek, Rimshot!