This cold world surrounds you.  A world made physically warmer because of Climate Change*, but still very cold in a spiritual sense.

To be saved you must join the Church of Climatology. To save this world, we must destroy civilization.

Greta Thunberg has shown us the way in her bestselling book Gaianetics, a New York Times Bestseller and featured in O Magazine and Rolling Stone.
 

Since Greta's miraculous enlightenment in 2018, she has become the High Druid / Chief Priestess / Grand Lorax of the Church of Climatology - forgiver of environmental sins and dispenser of justice.

It is written that at the age of 8 she gazed on the face of the goddess Gaia but was not destroyed.  All knowledge was granted to her at that instant, so there was no need to attend school anymore except to lecture her former teachers.

Her destiny was revealed: she is the avatar of the environment.  The latest and most powerful of an unbroken line that stretches back to the distant past when humankind lived in harmony with the natural world: eaten by tigers, dying young of injury and disease when not starving to death.  Simple lives of dignity and fulfillment
 

She travels the ocean only by sailboat.  She flies in a golden chariot pulled by seven swans**.  She spreads her message city to city riding green-energy public buses.  Her simple iPhone 14 is recharged by cage-free hamsters running on tiny wheels.

Where she walks, flowers blossom.  Where she breathes there is less pollution.  When she rickrolls the internet it stays rickrolled.

She does not seek attention but has had fame thrust upon her unwillingly.

She will not be mansplained or diverted from her destiny.
 

Purchase the sensational blockbuster Gaianetics NOW and learn what Greta has to teach us all.

Find out why....
...the environmental holocaust always seems to be 20 years away
...very important people should travel by private jet while everyone else must travel by walking or not at all
...a diet of insects is honorable and necessary if we are to save the world
...Socialism is the answer, despite the massive amounts of environmental damage Socialist nations currently inflict on Gaia
...you are a bad person who can only be redeemed by joining the Church of Climatology and giving them all your worldly goods
 
Will you join us?
 

* Or sometimes colder because of Climate Change.  Sometime temperatures are staying the same, also because of Climate Change.
** A diverse set of swans meeting all current DEI regulations and guidelines- some white, some black, and each a different gender.

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

11/4/2022, 12:26 pm

 

You mean this Greta?
 

The very one. I can't look directly at her, though. It's too overwhelming.

I'm stealing it like a blue state election. Right now.

...wait.  Better not.  Stealing is wrong.

Why call it "stealing" when you can call it "redistributing"? I am, for instance, not ashamed to redistribute this picture photoshopped in the Motherland. I even used it in the title image.


 

The Church of Climatology does FREE personality tests. What kind of personality are you? Do you know? You may be suffering from CO2 poisoning of the personality and not even know it!

Margaret wrote: ↑

11/4/2022, 4:34 pm

The Church of Climatology does FREE personality tests. What kind of personality are you? Do you know? You may be suffering from CO2 poisoning of the personality and not even know it!

I forgot about the personality tests, I wish that was worked in there somehow.  I didn't want to do much research about Scientology or I'd be getting spam and ads about it for the rest of my life.
 

Red Square wrote: ↑

11/4/2022, 4:24 pm

Why call it "stealing" when you can call it "redistributing"?

This is why I'll never be a Commissar.  I can never remember the right words to use.

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

11/4/2022, 2:50 pm

I'm stealing it like a blue state election. Right now.

...wait.  Better not.  Stealing is wrong.

Redistribute the hell out of it, Comrade! It's not as if it's up for Grand Prix at the Sorbonne Exposition.
 

Colonel Obyezyana wrote: ↑

11/4/2022, 5:16 pm

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

11/4/2022, 2:50 pm

I'm stealing it like a blue state election. Right now.

...wait.  Better not.  Stealing is wrong.

Redistribute the hell out of it, Comrade! It's not as if it's up for Grand Prix at the Sorbonne Exposition.

I don't know what that is, but if it's an art exhibit I'm going there and gluing myself to it.
 

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

11/5/2022, 11:28 am

Colonel Obyezyana wrote: ↑

11/4/2022, 5:16 pm

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

11/4/2022, 2:50 pm

I'm stealing it like a blue state election. Right now.

...wait.  Better not.  Stealing is wrong.

Redistribute the hell out of it, Comrade! It's not as if it's up for Grand Prix at the Sorbonne Exposition.

I don't know what that is, but if it's an art exhibit I'm going there and gluing myself to it.

It's a French crêpe-eating festival. If you're tired of all the crêpe over here, book a flight to Paris for a load of crêpe like you've never had before. Don't bring glue—they provide a variety of very sticky mucilage syrups.

mucilage - French for glue, from Latin mucere, (mucus)  
 

I must quibble over this issue of forgiveness. Yes, the Gospel points us toward a Savior in whom we find forgiveness of sins, BUT...

...in the Green Gospel we have:

1. You are a source of pollution and have sinned against Gaia (unless you've been identified as indigenous in a VICE video, in which case you're natural and beautiful).
   
2. You must eliminate yourself.  It's for the Children™ and the Planet™.