Lone wolves exasperated with media cliché

It is a progressive fact that any atrocity committed by a white American reveals the violent nature of America's racist conservative Christian culture, whereas any atrocity committed by an alleged Muslim from a minority community is always a one-off event, completely unrelated to his Islamic faith.

The media has, in the past, labeled such quasi-Muslim offenders as "lone wolves" who can't possibly represent their religious communities. But while trying to side-step offending one community, the media has inadvertently shunned another, previously little-known minority group of wolves who happen to be alone, and they have had enough.

A spokeswolf from the Council for Lupine-American Relations howled:

"We lone wolves do not like being associated with criminal acts. Can't the media use phrases like, 'by themselves,' 'solo,' or 'separate'? Why do they have to bring 'lone wolves' into it? Just because we don't prefer the company of other wolves, doesn't mean we don't have feelings.

Since the 1980s, we've been laughed at for getting hungry. Now we get scorned for being alone. There is nothing wrong with being a loner. How would you feel if every extroverted criminal was called a "social butterfly"? Doesn't feel good, does it, butterflies?

We condemn media bias against lone wolves, and demand that reporters cease and desist with any mentions of us. If the media can banish the word 'Redskins' from the lexicon, surely 'lone wolf' will also be done away with."

Unable to remain silent, the lone wolves came out of hiding to seek legal representation. As a result, their legal defense team has dug deep into history of media bias and abuse, uncovering a number of similarly offended communities:


Following is a list of other victims of media bias uncovered by the lone wolves' defense team:

- The ground, with boots on it, is done getting walked all over by callous journalists.

- Good apples, sick of being called bad.

- Ducks, bored with continuing to be put in a row.

- Pigeons, weary of existing in a hole.

- A man, fed up with living in his cave.

- The storm, jaded with being called "perfect."

- The game, not interested in sustaining another change.

- Smoke, tired of being affiliated with a gun.

- The envelope, finished with enduring any more pushes.

Society should take a long, hard look at the treatment of lone wolves, gentle giants, and other unfairly smeared minority groups. It's time for us to give them a voice.

When atrocities are committed by an individual in the name of a progressive minority group, we must seek out other, less offensive media clichés to describe the alleged criminal, without stereotyping another unsuspecting minority.

For all intents and purposes, this tipping point is also a teachable moment: the metaphorical narrative of our media must change towards being not as derivative, lest the point and the moment both file a class-action lawsuit for being pigeonholed as tipping and teachable accordingly, with apologies to pigeons.
 

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Pammie has always been kind to lone wolves...
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That's really thinking outside the box, Olga.

Oops.
 

What's next? Batshit complains about being associated with the word "crazy."
 

Not to mention all the belfry-dwelling bats.
 

Some of my best friends are pigeons and they cringe every time someone callously mentions the word "hole" or "stool" in their presence.

Not all pigeons deposit their stool indiscriminately; the majority of them are peaceful and hide their stool in the hole. "Stool pigeon" is a disgusting speciist slur that has no place in modern language.

What do you mean, not that kind of stool? Oh. Never mind...
 

It seems unfair to disparage all intents and purposes. Some intents have different purposes than others. Some purposes intend to be different. Lumping them all together and putting them all in the same boat is wordism, ideaism, classism, fascism, clichéism and wholly inappropriate. And I'm sure I've left some inappropriate isms on the shelf. It's shameful. Do all intents and purposes look the same, to you? BIGOT!
 

Calling a Kangaroo Court without Kangaroos is disgraceful.
 

Don't even get me started on snakes.
 

ThePeoplesComrade was quite serious in his warning to us when he

Don't even get me started on snakes.

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OK we won't... welcome back, ThePeoplesComrade!
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And why must everything be in the same boat? The Ark, if it existed, was a long time ago. There should be an equal distribution of things between all the boats.

I believe I speak for myself and many of my fellow ichthyoids when I say if you don't have something nice to say, keep it to yourself. We are tired of things 'smelling fishy'. Have you ever seen underfin deodorant?

Vigorously enforcing the Current Truth

Red Salmon
 

We happen to know some friends who are wolves. Unfortunately, virtually all of them foolishly believe that there is nothing wrong with the term "lone wolf." In fact, a whopping 71% of wolves surveyed in a recent Unified Information poll believe that the term "lone wolf" is not offensive at all.

HOWEVER! We have also learned that the number of wolves that think it should be banned from the People's Lexicon™ has tripled in the last two decades. And even if those who believe the term should be banned are in the minority, it does not really matter since the Pillars of Fairness™, Inclusiveness™, and Tolerance™ shall ALWAYS prevail! (Unless, of course, the targets of offending are enemy white Christian conservatives, et al., in which case it's fair game for the wolves.)
 

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UnifiedInformation

the Pillars of Fairness™, Inclusiveness™, and Tolerance™ shall ALWAYS prevail! (Unless, of course, the targets of offending are enemy white Christian conservatives, et al., in which case it's fair game for the wolves.)

Comrade, even in our war major counter terrorism operation against the mentioned offensive, targeted enemy, the Pillars of Fairness™, Inclusiveness™, and Tolerance™ shall ALWAYS prevail. We Include™ them as Fair™ game for the wolves and we Tolerate™ the destruction of the previously mentioned enemy. There are no contradictions within The Party's™ protocols. You would do well to remember that.
 

Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt

Comrade, even in our war major counter terrorism operation against the mentioned offensive, targeted enemy, the Pillars of Fairness™, Inclusiveness™, and Tolerance™ shall ALWAYS prevail. We Include™ them as Fair™ game for the wolves and we Tolerate™ the destruction of the previously mentioned enemy. There are no contradictions within The Party's™ protocols. You would do well to remember that.

Of course, Kapitan. That only proves how Fair™, Inclusive™, and Tolerant™ we of The Party™ always strive to be. Your clarification is greatly appreciated.
 

Comrade Putout

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Pammie has always been kind to lone wolves...
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pammie-and-her-wolf.jpg
Yeah, like Tovarichi! He's a "wolf lover's" dream!

Love the illustration, BTW. Would love to see Tovi's head in place of the wolf! Not saying you should do it. I can see that, though. Funny!
 

Comrade Putout

ThePeoplesComrade was quite serious in his warning to us when he

Don't even get me started on snakes.

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OK we won't... welcome back, ThePeoplesComrade!
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The attachment the-peoples-comrade-loves-snakes.jpg is no longer available
We have "ways" for rehabilitating The People's Comrade:

 

Pamalinsky

Would love to see Tovi's head in place of the wolf!

Why not. There's a whole parade of hostile creditors, angry husbands, single Moms, all carrying silver platters for a similar idea...
 

Tovarichi

Pamalinsky

Would love to see Tovi's head in place of the wolf!

Why not. There's a whole parade of hostile creditors, angry husbands, single Moms, all carrying silver platters for a similar idea...

Well, Tovi, that's the kind of thing wolf lovers are looking for. I can see that you get my drift! I can see through you, and I like what I see.
 

The Ma'houd should always be afforded the respect his sacrifice garners both here on earth and in Jannah.
 

And gigantic icebergs always being referred to as "just the tip."
Oh yeah, and we're not melting either!
We icebergs, who know a thing or two about um, icebergs, are fed up!